Friend and Brother in Law Issue. Need Advice

sounds like you need to have a POW-WOW/Get together to find out who said what to whom and clear the air...

this is the best example I can EVER give of NOT saying anything to ANYONE you wouldn't say to someone's face...sorry - but if you can't say it to your BIL, MIL or FIL - or your husband - then you shouldn't be saying it all....you need to clear the air with ALL of them...

Guess this also means that you know who your friends are and aren't....

if your BIL has "influence" over your husband - then you need to make your marriage right.

I would ask your friend what she said to him. Then talk to your brother in law. I would strike the conversation as friendly, just a man my brother in law has his knickers in a twist, any idea why? Hopefully keeping it light she won't hide anything from you.

Kind of a shitty thing for your friend to do. Still who knows how it went down.

So.... you talk to your so-called "Friend."
Tell her clearly, what transpired or what you think.

You will NEVER get to the bottom of this, unless you tell her or talk to her.
AND tell her, that because she does not keep confidences or private information PRIVATE.... she has now caused trouble, between you/your Hubby and your BIL.
TELL her that.
I would.
Why be shy about it.

And in the future, DO NOT TELL THIS friend, anything confidential. Because, she does not respect you or that information... and she didn't even invite you to a dinner. Or, maybe this was just a dinner with other friends, that you do not have in common.
But so then, why invite your BIL?
Unless she was just causing trouble and undermining you.

So either way, I would not trust her with guarded information, anymore.

But you will now know, what happened or why, unless you talk to her and TELL her what happened, as a result of her big mouth.

Then, talk to your BIL and ask him why he is treating you differently????

A best friend can become our worst enemy due to them knowing where the skeletons are buried. Too bad she is not being nice anymore.

Personally, I would start with my hubby. Sit down with him and get your marriage on track. The idea that you are worried about what gets back to him is a big issue. Everyone gets angry at their hubby/wife/MIL/friends/etc. and needs to vent, no one should take those 'vents' as anything serious. This should be a non-issue to a strong marriage.
Just tell him what you suspect. 'Hey, remember when we were arguing about such and such? Well, I vented to my friend about it at the time, and I think she may have broken my confidence and told your brother. He's been acting really cold to me. Could you please talk to him about it and find out what's up?' This will show your BIL and your friend that your marriage is strong and that you and your hubby are united.
Honest communication with your hubby is the best defense against this sort of nonsense.

My two...

family confab....you, your husband, your BIL, & your friend. Make it a "clear the air" party.....& apologize for thinking/sharing thoughts which were unkind. Because, honestly, it all began with you badmouthing the men behind their backs. Peace.

I would likely just ask your brother in law what the problem is. If she said anything, he'd probably be more honest with you about it. I'm guessing.
If he tells you she repeated something you said and you DID say it, then, you have to come clean and apologize. We all get ticked at our family members from time to time and usually the mistake is saying something to someone else about it behind their backs instead of either letting it go or talking directly with the family member.
You don't know for sure if she repeated anything and maybe you never will, but it sounds like you've learned a lesson about saying things that COULD get back to someone else.
There's nothing wrong with venting sometimes, but you have to learn to temper your words in case they slip out of someone else's mouth. And it happens.
Hopefully things will work out, just be careful who you confide in from now on for sure.

Talk to both individually separate from eachother to get to the bottom of it.

OMG I would be so PISSED!!! Talk to your friend & see whats up, maybe (fingers crossed) your BIL was just having a bad day. Would your "friend" lie to you & say she never shared any info with him... I would stay clear from her!

good luck... keep us posted

Toni

I normally do not correct gammer because I make many errors myself when I type fast. I just want to let you know "I am eating myself UP" not "OUT" would sound less disturbing. Or you can say "chewing myself out" but what you wrote means something crude.

Back to your topic...What is worse, is when these type of people put their own spin on the story. Instead of helping your relationship with brother in law and family they cause even more friction. I am not sure what you said or what was then said to your brother in law. Have you discussed this with your husband? He needs to be number one when it comes to trust and sharing your feelings (sure you should have a friend to talk to). Do not expect to get the correct information from your friend. All to many times things are said after a couple of glasses of wine and forgotten by the speaker, but not the listener. Another poster was right in pointing out that you were the one bad mouthing and need to take ownership of that.

I would either just ask the friend if/what she mentioned to your bil or just ask the bil what the problem is.

I think I would talk to my friend and tell her how hurt you are that you can't tell her things in confidence. I think that that will make her feel bad and it will cause her to think twice before she does the same thing again. Sorry that your feelings are hurt. Time will heal the pain.