Frustrated with My 4 Year Olds Tantrums

I HIGHLY recommend taking Love and Logic classes. Here are the list of classes the local Love and Logic instructor is teaching: http://www.keriparentcoach.com/447486.html Tell her T. sent you. You can also call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area (I just called and a real person answered right away and was very helpful). I just realized that you live in Tucson, and so does Sharon Silver, who started the company Proactive Parenting. I went to one of her seminars and enjoyed it. www.proactiveparenting.net

The Love and Logic approach is all about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world.

If classes aren't available near you, check out some Love and Logic materials at the local library for free or buy them at www.loveandlogic.com. Here are some I recommend: a seminar on DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years," the book "Parenting with Love and Logic." They also have some great CDs full of wonderful advice and real-life applications that you can listen to in the car while driving.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A., My now 5 yo son tried to pull this with me one time and I just looked at him while he was yelling and having a fit and I said really loud, "look at everyone staring at you, how embarrassing, they must think you are not a good boy because good boys don't act like this". Something along those lines because sure enough, they were looking at him and when he saw that he got embarrassed and pretty much stopped. Then I had a very stern talking to him when we got to the car and he never did it again. I have also heard people say before you go somewhere to make your expectations of the kids very clear and if they do not meet those expectations (no tantrums, etc) then you will take away something and make sure you do it so they learn you mean business. Good luck with this!

A.,
You got to love a kid trying to assert their independance! I have heard that the love and logic classes or book are really good. I read a book called 'How to Make Your Children Mind Without Loosing Yours'. It really offered me some great suggestions as well as gave me a great laugh as the author quotes situations from his own parenting experiences. It is soooooo not fun now but keep being consistent and give yourself some you time to keep your sanity!! Good Luck!!

This doesn't directly respond to your request for advice, but here's two suggestions that have worked wonders for my husband and I with respect to our 2 kids, aged 5 and 8. The first is, using the 1-2-3 rule that a family therapist-friend told us about. She said, you say to the child (when they are behaving in a way you don't like), "If you don't stop doing X (or do X, depending upon the situation) by the count of 3, then you will have a time out (or some other consequence)." Then you have to be willing to do the consequence IMMEDIATELY!!! So don't pick a consequence that you actually won't enforce. This worked WONDERS for us with our son when he was 3-4 yrs. old. Most of the time, I only have to start counting "1..2..3" without even giving him a consequence, and before I say "3," he has stopped doing the behavior or is doing what I have asked. I'm not saying it is foolproof in your situation, but it's worth a try! The 2nd thing is a book I highly recommend, called, "How to Talk so Your Children Will Listen and Listen So Your Children Will Talk." Very good stuff in it. Best of luck! Shirl H.

Temper tantrums, especially in public are no fun. I remember one time having to pick my daughter up, throw her over my shoulder and carry her kicking and screaming out of the mall, not a good day. I find that time outs work well for my daughter, also 4, even the treat of a time out gets her to shape up.

Also a possible explanation for the tantrums... many of my friends who have boys have said that between 4-5 boys are really difficult due to a surge in testosterone. Until their bodies adjust to a higher hormone level boys this age get really aggressive.

I have a toddler boy who is going to be 4 next month. One thing that works for him is a consequence of losing his toys (it can be anything). Then he stop whatever disappoints us. Another thing is my husband take him to a restroom whenever he misbehaves or just having a tantrum and they talk there by heart or instill whatever consequences at them time that is effective to my boy. By the time they get back to me---they are both calm and doing better. My son is always apologitic afterwards.

Just remain calm and make sure you do whatever consequence you told them if they misbehave.

I hope this helps!

Hi
My son was, and is a handful, and boy have I learned alot! I tried to follow JoJo on Supernanny, her techniques worked best for me and my son. She has a book out also. I know how frustrated you can get. For me in that heated moment, I try to bring myself back down to his level, remembering he is only.. age... and that he is as frustrated as me. Clear the air. My son has been grounded more times than myself and my daughter both put together LOL! Use encouragement, it is amazing what that does, maybe something like, make your Daddy proud by being a good boy today! I will let him know how good you are! And thank you for being so helpful today!! ETC. I hope this helps! Take a deep breath mommy.

HI A.,

I have heard that 4's are an extension of 2's. Especially in boys. Maybe you need to go back to that mindset until it passes? Whatever you choose good luck!

D.

This too shall pass. I remember my son doing this. I remember being frustrated. I dont remember, unfortunately, what what the magic bullet was, if there even was one.

This didnt always work for me, since we dont always go get something and we dont spend $$ on extra frills, but... if you typically do this anwyay, if you stop for lunch, if you buy treats, then make sure that is at the end. And if he throws a tantrum in the grocery store (or mall or wherever) you just pick him up - I hope your older DD can handle the 1 yo? and carry him out. Go to the car. Sit in the car. (easiest if you are with someone who could stay with the kids if you were in a mall or somewhere like that, or dad could take son to the car for a time out, something like that.)

This works on older kids too - I remember going out with my husband and some of his siblings, the youngest being oh maybe 8 or so. He started to pout and not cooperate at all while we were christmas shopping. My husband would have none of it and took him out to sit out the rest of the trip in the car. He's never acted out, not when my husband was around.

I have had, on occasion, to leave the grocery store mid-shopping trip when my son started to not cooperate. Leave the cart and just walk out. Hard to do sometimes but that's a motivation to shop BEFORE you are completely out of the essentials ;-)

My son's 6 and knows I mean business when I say I'm gonna leave. I have also learned though, I can't take him shopping on the way home after a long school day! He *needs* to eat first to even out his blood sugar so that he *can* stay calmer and not get so irrational.

Hope my rambling helped!