Friend Lives in a "Garbage House"

It sounds like you have been a good friend to her - and that is exactly what your friend needs.
Speaking as someone who also struggles with mental illness and also doesn't allow people to come to my house because of the state of messiness -
Offer to help her clean her apartment so that maintenance can come over. You can offer to just help her pick up, and then she can do the cleaning part. Often, it's the picking up part that feels so overwhelming. You could offer to pay for her house to be professionally cleaned the first time, and help her hire someone (she pays after the first time) to come in and clean on a regular basis.
Just in googling "St. Paul Mental Health Advocates," I found this non-profit:
(651) 224–0614 • ____@____.com
They might be a good resource to call.

Also, the Mental Health Association of Minnesota, (http://www.mentalhealthmn.org/) might also have some ideas of resources that you can contact on behalf of your friend. They have individual advocates that can help her locate resources and navigate the system.

I would definitely help your friend find resources that she can contact and use on her own before you contact someone and "report" her. If you do so, it will not only potentially damage your friendship, but it will also potentially damage her future. Once reported, it will go one her record.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I went through a similar problem when I was dealing with severe clinical depression. I wouldn't report her to someone, but maybe suggest she try some different meds. I remember wanting help, and wanting my house to be clean, but feeling so embarrased at how it was. Effexor xr was the first med that was able to really help me, I was on it for a year and then slowly taken off the drug. I havn't had to be on anything since it really did change my life. Has she talked with her dr's about how severe her depression really is or does she mask her true feelings to them? Maybe if she gets on something a little more suited for her illness she will be able to take the help you offer her. good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

All the other advice was good -- but if she can afford it, she needs professional help to get the apartment cleaned up. I highly recommend Nook and Cranny (you can google them and find their website). They are a concierge/home service that does everything, and they know how to help people with organizing and cleaning. At least have her hire them to do a full day's work getting rid of junk and cleaning, and then you can help her after that.

C.-

I know that it must be terrible frustrating and heartbreaking to see your friend go through such hard times. But, she obviously needs help and so do her cats. You need to make an anonymous call to the humane society and file a complaint--all of your contact info is confidential. The people there have the resources that you don't in helping this woman properly take care of her cats.

As for herself, does she have any family that you could contact? Sometimes, doing what is best for her will be harder than letting her continue in her the state that she is in.

Best of luck to you...

I would call someone and report her. Do it for her sake and the cats!

The Mental Health Assoc. of Minnesota provides advocacy and support for people with mental health issues. They can help your friend with her housing issues. (www.mentalhealthmn.org)

Another option is calling Adult Protection in Ramsey County; ###-###-#### (http://www.co.ramsey.mn.us/hs/aped/AdultProtectiveService.... Based on your post, your friend appears to meet the definition of a vulunerable adult and she is neglecting herself.

I wish you both well.

I'm not sure what the solution is but I just wanted to praise you for being a caring concerned friend. Too often friends like yours are considered too high maintenence and dismissed and forgotten. So good for you for looking into ways to help your friend. It doesn't sound like she's capable of coming up with a solution on her own right now so she really does need your help. Good luck to you both!!!

C. -- Please step in. It's not just your friends and her pets who are in jeopardy but your whole building. You could call the ASPCA about the cats, and if they came to check on them I'm sure they'd get something going for the cats and for Bonnie. Or the fire department or the health department. Don't call the landlord, because that would probably get her thrown out without the help she obviously needs. Is there any way you could get her to consider a different shrink? Also, is there a favor she could do for you in exchange for you doing some cleaning for her? It can be hard to accept help without giving some in return. (If you do do some cleaning, wear a face mask!) Bonnie is lucky to have a friend like you!

Good luck! L.

I don't have any good advice except to possibly look into calling some exterminators while you're at it. She probably has a bug problem on top of everything else.

I would call the dept of social services and talk to them they can lead you in the right direction. If you don't do anything all the apartments in the building will become infected with fleas or anything that happens to be running in there. It is unhealthy for anyone who lives in that building. Good luck!

YES! A good friend will get her some help. Tough love. :) Good luck,
J.

You've received a lot of good answers already, but just to add my 2 cents: My first thought was to call the MN Department of Health and Human Services: ###-###-#### is the line for Adult Mental Health. They may be able to tell you who to contact. When I'm not sure who I should ask something, I always try to find someone who can tell me who to ask!

Her depression may not be adequately treated; I suffer from depression as well, and I could imagine, without proper treatment and without anyone to point out when I'm going over the edge, that things could get out of control. She may be dealing with additional mental illness as well; hopefully a good psychiatrist could help with that.

I think ignoring it is just going to make it worse. It sounds like as long as it was not a real health risk, you were willing to accept that it was her life, but now you're concerned for her well being and that of her pets and neighbors. One problem in dealing with our friends in situations like this is that we do not want to cost them their dignity. But it would be much more humiliating to have emergency services come in and have to deal with this. So I would call HHS and get some advice about what kind of help she may need and how she can get access to it. I would have a serious talk with her about needing to take better care of herself and her home. I would talk to her about whether she is willing and able to give her pets the care they need or whether they would be better cared for somewhere else.

Good luck, and I hope things improve for her with the proper help!

Hi,
This is something we talked about in medical school last year, and I just did a very quick literature search on the topic. This is a clinical symptom called hoarding, and it may also be known as Diogenes syndrome. While she may be depressed, these symptoms usually indicate another mental illness such as Obsessive-Compulsive disorder or schizophrenia or another disease. It is really important to get the right kind of help. She probably needs to see a psychiatrist that specializes in this type of situation, as there is debate right now about how to treat it and what mental illness it fits into, or is it its own category. There are a few treatment options, but the best combo currently seems to be a targeted Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), combined with medication. This will be the most effective, however this can be very difficult to treat. I think the best step would be to find the best mental health professional possible, someone you/she really like and trust and go from there. Best of luck, and thanks for being a good friend.

PS I just found this info from San Francisco, resources for hoarders. Its good.
http://www.mha-sf.org/library/compulsive.cfm

i had a friend with similar issues...both her and her boyfriend are mentally ill(she died feb 18th,this year)only they had 7 cats-2 litter boxes...both smoked 4 packs a day..in a 1 bdrm apt.so i simply said im not coming over anymore-i couldnt stand it....then i went in,painted cleaned,shampooed the carpet-10 yrs none of this had been done....i put up new blinds,the whole transformation was a 2 month job-but her boyfriend is still maintaining the apt.sounds like she needs some help...email me-i will give you a number-ppl paid by the county come in an clean.

Does she really love her cats? If not then call the animal control and get those cats out of there. They are causing problems and need somebody who can take care of them. See if there are activities outside her home that she can get involved in (with you) to help keep her busy and boost her friends and confidence. Sitting in a dirty house sucks energy and desire right out of you.

I have a sister with a husband and child with same problem. I don't want to be the one to report her but something needs to be done. All three of them have emotional issues so I am also afraid of pushing them over the edge. They are running into real financial problems now and are talking about HAVING to get rid of the pets (3 big dogs, 5 cats-all live in house; rabbits and hamsters have died). I think both of us need to sit down and try to talk to them how important it is to clean and keep clean their homes before someone they do get reported by someone and end up using everything. If our talk doesn't help then we at least know we have tried. We need to remember we can't control or be responsible for someone else's actions.