23 answers

Freshman Girls Being Bullied in the HS Gym Shower

My twin high school freshman daughters have been having a problem with the same girls since 7th grade. One girl who is also their grade runs and dumps her gym bag by the shower to "hold her spot" as next in line so she can shower early even though she walks away. Then if my daughters are ready and try to get in the shower, this girl verbally bullies them and won't let them in the shower. Now that they are in HS, the same girls who are 1 year older (and were a problem in 7th/8th grade) are at it again too but now are sophomores.

My girls have tried to be nice and not cause a scene or fight. In middle school my girls discussed it with the coach and it helped for a while, but there is no adult supervision in the showers so it continued. My girls just used wipes most of the year. Now that they are in HS, we don't think that is acceptable. We have encouraged them to hold their ground and tell these girls they aren't waiting for them. It just seems like it will escalate among the girls.

What are you suggestions for my girls. Is it just older kids being mean to younger ones and should be expected and accepted?

Desired Outcome: I want them to advocate for themselves and don't want to get involved with the school myself at this point (they need to self-advocate first), but having not experienced anything like this myself, I don't even know where to begin on how to mentor them to a positive outcome on this. I would like guide the girls to nip this in the bud with class and finality.

Thanks in advance for your ideas.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

No, they should not have to put up with this. It is not appropriate for anyone to harass anyone.

They need to speak with the Coach or PE teacher about this.

6 moms found this helpful

I'm so sorry they are going thru this.. But they need to speak up for themselves and tell their coach or the pricipals.. It's not going to stop, and schools now take bullying very seriously.. I know its hard for them to get them in trouble and then be considered Tataltales (sp?) but they have to. I promise you if administration heard about this somehting will be done immediately and they can continue to enjoy their high school years with no bulling.. Good Luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Tell your daughters to go to the office and tell the principal staff.
Also, you should call or go down their yourself because bullying has turned into an epidemic and if you've heard any stories on the news: they can get truly scary/ugly/out of hand.
Don't let your daughters fight this battle alone please.
I understand what you mean about wanting them to do things for themselves but again when it comes to bullying don't take any chances!
Keep them safe.

6 moms found this helpful

No, they should not have to put up with this. It is not appropriate for anyone to harass anyone.

They need to speak with the Coach or PE teacher about this.

6 moms found this helpful

Sometimes being nice is not the answer.

Oh my, yes I said it. These girls are taking of the shower and they EXPECT your girls to back down. I don't know how the showers are set up, but i would tell them just to walk in, snag a shower head and if the other girl says anything, ignore them. Highschool girls are cruel, and sometimes a girl's gotta be a little b****y to deal with them.

It is good practice for later on, your girls are going to have these types all through life, and you can't always back down, or you'll get walked all over!

And no, unless something really happens, don't go to the school. As soon as they get involved, the parents will be brought in, the bullies will get even more "ammunition" against your daughters (tattletales), and even if they post a watchdog teacher in the lockeroom to stop the problem, those bullies will probably find new places and ways to "punish" your daughters even worse. BUT they may not pick on them if they know your girls can stand up to them.

Of course- if anything violent happens, or there are physical threats or whatnot, then you must inform the school, because that is beyond "bullying".

-M.

5 moms found this helpful

They should get in the shower, if there's nobody in it. I doubt the bullies would say anything - most of their schtick is that they expect everyone to do as they say, but most of these people don't have much to back it up! And if there IS a problem, your girls should go to the coach together, and let the coach handle it. I bet the bullies would back off pretty quickly at that point because no coach would rule on the side of the bully - AND most schools have zero tolerance for it anyway.

5 moms found this helpful

Um, if there is NO ONE IN THE SHOWER WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER IS READY FOR A SHOWER, then she should just GET IN THE SHOWER, regardless of whose stuff might get wet. First come first serve, I'd say. Being a 'nice girl' and being a door mat are not the same thing.

At 15, there is as much supervised as unsupervised time, as it should be. Bringing this to administration will make it worse for your girls

If there is confrontation, your girls can say, I'm sorry, there was no one in the shower so I got in. Even a gym teacher cannot argue with this rational.

:)

Although I should say, that any threat of violence needs to be taken seriously and reported. And why is there not enough showers for everyone? And why is the gym teacher not in the locker room moving the process along?

4 moms found this helpful

At high school I think this will always be a problem I remember high school and there were clicks against clicks... that's just the ripple in high school. Now, as for your daughters they need to stand up for themselves. I'm sorry but in high school when a girl or group verbally abuses her she needs to lash back. That was the dynamic in our high school, somebody would diss you but if you can diss back they leave you alone. I stood up for both my best friends a time or two, especially when this girl just wouldn't leave one of my best friends alone, she got the picture that I wasn't messing around and left my bf alone (this was before she came out of her shell herself lol). If the girl really doesn't like her then she needs to stand her ground. She shouldn't even have the opportunity to grab her gym bag. I have different opinions about physically fighting so I'll try not to say much except that they should know how to physically fight b/c high school girl groups can get catty. If the group knows these girls (your daughters) won't be toyed with then they will leave them alone, if they don't there is something more serious (the type of bullying that ends up on the news) that you need to be involved in.

4 moms found this helpful

This brings back so many bad memories of middle school! I was the target and the showers after P.E. were a nightmare for me. The popular cheerleader and her little group of wanna be's following her around like puppies relaying messages from her. Aah!! Some things never change.
What helped me was becoming friends with a very tall, very tough girl who stepped in for me. My bodyguard!! :) (I need to look her up on facebook!!) Being kind doesn't work. If they throw the other girls stuff aside it could make things work. They need to talk to the coach, explain what is going on and ask if it would be possible to have assigned showers. I think you are very wise to let them handle this. Of course, report any threats or physical stuff.

3 moms found this helpful

I would tell them to tell the girls to move out of the way and to leave them alone.
If the girls continued to verbally attack them tell your twins to tell them to shut up.
If that doesn't work tell them to continue to shower, turn their backs on the bullies and ignore them.

I am willing to bet the bullies will back down, but if they don't, the next thing they will do is try to touch one or both of the twins or their belongings.

That would actually be a good thing.
In most schools, unfortunately, there is not much that can be done about words. But, if the bullies were to touch your girls or their stuff, the twins could then take it to the principal or even the police, depending on what they did.
Plus if the bullies hit my kid, I will tell my kid to hit back, hard and mean.
But that is just me :)

And I agree, you need to intervene if it is more than regular "harmless" name calling. Kids are killing them selves over the level of bullying that happens anymore.
Bullies have killed the kids they have bullied.
It's not to be taken lightly, kids now-a-days take bullying to a whole new level.

3 moms found this helpful

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