Friend Not Such a Friend After Baby Was Born

Wow, your story sounds a lot like mine, with some differences. My (ex) friend was very similar, but she was married at the time. With a little boy that was a year old and some months older than mine. We use to do everything together. My husband and I would do dinners with them a couple times a week...and so. She too was very jealous, after I had my daughter and even while I was pregnant. Although she had two children from a previous relationship (one boy and one girl~which both of them are in their in their teens). I think she was acting like this because she had many issues that she just didn't know how to deal with in her own personal life. So instead of working on her problems she took it out on myself. With saying many rude and uncalled for comments. We are not friends anymore for many other reasons, but while I was pregnant and after I had my daughter my eyes were more open to see things in a different outlook. And made me very aware that I didn't want to be so close to someone that wasn't understanding and supportive. It was hard to loose someone that close but having negative energy around me wasn't helping me as a mother, wife or a friend to her or my other friends and family members. And you have a daughter, a husband and another little one on the way who love and only wants the best for you...don't sweat the small stuff, because in the end family comes first.

I had a best friend just like you explain, we were even roommates before I moved in with my now husband, and once I got pregnant things changed, and then she was supposed to be the godmother but never showed up to the baptism, my cousin had to step in(ofcourse she was delighted)! I talked to her 1 time since that happened(sept) and haven't spoken to her since, she hasn't even attempted to call! It does hurt but I guess I realized who my "real" friends are...
It hurts but you just have to move on, don't let anyone hold you back and maybe try finding new friends that share your interests better(which has been really hard for me since I am a stay at home mom and not from NY originally).good luck:~)

I had my first son when I was 24. My best friend at the time acted much the way yours is. When I finally confronted her, she told me that she was mad because I was ruining her good time, that she wasn't done partying yet! Needless to say, I informed her that I was having the baby and that she could continue to do whatever she wanted. We tried to be friends throughout the rest of my pregnancy, but it didn't work out. There were really no bad feelings. I suggest you ask her directly what she wants from you. If she can't come to terms with your children, then she really isn't a very good friend and you can do without her. You will find friends that do understand what motherhood is about and those will be the ones you want.

T.,

I can understand how you feel 100%. My best friend before I got pregnant was always around and we did everything together. She was even with me when I told my parents that I was pregnant. Since that day I have seen her once, and my son is now 7 months. I have called and done everything I can, but I realize its time for me to find other people that have kids for my son to play with and do things with. Having children changes our lives so much that sometimes we dont think how much it will change. Sounds like you should just move on and find others, atleast thats what I am trying to do now.

T.,

You know those Johnson's commercials that say, "Having a baby changes everything"? They're not kidding. Becoming a parent not only changes our everyday lives, but they change our relationships, too. Your friend was probably not lying when she said she was jealous of your daughter. And she likely means that on more than one level. She's jealous of the fact that you have something in your life that she wants and doesn't have. She's also probably jealous or the fact that your daughter has "taken away" her best friend.

You can't go out spur of the moment, party the night away, and sleep till noon anymore. You can't jump in the car for a weekend trip anymore. Your time and attention are focused on family now, in a way that it wasn't when you were childless. I'm sure there's a certain level in her mind that resents your daughter for taking her buddy away.

Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do to change how she feels, or how she handles those feelings. A lot of times, even without the jealousy issue, friendships change as our lifestyles change, and we find ourselves with more in common with certain people, and less in common with others. I know listening to my single girlfriends drone on for hours about the minutiae of the dating scene, internet dating, who took how many days to call after the first date, etc. is like getting a root canal for me. I've been married for 8 years! I'm sure there are parts of my life and things I talk about that bores them, too. Our lives have changed, and in different directions. I still love them, and they're still important to me, but I find myself spending more time with, and feeling closer to, my Mommy friends. It's okay, it's just part of life.

How you handle the changes in your relationship with her is up to you. You can let yourselves drift apart a bit, more like casual friends, or you can end the friendship entirely if it makes you that uncomfortable, or you can invest what would probably be a tremendous amount of time and energy to reassure her that you're still the same person you used to be, and she's still important to you, and blah blah. It all depends on how much her presence in your life means to you, and only you know that.

Good luck!

My husbands best friend and mine got married and they did the same thing to us and it was cause well she was kinda jelous of us having a kid and he just thought having a kid was annoying to his clean quite house and ruined "adult time" so we almost NEVER heard from them or anything. Then they finally got pregnant and it was a totally different story, so hopefully once your friend is as "blessed" as you are she will be more comfortable being around you and the baby and she will feel bad for all she has missed. A REALLY good friend of mine for YEARS has a REALLY hard time being around us because it tears him apart to see me have what he is DYING for inside - a family of my own. Sounds like your friend is feeling the same way. Don't worry, I am sure once things start going that direction with her she is going to want to share it with her best friend! You! :)

You dont have to be a god-mother to be there for the child. I really dont understand this god-parent thing today. I know people that never go to church having god-parents that also never go to church. A god-parent is supposed to be there to help the paents bring the child up according to the church.....
It sounds like she doesnt need to be a god-mother.
People come into your life for a reason and a season. Maybe the time is up for your freindship and you need to move on to more mature friends.

Sometimes it is really hard to let go of a friendship that you have had for so long. I had a really hard time, myself, coming to terms with a friendship loss, but I finally realized that life changes and the TRUE friends will be there FOREVER, period. It sounds to me, that this friend of yours may have issues of her own that have nothing to do with you. As hard as it may be, in my opinion, you might just have to move on. You don't need that kind of stress in your life, especially when you have a bundle on the way. I believe, all things happen for a reason, and maybe, she just wasnt meant for a significant role in your life. I hope that this helps a little. Good luck to you with this situation and the birth of your new baby girl.

Sincerely,
D.

I feel for you so much! I too HAD a best friend. I had to end our friendship after she dissappointed me several times. She was my Maid of Honor and my daughter's godmother. I completely regret it. We don't speak anymore and unfortunately, the church won't take her name off the baptismal certificate. My advice is to trust your instincts. As much as she felt like family to you she's not and the fact is she doesn't have to be there for you. I miss my friend so much but, when friends abandon you they are not friends.

Ooo...this is so familiar.
My childhood friend was mean and awkward throughout my pregnancy and I didn't call her to come to the hospital when my daughter was born. I wasn't sure how I wanted to proceed with our friendship, and birth is enough to concentrate on without all the social drama! She came around when my little one was three months to do some professional photos ( that's her career). It gave us time to have a heart to heart and accept that we both have changed and need to adapt to all the changes. We've done the best we can. We talk, but we aren't as close as before. We've agreed to accept this. She had some jealousy issues with me having a baby before her, me replacing the time I used to spend with her with a new baby and not giving her the highest place of importance that she had gotten accustomed to in the past years. I was hormonal (of course) and cranky, so I had my own apologizes to make. If you love this person try to work it out after the storm clears a little. If they're so unreasonable and harmful to your sanity, keep your distance until YOU are ready to deal with things and feel up to it, one way or another. After all, you are the one who has to wake up every few hours and deal with poop!

My "friend" did that to me too 9 yrs. ago. We only talk maybe once a yr. I have no idea why she did. she has a child and her live in boyfriend. We had been friends since 3rd grade to. I still wonder why we're not best friends anymore it still hurts my feelings.