Friends Not Getting Along: Tell the Other Mom??

If you step in and "fix" it for her, she won't know what to do the next time someone is mean. Teach her to stick up for herself, and she'll know how to handle bullies for the rest of her life.
Do some role-playing. Have her be the friend, you be her; then once she has some ideas on how to respond to stick up for herself, switch roles.
Good luck!

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None of the other posts have mentioned this, so I feel like adding this to your list of responses. =)

I don't see a problem with talking to the other mom. Ask her if she's noticed anything or if her daughter has said anything. Maybe it's your daughter, maybe it's her daughter...you won't know until you talk & figure it out. Then, I agree that you can teach the girls how to deal with it themselves -- not solve it for them. (But I don't get any indication from your question that you plan on solving it for them.) Talk to the mom -- just be prepared that the answer may be your daughter, too! :) (Like is true for my kindergartner, sometimes!) :)

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I would ask your daughter why she thinks the other girl is mean. Help her cope with the situation on her own before getting involved. I encourage my 3 and 4 year olds to communicate and then get adult assistance.

If a child feels the other person is mean, then the child needs to learn to communicate their feellings or preferences of action to the other person... whether the person is a child or adult.

My children tell me things like... brother pushed me... he grabbed my arm... he took my toy... he called me "blank"... he laughed at me... he won't let me play with him... he made faces.

Each of these things children can try to resolve on their own by telling the bully that "you are being mean", "you hurt my feelings when you...blank", "be nice", "be gentle", "share", "it's not nice to call names". Then the child can try to work out a solution.

I try to teach my children to stand up for themselves BY speaking up to the other person. Adults and children often do not fully understand their effects on others, so we need to teach them early on in life. By speaking up and explaining our feelings, I am teaching my child and his playmates how to communicate, the effects of their actions and to have compassion. After something happens, my children are more likely to understand that being mean hurts feelings and they more readily say sorry, give hugs and decide to share on their own.

I still tell my children to let me know what goes on in their day... good and bad. When they express their feelings and the bully continues, I instruct the children to tell an adult. Maybe you can watch the children interact during the playdate and intervene when something happens. Otherwise, tell your child to find the other's parent and indicate that her feelings were hurt when she was pushed or whatever.

You can let the parent know right away about what your daughter said, but I would suggest teaching your child to speak up and learn to cope with difficult situations at the same time. Children and adults often resort to name calling and eventually acting out on the other person because they cannot communicate, find a solution or control their own feelings.

Well T.,

I have to say that I was in the same situation months ago. I solved my problem discretely. I'm not saying that was the right answer, but it has worked for me even though I just want to ask my friend "Are you blind"? And I'm not trying to say my daughter was perfect either. But her little friend was not a good influence at all. During playdates do you notice the other girl being mean? Or is it just at school and on the bus? Pay close attention and if you notice it during a playdate what I would do is ask the other little girl "what's wrong honey"? to see what type of reply she would give, lets her know that a big person noticed the behavior and it may call attention to the mom. If then the mom asks what happened you can then explain what you have observed in action and it may innocently roll into a deeper conversation. But I have really put a stop to my daughters togetherness with this other girl. They are still in ballet together but they don't have much of a chance to talk (also kindergartners)I hardly do playdates anymore with them and if I do I keep a close EAR and eye on them. I love to hang out with the mom, but I can't stand our kids hanging out. Sounds weird I know. I'm sure you'll totally get completely different answers, but I wanted to maintain a friendship with the mother and she is the type to get offended when it comes to her children.

I would invite the other girl over for a play date at your home so you can see just what sort of "mean" your daughter is talking about. It could be as simple as the other little girl is takeing the "My house, I'm boss" approach in their play and your daughter doesn't like it.

Good luck.

talk to the teacher and bus driver ask them to watch and report to you.if they tell you thats happening then go to the other parents

If this is the case, I definitely think you need to talk to the other mom. BEFORE that, though, you need to find out "EXACTLY WHAT IS MEAN?" Sometimes kids say someone is mean and they aren't. They may have had their feelings hurt because they got left out, someone chose another person to sit with, etc. I AAAAAAAAAALLLLWAYS try to help Abbie determine EXACTLY What the emotions are and what is appropriate vs. inappropriate. Angry vs. disappointed, mean vs hurt. I think this is very important. These are part of coping skills....understanding exactly what the emotion is and how to respond appropriately.

Hi T.,
The incidents...are they only usually on the bus and at school? Or is it when your daughter goes to play with her as well?? Because if its only on the bus or at school, its probably because to her other friends at school, (now don't get offended when I say this, cuz this is how it is at times):"You're daughter isn't popular" and all the other girls are nit picking about certain things about your daughter. And her friend is trying to fit in with the "IN" crowd.
My middle child (she's 11) and she's been going through this since kindergarten. And she's pretty popular in school, just that, there are other girls who's parents make a whole lot more money than we do, and they like to kind of stick together that way..and pick on those who are a little less fortunate! So I would talk to the other mom, to strike her "need to watch own childs actions and listen to the childs words" also to find out if she can see why her daughter has been pretty mean about the whole thing. Than you and your daughter can get to the bottom of it. Also, I'd talk to the schools principal, that way they're in the "KNOW"...and most schools don't tolerate bullies! Good Luck.

You could casually ask the other mom if her daughter has mentioned the conflicts. There is probably another side to the story. Maybe they are spending too much time together. I remember being about in the 2nd grade and having a friend from school spend the night. By the morning I was burnt out on the visit. I also had a friend that I would walk home from school with, and we would sometimes argue, but then the next day everything was fine again. Ask your daughter more questions about the mean behavior, and help her with how to respond, such as saying, "I don't like it when you call me names," or whatever. "It hurts my feelings." Help her to understand that she may not get an apology or the reaction she wants, but that all she can do is her part in resolving the problem. Maybe a break from each other is in order. Maybe something is going on in the other girl's home or at school that is upsetting her. Good luck!

You need to get clarification on what she means by "mean to me". Is she hitting, making nasty remarks, taking things away while they are playing, playing with someone and not including your child?
Once you know what the problem is you can make your decision as to whether or not you need to speak to the other parent.
Have the other little girl over to your house for a play date and keep an open ear and see if you notice anything your daughter could consider being "mean to me".

It is not a good idea to interfere where your kids' friendships are concerned, unless there is physical harm involved. Does your daughter still want to go there? If so, it must not be that bad. If not, help her find a new friend.
My parents always said "it takes two to fight" and the older you get and the more you observe people, young and old, this is oh so true! Everyone wants to believe that their child is the good one; so if you go to the other mom be prepared to hear that her child may not be the instigator in these arguments. My daughter was a bossy little thing when she was young and I understood when sometimes a friend did not want to play any more.
Make sure you let the other mom know that if your child misbehaves, she can sit her in timeout, call you or at least report it to you when she is done with play time.