15 answers

Friend Has Mean Child

I have a very good friend that has 2 children and 1 on the way. Her oldest child has Sturge-Weber Syndrome. This has caused her to have port wine stains on different areas of her body and face. She has also suffered with Glaucoma and lost one eye. My son is her best friend and we think she is just beautiful. While her eye was healing she wore a patch, again my son thought nothing of this because we explained that she had a boo-boo on her eye and the doctors have helped her. She is a very bright, vibrant, healthy, happy little girl. We are truely blessed to have her in our lives. Here lies the problem...I have another friend whose son is very mean! He makes comments about not wanting to sit next to her because her skin is red. When she was healing from her eye surgery and had to wear the patch, he was very mean and yelled at her "Patch Girl, Ugly Pirate Girl". While I was horrified that he would be mean to her, his mother said nothing to him. I expressed that it was not nice to call people names and that she is a very nice little girl. He said she is "ugly and I hate her". This boy also is mean to others. He tries to tell my son (who is a bit speech delayed) that he is better than him, and that my son is stupid. The mother hasn't appolgized for her son's behavior nor has she acted like it was wrong at all. This has completely changed our friendship. I am not the kind of person who would intentionally hurt anyone but I really don't have any desire to continue our friendship. How should I end this friendship? I have slowly withdrawn contact with her but I suspect she has no idea that I feel this way.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank so much to all the great ladies that responded with encouraging words about the friend with the mean child. With some of the words from the responses I have written a letter to the now ex-friend to explain my feelings. I listed the times that her son was mean and hurtful to my son and others. I explained that if I continued the friendship that I would not be setting a good example for my son. I delivered it to her (mailbox).

I feel so much better and I am relieved to have it out of the way. I have had to deal with a lot of her problems in the past. She had taken advantage of me in many different ways over the years. I am just done!
Thanks again.

Featured Answers

Just come right out & tell her you don't like how her child is acting & since she isnt discipling for it,you would rather not be friends with her. Its what I would do.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Hi B.!
Boy, don't you just want to scream at both the mom and the child! The best thing for your child (and your sanity!) is to just disassociate yourself with this woman. Hopefully she will see that her child's behavior and her lack of discipline is losing her friendship(s). It sounds like your son have a very soft heart. You are teaching him the right way. All it takes is one bad seed and it can completely change the way a child thinks he or she has to act. Maybe if you like this woman enough, you can still keep in touch via phone or meeting for lunch/dinner or a shopping excursion...anything without the kids being involved.
Good Luck!! :)

1 mom found this helpful

hi B. ,
omg !!! kids can be cruel , but i blame that souly on the parent . For this "mean childs" mother to not say anything to her son says a lot about her parenting . I think you did the right thing about correcting him , I would say something to the mother and let her know that his behavior can't be tolerated . If she doesn't address his cruelness , i would say that it is time to cut loose . Your child as well as the little girl don't need to be around that cruelness either .
good luck
S.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree w/ everyone - great job and good for you - someone said your friend needs to learn and I agree - the natural logical consequence of her allowing his behavior (and maybe even being the role model)is that people won't want to be around her - same goes for her child - he'll lose friends - no one but the other mean kids will want to play w/ him - while it's not exactly his fault (what was already said - role model, no correction, insecurities) - he stil has to learn that what he reeps he'll also sow - what mother wants others to not like her child - when my daughter acts mean I am mortified - and sad b/c I don't want others to not like her - I wouldn't fight w/ your friend but rather pick a time when you can calmly explain - by the way, where was the little girl's mom? good luck and let us know

1 mom found this helpful

I would just stop talking to her. If she calls tell her why you are ending the friendship. No need to have such drama going on, just let it go.

1 mom found this helpful

Please tell your friend with the mean son that you must protect your child and will not allow her child to hurt your child.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you're doing a great job at teaching your son to accept different people! That is so awsome! I could see this boy being mean if he had never encountered someone different like that, but the mother should have said something and not let it continue! That's just WRONG!
I would continue what you're doing with the woman, by dis-associating yourself from her! If she ask why I would suggest something along the dialog of what someone said already!

You're doing GREAT! Keep up the good work. Keeping doing what is right for you and your family!

1 mom found this helpful

hi. If this woman will not correct her son for behaving this way, than its your resposiblity as a mother to tell her that becuase of the way her son is acting and the fact that she doesnt do anything to correct him that you cannot be friends with her or hang around her. Explain that you are teaching your children to respect people all people no matter what is wrong with them and being around her son is a bad influenece and contradicts to your child what you are teaching them. Tell her that if she sees the way her son is hurting others and decides to correct him than maybe you have a chance to be friends but not until then. I know this might sound harsh but if something isn't clicking with what your morals are and arent clicking with what you are trying to teach your children than its better to not put them in that situation. You do not want your children to think when they get older than even though mommy taught us this she still hangs with people whose children are mean and nasty to others. hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

I have a friend who has a baby with downs and my best friend meet her and keep telling me that if she would have been pregent with a downs baby she would have had a abortion b/c no baby should every be that stupid. she made me so mad over it that i didnt say a word i just took her home and tried not to spoke to her agian. after about 3 weeks of not returning her calls and such she called and my husband answered she asked if something was wrong with me. When I got on the phone i simply explained that i did not think our friendship was going to continue due to her rude and unbelivable aditude towards special needs childern. She got even ruder and then told me that i was making things out to be bigger then what they were. I have not spoken to her in 4 yrs and the little girl is now going to school. She is very small and has to use a bottle and only has 9 teeth in but she is able to talk and walk and go to the big potty now. Im happier with her in my son's life then my ex friend.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi B.! I think you're handling this situation exactly the right way. First, by correcting the child who really doesn't know any better, and then by cutting ties with the woman who is obviously ignorant of anyone different than herself. Probably taking the time to explain why you feel the way you do would be a waste. She's not stupid, she just doesn't seem to care. I would simply cut all ties & if she confronts you about it, tell her your problem point-blank, no sense mincing words in a situation like that. Good luck however you decide to handle it!

1 mom found this helpful

i would simply tell her how it is that her son is cruel and if she doesn't do something about it than she is just as cruel and no longer welcome in your house. I am sorry to hear about your friends childs condition buit am glad to hear that she has good friends like you and your son. Don't feel bad about ending the relationship with the other friend it's not your fault she chooses to ignore her son blatent rudeness and you and the children should not have to put up with it.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi B.
You sound like a great parent. You are teaching your son important lessons at a really young age. We have a good circle of friends who have children within the same age. We find we urge them to push each other in an encouraging way. We make sure they share. For instance if one boy takes a book my daughter is holding we all say " Hey let's share". My point is every parent has to have the same goals or it won't help. If your friend isn't reflecting your great parenting, then maybe you need to cut ties. Surround your child with parents and children that want him to succeed. Keep up the good work.

1 mom found this helpful

B.,

This behavior is learned somewhere......my guess is that he probably heard it either at school from other kids and does not want to stand out and end up the target like they are (so he joins in) or from his parents making comments on people so he has learned the behavior. I would not hesitate to speak to him sternly the next time he makes a comment like that and put him in a time out EVEN with his mother there.

As for the friend - it is very odd that she completely ignored her sons behavior. I would probably just withdraw from her and when she asks you about it tell her that you felt really hurt by her lack of responsiveness when her child was cruel to yours and that little girl. The fact she didn't reprimand him made you feel like she was in agreement. If she does not wake up after that I'd just pull back and be very distant in the future. No one needs friends like that............

Good Luck with it all. Kids are cruel and it is too bad!

1 mom found this helpful

I have to say that you are GREAT!! Teaching your son to love everyone even if they have port wine spots and a eye patch, that little girl is blessed to have a friend like your son. You have taught him awesome morals that he will take with him forever and make the world a better place in the long run--everyone needs to teach there children good morals. I also have to say that this mean little boy does not have good morals or a mom that teaches him these things--we do learn everything from our parents so I mostly blame her, especially when she doesn't teach him that what he is saying is WRONG!!! So he doen't know any better so you can't really blame the child. I would tell her what she is doing and how it is effecting peoples feelings towards her, she is going to get mad but maybe she will learn to teach her little boy right from wrong and to teach him to respect people even if they look different because he is going to grow up a nasty little man and we want to make it better not worse--after you tell her then I would distance myself---no need to continue the friendship because she is alway going to have in the back of her mind how you "called her out" on bad parenting and the friendship will not be the same but at least you know you tried to do some good even if you hurt her feelings and lost a friend--she honestly doesn't seem like friendship material to me. But you should say something to her--she needs to learn too!!! Good luck and let us know how it goes and kudo's to you for raising a amazing child!!!!!!!!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Just come right out & tell her you don't like how her child is acting & since she isnt discipling for it,you would rather not be friends with her. Its what I would do.

1 mom found this helpful

I am dealing with an issue very close to this. my daughter is 8 and her friend is 7, and this little girl is my best friends daughter. I simply told my daughter that she does not and should never accept abusive behavior. I told her she does not HAVE to be friends with anyone exspecially if she is not finding pleasure or enjoyment out of this person. She has mead it very clear to this child that she is not going to treat her this way and the girl promised to stop, after 3 weeks of the same mean spirtoted behavior my daughter decided with my support to tell the child that she will not be spending any more time with her. The child became upset but my child can not start a habit of allowing anyone treat her this way, I think it was very healthy for her to withdraw from the friendship after giving the child a chance to change her behavior.

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