Frequent Waking Up: Hunger? Habit? Other?

Updated on January 03, 2011
A.M. asks from Bend, OR
15 answers

Our almost 9 mo old son has never slept through the night, okay.. he has, once.. when he was 4 months old. He's always woken up every 2 to 3 hours since he was born. I know it's not teething, and doesn't seem to be an attachment issue either. He's certainly big enough at 26 lbs to be able to make it through, but he doesn't.

Here's the general scenario: He takes two naps a day, both approx 1.5 hrs (around 10-11 am and 2-3 pm). He's a very active boy and highly dislikes napping; he usually creates a *big* fuss if he doesn't nurse himself to sleep for them, which he rarely does. He's also a big kid, 100 percentile, so he's on 3 meals a day plus a snack besides nursing 2 - 3 x's/day (excluding night time nursing). The MIL recently suggested cereal right before bed which we've incorporated this past week. We have a routine that we follow (dinner, relaxed play, bath every other night, cereal, nurse, into bed); I shoot for a 7 pm bed time. I thought part of the problem was his diaper being wet (we use cloth primarily) so I incorporate a change (into a disposable overnight, it wicks moisture away better so he won't feel wet); I do this at his first waking (around 10 or 11). Regardless of the two most recent additions of cereal and a change he is still waking up every 2 to 3 hours. Also, we live in a one bedroom apt so his crib is in the room with us; I don't jump at every noise and try to let him work it out on his own as often as possible but he gets upset to the point that I have to comfort him with nursing to calm him down so hubby can get some sleep. Rocking occasionally works but it's hit or miss; hubby has had some success rocking him too, but it's mostly my responsibility since I can nap during the day to make up for lost sleep where as he can not.

So, my questions are: Could he really be hungry each time? I'm usually hungry when he wakes up, so maybe he has the same metabolism? Or is this just habit waking / a nursing sleep association, and if so what's a good way to gently break this? We do use CIO for naps and bedtime if necessary, but can't at night because of the neighbors and hubby needing rest. He's big enough and old enough now where I think he should be fine going for at least longer blocks of sleep at the very least (5 - 6 hrs). Is there be something more I haven't thought of or that I'm overlooking? Any input would be greatly appreciated, especially from my sleep deprived husband! Thank you in advance!!

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for the feedback! This isn't the kind of problem that's fixed over night, I know, so all the tips and suggestions are very helpful. I'll try the rocking more often for his earlier wake ups, and I'd never considered switching cereal brands so I'll give that a try too. We use a fan already, but the blanket under the sheet is a great idea- a little more cozy for him. We tried co-sleeping for a while when he was younger but it got to be uncomfortable pretty quick, and unfortunately we don't have the space for a king or two mattresses right now. I think this is going to end up being something that we're just going to have to ride out and deal with until he grows out of it, but I feel a bit more enabled now thanks to your help! And I'll feel better knowing that I'm setting us up for success down the road when he finally is ready to night wean. Thank you!

Also, I know CIO isn't very well respected or used much these days and feel that I should clarify on that portion: we don't do the full throttle 2 hour screaming / crying jags- or even 20 minutes, for that matter. He has his fussy "I don't really want to do this right now" cry and his upset "this is seriously not okay" cry; I can tell in less than 5 minutes which it is. If I didn't employ this method he probably wouldn't sleep at all during the day, and then he'd just be over tired for bed time perpetuating the problem and would also be fussy the whole day through! Although I did realize after asking this Q. that the inconsistency of use (day vs. night) may be confusing him so I'm going to be rethinking my daytime game plan a bit. Often times our energetic and persistent little Aries just doesn't know when to quit, lol.

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

There are three things you can not make a child do....(sigh)...eat, sleep, and pee or poop when or where you want them to. And you are dealing with the second. I had a big boy too. And yes, they are hungry all the time, so feeding just before bedtime is a good idea.

This is my suggestion...give him only one nap a day and move it closer to noon time. I know it is hard to give up one of the naps but if it will reduce the number of wake up times it will be worth it.

Another idea is to increase his activity level. If he is not crawling a lot get him a bouncy chair that hangs from the ceiling to increase his activity. Maybe swimming lessons if you can find them. More outdoor time, fresh air will make him sleepy.

Getting him tired to sleep through the night is the idea. Don't let him fall asleep in the car for cat naps.

I've been through this you can tell.

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A.E.

answers from Nashville on

I'm in a similar situation. My son just turned 9 months old and he's 31" tall and 23 pounds (off the chart for height and 90th for weight). He wakes up during the night, usually between 1 and 3. He's teething right now, so of late he's also getting up at around 4 (no biggie for me since I get up at 4 for work anyway). I know for my little guy he's outright hungry. There are times, like last night, when he wakes up around 10, but that's because he's teething right now (within 15 mins of getting Tylenol he was passed out again). My pediatrician said that he was waking from habit and that I could either wean him slowly off of feedings (reduce # of ounces every few nights) or go cold turkey which would take about 3 nights. I tried weaning months before she suggested this and it didn't work -- he just screamed for more if he got anything less than 4 ounces, and I weaned slowly too, so it wasn't one night 6 then the next 4. Anyway, this is one of those times where I'm not listening to the ped and just going on my instincts, and my instincts tell me he's hungry and keep doing what I'm doing. I noticed that with my first son we never fell into what the books and ped said, and his so-called "bad-habits" worked themselves out in their own time. For example, I always rocked him to sleep even long after the books/ped said not to. It was the only way I could get him to sleep, but he slept through the night from 10 weeks (he was and is 90th+ percentile for height/weight too). I rocked him until he was 2 and moved to a toddler bed and at that point he was ready to sleep on his own. My younger son goes to sleep on his own every night, but still wakes up, My thoughts are that when he no longer needs the extra feeding he'll wean himself off, as my older son did from rocking. What I did find helpful though was switching him to Good Earth Rice Cereal. He has it 3 times a day mixed with a veg or fruit (about 1 oz dry cereal with 1/2 to 1 full container of Gerber stage 2 mixed with formula). It seems to expand more than Gerber cereal and sustains him longer. When I was using Gerber with him or oatmeal he would wake up every 2 to 3 hours. Once I switched him to Good Earth Rice he started sleeping 6-8 hours without waking (he goes down at 7pm). All in all, I would just do what your gut tells you to do because when it comes down to it you know your baby better than anyone, so if you feel that he's hungry keep doing what your doing.

A.

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A.S.

answers from Eugene on

the simplest solution would be to bring him into your bed and nurse him when he wakes up. (and eat or drink something yourself too!). cosleeping solves SO many "problems"! it's normal for him to still be waking up. if you cosleep, you can easily go back to sleep yourself, and your husband likely wouldn't even wake up, since you'd respond to baby's first cues rather than let him cry. "crying it out" just teaches them that the world isn't a safe place, parents don't care, his needs are not important - and they give up in a state of despair. pediatricians often give out-of-date advice - listen to your baby! i agree with the person who mentioned separation anxiety phase, so yes he needs you at night, for comfort, for reassurance, and for food. especially since he's not nursing as much in the daytime. and i think nursing to sleep for naps is absolutely fine too - it's all quite natural and very good for the baby - and he will indeed grow out of it when he's ready. often babies this age do have one longer block of sleep, 3 or 4 or maybe even 5 hours, usually the first sleep stretch, and you might be able to get him to do that by feeding him more before bedtime. also maybe one or more times when he wakes up, you or your husband might be able to soothe him back to sleep by singing or rubbing his back or something, but most of the times he will probably need to nurse, and there's no reason to deny him that, as it will send him (and you!) off to a blissful dreamland! if your bed isn't big enough, get a bigger bed (king) or put 2 mattresses on the floor next to each other (same height, and being careful that they are wedged right together and can't separate).

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S.H.

answers from Hartford on

Do you co-sleep? Granted, it takes ample space (like a king-sized bed or larger), but I co-sleep alongside my avid night nurser and I find that I am not too bothered when he wakes up at night because he and I both quickly fall back asleep as I nurse him. I have read that some older babies (over a year) are just as satisfied to sip water from a sippy cup or bottle (indicating that it can be the sucking drive versus the feeding drive). Frequent wakings are also a product of a baby's sleep cycle.

My son's sleeping patterns are always changing. He'll wake up frequently for a while and then infrequently for another short stint. Oddly enough, I usually prefer it when he wakes at least twice because my milk supply drops during the day when he doesn't nurse at night - not true for all women, but certainly true for me.

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J.K.

answers from Anchorage on

Well I don't have much advice. You seem to be in a similar situation as I once was. My son is now almost two, and things have gotten much better. He was also in the 97 to 100 percentile on growth, and he ate pretty well. I tried soooo many ways to get him to go to sleep. Some things that worked was to keep it dark in the room with a very dim night light. A bright one would wake him. I also made his mattress softer by putting a blanket underneath the tight matters covers, but no pillows or any thick blankets on the outside. ( I know. Kinda breaking the SIDS rules, but it helped alot and it added hours to his sleep. Please don't bash) anyways, I noticed that he was very sensitive to noise, so I put a box fan or humidifier close to his crib. It helped to soothe him. The box fan or humidifier worked wonders for me. Not sure if your child uses a pacifier, but once I found the right one, things got much easier too. I didn't use the CIO method, since all of my methods put together helped. As far as co sleeping, he only did this the first six months, and I noticed that we were keeping him up, as to why he moved to the crib. Another thing that I have to add, is that his growing ( being in the 100 percentile ) can be a huge factor. Talking to friends and family members that also have kids like ours, that seem to top the charts, have similar problems. They eat and eat and sleep is an issue. It will pass. Once my child hit a year or so, he started to slightly slow down, and his sleep got much better. Now I have a infant, and she is in the 98 th percentile on growth, and is having the same sleep issues!! Problem now is that she dosent like the paci, or the soft bedding. The fan is working, but I think she might be setting me up for a challenge :) oh well! I just think of it as my children having lots of love to give, and God giving me a lesson in patience. Hope this helps. :)

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P.M.

answers from Tampa on

9 months is a growth spurt time frame... will probably need to nurse more, which is good for you too because it tells your body to produce more. Google Cluster feeding and check www.Kellymom.com too.

Babies are hardwired to want constant contact (especially skin to skin) with Mommy... it's nothing abnormal to worry about.

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T.T.

answers from Chicago on

nursing is many times more for comfort than nutrition. he may also be teething and nursing takes the pain away. Honestly other than CIO ( which I personally think is terrible) just need to go with the flow. He will not be 15 years old waking to nurse at night! My daughter was far worse than your child and at 2.5 when she got all her teeth she started sleeping like a dream! My friend who has been doing CIO since her kid was 9 months old STILL has sleep issues with her kid. Sorry but a secure and happy child is far more important to me...anyways you have to decide what is best for you!...i just re read your pst...maybe if you stopped the CIO during he day hed be less anxious about sleep at night?

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S.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I feel for you with the neighbors. My first thought is it does sound like it's habit. You have said that you are concerned about the husband and neighbors, so it's fairly obvious to me that you really are not "letting him work it out". I wouldn't either. I have always been a pushover with my babies at night because I don't want everyone else awake. I actually do wake up over every sound. It's great you can cat nap during the day :)

But my 2nd thought is that you should talk to his doctor about the amount of food he is eating. Is he getting too chubby? Or is he just really tall for his age? If he is really tall, then he may be seriously hungry. If so, this will simply be something he does for some time longer.

My 3rd thought is if you are willing to let him co-sleep in the night? With our first 2 children, we put them in their own bed and made them stay there. But if they woke up well after we were both asleep, then we pulled them in with us. It gave us the alone time before bed, but gave us peace in the night. By the time the 3rd and 4th came a long, we weren't really all that intimate anymore. So we let them co-sleep pretty much forever. After that our personal time was scheduled and or we often told the kids they had to go to their own bed tonight so that we could spend time together. All of our kids have been able to sleep on their own even though they spent a great deal of time with us.

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

Sleep is a habit. Two things that worked for me:
1. start gradually reducing nursing times at wakings, and start teaching him how to drink out of a cup.
2. when you have radically reduced how much you give him, try the "5 minutes" startle. Set your alarm for 5 minutes before you think he will wake, and go in his room and startle him enough to get him to roll over and reset his sleep cycle.

Only work on getting him to sleep through one waking at a time. I found that after a week or so, my son won't need to be nursed, but he will still wake for a moment, cry out, and then roll over and go back to sleep. So do give him a few minutes before running in there.

By the time you start working on one of the later wakings, if you've taught him to drink out of a cup, you can just offer water. After a few nights, they usually stop waking because they don't want water. (I know you could just offer water in a bottle, but I think it's important to wean them to a cup by 12 months for dental reasons, and find that 8 months is a good age to start teaching cup usage. It also encourages "big girl" behavior and will help with day time weaning when you are ready to do that).

But yes, it is a habit/sleep association. He needs to be taught how to put himself to sleep. It sounds to me like he hasn't learned that, so he wakes after a sleep cycle, needed you, and now he wakes all the time out of habit.

The No Cry Sleep Solution, and Healthy Sleep Habits are two great books.

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B.R.

answers from Phoenix on

My foster boy had the same problem. I can see your MIL's point she wants to try to get some complex carbs in his body to wear it out; that helps, but isn't a cure-all. My worry for you as that you are unable to let him CIO at night due to your neighbors (your hubby has no excuse...I work the grave shift and get woken up all the time during the day ;-). I did this for my foster boy (who was 28lbs at around 10 mo, just a little smaller than his 2 yo brother) and he is now able to sleep through the night (it took a few days to a week of this for him to understand). For him, he wanted personal time with foster M. or me; it had nothing to do with food though we would give him a bottle and he'd take it. He is a 16 mo now and only occaisonally wakes up during the night when he is a little too restless when sleeping as well as only taking one 2 hour nap during the day. Beyond that I don't know what to say if you can't let him CIO; is there another more quiet room or closet (my wife's cousin used their closet for this with much success, but then again it was a big walk in closet off of their master bedroom) that you can move the crib too? Either way, good luck.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

My doctor told me most babies, especially older ones who still do it, wake up at night to eat because that is what they have been trained to do, and that babies do not need night feedings past the first few weeks of life. Following this advice and letting my sons have a chance to self sooth before going straight to food, I had them both sleeping through the night by 2 months, and they have been great sleepers ever since. I would start working with him to learn new ways to sooth.

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S.L.

answers from Portland on

My breastfed babies all did this as well (except my second woke up more often, which I think had to do with teething, but it just never lets up because they teeth for so long). Baby sleep cycles are way different than adult sleep cycles. Most kids do just begin to sleep through the night, but often it's not until they are 2 or 3. That said, there are some things you can do to try to get your babe to sleep longer stretches. I like "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I think he's probably not truly hungry in the night, but he's nursing for comfort. That's not the worst thing, but you can experiment with patting him back down or snuggling him back down. If it works 1 out of 3 wakings or 2 out of 3 wakings it's a good step in the right direction of breaking night-nursing out of habit. You might find that he is insistent on nursing at one particular time of night. My babies seemed to need that 4 or 5 am nurse, but they could be comforted without nursing if they woke up at 12 or 1.

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L.R.

answers from Seattle on

I can tell you it's not hunger. He wants comfort/closeness. 8 -9 mos. is the start of separation anxiety and there is also a lot of developmental stuff going on in their heads (and teeth coming in). Be thankful that he's not waking every hour (like mine). Do your research... CIO is not very highly recommended anymore - and can cause more problems.

L.G.

answers from Eugene on

So many mothers have never been around babies in our culture that they often know little about infants when one comes to bless their lives.
I was lucky because I came from a large extended family with children born into it often.
Do not let him cry. Babies don't waken at night for no reason. You can try to cut out one of his naps or waken him after one hour in the afternoon. Feed him cereal twice a day. He's a big boy and growing at a rapid clip. Also you can introduce bananas which will fill him up more. If he has teeth sit him at the table with you for dinner and share a bit of what you are eating with him so he feels more part of the family. I am not an advocate of a large variety of foods for babies but a few vegetables if he's interested are helpful in getting a baby to feel full and sleep longer at night.
Moms who are nursing get VERY hungry. Human milk is thinner than cows milk and so baby gets hungry often. My aunt taught me how to get my first baby to sleep 5 hours at a stretch.
Just before you go to bed wake him up and nurse him and give him a couple of spoonfuls of cereal so he'll sleep.
Japanese mothers stop feeding them overnight at one year of age. That should be a good clue as the society has remained fairly intact with SAHM more often than not in the early years.

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Y.B.

answers from Seattle on

Sounds like my son. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months and not consistently until he was about 22 months. He sleeps like a dream now and he is 28 months. We had him sleep with us so I could get as much sleep as I could. I would breastfeed him and then he would go back to sleep. I started only letting him nurse 1 time a night around 18 months. My son also has to nurse to take naps, but then I get to rest with him so I don't mind. Your son is a big kid, makes sense that he would be hungry. Good luck, it does get better.

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