Friend's Adoptive Newborn Son Had to Be Returned to Biological Grandparents

I honestly think the best thing you can do is go spend some time with them. They are going through a grieving process and would need the shoulder to cry on, the ear to bend, the person to help with mundane tasks like laundry and dinner. While you're spending time with them, some ideas might pop up of things you can do that would be meaningful for them.

I think sometimes people who lose children are left alone to sort through their feelings because people don't want to intrude. Losing them after they are born is a world apart from losing them through miscarriage. Having lost one myself after birth, I can tell you that the friends I remember and am grateful for the most are the ones that rallied around me and were just physically there. Even if you're out of town, go for a visit.

Hi Kim,
I am the would be grandmother to Little Christopher. We are all at a loss as what to do or say. Shea said it all when she said When God closes a door, he quickly opens another door. They will be getting a five month old little boy next week, and this one they get to keep. It does not take away the pain of losing Christopher, but we know that he got all the love and care a newborn deserves. In our hearts he will always be a part of our family. I am grateful for what ever time he was with us. Its nice to know Shea has such caring friends. Thank you

Hi K., I am sorry for your friends loss. I cannot even imagine what she may be going thru. Please continue to be the good friend that you are - she needs you and so does the rest of her family. I will pray that their pain will lessen over time, although the emptiness of losing their little boy will take a lifetime I am sure.

As a side note, I have adopted from Texas - not sure that is where the adoption took place or not. However, if I may add something. In Texas the law states that the biological parents have 48 hours to change their mind after birth. Period. If they need to find a bio father, then they have to file abandonment papers if not contact is made. Then when the child is adopted, the parental rights are severed and the adoption is granted. I worked with an agency in Texas for my first adoption, it was finalized 6 months from birth. The second adoption went thru an attorney and this was finalized within a week of birth. Just wanted to give you this information, if it gives her any legal rights at all. From our experience, it was cut and dry. If they adopted from another state, I am sure laws can differ.
If you have any questions I may answer, email me privately.
Take care and blessings to you and your friend.

I helped my sister thru a grief situation. We scheduled a time three times a week that we would talk for about an hour each time. I let her talk about whatever she wanted. I also sent her cards or notes in the mail three times a week. This was about a 3 month process. Looking back now, she tells me how much this helped her and how she will never forget how I was there for her. :)

How truly sad for them. They must go through the process of grieving (sadness, anger, then ultimately, acceptance), but it is hard, and they will need to know that they have good friends like you, just to be there to listen. We had a failed domestic adoption, then went on and adopted 2 beautiful children internationally, and now I see (looking back) that these were the children that were meant to be mine. When you are in it, it is hard, but if they have faith in God, then they can believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God has a plan. We just cannot always know what the plan is. If they want to be parents, it will happen. Lots of prayers and love are what they need now.

I would treat as though they are grieving the loss of a newborn. Obviously you shouldn't act as though the child has died, but I would send flowers and a card expressing that you are praying for them in their sorrow. (I would just make sure it doesn't look like a card for when someone has passed away.)

We adopted our oldest child, and I can't even fathom the grief they must be going through. I remember thinking after 2 months with her how I couldn't imagine how difficult it was for her foster parents to say goodbye to her, and they were prepared for that all along.

Whatever you do, don't try to cheer them up by saying they can adopt again. That would be like telling someone who has lost a biological child that they can just have another one. (I say this because I have heard people say similar things about parents who have lost adopted children.)

You are a great friend to be so concerned about how you can help them.

God bless you,

A.

Mother of 4 girls, grandma, of 5, two girls, 3 boys. I can't imagine eather, what to say or do in this situation. Their is a woman right now, seen on good morning america, who is currrently 35 wk. pregent, with another family's embro, she will have a short period after birth to say good-by, and must give the child to the parents. There was a mix up, they found out when she was only 2 to 3 wk pregent. Listen to other's who have gone through the same, or similar situation. Be her friend, let her know how very luck she and the child are to have had the time together. I pray they never forget the child they must give back, and that they find another child who also desperatly needs the love and home with her & her husband in the near future. Best of luck to you, and your family as well, your friend is lucky to have you. Just continue to be there for her.

hello K.
i am a mother of five with one on the way i have to keep stop typing and wipe my eyes because the tear won't stop flowing what a hard and sad thing for any person to go thur the best thing you could do for them is to be there for your friend if she wants to cry yell or throw thing just be there .............i heard the post from grandma and i am so happy there hart will be filled with love once again not that one can replace the loss of baby Christopher but i hope it will heal them in time may god love be with them

Hey

I too had a failed adoption. We were days away from getting the baby and the mom disappeared, never to be heard from. Things worked out and a month later we were matched with another birthmom. Now I know the failed adoption was a blessing in disguise) at the time I didn't see it that way. Your friends really just need time to grieve their loss. From someone who knows the pain I can only suggest: Just be there for them, only time will really heal the hurt and it will take time! Just being there is what they need. That first night when we got the news, our friends drove from Ann Arbor to be with us and we just sat around and hung out and had dinner.

If they need someone to talk to that can relate they are welcome to contact me ____@____.com

I saw someone mention Texas--Texas has GREAT adoption laws as does KANSAS- which is where we went. In Kansas birthmoms rights can get terminated 12 hours post birth.

what a good friend you are! how about taking them out for dinner, or offering a massage session?