Fsmily and Parenting. -

My sister had the same problem when we were growing up. When she was 8 or 9 my mom took her to the Dr, for it and he gave her some medicine that she took before bed. It helped her sleep a little lighter so she could feel and wake-up when she needed to go to the bathroom. Also, my husband had this same issue and was never taken to the Dr. for it, but outgrew it by the time he was 13.

I have a child that just turned 17 and still wets the bed. We have tried meds and a now we are seeing our 2nd urologist. The 1st did nothing for us. I have insisted that they persue this issue on his life but no one cared what I thought. This urologist is finally running all kinds of tests on him. Check with your family physician about meds for first and see if that helps. If that doesnt help pursue a urologist and demand them to run test. Come to find out, last week, my son doesnt empty his bladder when he goes to the bathroom. Good luck!

When did your nephew begin bedwetting? Was he staying dry before he came to live with you? The reason I ask is that maybe it has something to with being taken from his M..

R. we are having the same problems with our two grandsons that is 9 yrs old and 11 yrs old we have to make them wear pullups at night also because they wet the bed also. we have tried everything under the sun and things with these two grandsons. back when my daughter and her first husband was together he would tell the boys if u get out of bed that big bugs will crawl on them and things. he made them deliberately afraid of the dark. they will not get up out of bed after the lights is out and things. our house is pretty well lit up at nite and things and they still won't get up and go the bathroom. if u find out how to do this please let me know of any suggestions also. i thought by now at least the 11 yr old would already be broke to quick wetting the bed at nite and things. but i guess not.

There is a medicine that kids can take called DDAVP the generic is Desmopressin. My daughters dr prescribed it to her because she still uses pull-ups at 9yrs. It reduces the amount of fluid produced at night. We also have done everything else including offer her an IPOD/cell phone but she is just unable to wake-up and has a small bladder.

I had that problem years ago with my oldest child was 6 or 7 years old and I found that if would wake her up and make her go the bathroom she didn't wet the bed after a short time. she was such a sound sleeper she didn't realize what she was doing. At that time I didn't go to bed until around 11:00 or 12:00, so she had been asleep for about 3 to 4 hours. It did work. You might try that. Hope you have success. Remember when my daughter was young there wasn't any pull-ups of things of that nature. good luck.

R., my sister had a similiar problem growing up and so did her two sons. I would not only look at the liquids that he is drinking but also the amount of sugar or simple carbohydrates that he is consuming during the day. It may be a situation of his body struggling with pancreas and blood sugar levels. Frequent urination can be a sign of the body trying to get rid of excess sugar.
D.

R.,

Bless you for taking in your neice and nephew. If you are having to raise him, bed wetting is just a symptom of a more serious psychological issue with him. Please take him to a qualified child psychologist. He probably has some emotional issues that need professional help so he won't suffer any longer.

R.,

My Son had the same problem. I took him in for counseling and learned that this is the only thing a child has control over in their life, therefore, it could be more than just a wetting problem??? We are a military family and the excessive moving in the first few years of our Son's life had an impact on him that we did not understand at the time. Since you are single, maybe there is an underlieing emotion for your Son that is causing this?? Just a suggestion. We took the same approach regarding being positive and letting him know that we love him regardless! It will pass with time.

Hi R.. We have a member of the extended family who wet the bed into his 12th year. No one was allowed to discuss it. Everybody thought he was doing it on purpose, so they made him change his sheets when it happened - you know the usual punishment. Turns out it was a complete medical problem - his bladder was small and just hadn't developed at the rate his thirst had! He lived with both parents, so he did not have a psychological issue - just a truly medical one. They did not have pull-ups back then (this was 20 years ago) just undies that you had to change out each morning. Be careful of the meds. We as a society as quick to throw a pill at it, which in turn causes some long term side effect years down the road. If your doctor does want to prescribe meds, consider alternative medicine before you do the pills. Good luck.

My daughter discovered that when her 4 year old went to bed with a pull up she wet it. When she had panties on she woke up and went to the bathroom. I would be sure it isn't a medical problem and then I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

You might try waking him up every night before you go to bed to quietly help him to the bathroom and back to bed. They also alarms that will wake him up when he starts to go. I think they sell them at www.onestepahead.com.

First of all I would like to commend you on doing something few people can, that is step up when a perent steps out. This is wonderful. The next thing I would like to say is this. You nephew is not uncommon, nor abnormal, and you need to constantly remind yourself, and HIM, of this. Always trying to be positive about his situation is hard, I know from experience, but it can turn him into one of the most incredible humans on earth if you handle it right.

For one thing, it doesn't matter if he drinks at night. It is not a matter of his bladder being full or empty. It is a matter of his sleep being so deep that he is not aware of his urge to go. Yes, not drinking might help, but usually it just leads to frustration when he still wakes up wet.

Here is what we did, maybe this will help. For one, go to the hospital, or a hospital supply store, and get a couple of the bed pads that they use in the geriatric ward. They are not plastic, but rather a cotton front with a waterproof material on the back. The plastic backed ones make noise at night, keeping the child awake all night. Secondly, if he is comfortable using the pull ups then let him, who cares...and really whose business is it anyway? (wink,wink)

Next, dont reward him for dry nights with a dollar, but with reassurance, like "see I told you it will pass, and eventually this will be every night." The reason for this is that you are reaffirming for him that it is something he can control by rewarding him, but really it isn't something he can control. He needs your reassuring words and praise a whole lot more than a dollar.

Finally, put the responsibility of the matter in his hands. Remind him that he must clean up himself and his bed linens. That doesn't mean teach him to use the washer, but rather, just gather everything off the bed if it is wet, and make sure he takes a shower(put a temp regulator on the tub so it will only reach a certain degree). This gives him a certain privacy in a matter that can be so dreadfully embarassing. If he puts his clothes, sheets, etc. in the washer himself, then all he has to say is "Auntie, run the washer." This can become a code between you two that an acccident occured, but nothing else has top be said.

My daughter was nine when she finally passed this "problem". And two years later she might still have an occurance here or there. But I see that she is very sensitive to others and the difficulties they face, and almost always finds solutions which are in the comfort zone of the person with the problem, like code words and such. It has opened a door for her, and it can be a door for your nephew as well, as long as he thinks that your okay with it. Kids are funny like that, if your ok then they are ok too.

My son's dr. prescribed a medication which was in a nasal spray form, which I believe was to help his muscles in that area. Within a week he was sleeping dry thru the night. I believe we only had to give it to him for a couple of weeks. It was fantastic for all involved, but the change in him because he could socialize w/out fear was best of all!

My oldest daughter had bed-time wetting issues. In researching this and talking to the doctors, it is actually not a bladder problem, but a sleep disorder. The child is unable to wake himself up to go to the bathroom. Her doctor put on Imipriamine (generic) to help her with this. It helped a lot, though not full proof. The thing I regret most was thinking that she had full control over this and she was just being totoally lazy to get herself up to go to the bathroom. It was definitely NOT anything she could control. I would even sacrifice my sleep by waking her up every 2-3 hours. This did not help at all.
I would encourage you to talk with your doctor and do everything possible to not make him feel bad about this. It is such a common thing. I would wash bedding and pajamas all of the time. Thankfully she has now grown out of it.

One suggestion is maybe his bladder can't wait. You may have to help him train his bladder. If he has to use the bathroom try to make him wait 5, then 10 next time, then 15 minutes. Increase the time until he can hold it for about 15-20 minutes. Or it could have a lot to do with the move. I know it was 4 years ago but we don't always realize how tramatic it can be not to be with mom. I think if you have an open communication with him and open to answer any questions about why he is living with you it might change things. Some children are insecure at night and a lot of bed wetting is due to the insecurity. Just keep it positive, keep praising him for dry nights! I have a family member that was a bed wetter until age 10 so be positive that he will eventually grow out of it.

Has he been checked by a good pediatrician...who may refer him to a urologist? It is my understanding that a bladder that has not matured can cause this problem. Also, allergies are a big factor. The very emotional separation from his mother is enough to cause a problem for him. Can you imagine the questions he is asked at school? Even well meaning adults can make a child feel like the real parent was not willing to be there for them. They usually interpret that to mean they (the child) was not worthy.
You are commended for raising these children and bless you for asking for help. I believe it is true that "it takes a village".

I was in a similar situation as a grandmother raising her grandson. He wore pullups until he was 12! Both my son and daughter (his mother) also wet the bed until that age. OPur family has a history of having a small bladder and it appears that it does not get to it's full capapcity until about 12. This may the case with you nephew. I would suggest that since this is NOT his fault (just a function of his body) that you just have him use the pullup and not say a word unless it's dry. It may be years before he stops completely. I know this is hard to hear. I know I was frustrated and tried everything. What finally worked was just the acceptance that childens' bladders grow at different rates and that your nephew's will too!

R., my son who just turned 9 just stopped wetting the bed this past fall when he was 'almost 9'. The main thing that we had to do was wake him up at 11 pm to pee and then he was usually dry all night. My son is a very active kid that would wear himself out every day playing sports or some other activity. Then he would crash at 8:30 barely able to be roused so if he fell asleep on the couch it was very difficult to get him into bed. Usually at 11 when we got him up he was sleep walking. His body was simply too tired to keep his bladder shut!
Anyway, quite suddenly he stopped wetting the bed and we no longer have to wake him up. He sometimes is able to wake himslef up now in the middle of the night. Other things we tried that worked temporarily were chiropractic and acupuncture and no liquids after 6pm. Chiropractic actually has a pretty good success rate with this problem, so if you a have access, then give that a try too. But don't worry, he is just about to out grow this problem. M

I went thru this with my daughter who is 25 now. The advise I was given was to wake her before I went to bed at night and walk her to the bathroom help to go the bathroom. Most of the time she was asleep. At this age , the problem of bedwetting is common. Some children , have problems emptying their bladders all the way, a cause of bedwetting, so they have no control. They will grow out of it. You are doing the right thing by not calling attention to the problem and making the child feel terrible.If I was awake at night , I would again walk het to the bathroom, after awhile she learned to empty her bladder all the way. I hope I helped some.

Have you seen a pediatric urologist yet? I live in Oklahoma city and we recently went and saw one at Children's Hospital. My daughter is 5 1/2 and still wets everynight. He said that sometimes if you do not have a bowel movement as often as you should, it presses on the bladder, which then never gets empty. He said to give our daughter meralax everyday and see if that helps at all. Then he said for us to try a bed alarm. It vibrates or rings when it feels wet which wakes the child. You can get them off of ebay. Then if that doesn't help, there is always a medicine that is called DDAVP. It is nightly pill that works. Please contact me if you have any questions.

R., First may God bless you (and I know He will) for taking your niece & nephew into your heart and into your home.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Giving praise when he succeeds and not making a big deal out of it when he doesn't. I'm sure you have already had him checked out by the dr. to see if there is rule out a physical cause.

I was in an orphans home from ages 8 to 10. I wet the bed several times a week the whole time I was there. (This was in the 50's & the matrons there did not understand that this had nothing to do with physically control, it was all emotional) After I was adopted at age 10 I never wet the bed again.

Your nephew is probably still has some emotional issues because of the separation from his mother, even though he was fairly young when it happened.
. You might try talking to him about his feelings. Would be a good idea to talk to a family counselor or other professional to find out what questions to ask or how best to lead into the conversation.

Joyce Meyer made a statement once that "what is buried alive, will never die." Feelings and hurts from our past will resurface at some point in our lives, in different ways.

I will keep your and your little ones in my prayers. You are amazing person ! Sheilea T

I think that he is too old to still be in Pull-ups. You may need to take him in to see a doctor, he may have a weak bladder. At age eight; if he is having accidents at night, it should not be that often/frequent.

Take the child to a doctor that specializes in urinary problems like with the bladder and kidneys. For him to be 8 years old and still using pull ups is a bit extreme and if he does have urinary problems, they may be able to recommend a pill like for overactive bladder or if it is his kidneys, he may need to see a kidney specialist. This needs to be addressed by more than just a pediatrician even if it may be a hereditary thing or if it may be other things involved.

My grandson has the same problem and he is almost 12. My daughter took him to the doctor and got some meds to give him at night. Another suggestion might be to try waking him up once during the night and see if that helps.

R.,

Sound like this little guy has been through a lot of changes. This could be a reaction to the change of home - but it could also be that his sleep/wake cycles are off. The number #1 thing is to be positive - for an 8 year old boy, not being able to go to sleepovers and nights out with other boys is hard. My son was almost 10 before he was completely dry and he lived in mortal fear that his friends would find out about his problem - so please don't make a big deal about it and do not let his sister use it as a point of teasing!!!
What we did was to make it his job to change the situation, we put an alarm clock - get the 1 that has 2 settings - in his room right by his bed. He set the clock for 12am and again at 3am. Both times he had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. It did not matter if he needed to go, he had to try. After a few days of sucess, then change it to just 1 time per night and then eventually his body will begin to wake him up. Many boys at that age sleep so soundly that they literaly cannot hear thier bodies tell them to get up. If this does not work, then I think it is imortatant to look to pschiatric therapies.

Hope this helps - know that you are doing God's work taking care of these precious children!!!

I had this problem with my oldest daughter. It was a blessing when they finally came out with pull-ups :-)

The one thing we learned was it was not OUR problem, it was HERS. She had her pull-ups. She knew how to put them on, she knew what to do with them when they did get wet, she knew how to change her own bed when they happened to leak. It was HER problem and HER responsibility to take care of.

We had tried the bribery. Didn't help. We tried punitive punishment. Didn't help. We restricted fluids. Didn't help. We tried medicine answers (those did work but did ugly things to her personality).

The best answer we got was to ignore it and make it her responsibility. Some kids brains take longer for the hormone to kick in that slows down their kidneys when they go to sleep. With him being small for his age this is a real good possibility...

Hope this helps. Good luck.
S.

If the after seven does not work then I would seek medical help. I would defiantly not reward or discipline for this "problem". A lot of time this can be psychological or an actual medical problem.

My 14 year old grandson was helped with bedwetting by using the ionic foot bath at full circle health clinic in Edmond, they also do footbaths at other locations. This foot bath pulls out toxins that accumulate in the body and these toxins sometimes irritate the bladder. Also you may want to eliminate simple sugars, pop, bread, pasta etc as sugar while it tastes good is actually an irritant. If possible listen to the 3rd opinion with Dr. Mary Schrick 7 am until 9 am on station 890 AM you can call in ###-###-#### and she will be glad to advise on air. God Bless, E.

I have friends with boys, who had the same problem. She actually took them to the Dr. about it, & the doctor said that it's a very common thing with boys to wet the bed at night until they're older. Her little boy was probably about 8 or 9 years old b-4 he quit wearing his pull=up to bed. I wouldn't worry too much. Some kids go until they are 10 or so b-4 that stops.

R.,

Have you taken him to see a doctor? I think I would do that to make sure it isn't anything physical that could be taken care of. Sometimes bathroom issues are also psychological. I would definitely get him checked out by a doctor first. I train school age staff for a large corporation. Since your grandson is eight, this could be a big self esteem issue for him in school and dealing with his peers.

hi,
i have a 8 and 11 year old.
my 11 year old went through the same thing.
and then my 8 year old followed suit.

so we have done for both of them.
we took them to the dr.
she said stop giving him caffine drinks.
and no liquids after 6:30.
this helped but was not a cure.
she prescribed my son desmopressin it is kinda expensive.
but it does work, and better than spending the money on pull ups.
my 11 year old was on it when he was 8 and now has no problems (and no side effects).
my 8 year old has now started it and is doing very well on it.
you start out taking two pills a night for 5 months then taper off.
it is well worth it.
do understand it is not anything he can controle.

check into it, it sure has made a diffence in my boys lives.

desmopressin

could you maybe try waking him up to go use the bathroom a couple of hours after he goes to sleep? maybe it could help him learn that full bladder feeling and to get up and go on his own during the night if he needs to.

What a blessing you are! I really think that when children wet the bed, they are sleeping too deeply to wake up and go. My almost 6 year old just started wearing panties. She sometimes sleep walks to the bathroom. A good friend of mine spent years waking her child during the night and taking him to the bathroom. She finally got tired of that and found this pad with an alarm (on the internet) that goes off when moisture first hits it. It took some discipline to get up when she heard the alarm and make him wake up and go to the bathroom, but it was short lived. He will be 8 in a week and hasn't wet the bed since August! My thought is that the mat trains the brain to awaken to the urge to go, rather than to sleep through it. My almost 10 year old nephew still wets the bed occasionally. He has told me that he woke up dry, but was too tired to get up so he just went back to sleep. He then woke up wet. I think that the first time was his body's attempt to wake him. Good luck!

My son was 10 before he stopped wetting the bed. For him it just took time to have him get use to waking himself up if he had to go. My brother had the same problem. My mom bought a "blanket"of some sort from Sears (this is years ago) that had an alarm to it. And that is what it took for him. If he peed then it would go off and wake him up. Some boys just tend to have more of a difficulty. Be patient and it will happen. YOu are so smart not to be harsh or punitive!! Good Luck...

I have this issue with my 7 year old son. Here is what we do:
1. no carbonated beverages
2. only water after dinner (milk with dinner)
3. nothing to drink after 7
4. potty, potty, potty! If I'm still up at ten, I potty him one last time....

Good luck!

R.,

First, I would like to encourage you. I know this can be frustrating. I have firsthand experience with the problem.

Bedwetting usually happens because of an inability to wake up in the middle of the night. The child sleeps too deeply to be awakened by the urge to urinate. Most kids will eventually outgrow this, but it can take awhile.

I wet the bed until I was thirteen. I saw this story about a bedwetting alarm on TV one day and it gave me an idea. I saved up my money to buy an alarm clock. I set it for midnight and every night I would get up when it went off and go to the bathroom. After awhile I was able to wake up without the alarm.

The bedwetting alarms are still available too. They cost around $50. They have sensors in them that go off as soon as the child starts to wet and an alarm sounds to wake the child up. I bought one of these to use with my son (13, still wets) but even though it was very loud he still slept through it.

The only thing I have found that helps with my son is every night when I get up to go to the bathroom I wake him up and make him go too. I have to shake him until he wakes up.

Bedwetting is not something the child has any control over. No one wants to wake up all wet and stinky. For that reason, neither rewards or punishment are effective on their own. However, combining rewards with a tool designed to help him could improve the results. You can get the boy some sort of alarm and explain to him that he can use it to wake himself up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night so that he is less likely to wet. Then offer rewards when he is successful.

Good luck to you.

Well, my oldest was diagnosed with ADD at 9 years old. They put her on Adderall for it. Well, it helped through the day with her studies at school, but she would come home and just be very tired all evening and then she would just crash at bedtime. Well, she was sleeping so sound that she wouldn't wake to go to the bathroom. The doctor put her on some nose spray that makes their sleep lighter so she would wake through the night turning over and stuff. This helped her because when she would stir, she would get up and go to the bathroom. It was only a matter of maybe 6 months and she was able to stop the nose spray. I hope this helps. I don't like medication in children unless it's just absolutely necessary. Good luck!

Frankly, I wouldn't worry about it. Many boys take longer than others to be dry at night. In my family, it is not usual for boys to have night accidents until 13 or 14. My son is 21 and pullups weren't invented yet so he wore depends until he was 14. Then, he just magically stopped needing them.

I would suggest that you take him to a urologist just to make sure there is nothing physically wrong. If there isn't, just treat it as a "no big deal" situation. The more you make of it (even if it seems positive to you), the more it's on his mind and the more it will bother him.

Hi R.

Do you have access to a computer? Does the eight year old have basic computer skills? Empower him by having him search some of the nickelodean sites etc for bedwetting solutions. I am a firm believer if we give the young the tools they need to solve their problems we also empower them to not fear other problems and develop resilience.

I am sure that everyone has told you children often regress when a major life issue has happened. Having his mom no longer be able to care for him is going to set him back to a developmental issue level of 2-5 ish and that would be during the toileting phase of course now mixes in control issues. So one way is to show him how people actually work on problems.

For instance:
1. We recognize it is a problem (cant sleep over friends houses for example)
2. Wet beds can cause us to get sick

3. It sure is cold at night and in the morning to wake up wet

4. what a pain to change the bed EVERYDAY.

THEN we use the computer to :

1. see if I am not alone

2. what do other kids do to stop

3. Look up what could be causing this

4. Learn that sometimes people react to changes in their lives and that in a few days or a couple of weeks all will begin to slow down into a new routine and although it is different it is ok.

5. Then the most amazing wonderful aspect of this is after he conquers his situation he can log on and HELP someone ELSE conquer theirs because he has 'been there done that' and understands - helping kids learn that experiences good and bad and difficult are what we all go through and then we help others go through them builds resilience - that could be your greatest gift to this child empower both of them to lover their mother inspite of her fallibility and to encourage them to grow to be strong and happy in spite of not so normal circumstances.

Good luck and know that he will not graduate high school wetting the bed so you can relax a bit - this will ease up in time. you didn't say how long it had been since mom's caregiving switched from primary to secondary or none at all. I am only speculating because of the bedwetting that things have not normalized yet.

take care and god bless you for taking the two into your heart and home.

I personally had this problem and finnally out grew it. I also have a son that did this and he also out grew it. My parents were not so understanding about the situation. I did research on it when I inturn had to deal with it and it is just some thing that children will out go some earlier than others. It is also more common in boys than in girls. Show support and continue to limit fluids especially milk, it is a muscle relaxer. Make sure that your nephew empties his bladder good before going to bed and try getting him up once during the night if he is able to return to sleep easily. I know that the extra laundry can be a hassle but time will prevail. Good luck.

I would not worry; boys develop the nighttime staying dry thing later than girls. Just one night he will most likely do it and that will be it. I would let his pediatrician know in case there is another issue there. I would start to worry in another year or so when the kids his age start having spend the night parties. That should be a goal. Good for you for not punishing him; stay positive ... he really can't help it. Someone told me to put them in regular underwear and when they wake up yucky wet and need to change their own sheets, they might be more apt to work on it

He may have a medical problem - meaning his muscles haven't developed enough for him to hold it overnight which he would out grow eventually. My friend had the same issue with her daughter (which was also hereditary). You should talk to his pediatrician about it just in case it is something serious. It is so important not to get upset with him when he has accidents because more than likely he can't control it (it doesn't sound like you are). My pediatrician had recommended going through the motions of getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom in the dark with my son when we were potty training him. Some kids sleep so sound that they have trouble waking up and going through the motions of getting to the bathroom. My son had woke up in the middle of the night and went in his toy box. Anyway, I digress. Good luck! I hope it gets easier for you and your nephew.

what time do you put him to bed? i wouldnt let him have a drink after 6:00pm. if he gets thirsty after that just let him have a little sip of water.