Gender Disappointment

C., I know exactly what you're going through. I too, am the mother of two boys. When I found out my second was also a boy I was devastated at the thought I would never have a mother-daughter relationship. People thought I was crazy. You have to allow yourself to mourn that loss. Once my son was born, I couldn't imagine the world without him. My love for him overshadowed any disappointment I might have had.

Best of luck!

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I think it's natural to feel this way. I cried at my ultrasound when I found out I was having a baby boy (again). Once I held him in my arms, I was so happy he was here. He is such a neat kid, so I'm thrilled I have two boys.

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C. ~ It is hard...when I found out my first was a "BOY" I thought 'what do I do with a boy??' - I came from a family of all girls, only babysat girls growing up.... NOW what??
After THREE BOYS - I thought I was DONE.......but let me tell you, BOYS are WONDERFUL - they are cheaper and when they are older - they love YOU even more!!! You are blessed to have your boys, love them, and enjoy them!!

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Hi C., I have a boy and a girl, so I can't comment on that. However, I am 45 and I can tell you that you will have girls in your life. Your son's girlfriends, then their wives, then your grandchildren, girls and women you choose to mentor who may not have a healthy, loving woman in their lives. I do know it is not the same, but it does help for us women to view our lives in the broader, longer term rather than focusing entirely on what isn't happening for us right now. (I speak from experience on this!) Like some of the other women said - - you don't know what the future holds, so just enjoy very much what you have now so you don't have to look back and wish you did. (I speak from experience on this too!) Much love to you and your beautiful family

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Take it from a mother of 3 boys, 12, 13 and 15, boys are great! Sure I wanted a girl, but now that I have these three great young men, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Just think....you'll never have to share makeup, or clothes! And there's nothing like young men around the house to do all the heavy work! And my boys are very affectionate and even show it in front of their friends. I feel I'm truly blessed and so will you! M.

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This may not help you, but in my mind I can compare your story to my best friend who always wanted a girl. Her first baby was a boy. Her second baby was a boy. Her third pregnancy was twin (fraternal) boys! She had hoped for at least one girl out of 4, but accepted it was just not meant to be. Most importantly, they were all born healthy, which is the most important, and she still loves all 4 to pieces!

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I know what you mean, well kinda. I have one of each but when pregnant with my second I really wanted another girl. So when I found out I was having a boy I was a bit dissapointed. Now four years later I am so glad I had a boy. He has the best disposition. He is super snuggly, more so than my daughter! He is such a mommas boy and has the best sense of humor making every one in the family laugh.(kinda reminds me of a mini Jim Carrey) He is everything this family needed. I guess what I'm getting at is that you should give it a while and you will come around. Your children are very young yet, just wait when they are older and their personalities shine through. You'll see just what I mean about them giving your family just what it needs. Boys are wonderful. I know you said two is about all you think you can afford(I know what you mean) but never say never! Who knows what next year or the year after will bring huh?!

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I have an 18 month old boy and we're thinking about trying for #2 soon, and truthfully, I'm hoping for another boy! Just think, brothers have an amazing, unique bond. I have 2 brothers who idolize eachother so much, that sometimes I almost feel left out! There are lots of bright sides- hand me downs, same gender toys, brotherly love, acceptable wrestling, baseball games, fishing, football, all of those things! (Befored I offend anyone, I know girls can do those things too, just trying to cheer you up.) And take it from a former nanny, boys are so much easier- in my opinion!
My neighbor said something to me one day that I found kind of upsetting. She said her family is "perfect" now that she has a boy and a girl. Just pray for healthy children, no matter what gender. That's all that matters! :) Congratulations!! Have fun!
L.

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Hi C.
Congrats on your lovely family!!
Feelings are never wrong, they are after all your feelings, and therefore a fact.
It is never over til it is over, here's our story:
We had 2 boys too, and they were great. I had a great time with them. We did sports, trucks, and boy stuff. They grew up and in fact our oldest was in college, and our younger son was 13, when I got the desire of my young heart, but certainly didn't know it. I thought I was ill.
Fact, I was pregnant with twin girls at age 39, and once that was established I realized that God really does give us the desires of our heart. They were born at 37 weeks after a week in the hospital and 19 weeks of bed rest. They were born healthy and strong, 5'11" and 6'8" after my 40th birthday. Today after years of homeschooling, they are in college.
I never thought it would be but we too only thought we could afford two. We only had the three at home for a short time, and never 4(except one Christmas). Amazing how things happen.
God bless you and all you do
God give you peace to look at the present and enjoy.
K. --- SAHM married 38 years-almost empty nester ---- adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer married and our grandson is 4 months old, and 18 yo twin girls. One majoring in fine arts, and the other journalism(she decided to commute. Was it starting over, never looked at it that way. Was it hard, twins are always more difficult. Were girls or boys easier? Well, one of our boys was harder than both girls as infants, but our girls had more issues as teens, I will do boys any day. Do I know that God gave me the desire of my heart? YES, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I love them all. Couldn't ask for nicer kids. They are not perfect, but we are not either, but so far they are making good choices, and each is living with those consequences with joy

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Be careful what you wish for. I would rather have 5 boys than 1 girl. Sure little girl clothes are are cuter, but little girls turn into a real teenage challenge. Besides your teenage son won't come home pregnant. I have a son and a daughter, if she had been born first I wouldn't have had another.

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Oh boy do I know what you are going through.
I had a boy the first time (he's now 17!) and I wanted a girls o badly the second time because I thought I wasn't going to be able to have any more....I had toxemia with both of them.
When I found out it was another boy, I literally cried....in the delivery room. We didn't know before he was born what we were having.

I didn't get to go to my 6 wk check up, and didn't get to the doctor till he was 10 weeks old. Well, I had a very difficult time bonding with him. It felt like he was my nephew or something... I loved him, but didn't feel like he was "mine".
At my check up, I talked to the doctor about it, and told him i couldn't have any more and he said "Why not". When I said, I thought he'd tell me not to because of the toxemia and c-sections, he said there was no reason I couldn't have anymore.....
After that, I felt better and I started bonding with my son.....he is now 16 years old.

I did eventually have a daughter, who is now 10. Yes, I really wanted a daughter with her too, my husband wanted a boy, but he adopted my two sons a few years later and he is very happy with all of them.

My point is, don't sell yourself short. Ok, so you don't have a lot of money, no one does.I've always been told that if you waited to have kids till you could afford it, you'd be a grandparent.LOL
Well, I am becoming a grandparent in May, and we still can't afford it! Not only do we have our 5 kids, my son's girlfriend is living with us (because of the pregnancy and problems at home.) We will also be supporting the new baby when it comes.
I am a stay at home mom and can not work, so my husband is the only income and he is able to cover everything..... there are days we feel like we'll go under, but the bills get paid.

give yourself some time. Don't convince yourself that this is your last one.... yet. You may decide later that you are done. But don't do it until you have to. Know that the option is there if you want it.
You will be able to relax and you will love this boy as much as the first one.

Who knows what the future brings? You may get a surprise someday and get that girl you always wanted..... and even if you don't....remember, when your boys grow up, you'll get 2 daughters when they each get married..... you'll still get your girls.

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I know just how you feel. My best friend had 2 boys and tried for a girl the 3rd time but it was another boy. Happy to have a happy healthy little one but still a little sad. I had 2 girls and we always joke that the only reason I ended up with a boy was because pregnancy #3 was boy/girl twins. It's perfectly normal to be a little disappointed because you have a certain vision of doing things with your kids and how you would like life to be. It doesn't mean you love your kids less because they aren't the gender you want but it's still a little sad.

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Hey C.,
give yourself a break...it's okay to feel how you feel. I am a Mommy of 5 boys! and to tell you the truth after baby #3 on the way home from the sono I cried(when nobody could see me)...I wasn't upset that I was having a little boy, I was sad I wasn't having a little girl...I don't feel guilty about wanting to have that relationship that I have with my mother with my own daughter. That's just something that would be nice, like winning the lotto...but the truth is I get soo irritated when people ask were you going for the girl or will you try for a girl, because I wasn't..I was having babies because I wanted babies...I feel so truly blessed and happy...sure at Easter I would love to buy a little dress..but look at how much money I am saving :)
Good luck C., enjoy those lil boys!!!

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Hi C.,

I know how you could be disappointed. But, just maybe you may have one in the future or even adopt one day. The boys could grow up together and hopefully be very close. I know I was disappointed when I had my first child and found that is was a girl, but know she is the best thing that ever happened to me. :) Once you see that little guy you will feel different. :) I did, and most people do. Good Luck! :)

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C.,

Let me start by saying you're not wrong for the way you feel. Your feelings are natural. Not many people will admit what you're saying for the fear of someone else might think of them. So I admire you for your honesty.
I felt that way too. I went for my first sonagram and when they told me it was a boy, I wasn't as happy as the 'people on T.V.' so to speak. But I came to realize that everything happens for a reason. Then, we got pregnant AGAIN unplained and I thought this is waht God wanted; this is my baby girl. I patiently waited for 5 months, carried totally different, listened to the doctors tell me it was most likely a girl because the heart beat was so rapid, etc....I went for the sonagram and BAM! It's a boy, AGAIN!! This was the part where I actually cried in front of the nurse and my ex-husband in sheer disappointment. He's my ex for a reason and I knew that reason long before I got pregnant the second time. So knowing it was failing and finding out that baby #2 was another boy strickened me with saddness.
Here's the happy ending part....I'm a single mother of two perfect kids. My boys love their momma. It's going to take you some time to realize, but I'm confident you will, that your boys are perfect for you and it was meant to be. I feel your pain and there are times that I wonder if I could possibly have one more, then I say to myself, " He gave me what I can handle and I probably could only handle one female in the house, ME!"
Keep your head up sunshine and if you need to talk, you know where to find me.

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First I would like to say that it takes real courage to post what you did, and I love that everyone gave you supportive responses! I loved reading them. (You never know how people may react, but its so important to be supportive!) Good job Momma's! :)
I'm not in the same position but I have to say I was expecting a boy, and when I found out I was having a girl I was a little shocked and it took a bit to accept that. For some reason I just didn't see myself with a girl! She is the greatest gift and I couldn't picture it any other way now!... So realize your feelings are normal, and just accept them. Things will work out how they are meant to be.. I just recently read an article in either Parents or Parenting on that topic.. Maybe you can search for that?
Good Luck!

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Little boys are so much fun.... they really are!!! They have such a fierce love for their Mommas! Of course they love their Daddys too, but there is a very special connection between mothers and sons. I have been blessed with two wonderful sons, who have grown up as each others best friend. They are very close and have a great connection of brotherhood. I was not blessed with a daughter, but I am a "second mother" to my nieces and Goddaughters, so that fills that void for me. My sons are now teens and I enjoy having my one son's girlfriend around. She is a delight and has been a huge influence on my son becoming much more outgoing. I look forward with great anticipation to future granddaughters if they happen to make an appearance, but if I'm blessed with only grandsons, they will be much loved by me as well. My favorite time frame of my entire life was when my sons were 12 and under. They were precious stuff.... full of fun, laughter and such love. I enjoyed every minute of their childhoods and though they are pretty grown up now, many nights, I have dreams in my sleep about when they were little! I love those dreams.... they bring back all the fun days that my husband and I shared with those two delightful little boys. They are still lots of fun now too, but I sure did enjoy those wonderful baby days and childhood years. Enjoy each precious day, take lots of photos and be sure to read to them every single day. Best wishes,
D. N xo