Frustrated Mom Seeking Advice on How to Potty Train Her Kid

S.
I totally can sympathise with you. I was going through the exact same thing last summer with my son who was 3 1/2 at the time. We battled with poopy pants EVERY day and I was frustrated to the point of tears with him. I had tried everyting, rewards, treats etc. I talked to my cousin who is a child psychologist and he suggested that it was a power thing, one thing that my son had control over. He told me to totally drop the subject. That next day when he pooped I didn't say anything, just changed him and went on with my day. The next day, same thing, no yelling, saying nothing. It was maybe a week or so and he went on his own! From that day forward, he hasn't had an accident at all! I only wish I'd done it sooner.
Try not making it a battle and see how that goes. It's frustrating though!!!! Good luck.
C.

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Make him clean it up! WHen he poops his pants, make him take them off and dump the poop out in the toilet, make him rinse his underwear out, and make him clean himself up (of course make sure you supervise and follow up) and then make him get himself new clothes, and at this age I really think he needs a punishment for pooping in his pants. He's 3 1/2, he knows what he is doing and there is no reason for it. TAke away his TV time, or his favorite game, his favorite toy. Put it in a 'poopy time out' on top of the fridge for the rest of hte day if he poops his pants.

He'll quickly realize that it is way easier to just poop on the toilet than it is to clean his own underwear, clean himself up, and get new clothing, and lose his favorite toy/activity for the day. AT his age, there is no reason for it, making him do all the 'dirty' work and having a consequence, and STICK WITH IT, will work. Don't give him a choice.

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There is a method used with special needs kids and other particularly resistant potty trainers called shaping. Basically, you start by allowing him to go in his pull-ups, but tell him that he has to do it in the bathroom. Once that is mastered, he can sit on the toilet--fully clothed--and go there. Eventually you take the pull-up away. Some kids are actually frightened about putting their bm in the toilet. Have you figured out _why_ he isn't going there? That may be more helpful in figuring out what to do than any other methodology.

Good luck!

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S.,
I felt like I was reading something I could have written a few years ago! My son was in the same place and couldn't have cared less about having soiled pants on. Same thing - rewards didn't work, punishments didn't work. Three was a tough year for my son and I. Sometime around four years old it finally resolved itself. The best advice I can give you is to try to get the pooping out of the way at the same time each day - when you have time to deal with it to eliminate surprises later in the day. We had a rule that my son had to poop before he left the house in the morning. I helped him out initially by giving him some fiber supplements with breakfast for a while, until it became a more natural time for him to go. The best advice I can give you it to let you know that you are not alone on this problem and to not let it rule your day. As aggravating as it is, try to let it go. It will pass eventually.

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I agree don't yell. Many kids use potty as a way to assert independance and challenge their mom. Believe me, they know what they're doing, and they know it's freaking you out. I'm most certain since you say he has mastered both skills but has regressed, this is more an issue of him finally discovering he has a power that mom can't control.

Here's what to do:

Get a visible rewards chart. Either purchase an already made one (Check out Melissa and Doug products or Target which sells a really niceMelissa/Doug type wood/magnet responsibility chart that can be easily adapted. Or make one yourself using his favorite t.v. or book character stickers. Put down a section for each skill needed for good potty habits. You know 1. Remembering to go sit on the potty. (even if they don't "go" they should be rewarded for the effort). 2. "Making a rock" as my boys love to call it,if they actually get the job done. 3. One for pee. 4. Using wipes or toilet paper. 5. Flushing. 6. Washing hands with soap/water. 7. Going when he "feels" it, and not without mom reminding him.(this is real important to reward and reinforce!!)

Be sure to purchase a variety of prizes that you know he'll work for. Even have some "grand" prizes. I filled a small rubbermaid shoe storage box with matchbox cars, action figures, mini-play dough etc. Each time he would sucessfully complete a duty he'd get a sticker that could be applied toward a certain type of treat at the end of the day. You can even put together a simple point system that shows him what he'll get if he accomplishes his "tasks" well. Make it a fun game, that gives him a sense of control over himself rather than making it a war with you. Most of all, reinforce a sense of accomplishment by constantly telling what good progess he is making as the stickers/magnets start filling the board. If at the end of the week or when you feel the board is full, then you can offer him a choice of a "grand prize" something that appropriately rewards him for his good work. Be sure to tell him he "earned it" and that in life all hard work can result in good things such as knowing "he knows how to be a big boy and use the bathroom with no help, etc.

Even though he is already potty trained, be sure to periodically throughout the day, "remind" him to go to the potty, and follow him in just like before. If he bulks, remind him that he can still recieve a small reward at the end of the day for his efforts, and remind him that at the end of the month/week etc. he can work toward a special treat. Treats can also be other things like a special meal, or ice cream etc., but I found that something tangible was much more effective. They need to see what they're working for. I think this is a boy thing.

If you have a particularly willful little guy, put him on a timer. This was very effective with my youngest. We never used a reward chart with him. He didn't respond well. He's not really into things, but he is into gadgets and electronics. I found this fantastic little product at www.onesteapahead.com called the "POTTY WATCH". It looks like a child's watch, but is a timer that can be set by you for 30, 60, and 90 minute intervals. When the cute watch that looks like a potty plays a happy little tune (not annoying and just long enough to get em moving) it signals that its time to go sit on the potty. This is really great for those kids less than motivated to drop activities when nature calls (my little one was one of these). They can't resist and go nuts calling the troops to rally on toward the bathroom. Even his friends and whoever is near him that know what the watch is about want to go running to the bathroom! It's like the pied pieper or something. It is $9.95 and comes in blue and pink.

This method works well with a kitchen timer as well. Potty watch did not exist with my older kids, but I had read about using a timer to teach kids to use the potty. (This method is also good for kids that can't feel when they need to go) and I went to a gourmet cooking store where you can find the most interesting assortment of kitchen timers...cows, chickens, cars, flowers, etc. I let them pick what they wanted. My oldest picked a cow timer and we named it "pee pee cow". He loved it. I made him carry it around the house with him and would set it for 30 minute intervals and lengthened the intervals as he got better with using the potty on his own. Finally, he on his own stopped using it.

Also reinforce with videos and books. Some good ones are "Once upon a Potty" for boys both in book and video. Duke university also has an excellent program on video called "Potty Time", and don't forget "Elmo's Potty Time" and the Elmo doll sitting on his own potty. There's a great book at Target called "It's Potty Time" that flushes when a child presses an electronic button. I leave this in the bathroom with other potty related books to be read while getting the job done. They love it and tend to get the job done when they are busy reading.

This is a great time to teach him about the seriousness of germs and the importance of cleanliness. One of mine went through the play with the "pooh" stuff until he got to see pictures of microscopic germs in a children's science book and I made the connection between illnesses and germs and reinforced that's why we put it in the potty instead of make things out of it.

Last but not least, reevaluate your bathroom set up. If it's not kid friendly, it might be a deterrent. If your guy doesn't like his potty seat, or its too much work to get the potty set up for use on his own, he's not going to bother. I have all boys. I hate to say it, but they are not into work. I found out they didn't like having to put the potty seat on the potty, and didn't like dragging the stool the used to get on the potty from the potty to the sink to wash their hands. I found a cool potty seat that has three layers; a lid, an adult seat, and a child's seat all in one. All the kid has to do is open the toilet seat to his size and sit. I keep two stools in the bathroom now. One by the sink and one in front of the potty.

I know its alot, but I've been through alot with this department. I can happily say we've had success and are currently doing very well with our guy who just turned three a couple of weeks ago. He's almost there. He's been successfully making rocks for three days now. We started potty training about 3 weeks ago. Right away he mastered peeing. Boys love this! Especially if it can be a game like shoot the Cheerios. For my house, number two is equated to "constuction time". My boys loved pretending to be at the rock quarry and got a kick out of the idea of making rocks. Find what works for you! Good luck.

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Get the books: Everybody Poops and Everybody Farts and read them to him. Boys love books about bowel movements and passing gas. They will help him to analyze the process and become more interested in the outcome.

Going back to diapers may not be what he wants either. But it may be an incentive to get him to use the potty again. He most likely won't be happy when you insist that his only choice is between the potty chair or a diaper. So...

Read yourself: Raising your Spirited Child. This book is about children (15% of them) who communicate differently because they are, essentially, smarter than we are. Finding the right communication tool is the key to communicating with a three year old and getting them to do the things that benefit them most.

Once he has read these books and you have read yours, take him to an activity that he is missing out on because he won't use the potty chair: a pool like Shoreview Community Center pool where the excitement is everywhere.

Let him know that this kind of activity awaits him for when he is ready to use the potty ~ but that it's up to him to decide when that is.

Believe me, the more invested you are in his potty training, if he is a 'spirited' child, the more he will resist the training. For these kids, everything has to be their idea. Once it is, they will never turn back.

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BOth of my older boys had the same issue, they did not want to stop playing to go poop in the potty.

A friend told me about this and in worked for both of them on ONE DAY!!

When they poop, have them walk from where they were playing to the bathroom, take down their pants, sit on the potty and then pull up their pants, then walk back to where they were playing. Have them do this 10 times in a row.

FOr you, try to stay calm. When he complains, which he will, you state that over and over, " I know this is frustrating and takes you away from your play time, so once you learn to listen to your body and go poop in the potty, we will have to keep practicing each time you have an accident. You can go back to playing once you get through your practices"

You need to make him complete all 10 practice trips. If they start to cry DO NOT give in, just wait with them until they calm down, and then have them continue to walk to and fro.

If you have any more questions, let me know.

Best of luck!!!!

A.;)

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S., i had 3 boys, and they all got the pee thing down, but they did not get the poo thing down till each of them were 4, this takes longer, i say , be patient and let nature take its place and soon he too will have it down, i wish i knew when my kids were young that it would take that long i would not of started them so early, hahah take care and im sure he will be fine, give him another 65 months , meanwhile play catch him if you can, , if you see he needs to go take him and put him on potty , he will get it, continue being the good mom you are, D. s

Hi S.,
My son is also 3 1/2 and was doing great pooping on the potty until about 2 weeks ago when he started going in his pants. We have gone back to what worked for us originally and it seems to be helping. I printed a free chart from the internet and put it up on the fridge. Everytime he poops on the potty he gets a sticker on his chart and 2 gummi bears. Then when his chart is full, he gets a special toy or we go to the zoo, something that is special to him but not too expensive. I also told him that every time he goes in his pants he has to take a sticker off his chart (and I make him do it,seems to have more impact). We are going to do this until his chart is full one more time and then we will just give him gummis because it seems as soon as I took them away he started going in his pants. And you're right the yelling doesn't work, so just be very matter of fact with him.
My only other suggestion is that since it is becoming warmer outside, try leaving him naked from the waist down for a weekend and see what happens, most kids won't poop on the floor. This didn't work for us because my son just kept putting pants on.
We also have a 9 mo old daughter so I know how frustrating and exhausting it is. Hang in there and Good luck!!

Make him clean it up himself.

I'm in the same situation, so don't have a solution yet, but an idea. Seems to me that making him clean up, etc., is more work for YOU. It does seem like usually they don't want to go to the bathroom because it takes time away from playing. So if they find out it takes away MORE time if they go in their pants, they will at least not have that payoff. I'm having my son stand in the bathtub, doing NOTHING, while I rinse out his pants, etc., and he does have to go get his own clean clothes afterward. I think I need to talk to him more while I'm doing it, though, and point out how much time he could save for playing if he just uses the potty when he needs to.

Let me know what you do if it works :).

Hi S.,
My son is very stubborn about this too. What I did, was the incentive game. I took out a roll quarters from his savings account and said he could have a quarter every time he pooped on the toliet. He has been amazing since then and gets to bring his quarters to Walmart on shopping day to spend how he wants (Usually a ride or game in the arcade area). My husband also buys a matchbox car or similar every once in a while to bring home for him going poop. That is fun and my son never knows when he is going to get one.

Put Cheerios in the toilet & tell him to sink them...It worked for both of my boys. As far as the pooping thing goes, boys are dirty by nature...plus there has to be BIG rewards...is there a toy that he has been wanting? Tell him he can have that toy, if he doesn't have "an accident" for a week. My youngest boy was the same way & treats are nice right after, but there has to be that "big" item to work for. I hope this helps.

Good Luck,
L.

Has anything changed that may be stressing him out? My son had a problem with this and I had to speak with him about how proud it makes me to have him go potty in the toilet, and how he can't go to school and play with his friends if he poops his pants.
I don't know if this helps, but thats how I did it. Also I did the character under pants, I told him they were his friends under pants and that he would be mad if he pottied in them.
Good luck, try not to get too upset about it. I would say a lot of children do this to their parents, they can be monsters... but you got to love them!

Have you tried withholding something he really loves? For my oldest, he is a hugh Thomas the Train fanatic. Everytime he had an accident we would take away his favorite train and put it up where he could see it but not reach it. It became his goal to win that train back, it got to the place that he hated seeing that train up there and before long it wasn't! For our youngest, he had absolutely no desire to potty train so we just tried to play it down. Then when his brother went to pre-school this past fall he got jealous. So we told him that he would get to go to school too but only if he used the potty like a big boy. At first it didn't seem to have much affect and then all of the sudden right before Christmas he made up his mind all on his own. We didn't have any issues until a couple weeks ago, he started wettng his pants. We put him back in pull ups and he's been doing better. This past weekend we put him in a big boy bed so hopefully that will help us keep him on the right track. Good luck!

I used to think my son was going to start kindergarten in pullups! We tried everything but couldn't get him to poop in the toilet either - he didn't care if he soiled his pants; bribery & stickers didn't work. Finally, over the long 4th of July weekend when my son was 3 1/2 yrs old - we let him run around the house with no bottoms on. When he pooped on the floor (if you haven't got one already, a SpotBot gets everything out of the carpet), he actually saw it come out of him. My husband picked him up and put him on the potty so he knew that's where he needed to do that "job". After that, he had an accident here or there of course; but that's all it took was for him to see and feel it come out of him at the same time.

Ohmygosh - these all sound far too time-consuming - !

My son was the same - potty-trained and dry through the night in the early two's - then wanted big boy undies - and we routinely threw them away. He didn't respond to any rewards, treats, big incentives - until we took him to an activity (preschool) that required total potty-training. Just toured the space with the teacher, and then asked where the bathrooms were. She showed us. I asked her if she would mind stopping the fun times to change a diaper or pull-up for my son. (We'd previously chatted about it.) - She said, no, I'm sorry. The kids do have to be totally trained to come here so that we can play a lot and not have to worry about messy pants. I looked at my son's eyes - they'd been excited and animated until that point. I asked if he thought he could figure that part out so that he could come here to play. He nodded his head - and presto, finished! He went home and pooped IN the potty. - My daughter turned three, asked for undies - and never wet or pooped in them once. They're all different! But I guess it sounds to me like your son may want to participate in activities - and THAT is his true motivation. Not the prizes, not the cleaning his own - but just doing it.

Good luck!

My son was the same way and nothing seemed to work. Finally we told him that we'd love to buy him a Lightning McQueen TV but we couldn't until he no longer needed the changing table (the changing table turned into a dresser that would be the perfect location for a TV). Yes it's bribary, but it worked. He started calling his changing table a "TV holder" and within two weeks he was fully potty trained. He was at the point, as it sounds like your son is, where he knew what to do and where to do it, but it had to become something he wanted to do. Good luck!

When my 3yr.old was still pooping in his pants I would tell him " Ewww growse! This is stuck to your bottom. If you go in the potty, it goes right down and you get to flush! No laying down for a wipe!" My husbands cousin recently told me her son said he was scared to go on the big potty. She told him "The poopy wants to go on a rollercoaster ride!" And ever since then he has gone on the toilet and said "Bye Bye poopy! Have fun on your ride!"
We also did a potty reward chart. We use candy as the reward. We made it ourselves on our computer that way you can extend the row longer, and he is going in the toilet more times to get a reward. I like this idea because you can change it to suit him. We used stickers, he got to pick out the sticker and put it on the chart! We would also tape a candy wrapper at the end of the row to motivate.

Yelling doesn't work, but try having him help clean things up - the bed, his clothes, himself. It will take a lot of supervision, but maybe the distastefulness of the job will help convince him this is not something he wants to continue. I did this with one of mine (a most reluctant potty trainee) coupled with missing out on things like going out to play or going to McDonald's (because he couldn't be trusted to stay clean/dry)and it worked.

SAHM of seven

I would suggest taking your son's pants and underwear off for the next week and letting him run around with only a long shirt on. I would put a potty seat in the hallway so that he can go potty on his own when he needs to. This is often a control issue for kids. Most kids do not like the feeling of wetting on themselves and will not poop on the floor. You are right that yelling at kids for this does not work. Lots of praise and clapping when they do go poop in the pot and even rewards help a lot. I never thought I would train my son this way but had read about it and so I tried it and it sure worked.

I haven't started potty training training my toddler yet, but I can tell you what worked on me. I remember being 3-4 yr. old and not wanting to poop in the toilet. There was no deep-seated psychological problem, no phobias - I just didn't want to. My mom tried everything, begging, punishments, but what finally worked was making it my problem. No punishments, no yelling, she just told me when I messed my pants I was expected to wash them out myself. The first time, she put a stepstool by the sink and walked me through adding woolite, scrubbing and hanging the undies up to dry, after that I was expected to do it myself whenever I had poopy pants. I think I washed about 3-4 pairs of panties before I decided I would rather poop in the toilet. Problem solved in about 3 days.

My daughter started that at about 3 years old too.

At first I was frustrated and mad.. she had just gotten out of diapers and I thought we were going to have to go backwards.

Not so. Another mom suggested I take her to the doctor and have her x-rayed for constipation.

She was constipated which was calling incontinance and her to poop- she didn't even understand she was doing it! That's why she kept on playing... even with all that poop.

Now she is on some meds to cause diarreah for a couple of weeks. After two weeks she gets x-ray'd again and if she is finally empty- then we just go back to making sure she goes potty on the potty again for another couple of weeks.

Constipation is VERY common and does cause exactly what you are going through.

But my advice is to just make sure it's not a medical reason like our problem was first. It may not be his fault.

Hope that helps!

A.

First of all don't feel too bad. I know it is frustrating but some kids just taking longer at the potty training than others. I know you don't want to put diapers back on or pull-ups , but is his pooping in his pants hindering your daily activity? I don't think you want this to make you housebound. Also, I think you should share with him that he won';t be able to go to such and such class or fun activity if he doesn't go to the bathroom on the potty. Not to make him feel bad, but if he shows real interest in doing something but knows only kids going on the potty can go , might help.

Have you by chance gotten books out of the library about going on the potty? In a casual way having some around the house to read or let him read to himself may help.

Finally, don't make a big deal out of it like it sounds like you are doing. Yelling like you said won't help and brining attention to it won't help either. Almost non-emotion, cleaning up without talking etc. will show he is not getting a response in anyway from this action.

I feel for you- but it will pass. He will go to the bathroom on the toilet. Infact it may happen faster than you think. good luck!!
Kathy

Hi Steph-
I started potty training my son at the age of 3 and at the age of 4 he was still having accidents on a regular basis. Most of the time it was poop but sometimes it was both. I tried stars on a chart in the bathroom, rewarding with "his" movies, soda, treats, going to the park, etc. and nothing worked. I tried reprimanding, spanking, taking privileges away and still nothing worked. Over this last Christmas I tried using Santa as leverage, nope. When he turned 4 in February I tried saying he was a big boy of 4 now and 4-yr-olds don't have accidents, still nothing. Finally, daycare got fed up with it and said he would have to start wearing diapers to school again. He definitely did not like that! So, the 1st week he wore just the diaper. We discussed how disappointing it was to be a big boy and have to wear diapers like a baby. He thought I was making him do it but when he found out it was his least favorite teacher at school, ooh boy! He wanted to prove it to her! So the 1st week, no underwear, no accidents. The 2nd week, no underwear three accidents. The third week, underwear under the diaper, no accidents. 4th week we drove from Iowa to Florida and back, underwear under the diaper the whole time on vacation, no accidents. Last week at daycare, underwear under diaper, no accidents. This week, I have been sending him to school without the diaper and just underwear, and he has been successful with no accidents. Plus, I make a big deal out ofit each day when I drop him off by whispering "no accidents" in his ear and then when I pick him up, if he has had no accidents we high five and clap.
Also, one other thing that I believe really helped was that my boyfriend took him for three days instead of me taking him to daycare and they had some male bonding (I am a single parent). I really think that by them talking about how big boys act and watching my boyfriend take time out to use the bathroom, etc. that it helped my son to orient himself to being a big boy like my boyfriend!
I was at my wits end after a year of the accidents and something just finally clicked. I hope some of this helps you!

I was really frustrated with my son who is now almost 4. He could physically go to the potty but never wanted to. All of a sudden he reached a new level of maturity and just started going to the potty on his own. A lot of people told me that kids have to be both mentally and physically ready to go on the potty on their own. I didn't believe it but now I do. It sounds like your son's situation is similar. Hang in there and let your son lead the way with the potty.

S., I went through the same thing with my oldest son. I am a 32 yr old mom of 3 boys ages 11, 8 and 7. When my oldest did that, i took him to the store and let him pick out any toy he wanted. I made sure it was something he was really excited about. When we got home I put the toy on top of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, and told him that once he stated pooping on the potty, he could take the toy down and it would be his. Im not sure if I just got lucky, but that worked like a charm. The next day he went on the toilet, got his toy, and never went in his pants again! Good luck and know that there will be a day when they stop going in their pants! =)

I have the same problem with my 3 year old. She does not care to sit on the toliet at all. I even went and bought a plastic toliet seat, that didnt do any good. So some one suggested that I take her to the chiropractor. You know this sounds so funny but it does work. Good Luck.

I have three boys and 3 1/2 seems to be the magic number for potty training boys. My 10 and 5 year old were both this age when the light bulb clicked. Kids are so sensitive a lot of times it is two steps forward and 5 steps back. Hang in there with the rewards. If you punish him for not going in the potty he is going to think negitively about the whole potty experience. Patience is the key. Maybe you want to switch rewards. We used M&Ms and Hot Wheel cars. My mom kept telling me to take away their favorite toys and to punish them (this is the way she did it with my sister and I.) I refused and hung in their with the rewards. What I remember is being scared of the potty. I didn't want my kids to feel this way. I feel my way work for our family. Good luck to you.

This may sound cruel, but it works. Make him clean out his underwear in the toilet when he does go in his pants. He will refuse, but assist him in doing it. It may sound gross, but he may think twice about going in his pants again.

My son, now 13, did the same thing. He knew when he needed to poop but didn't like to sit on the toilet. Rather than putting him back in diapers, I asked him to tell me when he had to poop and we would quick put on the diaper. Then change him right after he was done. Plus, he would only poop when he was at home. When we were out or he was at an activity group, he would just hold it. It seemed to work for us. I think it lasted about 6 months and then he just started to go on the toilet. Good luck!

My daughter did the same thing. I know this is going to sound awful, but make him wash out his undies! I explained to my daughter that she knew better and I didn't have time to wash out her panties so I showed her how to do it and of course, I made sure she washed her hands after! :-)

Well, it only took twice before she realized she was not getting the attention she wanted and she started going to the toilet.

With your son, I would do the same thing. I think it will work because it seems he doesn't want to take the time away from play to go to the bathroom. In this way, it will take longer for him to wash out his undies instead of just using the toilet. Hope this helps!

Don't punish! That only gives negative associations!

My grandson was going along great with potty training, until just before he turned three, he needed to be put in a body cast for three months. Everything went downhill and we had to start over. Re-potty training was a nightmare, until I bought him some "Cars" pullups - he is a total nut for that film. We showed them to his babysitter, who asked him if he really wanted to poop and pee on Lightening McQueen . . . . and grandson turned, looked at her, and said "No!" He was totally trained - day and night - from that point. I followed up with Cars underpants just to be safe. ;-)

Dear S.
I have potty trained 2 of my own boys and about 15 other children. Let me tell you, what you are experiencing, is NOT uncommon. Here is what has worked for me:
When he soils his pants, calmly take him to the bathroom (removing him from play and preferred activities) and have him clean himself up. It is going to be messy and time consuming at first, but I guarantee, if you stick to it, it will work. As a matter of fact, I would guess he will "poop train" within 2-3 weeks.
More than likely he is going in his pants because it is easier, and he does not have to leave his play. After he gets cleaned up, explain to him that it would be a lot faster to go on the potty.
A lot of parents will ask if it is okay to help their child get cleaned up. The answer is yes, but be careful about how much you help. Let him get started, and do most of it. You want him to experience the work and the extended time away from play. It is certainly okay to go back and help him get anything left behind. Also have him clean the mess he made in the bathroom with Clorox Wipes (Active agent alchohol) or Clorox Anywhere Spray and paper towels (I prefer this because I think this product is safer.) If you go back and finish cleaning after he leaves, don't let him see you. :) Good Luck!
Oops! I almost forgot the most important part! When he does go on the toilet, praise him, hug him, give him a treat!

Pampers has a great potty-training kit. The best part was it came with a CD from a Dr. that talked about - In the scheme of life does it matter when they are potty trained. Don't push, just relax and stay positive with the child. I read your post and thought - WOW, I remember that. It's so frustrating. The playing with the poop- well that needs to be a scolding in my opinion b/c well that is going beyond messing your pants. Accidents are one thing you can deal with, and with that - stay positive and just remember 5 years from now - no one will care at what age your child was potty trained, and you may not even remember. However, the playing in the poop- well good luck on getting that to end