Infant Fussy Baby - Homer, NY

Have you had him checked out by your pediatrician? It could be reflux, and colic. If your doctor can not pin point something then get another opinion. When my daughter was around 5 months old and after months of crying I finally went to another pediatrician for a second opinion. She pulled a plug of wax out of her ear the size of my pinky finger because she could not see her ear drum clearly. My daughter had an abscess in her ear that probably was there for a while. I was horrified this poor baby must have been in so much pain for such a long time. I was not ignoring it at all my previous doctor always told me her ears were clear and that she was just colicky. We had so many ear problems after that when she was a year old we had to have the tubes put in her ears. My point is some doctors just dismiss our concerns and feel we are just a tired mommy, or we are exaggerating, and that is not at all the case. Babies can only communicate with us through crying and excessive crying is usually an indicator of something wrong. Get another opinion so you can at least rule out illness. I know how tired you must be I was in the same boat. Good luck and I hope you get some rest soon!!!

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i had to reply to this, not because i have much more to say than what you've already heard in the other responses, but because I also have a 4 month old son named Milo! I knew there were more Milo's out there, but I have yet to run across any. yeah milo!

maybe it's the name. our milo is fussy, too. i have to say he LOVES his swing, especially when he is in his swing watching baby einstein. i had no intention of creating a TV junkie and honestly think baby einstein is sort of like baby-crack. but it is far less destructive and, well, it works. if only to give me a break. i don't leave him there all day, really! though some days i wish i could...

the ergo is great, but what i think i hear you saying is that you want a break from carrying him, not necessarily a more comfortable means to do it. i don't want to ramble on not knowing what you have tried and what is possible, so i'll just say, without guilt, that staying home full time with milo is by far the hardest job i've ever had. and it will get better when the weather warms up, right?

ok. my milo is screaming now...good luck. as my sister keeps telling me, once you have this part figured out, something will change. so try not to torture yourself in the process of trying to figure it all out.

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All babies are different. Some are content sitting in bouncy seats. Some need more physical contact. It sounds like your son might have colic. A good remedy for that is keeping him close to your body. It won't stop all crying but it should lessen it. I would suggest using a sling. At 4 months just slipping him in a sling and going about your daily business should be all he needs. You can talk to him about what you are dong just like you would talk to anyone else. If you need to work, find a daycare provider that is open to using a sling for some parts of the day. It could have been that his daycare situation wasn't a good fit. That happened to a friend of mine and once she found the right provider everything was fine. Hang in there. It can be hard work raising a baby and finding time for yourself. It is ok to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and tired. It doesn't make you a bad mom. See if you can't get your partner, parents, or a friend to give you a scheduled break every day, or a few times a week. even if it is just to take a shower. And as long as they are attentive to the baby try not to feel too bad if he cries. it will get easier.

Sounds like both my children. BOth were diagnosised with Acid Reflux. We put them on Zantac and after two weeks on it both became the happiest, smiliest babies you will ever meet. I know how you are feeling. Both of my kids cried 24 hours a day if I was not holding them. First I found, until the zantac kicked in, that the car seat was a great place for them when I could no longer hold them. It keeps them upright and therefore helps with the reflux, especially after a feeding. Also I had to switch formulas to Alimentum. It is much more expensive, but worth every penny. YOu can always try to go back to a less expensive formula at around 6 months when most reflux improves.
Good luck and hang in there. I promise you when you figure out what is making your little guy unhappy and fix it you will love being a mom.

Don't feel bad. I have an 8 month old and she constantly needs attention. And I mean constantly. We will put her in a playpen we set up for her on the floor, she'll play with the toys for maybe 15 mins, gets bored and calls for mommy. I carry her around all day, put her on a counter in the Jumbo seat so we can make dinner together, and if one of us goes to the bathroom, don't we dare leave her in a high chair in a kitchen, she'll scream within seconds. So now my husband takes the Jumbo chair and literally puts it in front of the bathroom while he's on the toilet :o) Babies go through stages, but I think maybe you made a mistake by quitting your job (unless you really wanted to anyway). The baby would have eventually gotten used to having someone else around. My baby would see other people and freak, literally, start crying histerically. But now she's home with my husband and she's used to him and she's fine (she still often cries at other people, even grandma). And of course, she misses mommy. Anyway, don't worry and don't feel guilty, Milo will get over this eventually. For now, I think he just wants your attention all the time and so enjoy it and love it, because one day when he's all grown up, he'll want to do everything alone and then you'll probably miss his "needy" personality. :o) Best of luck.

Hi N..

Milo sound alot like my 5 1/2 month old baby girl. If he is well by the doctors standard, he is fine. he is just a high needs baby and like me is your first, that you wish upon a star for. At first, i thought that my little girl was so different, other babies were not so fussy, i quickly realized that my little girl was simply a high needs baby. few suggestions that work for me. try to keep a routine with him. bath him in the evening, just before he goes to bed. put him to lay down and rock him in his bed with your hands. pat him on his back, if you stop and he begins to cry the minute you lead up, don't pick him up. start the routine all over with him in his bed. he is use to you picking him up. At first, your heart breaks because you want to just pick him up and ease his pain, but try not too. also check to see if his tummy is hurting, i suggest grip water/tummy smothering, this product has ginger in it that can help. Also if you are feeding him his milk at room temperature try heating up his milk so that it is warm, this will cut down on any tummy discomfort. you can put him in a sling on your chest so that you can be free to do a few things, he would really like that. Good luck, being home with him is good right now, he needs that one and one time. High needs babIES ARE not easy to deal with. try to nap when he nap and take a few bubble bath, and cry if you want too. you're a good mummy. HAVE FUN!. TAG! YOU'RE IT.

All I can think is maybe its something with his diet, I would talk to your pediatrician. He may need special formula. Good luck!

I hope this doesn't sound too bold, but as long as the baby is healthy, clean, dry and fed, you don't need to walk around with him or hold him all the time. It should be here and there. the more you hold him, the more he wants and the worse it will get. It is very healthy to have a baby cry here and there. The nights will seem very long, but in the end, you will have a sleeping child and you can enjoy your life. I did just that. Mine slept thru the night over 8 hrs. with 2 naps a day at the age of 2 weeks and never had trouble. Just try it, it can only help. I am so glad I did. Now she never gets up unless she is ill. Thank goodness i listened to my mom. good luck.

I agree that you should ask your pediatrician if he or she might find some root cause for the fussiness and I also agree you should let me cry a little and entertain himself on a play mat, or with toys or tv like Baby Einstein stuff. As for quitting your job, I hope you wanted to because the worst thing that can happend for you and your baby is that your resent the baby for having to quit and stay home. Good luck - it does get better.

Talk to your doctor. He may have reflux! Even if he doesn't spit up- and in fact, it's much more painful for babies when they don't spit up, because all that acid stays in their esophagus. Doesn't hurt to ask, right?

Are you nursing? If so, maybe something in your diet is giving him gas? If not, maybe try a different formula? Perhaps he's sensitive to the dairy or soy?

If none of these make sense, then I would just buy a really good carrier. One that's very comfortable (my choice is the Ergo!). Carry that little bugger everywhere. Some babies are like this- including mine! But he grew out of it, when he was ready. Now he's quite independent, and I remember (a little sadly) him needing me so much.

I know you're so exhausted by the constant clinginess. But if you keep doing what you're doing, it will pass! He just needs mama a lot right now. Keep holding him, and carrying him everywhere. Have faith in yourself, and get rid of all that guilt! You're allowed to feel irritated, and you're allowed to be very tired. Your son is "high need," as Dr. Sears likes to say. He was born that way, and you're just along for the ride!

The night business, if it's not medical (reflux, colic/gas, ear infection, etc.), is probably either teething or him learning to roll over. Keep soothing him, and nap whenever he naps during the day!

Good luck, hon. He'll figure it out!

I'm in a bit of a rush, but I really feel your struggle and I want to encourage you to keep digging until you figure out how to best help your son. Don't settle for superficial answers that don't address the heart of it (i.e. "oh, he'll just outgrow it, etc.) It's not that that's not true, but these infant months are SO key to their psychological development that you are really being the best mom you can be to try and figure out what this means as far as his real needs and how to actually meet those needs without mal-adjusting to things that are going to be harmful in the long run.

I know you're tired and overwhelmed right now, but please make the time to spend at the bookstore reading up about this type of personality, his developmental stage,etc. I can tell you off hand that "Baby Whisperer" is great for that. Just start there and I think you'll find osme hope and practicals on what to do. Best wishes, N. L

I feel your pain. When my son was that age I had a hard time leaving him with anyone because he seemed comfortable only with me or daddy. Until we found "The Happiest Baby on the Block" It absolutely saved our lives...only wish we found it sooner. The techniques were very helpful in calming the baby, and close family and friends were interested in learning the techniques so we were able to get a little break now and then.

As for letting him cry, research has shown that babies younger than 6 months old NEED to be picked up when they cry. That is the ONLY way they know to communicate. If a young baby is left to cry, eventually the baby escalates the crying, wich leads to elevated blood pressure among other things. Research has aslo shown that babies whose cries are answered quickly are more secure and confident later in life.

I got flak from family and friends that claimed to be "experienced" because they had kids. But when I read that research shows that responding quickly to a crying baby increases the probability of a calm, secure, confident child-I realized that it may be tedious now but the benefits later on would be worth it.

Good luck!

Have you considered that it may be colic? My baby was very fussy and very needy and I switched her to Enfamil Gentlease (I buy the Walgreen's brand- it's the only one she can use other than Enfamil) and she was much, much better. Her belly was bothering her and that was why she wanted to be held so much.

If you find that it isn't that, leave him in a playpen or somewhere safe and let him cry a little bit. I know it's hard. I cried when I did it. But, she did eventually learn that I couldn't be there every time and she self soothed.

Also, how about the swing, a bouncy chair, etc? My baby hated her swing but loved the bouncy chair.

Good luck.

Hi,

This sounds like my child, she is 16 months now and we still have some fussy days. I did get her tested for allergies at 6 months, and she was allergic to milk and eggs. Also, try switching to a new formula or cut out some dairy, if you are breastfeeding. She always wanted to be held and walked. OMG for like for ever.. Try the stroller if you can, a good carrier to walk with her and let her cry a little. Like 5-10 minutes and that may help. No not hours, that is horribale and not at this age. It was a really long time for my child to get over this. People kept saying, like 4-6 months it gets better. Nope it was this 13-14 months for us. I just wanted to be honest with you, that it may not be soon, and maybe it is. I felt the same way and still do. Crying is the worst and it take you over the edge sometimes, still does. Get some mommy time, or a sitter or family, like one time a week, that will really help. It is hard, it is so different each child, I can only tell you mine. It has beena long road, but I think we are coming up for air now. I hope. I know what you are going through, breathe and take care. A.

N.,
Has he been evaluated for gerd or reflux?

Pick him up. All babies are different.

You may want or have to try co-sleeping. It isn't against the law - written or unwritten. He may simply be missing the womb experience? Who knows.

Pick him up - while you can! :)

Good Luck, please let me know what works - you didn't give much info.

M.

Attention is the keyword here. If he's gotten a custom to being held a lot. This is what he want's now. Try placing him in a play pen with his favorite toys for a few minutes everyday. And, let him cry a little too. Because you don't want him to get use to you running to him as soon as he let's out a loud one. It takes practice. Babies are very smart from the start. Best Wishes!

My 5 month old is such a fussy baby too! I totally know your fear of leaving him w/ a stranger. I was so scared they'd get so frustrated (like me) but they would hurt him! He's the same too - happy a lot but I have to give him constant attention. At 4 months you'll soon see milestone after milestone and this helps you a lot. They find their hands and feet and get a little bit more independent. He rolled on his belly to sleep for the first time around 4.5 months and I got more sleep out of him then.
I am lucky at night. I started a strict 7pm bedtime and do the same routine each time. He falls asleep at night so easily - no fussing. When he wakes for feedings he goes right back to sleep - again, no fussing. Naps are a different story for some reason. We do 3 around the same time each day but he cries before each one. I have to let him cry it out - thankfully it's only 5 minutes and then he goes to sleep. I think this is normal though and eventually he'll get the hang of it and go down easy for naps. If you don't have a schedule yet start one immediately! Pick a bedtime and stick w/ it no matter what. They say babies crave a schedule so they know what to expect. Not to mention you don't want an overtired baby that is already fussy!
Also, could he be teething? My son has been teething since 3.5 months - still no teeth but he's uncomfortable. I give him some homeopathic teething tablets (you can get at Target pharmacy) and they help some.
Everyday gets a tiny bit easier. They call our babies "spirited". The opposites are the "angel" babies which it seems ALL my friends had angel babies! Ugh!
Hang in there...it gets a tiny bit easier each day but I really did find my boy getting more enjoyable starting at 4 months. My nephew was the same way and my sister said he became an angel at 6 months. So 2 more months to go!!!
I keep thinking this will mean he's going to have a big personality! Keeps me hanging in there. Make sure you have a support group too. I always find getting out of the house to go to a friend's house or a mommy and me class helped the day go by easier and quicker. There were times I wish I could press the fast forward button...!

Try switching his formula.My boy is 2 months and fussy too.Since i switched him to a hypoallergenic formula 2 weeks ago, he's gotten better.Sleeps more too.