Funeral - Chicago,IL

You ARE close family.
Just go and be there for your sister and BIL.
Ask them if there is anything they need help with. Sometimes running last minute errands are needed.
Sometimes after the funeral a wake is held so they may need help with that..

Just being at the funeral home or church will be helpful in case somtehing comes up.

I always keep these things available for family members at the funeral and the burial. Mints, bottled water, some sort of crackers and some tissues. Help them remember to eat something. Maybe make up their plates at the wake.. You do not have to be intrusive, just let them know you will be there in any way they may need help.

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I would ask the family (your brother, probably) what the arrangements are and if it's private or not. I agree that if it is not a private viewing or funeral, then anybody can come and I think it would be appropriate for you to pay your respects to the family. If there is a viewing, you can consider going to it or the funeral, or both. Not everyone attends both, and not everyone attends the burial, if there is one.

When our neighbor, who was Jewish, died, we asked his on what to expect since I'd never been to a Jewish funeral before. I think such questions show that you want to be respectful.

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When my sister passed away suddenly at age 34, my husband's parents, siblings, aunt and cousin all came to the funeral along with a couple of my friends, my husband's friends and my daughters friend came just to be a support to us. It was a great blessing to know they cared. I'd say to go for them. I'm so sorry!

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Unless it is a private service and you are asked not to come, you should definitely go!

You are her family as well and you should provide your support!

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Yes, you should attend. I just attended the funeral of a friends dad who I never met but I was there for my friend.
Often you hear that only immediate or close family should go to the grave, not the funeral service. I always thought this was because all that go to the grave will be invited to go to a luncheon afterwards which is usually a little more intimate.

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I think it would be perfectly acceptable and very appreciated for you to attend the funeral in support of your brother and SIL. If you feel weird about it, then maybe just go to the funeral home to pay your respects. In my experience, many times a lot of people will come to the funeral home and not actually attend the funeral. If you were immediate family you would be expected at the funeral, but unless it is specifically stated to be a private event, you can go or not go, it's up to you. If you still feel weird about the actual funeral after the funeral home, then you've at least given your condolences in person.

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I am sorry for your loss. I believe that anyone can go to a funeral and pay their respects, my ex-husband came to my grandparents', brother's and dad's funerals. You are there to show support, lend a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on.
You may also find a friend who can housesit for the family. I know this is so weird but Obituary notices are in the paper and addresses are so easy to find. There have been cases where a family will go to a funeral and come home to find out they have been broken into and their stuff stolen. The bad guys know they will be gone for several hours. I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking than to return home after a funeral to find you house has been burgled.

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I, unfortunately, have lost many relatives. It was always nice to see familiar faces there for support. Many times they may not have known the deceased, but were there for moral support. Usually there is a visitation time that is just for family, but, the funeral is usually open to anyone unless specified differently.

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If they have small kids who might not be attending, I would offer to watch them.

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when in doubt ask yourself, if it were your FIL that passed away...would you like your brother there? if the answer is yes, then i say attend. if you are still uncomfortable, ask your brother if he (and his family) would like for you to attend.

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Unless it is a private funeral, you may certainly go to show your support and offer your condolences. I am sure that your SIL would appreciate your presence there. If they tell you the arrangements, then that's with an expectation that you might go. Only private funerals are by "invitation only."

It's always good to go and pay your respects to the family even if you didn't know him that well. The family will appreciate it, but you don't want to put you're self in situation where you feel uncomfortable. I hope I could help

wait and hear what they say- if they want you there they will ask you to attend. If not send flowers and call your brother and let him know you are sorry for his loss. The funerals I have attended and planned are for immediate family then there is a gathering after that sometimes close friends and relatives attend.

Unless it is very clear that you should not attend, you SHOULD attend. When in doubt with these things, it's always better to show you care.

Only if close family and friends are specified. The difference in a funeral and memorial service is typically that the body is at a funeral, and afterwards goes to the cemetary, and in a memorial service, the body is usually already buried.

Sometimes a funeral is given at a funeral home instead of in a church, and there isn't as much room. That's another reason for it to be small.

Ask one of the other family members if it's a small service. If it isn't, then go.

Condolences to your family,
D.

Offer to go, and ask your brother if he would like you to attend. Let him know you are there for them both if they need comfort or anything at all. If he wants you to go, he will tell you.

Ask your brother or SIL. In my family usually all the extended family that lives in the area goes to the wake and church service but not everyone goes the the graveside part. My extended family is Catholic if that makes a difference.

Hi by all means go. You don't have to be a family or close friend to attend a funeral. Beside you need to be there for your brother and sister-in-law.

Hi, D.,
You absolutely should attend the funeral and if there is a wake, that too. Just ask your brother what the arrangements are and show up.
At a wake, if it is at a funeral home, there will be family members near the casket at the front of the room. You go up to them, shake hands or hug, say you are so sorry for their loss, and (if it is an open casket) stop briefly befoe the casket and say a prayer. Then you go around to any others who are present, introduce yourself, chat. You don't have to stay long; showing up is the point.
At the funeral, you arrive shortly before the service; either you will be ushered to a seat or you may take a seat wherever you wish. Just sit till it's over and the casket has been removed to go to the cemetery. You may go along to the cemetery, driving your own car and offering a ride to anyone in need, if you feel like it and have the time. Usually there is a luncheon after the cemetery, at a restaurant or perhaps back at the church.
Again, the main thing is to show up. People do so appreciate it and they will never forget that you were there when they needed family.
Good luck, and remember, if it is an Irish wake, you are free to have a good time! :-)
Mama S.

You should attend the wake but do not need to attend the funeral unless you would like to. I'm sure your brother would appreciate the support. When my SIL's mother passed away, I went. None of my other brothers or even my parents went. It meant so much to my brother and his wife that I was there.

I would go. I would plan on going until you hear differently. When my dad passed all my SILs came to the funeral. It was nice and sent a message of support and love. I do like 30s suggestion of watching the kids though. If they have kids that need attention, that would be a great idea b/c they won't have to fuss with a babysitter, and presumably the kids know you well, so it would work out well.

If you feel compelled to go then go. If you had great respect for this man, then it will certainly mean a lot to his family that you came to pay respect. Especially if you only met him a few times and he made an impression on you, it will mean a lot to his family to know that. Not to mention the support for your SIL and Brother. I have lost several family members over the years and we always gladly accepted anyone who attended the services, it does not matter which service, what matters is you are there to pay respect to their loved one, that is all that really matters. Go with your gut and do what feels appropriate for you.

Do go. It will mean a lot to them.

If it is a closed funeral and you are not asked to attend, then don't attend. You could just send food to their home. If it is not a closed funeral, then I think you should go. You could always help them out during the wake or funeral if they have young kids or older relatives. By that I mean you could keep the kids "entertained" by going for little walks or making sure the older relatives have someone to help them get water or tissues. Let your brother know you are there for the family and can help with whatever their needs may be. You could even be at their home if they have people coming back after the service for a reception/food. Just be there for them. It is a difficult time.

I would say you first need to see what the arrangements are, but it also depends on how close you are to your sister in law. I went to the funeral for my SIL's grandmother simply because she and I are that close.

You should go. A funeral is not only to pay your last respects to the person who passed away but also to support those who lost a loved one. Whether you knew him well or not, you should attend for your brother and SIL...it would mean a lot.

apparently this is a cultural thing - so ask the person what she would like. A long time ago my foster sister's R's father in law died. I advised my other foster sister (neither of us blood relatives to R) to not attend the funeral as she had NEVER met the man except at R's wedding.

Well R's family was mad at me for this advice. They said you go to support R and her husband. I argued it was disrespectful of the family to go to a funeral or wake when you didn't even know the person at all. All my blood relatives agreed with me. So, ask.

I think if you are near by, I would try to make it, unless it is a small close family gathering.

When my stepfather passed away, of my 3 sisters-in-law, only one attended the funeral and it meant a lot to my mom and me that she and children made it as well as some of my close friends. The 2 that couldn't make it had other plans and that's fine, but at times like these you tend to appreciate the people who make the extra effort to be there for you.

It doesn't matter if it is a memorial service or a funeral. The difference in the naming is: funeral - usually a closed or open casket is involved. A memorial service is done when there is a cremation or where the service cannot be done within a few days of the death of the person.
You are there to support your SIL - what matters is how close you are to the SIL and don't worry about how well you knew the person who died.
It is quite appropriate for you to attend the funeral.

Unless it's private (and it will say so in the arrangements if it is), definitely go! It means so much to grieving people to have as much love around them as possible.