May 21, 2009,
A.F. asks from Cape Coral, FL on May 20, 2009
Fully Potty Trained 3 Yr Old Has Decided to Pee Her Pants Everytime She Gets Mad
I'm doing this inquiry for my friend, she has a 3 year old that has been potty trained since early this year. Even at night. Her little girl has decided that peeing her pants is ok when she gets mad or doesnt get her way which at 3 happens alot. Does anyone have any suggestions ?? She knows it wrong and will look at right at you as she does it. Thank you -
L.F. answers from Tampa on May 21, 2009
As a 35 year old full-time working mom in aircraft sales,I have a 16 and 6 year old. My advice is when she pees her pants since she knows what she is doing is going to irriate mom and is not a favorable/acceptable action, mom either
A. lets her stay in her wet pants for say 3 minutes in time out then assist in having the 3 year old change herself and mom show no reaction other than "honey it is not okay that when you get upset you wet your pants on purpose. When you have to go potty you let mommy know and we go potty. Now you must sit in time out for 3 minutes to think about it. After time out mom explains that since she wet her pants on purpose and it WAS NOT an accident that she nows has to change her own clothes. (of course mommy assist) as she is only 3. But it does however a. help her understand the consequence of what she is doing.
Let me know if this helps!
I bet she is an adorable 3 year, with that kind of spirit-she will do great in this world. ;-)
K.C. answers from Tampa on May 20, 2009
As irratating as this is, do NOT make a big deal out of it. Children react to the way you react. If you dont make it into such a big deal, she will likely stop b/c she will not be getting the attention that she obviously is trying so hard to get. Have her try and verbalize or "use her words" more, than act out.
Look at what is setting her off and maybe try and stop those things from happening too.
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S.H. answers from Tampa on May 20, 2009
I agree with the others that this is attention-seeking behavior. I would let her wear her wet panties for just a little while, not rushing to change her wet clothes immediately or making a big deal about this behavior.
However, I would make a HUGE deal whenever she did something positive, like using the toilet or using a doll to talk to about her "mad" feelings. Perhaps, her parents could create a reward chart to track her "good deeds." At my house, we used poker chips as rewards and my girls cashed out their token jars each week (each token was worth a quarter) and they could either bank their cash or spend it on something they desired.
This could help her set goals and communicate mom and dad's expectations in an enforcable, yet positive fashion.
R. answers from Tampa on May 20, 2009
hmmm. I saw an episode once on Nanny 911 about this boy who would do the same thing. She had the mom put a trash bag over his clothes and made him stand in time out. She just ignored the problem an did eventually stop. It's obviously a battle of the wills at this point.
I know a mom who's daughter would pee on her when she took her to the doctor for shots and at times she was mad. She did it on purpose. She also held her breath until she passed out when she didn't get her way. She is 6 now and has an attitude you would not believe and shows no respect towards her mother.
If I were your friend I would stop this kind of behavior ASAP. Wishing her much luck!
K.M. answers from Tampa on May 21, 2009
Wow, the best in put I have found is ChildrensBehaviorHelp.Com- I know they will have a sane solution for your friend
Good luck to your friend!
S.S. answers from Tampa on May 21, 2009
There was a similar incident on Nanny 911 and the nanny made sure the mother kept the child in the wet clothes for a while. The nanny said it's very controling behavior so don't reward it. She should be uncomfortable so she learns she doesn't want to do that. My son did it to get attention once when we had company and they fed him pixie sticks. Our guest actually apologized later realizing that much sugar is probably not a good idea for a 3 year old.
J.H. answers from Fort Myers on May 21, 2009
We had this problem with my oldest daughter. At first I handled it entirely the wrong way, which prolonged it. We had just moved, had a new baby and I was stressed, so when she would pee (everything was tile,except a rug in her room-which seemed to be her favorite spot!)I would get upset and angry. Then we were both like out of control children! I found that when I remained extremely calm and showed her how to clean up and handed much of the responsibility of cleanup over to her (I would do some followup cleanup) including having her put the wet things in a bucket, having her put them in the washer, etc. that the behavior started to resolve itself. We also made her a simple book that showed her acceptable behavior for when she felt angry and another simple book about appropriate toileting behavior. if you need further advice on making these "therapeutic books" let me know. They seem to make a big difference in family problem solving. Love is patient.
mother of a 6.5 year old and a 4 year old (both completely toileting capable for many years now)