Friend Says My Son Is Spoiled Because I Sit with Him While He Does Homework.

Bwahahahaha! Just another example of people who haven't experienced something being the experts!
Mark you calendar to check back with her in September. I'll bet she has a different perspective then.

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A kindergartner?? No way. She's being ridiculous.

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I'm not sure how that makes him spoiled.
Lucky to have a great mom? For sure!
Spoiled? Not quite.

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WTHeck? I am sorry, but is your friend an idiot? How can you possibly be spoiling your son when he is in K and probably only the age of 5 or 6? Um, excuse me, but they need help at that age. They need help when they are in 1st grade, 2, 3, 4, and even 5th grade! I think sitting with your son who is only in K and helping him with his homework is the act of a very loving, very responsible and very compassionate parent! He is YOUR kid, not hers! Keep doing what you are doing!

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you are not spoiling him.. he is still learning and needs that guidance.

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Nah.

But hurry up and wipe the glue off your fingers from the macaroni art project that "he's" doing. :)

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I do this too and I do not feel that it is spoiling. I guess if you are giving the answers then maybe. I sit with her so I know what she is doing and how much she understands.

*My daughter is in kindergarten too.*

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NO, I don't think you are spoiling him. You are helping him establish good homework skills and you are showing him that you are interested in what he's doing and want him to do well in school. I sat with my kindergartener last year while she did homework and this year (first grade), I do it on and off, gauging when she needs assistance and when she doesn't. Your friend will find out soon enough!

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It doesn't matter what your friend thinks. You're doing what works for you and your son. I'd be irritated with her for being judgmental and especially about something with which she's had no experience.

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If I remember correctly, I felt that I HAD to sit with my children/grandchildren when doing homework in kindergarten because they can't read directions and they can't tell just by looking what they need to do. So, of course you sit with them. Also, like you said, you need to see if they are having any specific problems and are mastering what they are learning. I don't think kindergarten children can do homework without parental assistance. And, like you, when it comes to coloring, then you get up and let them do that on their own - kind of a preface of learning to do homework on their own.

When you friend's children start kindergarten they will get it.

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No way! My daughter is in 1st grade and ever since she started school I sit with her during homework. It is a great way for her and I to spend some time together away from her sibliings. It also helps inform me what she is struggling on so we can practice more on that topic or etc. I also like to sit with her to make sure she is doing it correctly and neatly. So I think you are a wonderful mom to be so into his school work rather than letting him fend for himself. Keep doing what you are doing and do not feel guilty. We as moms have to remember we need to seize all the chances we get to spend with our children because eventually as they get older we get less and less of those times.

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OMG, ignore your friend!
Your son is only in Kindergarten!

I have kids that are 5 and 9.
I do assist them with homework and am available if they have questions.
I don't do it for them, but I KNOW what they are doing in class.
That is the SAME thing my parents did with me too!

This is not "spoiling" a child.

Then, my Husband's situation when he was a child- his parents, did NOTHING for him or with him, per homework as a child. He needed help and they didn't even know it even if he did ask them for clarification or help. They just left him be. At all ages and grades he was in. Therefore, they DID NOT EVEN KNOW... how he was doing in school nor what he was learning or not, nor did they even care. HE... as a child, felt VERY.... not cared about. He felt, that his parents couldn't care less about him. Then he learned, just not to rely on them for any school matters. He was on his own. And no, he was not a straight "A" student... because his parents didn't even know what he was doing in school nor how he was doing nor did they even correspond with the Teacher.
That... is a REAL hands-off, approach to "parenting." And not good either.

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All you had to write was that your "friend" was a male. Yup.what an idiot. ( him not you)

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Let it roll off your back. She will find out next year that kindergartners don't just do their homework/do it right without lots of prodding.

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There are 2 major groups of parents (it's a schism, like many other parenting schisms)

- Those who help with homework
- Those who do not

Both sides have valid arguments, and imho, there is no right answer. MY family helps with homework right on through college. I'm 32, and I just rang up one of my uncles to bounce ideas off for one of my classes. My family helps with homework, and we're all highly successful, and most highly educated. But guess what? There are families that don't help with homework that have the same results.

You're in camp A
Your friend is in camp B

You could get into a defensiveness war (since she attacked you) and point out all the desperate pleadings of teachers to get more involved, all the research that shows that the biggest indicator of academic success is parental involvement...

Or you could just have a private laugh over your judgmental friend (as evidenced by her attack, telling you you're "spoiling" your son) who believes that only her way is the right way.

Myself? I've learned to do the 2nd. Also that people who attack me on my parenting tend to not be friends for very long, so they're rarely worth the effort of getting upset over their opinions.

ROFL on your background. Yeah. People who don't have kids in school telling you how you should be doing school. Don't worry. Karma will bite them and they'll have a bunch of childless friends spouting off on their parenting, soon enough. That or they'll have a kid who has a disability which means they CAN'T do homework on their own. Karma bites every time.

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Ignore your friend and do it as long as you can. When he's a little older, he won't let you do it. Enjoy it while it lasts. And during the summer, do summer bridge activities every "school day" and treat it as part of the schedule, just like all the other things he is scheduled for.

Right now, you hold the reins. Make it fun between you two, and you'll look back on this as a happy thing. I look back at when my kids and I did homework together (when the math was easy LOL!) and it warms my heart. My older one is in college now, and I know I did my best.

D.

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It sounds like you do HW the way we used to with SD. She needed someone to keep her on track (not play with the cat, answer questions) but we weren't hovering. We were in the room and I did sit with her and work through math because it was hard for her. But something like writing spelling words? We reviewed them at the end. I don't think that's spoiled. Why did he think it's spoiled? If your son refused to work unless you sat there and stared at him, that would be an issue, but not just being around. Parents SHOULD be somewhat involved in their kids' homework.

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ooh J.:

I would just ignore them!! I am near my kids when they do their homework. When they were in Kindergarten? I sat there with them. I did this until this year - 4th and 6th. If they have problems - I am right here.

They will most likely change their tune when school starts for them. Until then - he doesn't know what he's talking about. Let it go. You do what works for you and your family.

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No, you are not spoiling him.

Keep up with what you are doing. A designated homework time and area and routine is SO VERY important...and I think you are doing the right thing!

One of my biggest pet peeves are *those* parents who say "It is not my responsibility to help my kids with homework"! It drives me crazy! It is absolutely the parents J-O-B to ensure and to help their kids with making sure homework gets done...and in a timely manner!

Just ignore your friends and keep doing what you are doing and years down the road when your kid comes directly home, gets a snack and sits down to do his/her homework you can smile inside because you have given your child the foundation he/she needs in being responsible with schoolwork!!!

Kudos to you Mom!

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I think first of all because your friend is a male, he said that. By no way are you spoiling your child and I think you already know that. I will sit by my 16 year old while she's doing her homework sometimes until she asked me how to do a physics problem then I have to get up... But seriously, sitting with a child doing homework is not spoiling...

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That is ridiculous. This whole backlash against parent involvement is nuts. Helicopter/Tiger mom vs. the Free Range parents is nothing but a new form of SAHM vs. Working mom. It's bull. Do not apologize for being there with your kid. If you're not involved with his education, no one is. Parent involvement is a must for academic success. Especially in the elementary grades.

It'll be interesting to see how your friend's kids fare academically when the high school years roll around. Now is the time to teach good study habits, and work out snags in learning. You go girl! Tell your friend to take a hike. Too bad more parents weren't able to do what you're doing.

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Ignore your friend. Your son is loved and blessed that you sit with him during his homework. He is blessed. Enjoy these days. It is not spoiling. It is loving. There is a difference.

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He's still very young...there's nothing wrong with a little guidance at first. I think you're doing the right thing. Schools hardly teach good study skills anymore, so it's up to the parents.

However, in upcoming years, please remember that homework is designed to show teachers what your child retains and can do on his own, not what parents can do.

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Sitting with your kid while they do their homework and being available to help is a lot different than doing your child's homework for him/her.

Your friend will find this out soon enough.

Our kids are 9, 10 and 13. We are always available to help if they ask. They do their homework together on the dining room table and a lot of times, they help each other.

Unless you are actually doing your kids homework, I don't see how you are spoiling him. I think you're being an awesome mom!

Keep up the good work!

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Funny how people that have never been in your situation are experts on it. I'm sure your friend will see things differantly when it's his childs turn.

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Don't you just love it when people who have no experience with a situation give advice?
I have a feeling she's going to have a rude awakening once her kids start school.
And then she'll be asking you "How did you do it?".
You are doing fine.
Continue to do what works for you!

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Baloney!!!!!! You're being a great, supportive mom by teaching your son that you care! Ignore her! These friends obviously have NO CLUE about homework. All of the teachers my daughter has had from kindergarten through 3rd grade encourage that the parents review or be present while homework is being done. Keep doing what you're doing and don't listen to them.

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Could he have been trying to be sarcastic? Like "Jeeze he is so spoiled getting to have mom home to help him with homework!" Maybe he didn't litterally mean that what you are doing is wrong... but that he is a lucky kid! Anyhow I think that it is great that you sit with him... I wish my mom would have... you are doing a great job. Kids whose parents are able to actively be involved in their education do better in school...and by extention better in life. So keep on going! Just be careful that you don't start doing his work for him

Good luck
M.

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Your friend sounds as though he is the type I learned to avoid. The kind of parent that is always looking for ways to put your parenting down because of their own feelings of inadequacy. I wonder if his wife is the one that does homework with their kids and he doesn't know it because he has other priorities. You didn't ask for his opinion so he should have kept it to herself.

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No, you are not spoiling him at all. Do you think your friend was joking...I mean, it is your friend, so I want to think that he is not a total jerk for 1) think that this is spoiling 2) saying it. I would ask if he was joking or serious. It would bother me and if he was serious then that would effect our friendship. It would not effect my helping my son with his homework!

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Yeah NEVER feel bad about wanting your child to do the best on their homework and if that means you sit with them to do it, so be it.. I sat with my son up until 5th grade and even now, I am usually close by in the kitchen/livingroom should he need help... My son's work will ALWAYS be my priority.. at this young age, it's nice to have mom nearby.. :) and so far, it's worked for us.. my son gets A s and has a GREAT homework ethic.. I NEVER have to tell him to do it.. so you keep being a great and caring mom.. :)

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It's a great time to do your own "homework" -- balance your check book, make your grocery list or menu plan, whatever. Sitting WITH him is NOT spoiling him. Now if your DOING the homework for him that's another story....

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I once read that "Nothing has the power to hurt my feelings and stir up unwholesome emotions in me unless I allow it. I will do what is given me to do. I will do it as well as I can. That will be my inner security against which all outside battering will be powerless."

I love it and hope you do too

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Kindergarteners still need help & guidance. That means you're a good, involved parent, not spoiling him. I always think it's funny when people that haven't even been through that stage yet with their kids still feel the need to give their holier than thou opinion, as unqualified as they are.

My guess, though, is that he can't imagine taking the time to sit there just to monitor homework, and is lazier than you are, and the criticism stems more from insecurities than anything else.

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Your son is fortunate because his mother sees the benefits of sitting with her son while he is doing his homework. It's a great way to find whether he understands the work, to see his progress over the course of the year, and to give him a chance to tell you about his day. He is also more apt to allow to see his work throughout his school years, which will be beneficial later when homework becomes a bigger issue for his grade.

Myself, given that I am a teacher, I enjoy the chance to help my child with
her learning, and actually, I look to see how every moment spent together will be beneficial to her development, educational or otherwise. I've been doing this since she has been born. Being with her when she works on homework is a natural extension of that.

I guess I don't see spending time with my child is spoiling my child.

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Your friend is wrong. I have been accused of spoiling because we try to meet all her needs. Ridiculous

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I do not think she meant spoiled, I think she meant it as a bit of a joke. I also get the feeling you are wondering if you are doing the right thing.

Maybe you do not need to sit with him the entire time, especially once this school years gets to the end. He should be able to work on it mostly on his own.. That is how he does work while in the classroom.

Also the teachers like to see the childs "real work".

I had our daughter call for me when she needed help.. yes even in kinder.. I did look it over, but I always had our daughter send it in pretty much the way she did the work so the teacher could get a true feel for what our daughter knew and what she needed to work on.

Your child will need to learn that mom is not always going to sit there with him while he does homework.

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Nope, not spoiling. I did that with my daughter for 1st and second grade. now that she is in third i merely check her homework because she was ready to do it on her own this year (i even got her a little desk all her own)

but even if you sat with your kids through high school it still isn't spoiling, its just unnecessarily thorough.

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They don't know what they are talking about. Once their daughter starts Kindergarten they will understand. You are being a great mom and you are there for your child if he needs help. And you are there to keep him on task! My son is in 2nd grade and I have him do homework at the kitchen table. I clean the kitchen while he does it and help him to not get distracted. If your were doing your child's homework for them - THAT would be spoiling him.

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I sit with my son , who is in 2nd grade while he does his homework. I don't consider it "spoiling" him. I don't do it for him, I just sit with him. He does it mostly by himself, unless he doesn't understand what a question is or what the instruction says to do..They need to get over it. Just wait.

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Continue being the fabulous Mom you are! I don't see it as a problem if you are sitting with him during homework time. I sit with my 3rd grader sometimes as well. He has started multiplication/division this year and some problems he can get stuck on so if it helps him for me to sit with him while working on it..then so be it. These are your children and your friend obviously has no idea what homework can entail this day and age. I swear it was much easier when I was younger. Keep doing what you deem appropriate and beneficial to your kiddos! Keep up the good work Momma!

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I'm not sure how this would be defined as spoiling. Many parents do sit with kids that age during homework. They often need help with directions and reminders about neatness. As long as you are not doing his work for him, or having him correct things that the teacher should see that he got wrong, I think it's age appropriate. If you're still doing this past first grade, it's time to have him work independently. I work in an elementary school and we see kids whose parents clearly can't strike the right balance with this issue. Spoiling means over-indulging, so I can't understand how that would apply to this situation.

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This is nuts of your friend. My son is 6 and in 1st grade and we sit together while he does his homework. Same as you if he is doing something that he can do independently I will go and grab something or whatever. To me this is the same as saying that a kid is spoiled for having a teacher be around him/her while they are working. I think you're being a good mom who is there to help when needed. Especially in Kindergarten when he is just starting his school career. Those homework habits haven't been 100% learned. It's not like he's in college. Sheesh... your friend needs to lighten up! :-)

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i think that is a wonderful thing that your doing showing your son that you care and that school is important at a young age is great my hat goes off to you your doing a great job and no your not spoiling him

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I had to sit with my 6 yo last year when she got homework in first grade. She would either need help or loose focus. It was her first year with homework. Now in second grade I can be in another room. this person will find out when his kids start to bring home homework.

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Ummm no, if your child were in 4th grade or higher and you were doing that I may raise an eyebrow but homework is to be done at home with parental support as needed. My sister works with her 8year old who is in the gifted programs on her homework. Now she also cooks dinner or cleans up after dinner (depnding on the timing of homework/activities) while helping/supervising and I do not consider my niece spoiled - in fact I think that is part of why she excells in school. I start my son off on workbooks and then have him call me when he is done or needs help; my son is easily distracted (adhd) and I have to leave the room (quiet and no distractions) for him to concentrate properly but if it were not for that I would probably sit with him the whole time or most of it vs just getting him started off.

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If they don't change their thoughts, I wonder how their kids will do in school?

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In kinder, I *absolutely* sat with them for homework. It's the first year they got homework, so how are they supposed to learn *how* to do it without me being there to show them? Not doing the work for them, of course, but helping them get organized and prioritizing their work, etc. My youngest is now in 4th grade. 99% of the time, she's fine and completes it on her own. But every once in a while, there's something she doesn't understand or needs help with. I'll HAPPILY sit with her in those cases, just like my dad and mom did with me, just like my in-laws did with my husband. And I wouldn't consider my kids spoilt, they just have parents who have their back if they need it.

I feel sorry for your friend's kids: "Hey, go do your homework." "But daddy, what do I do? How do I do it?" "Don't act so spoilt. It's not my problem, it's YOUR homework, you better figure it out yourself." Poor little girls...

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Geez, I thought you were going to say your kid was a senior or something. But Kindergarten? Heck ya, plant your butt right next to him and keep it there for a few years at least! You are right on mama!

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As your son grows and encounters various things in life you may find that you do things quite differently than other parents, and that's OK. It's what works for him that counts. Good for you being there with him. JMO.

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I don't believe you are spoiling him at all. He's in kindergarten, not 5th grade.

I have a 5 year old daughter in kindergarten and there is no way she could sit down and do her homework completely on her own without my help. If it is something that she is really confident in and she knows exactly what to do then I might get up and do something in the kitchen too (that's where she does her homework) while she works on it. A lot of times she needs my instruction and guidance though. The other day she had to look at a calendar and count how many days there were until her birthday. There were 184 days. There is no way she would have been able to keep track while flipping the pages of the calendar and count that high on her own. I also think that sitting with a young child while they are doing homework is a great bonding experience and it shows that you have an interest in what your child is learning.

Maybe your friend doesn't understand what kind of homework kindergarteners come home with these days. It is so much different from when we were kids and he's probably in for a surprise when the fall rolls around. I don't think I ever had homework until I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and I was shocked when my daughter brought home a homework folder from kindergarten. My daughter's kindergarten class is more at the level I was at when I was in 1st or 2nd grade and I think that's pretty common these days.

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I did the same thing when I was a nanny, I sat with the kids, being there if they needed help, I looked things over as they went along, and if something was not correct or was missed I would tell them to look over the problem again and see if they catch it 9x out 0f 10 they did and would correct themselves. I plan to do the same with dd when she starts doing projects, I look forward to it. my mother never helped me or looked over my work, and when I got a bad grade I was told I made her look bad, I was honors and I know I could have done better if I felt like I had someone who cared about me as apose to how they looked to others.Tell that snob to go bite it when it comes to how you work and spend time with your child.

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I don't think it is spoiling but I don't think it is helpful either. I usually stay around when they are doing homework so I am free to help them but they have to ask. When they are done I check it and offer feed back. Still their success or failure is all them.

Then again if that is what it takes to keep them on track.