Friend Just Had Miscarriage

A., just be there for her....she is going to need a friend's shoulder to cry on. Just listen and let her do all the talking or crying. It will take a little time to grieve, but I'm sure she and her husband will be more anxious to hop on the bandwagon again. As a person who miscarried, I found peace quickly with what happened so hopefully she will too. I also couldn't wait to try again. One thing you can do is mark on your calendar the date the baby was due and then on that day you could do something special in remembrance.

The baby I miscarried would have been due last Thanksgiving, so on that day I had a hard time accepting the fact that no baby was coming. But luckily I was pregnant with my daughter at the time and that helped. :)

Praying for a quick recovery and peace.

One thing that I did for my friend in a similar situation is to take a few dinners over. You know you have to eat, but have no desire to cook. If you are close enough, maybe you could even help do some cleaning. Obviously, listening and encouraging her to talk about her feelings is perfect. I took care of my friends kids for a few days, so that would help if she has other kids too. Some beautiful fresh flowers always make someones day! One thing I do with my hubby is to take a scenic drive when things feel rough for me, so that we are able to just drive and talk, so maybe even something like that would encourage her to let her feelings out. And, finally, lots of love and prayers that she will heal from this loss, and soon be able to celebrate the birth of a healthy baby. ~A.~

Hi A.,

I miscarried last month and it was pretty awful. My family didn't provide any comfort. My best suggestion is to listen. Don't offer platitudes like "it wasn't meant to be" (I swear, I was ready to scratch someone the next time I heard that!). I'm sorry for your friend's loss. :(

Honestly, nothing made me feel any better till I had a successful pregnancy. And knowing that I had friends there to listen to me blubber and rant was really comforting. I had 2 miscarriages one right after the other... the 2nd was after 16 weeks.

I had a friend who made phone calls to everyone I knew and gave them the news... so I didn't have to do that. Of course, she asked me before she called them.

Another friend just listened and sent me the nicest coffee mugs. She lived out of the country at the time, so we talked/wrote alot during this time, and she sent me the most yellow-flowery mugs I'd ever seen. She called them my "sunshine" mugs. That was really sweet.

The worse part is the people that don't get the sad news asking you when they see you how the pregnancy is going. It's miserable to have to answer that question and it's not their fault and there's no way to get around it.

Just knowing you are there for her will really help. And if there's a gift that will make her smile, like my sunshine mugs did for me, that would be nice.

Eating was out of the question for me... so the meal idea doesn't appeal to me, but then maybe your friend will be different.

Hey A.! Honestly when I miscarried, I didn't want anyone around other than my husband. Right now I think the best thing for them is to give them their time and space. If she shows signs of wanting another person to talk to then I would jump at the opportunity. I agree with the other post about be careful what you say at this time. Hope this helps!!

How about a few of you getting together and buying her a Gift Card to one of her favorite clothing stores? I'm sure she was already beginning to look for maternity clothes, and what woman WOULDN'T be happy with new clothes at any time!! (A little $ from each of you put together makes a pretty big gift in the end!)

i had a miscarriage at 4-1/2 months. there's no way to get around the fact that it just sucks but having a friend there to listen helped a lot. my friends did a good job of dragging me out of the house for exercise, coffee, etc and that was great. when they would call i'd tell them i was fine but they knew better and just came over anyway. that was the best thing they could've done.
they also clued all of our friends in so they wouldn't think i was still pregnant.
meals were great even though i didn't have much of an appetite. it was just one less thing to think about.
my family sent me one of those little willow statues and i thought that was really touching. my sister planted some rosemary for me to use for cooking and also because it's known as the "remembrance" plant.
whatever you do, don't say "it was meant to be" or "it's better this way"...people actually said that to me and i wanted to punch them. i know they meant well but it comes across badly.
reassurance is also good if it's her 1st pregnancy. i never realized how many people miscarried in their 2nd trimeseter.