Free Range Parenting

When my oldest was 10, I would leave him home for an hour or so to run errands, go grocery shopping, go to work before my husband was home, etc. I don't think I would have left him with a younger sibling at that age.

Beyond the safety issue, I think that's a pretty crappy way for two kids to start their day. Granted every family has its own challenges and work schedules to contend with, but I would not let my kids at any age start their day on a regular basis without some parental contact. I also feel this way about parents who sleep in and let their kids leave for school without getting out of bed and saying good morning, having breakfast together, asking them what's going on that day and sending them out the door without a "have a great day!" IMO what she is doing isn't free range parenting. It's either making the best of a lousy and unchangeable work schedule, in which case they should hire a sitter to come to the house in the morning, or being cavalier about what the kids should be able to do because somehow it benefits them to get out the door early in the morning.

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For anyone who has not read the book " Free-Range Kids, How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" by Lenore Skenazy I strongly, strongly, recommend it. I found it both entertaining and eye-opening, and I already believed myself to be a Free Range parent.

Yes, it does depend on the child. And on the neighborhood, and how confident they are of being alone, and how mature they've shown themselves to be, etc.

I have left my 9 year-old daughter alone up to two hours. I don't do it often because she gets "bored" by herself, but I am not concerned about her safety as she's shown tremendous maturity, we live in a friendly condo building where she knows most of the neighbors, in a good neighborhood.

I wouldn't want my daughter to be getting ready for school by herself every morning, just because that is missing out on what can be quality family time. But occasionally she does get herself to her school bus (across the street) by herself.

Parenting is about teaching our kids self-reliance!

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This could be less free range, and more she doesn't want to/can't afford to/doesn't have the option to...get childcare. Would I do that? No. Do I think it's wrong? Not until (or if) something bad happens. Which, is why I wouldn't do it.

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It depends on the maturity of the child. However the maturity of the child often has more to do with the parent and how they teach their child than with the childs' genes.

I applaud this lady's efforts to educate her kids in how to behave and how to be self sufficient. Good for her. Better for her kids. Imitate her if you can.

Good luck to you and yours.

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I'm sure many families are forced into such a situation and I am always amazed by such responsible 10 yr olds who can get themselves and their younger siblings off to school. I am so lucky not to have to do this.

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My kids are 3,5 and 6.

the only one who is not completely self doing is my three year old. And that is because he has HFA,SPD and ODD...So I am needed. He tries...but he just needs to have an adult set of eyes on him all the time.

I let the leash out on my oldest alot. He is six and over the summer wwe started letting him do full circles around our neighborhood(we live on an island in the middle of a set of streets so there is a strip that goes in a full circle which is awesome!).

Our duty is to get them to adult hood healthy. And able to be in the real world. You do not want to start this experience wide eyed at the age of 13. That is when you have kids that go bonkers and end up doing all sorts of things that moms and dads are not proud of.

I make sure my kids are always in ear shot. I know where they are and have an idea of what they are doing.

As they get older the leash will be let out more and more. Eventually by the time they are 18 I know they will be able to succeed with life leash free. Because I trust their judgement and character.

Lot to be said when they are sooo young still but this is my game plan....I will know in about 14 years if it was smart...but I have faith in myself knowing it is how I wish I had been raised....

I was a sheltered kid. Blew up crazy as a teen because I had never been exposed to real life.

Help them find it.....or it will find them.

Leaving them at that young an age home alone is a bit scary....And illegal here in Washington State. I believe the legal age to be left here is 12.

I guess you would have to break it down to a personal case...Is the 10 year old responsible enough to call 9-11 in case of an emergency. does he know what to do in case of Fire, Earthquake or other natural disaster?

It all comes down to what the parents are comfortable doing. and whether or not it is actually legal in your state.

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I don't think it has to do with helicopter vs free range. It is a matter of knowing what your kids are capable of. I let my older daughter walk over to her friends house that was three blocks away and out of sight at 4 years old. My younger daughter was nearly nine before I trusted she could pull that off without getting into danger.

The thing that I see "helicopter" moms do that "free range" do not is protect by overprotecting where the latter protects by teaching.

I was more overprotective of my younger two so the late age of my younger daughter is in part my fault, not sure if that makes sense. I could have let her make protected mistakes and she probably would have gained the needed knowledge at a younger age.

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It's okay to leave your children home alone when the law says it's okay in addition to the child or children being mature enough to handle the responsibility.
My siblings and I were left home at times and were latch key kids. I don't think we are any better or worse for it.

So far my children are not left home alone because not only is there no need for it, but also, we wouldn't want to put the responsibility of looking after another child onto our 9 year old son or 7 year old daughter. They'll grow up and have the concerns of running a household soon enough. For now they can be content to be children and to conduct themselves in such a manner. The helicopter parent vs free range parent is as silly as breastfeed vs bottle feed and SAHM vs working moms.
It's sad to me that people are so concerned about what others think about the way they parent their children. Barring anything harmful, people should just do what they like, do what works and stop looking for the approval of strangers or family or friends.

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I think it depends on the maturity (or lack thereof) of the child. My 14 yo is very responsible and I trust her to be home alone with my 10 yo (we have left them home alone together when the oldest was 12 and took a babysitting class). But the overriding question is this: could you live with yourself if something were to happen to your child if you left them home alone or let them go to X place alone? At what age do you think your child could make an appropriate decision if something were to happen? I'm with you, the thought of those kids alone all morning and getting themselves ready would freak me out too. My neighbors leave their 10 yo home with their twin 6 yo holy terrors all the time. Wouldn't be surprised if they burned the house down! Yikes!

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That doesn't sound free range for that one mom. It sounds like lack of childcare options in the midst of getting to work.

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Ugh - always a tough call. My daughter is 12 and very mature and responsible. I had been leaving her alone for the past year or so for short periods of time while I ran errands, etc. I always had my cellphone on and she was comfortable being home alone. I've never thought that she couldn't handle herself responsibly.

A few months ago, my sister (who lives about a mile from me) had a rash of break-ins in her neighborhood. One afternoon, my then 18 year old niece had been out on the back deck getting some sun. She went in the house, and went upstairs to take a nap. While she was napping, the house next-door was broken into and ransacked by someone who was strung out on drugs. He was eventually caught, but my security in leaving my daughter home alone went right out the window.

I know the possibility of someone breaking in (in broad daylight, no less) is remote - but this one was a little too close to home. I no longer leave my daughter home alone - not because I don't trust her, but because I don't trust others.

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I just recently started leaving my dtr 12, and son 9, home for about an hour at a time. I tell them its to "test" them to see if I can trust them to do what's right. I tell them if I cant trust them at home, then I really can't trust them to go over to friends, ride to the park, etc. And I told them if I can't trust them when they are away from home, then they won't be driving until they are in their 20's!!! So I hope they "get it".

My SIL, a couple years ago, was waiting for her husband to come home late at night and he wasn't coming home or answering his phone. So the kids were asleep (about the same age as my kids) so she left them home to go out and look for hubby. Guess what? Her son woke up, couldn't find his parents, so he CALLED 911!!! They live in a small town so her "crime" showed up in the paper, she had to go to court and parenting classes, etc. Not good. So I definately would never leave my kids home alone at night until they are much older. So many things could happen.

I think your friends kids are a little young for this, but it sounds like they handle it ok. If it was my kids, my daughter would be in bed still and my son wouldn't get off the wii. They would never make it to school!! I just couldn't trust them to do what they needed to do but obviously your friend has taught her kids to do that. I guess if I had to choose morning or afternoon for them to be alone, I would rather it be in the morning. But ideally, I think they should be a few years older.

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My parents left me and my brother home all the time when i was 6,7 and brother was 8,9. I walked myself to my friends house, got rides from whatever parent, went to whoever's house all thorughout elemenary school years. When i was a teenager their free-ranging exploded to the point where I moved out at 16 and have not been back since to live with them. Yeah, I am self-sufficient and independent, but I would have preferred more involved parents.
I will be a proud helicopter mom to my kids just because I was a free range kid and I know what is out there and its not pretty.

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Mine have been left alone for a few minutes. They walk home from school everyday alone. One day a week they are home before I am.
they ride their bikes out if sight from the house a few times a week. They walk the dogs out of sight from the house 3 times a week. They play outside by themselves. They do have a cell phone they can contact me with if anythign happens or if I need to call them in for dinner and I don't see them.
I wouldn't let them ride the subway by themselves, like the writer of the book but they are pretty independent. I forgot to say they are 7 and 10

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We started leaving SD home alone for short periods at 8. She was in aftercare til 11. Her brother walked home at 11. Different kid. When SD was 10, she could ride to her friend's house and call from there. I would not let my 5 yr old just go off on her bike. There is nothing wrong with your family having different arrangements. When I was 10, I was responsible for my sister for about 2 hours after school due to finances. Some days I had to set a timer, catch a bus and meet my mom downtown. It was one bus and I was on it for about 15 minutes, but I look back and see how scared my mom was the whole time. I think parents need to balance kid needs for independence with their own needs for safety.

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I do leave my 9 year old home by himself after school cause we could nto aford to keep him in day care. But he knows how to get ahold of us and I have friends that live and work close by and nebors if something came up. His older brother does not get home from school will close to when I get home. It has tought him to be more self saficiant. My oldest started staying home alone even summers at 10. I have only once had my oldest get himself up and had someone pick him up for school but I was in the hospital. My youngest I had stay with a friend.

With TX there is not a certain age. It depends on the kid. I know older kids than mine that I would not want to leave alone.

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I want to tell my story, not sure it will help you out much or not. My son is 8 1/2 and very mature, Hubby was supposed to come home from work by 6 pm so i could take dd to a meeting. 5:55 and he calls to say he is on his way and will be there by 6. I asked Ds if he felt comfortable staying home alone for 5 mins, I told him he coudl pay Wii which he loves. I locked all the doors and pulled out of the driveway at 5:58 and was told DH came home with in 5 mins. DS was fine and I was starting to talk myself into that being ok as a small step towards eventually leaving for an hour or so when he was 12.

A month goes by, nana is over at our house, She is meeting a group at a resturant around 6, Dh says he will be home by 5:30. He calls at 5:30 says he is leaving now and will be home in 15 mins, It's a 20 minute trip and the roads are bad with snow. He doesn't know his mom is here and thinks DS and I are counting on him coming home, ASAP. I wait until 5:50 Although I really needed to leave at 5:30. I decide to bring DS with me to my meeting, Nana says no she'll wait until hubby gets home and then she'll go to the resturant. I still have no idea if Dh called after i left and talked her into it or Ds didn't want her to be mad about watching him or she decided on her but she left him, she called me and told me both dad and i should call and check on him, I was going to leave the meeting and come back and get him, but she assured me DH woudl be there soon and that it woudl be fine. I had every every every intention of calling DS but walked into a high drama situation at the meeting and totally forgot to call him until it was over AN HOUR LATER. I felt like such a pile of poo. Ds did NOT have my cell. I was relying on dad to come home, and he did but it was 6:15 which meant ds had been alone for 20 mins. I AM NOT ok with doing this again. I feel like since we did it once DH took advantage of it and broke his promise to be home on time number one, and somehow now His mother thinks that this is an ok thing to do, too. I know i am ultimately responsible for trusting them, and it did turn out ok, BUT there are so so so many things that could have gone wrong that now my trust is totally broken. i've made arrangements for a reliable friend to watch him instead. I Will wait until he is Atleast 10 before trying even a quick 5 min thing, And I don't think i will leave my son and Daughter alone together until she is 14. because she woudl provoke the heck out of him.

So I don't know what to tell you. Like you said a happy medium is best. For the record though, I haven't met any free range children that i would consider role models. I tend to think their parents just don't want to be bothered with them less than they made a concious decision to allow the child to be responsible. my 2 cents, let'r rip.

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Well, this was an accident, but today I forgot that school got out early and my 9 and 6 year old were home by themselves for over an hour while I was at the park with my youngest. Whoops! I felt bad, especially since I did not leave a note so they had no idea where I was. But on to your actual question...

I would probably be initially surprised to hear that she leaves them on a regular basis, and then I think I would very quickly come to the realization that it is fine. I took care of 4 younger brothers on a regular basis when I was 9, while my parents ran errands or worked. My neighbors often put their 8 year old in charge of the younger ones and let her take them to the park down the street. My husband wishes I was more free-range, as when he was a kid, they were off playing all day, just had to be home by the dinner bell, and they would go do all sorts of crazy stuff like play with bb guns and slingshots, go play in the river, play car tag, roam through cemetaries, and all manner of activities that make me cringe. In fact, he was just telling me his boss bought season passes to a nearby amusement park so his kids (9, 6 can ride their bikes there when they are bored...by themselves. Yeah, I about had a heart attack with that one. The area we live in is fairly safe compared to many other cities, but no way in hell would I be letting my kids go to an amusement park by themselves. I think I am pretty lax in that I let the kids play in the yard and with the neighbors without me being out there supervising, and I get the vibe (just from being on this site) that most moms these days would not be cool with that!

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By age 10 a child should be working on the responsibility of having home alone time and having some experiences of doing it. With 2 kids it makes it easier sometimes because they will be extra good so the other one won't be able to tell on them for anything.

I think it is a lot of responsibility for the kids to have to do so much in the mornings though. If they have close neighbors who know the circumstances that can come running if called or that can check up on them if they don't see them leaving on time then they are watched, just not obviously.

I think that these kids are doing okay. I would like to see if they are doing a good job of it myself though. They may be doing it very well.

As for my thoughts. What about Spring Break and up coming summer? There is no way a 7 yr. old and a 10 yr. old should be left alone all day to fend for themselves. They should have some sort of care set up for them in those instances for sure.

If it is working for her, and the kids are getting to school ok, then it seems like she is making a fine choice. The more that kids are given, and can show they can handle, responsibility, the better.

That said, not all kids can handle it. And 5 & 8 is probably too young. The 7 yo is too young by him/herself. A 7 and a 10 yo together don't concern me.

I'd love to be a free-range mom, but I will probably be pinging from helicopter to free-range, depending on my mood. My poor kiddos.

yeah, no, you're right. crazy lady. anything could happen. maybe i'm a helicopter mom (if i am i'm not apologizing for it) but that lady is crazy. her kids aren't any smarter or more special than other kids. stuff happens. there are psychopaths out there...

nope.

This works for her. She trusts her children and the children know what has to be done and when. This is GREAT for them! They are becoming self-sufficient citizens! YEA! For them!

For us it is about their maturity and how they handle things.

My boys are 9 & 11. We have left them home alone for 1.5 hours while we went shopping at Home Depot. They knew the rules and the consequences of breaking those rules.

We also allow our children to go to the park by themselves. My 11 year old has a cell phone. They know the rules - they are NOT to split up. They have been walking over to the park about 1 block away for 2 years maybe more.