Foster Parenting

K.--I can't give you any specific advice, but my husband works for a non-profit that provides a lot of fostering services. He said they would be happy to hook you up with foster parents to get "the real story"...there is certainly a need.
You can email him (he said) at ____@____.com wishes,
C. Brooksie

I am currently 41 years old but I was a foster "child". I would like to say to you being a foster "child" how I felt in foster homes. I felt that I had nothing of my own to call my own. I felt like when something went wrong in the house it was all my fault because I was the foster "child" and there was something wrong with me, in which there was not other than I already felt rejected. What I would like to offer to you is the questions: Are you able to handle whatever comes your way? Each child is different with different needs and basically one of them is needing to know they are LOVED and SECURE. Will you treat the child different from your own? If so, then don't become a foster parent. Children are so innocent and are not the reasons they are in foster homes for the most part. Their parents or caregivers were not able to care for them but the child will feel no matter what it is their fault. Also money issues, the agency will not pay you all that you will pay out for any child. You will find yourself not being compensated for taking care of a foster child, that you will invest money into a foster child IF you ar the type of person that will love UNCONDITIONALLY and not make money an issue. The sooner a child is acclamated to your home with chores and feeling a part of the family the easier the transition will be. If the child has an avenue of counseling I would so recommend it so that the child and even you are able to iron out issues that deem difficult. And please do not remind the child they are FOSTER because deep down we already know that and we already feel displaced, without and alone. When the child turns 18, will you turn them out on the street as the agency will, with no more money, nothing? My 18th birthday, my gift was to be on my own, instantly...but I had foster parents who did not do this to me, they allowed me to stay and I did have a job to contribute as if I were on my own. I wish you all the best in your decisions to become foster parents. This is a hard decision because we don't always come as babies, we come at 6 and 7 years old and even 14 years old with hardships and school of hardknocks. Please beware that you will get a 2AM phone call of children being taken from their parents and will you be prepared for what comes when they finally arrive at 5AM?? No clothes, no shoes, nothing but what they were wearing. Please consider everything and allow GOD to lead the way for you. Please email me if you want more insight of how I felt or what I went thru being a foster child. With the right foster parents, the child will be in the right place. Let me know.

LYNN

K.: You must go through training classes first. There I learned everything I needed to know and I had the chance to visit with the supervisors and foster parents. Some had years of experience. The whole thing depends on your goals, your current family, your ability to be flexible, but mostly your ability to love. Be careful and choose a child that fits. I taught school for many years so I am experienced in being flexible but firm. I am also open minded so I was first offered a teen girl who is a gothic. Go to the classes - you may give some little boy or girl the love and support they so desparately need. God Bless you. Pray about it. God has a plan for you. (K. - I just read a response and it is NOT true that most of these kids have done something wrong. NO NO NO.... some have and I've worked with them and it can be rough but one teen just needed love and a place where he felt safe. Go to classes and don't listen to nay-sayers - you could save a child and be sooooooo blessed in your life.

I used to work for an agency that placed children with foster families, and I can tell you it can be very tough. As you might imagine, many of the children who wind up in these situations have emotional baggage to deal with. What many foster parents don't understand in advance is the type of behavior problems that often come along with that emotional baggage. These children have often been hurt, and they therefore don't always trust "parent figures." This SOMETIMES results in defiance, rudeness, cursing, name-calling, inappropriate sexual behavior, destruction of property (theirs OR the parents'), and trouble at school. Most mature adults are capable of dealing with these behaviors IF they don't allow the child to draw them in and "push their buttons." That's the difficulty, since many foster parents haven't dealt with behaviors like this until they have a foster child in their home.

Being a foster parent is VERY rewarding, but please make sure you're prepared first! Talk to lots of experienced foster families, read everything you can get your hands on, and take classes (plural) on positive discipline. Don't expect that if you've already raised your own child(ren), you are totally prepared to parent a foster child. I highly recommend any book or audio book in the Love and Logic series. Just look on Amazon.com for Love and Logic. Best to you in your endeavors! There is an extreme need for foster parents in just about every area of this country.

We have friends that fostered two sisters several years ago and ended up adopting them. We were all a little surprised, as our friends were only about 26 at the time, and these girls were 6 and 7 years old. The wife had taught one of them in first grade though, so there was that connection. Anyway, things seem to be good for them. One of the girls is well behaved and seems to be very grateful for the life she now has. The other misbehaves often in serious ways and seems pretty ungrateful. She is definitely an attention seeker. However, you never know how your biological kids will act when they're adolescents either. I don't think our friends have any regrets about the fostering and adoption, despite their struggles with the oldest girl. They've had two children of their own since the adoption, so they have a very full house.

My mother in law has a sister who is actually a foster sister. She was never officially adopted, but she is treated as an official member of the family. I think in their case, foster parenting probably saved her life. She grew up in a normal household with brothers and sisters. Her children grew up with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I often forget that she's not actually a blood relative.

So, while I have not fostered myself, the people I know who have have had a pretty good experience with it. Good luck and God bless!!

I am actually a foster parent recruiter and trainer. I used to be a counselor for foster kids. I would be happy to tell you the whole story if you want to know anything. It is better to know going in so that you know what to expect and weather it really is something that you would be comfortable doing. What area are you from? I have an informational meeting scheduled for Monday.
JP
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I have been a foster parent for 10 years it can be very reward but trying. Making a difference in these kids lives is something to be proud of it takes a lot of work. You have to adapt to "strangers" no matter what age, coming into your home. But I have found once you lay down the rules, which you need to do right up front, then everything goes smoothly from there. Some Children "fit" right in and enjoy the security and guidance.I will say dealing with the cabinet for families and children and some of the judges has not always been pleasent but just like in any area of life you will have the good and the bad. It's almost embarassing these days to admit you are a foster parent even when you are a good one because all the media seems to show or report are the bad ones but if you have it in your heart to help these kids out in a time of need, to take them into your home and give them love, shelter and much needed guidance you will do fine and find it very rewarding.some of the situations you will be put in are very very trying but once you begin to see a difference in the child it is very rewarding but some of the situations that these kids come from and some of the decisions made by the workers and the courts can be very very frustrating. Just hang in there and know in your heart you are doing your best to help these kids... Good Luck

hi, I have been a foster parent for three years. I only foster one child at a time. I have had a. Unique experience of having no trouble, and having great kids( I foster 4 yr and younger). I have only had one bad social worker, my current one, she doesn't keep me informed.
Overall I would suggest anyone to do it, if you take the class, you will be well prepared to know if you should or should not do it. About 20 percent drop out after the class.

Hi K.,

I am a social worker and have worked w/foster parents and foster kid...it is a huge job...but I do commend you for thinking about this job..it is wonderful to find people to care enough to help these children...however..it is a BIG job...please consider the age of child...the younger the better...also try and get as much information on child as possible..and don't accept:fire starters..or bed wetters...the kids will probably have some type of problem...just from living w/dysfunctional parents...be very aware that these kids have ISSUES...you must be willing to endure a lot...driving them to therapy...school..and other activities...plus other people in you home..counselors..other friends of foster kids...also think about the change in your own family dynamics...even w/your pets...husband..or kids...this is a huge undertaking...think about it carefully..but it is very much needed...and very rewarding...Keep me posted..

V.Mitchell
Memphis,TN..

I am a counselor with a therapeutic foster care agency. We provide services for some very difficult kids. Most of our kids have physical and verbal aggression issues, and often more serious problems. This being said, we have many kids that, when matched with the right foster parent, do a complete turn around. It can be a very rewarding experience. If the more challenging kids aren't for you, fostering through the Dept. of Children's Services might be better. They often place younger kids and kids with fewer problems. Hope this helps

I watched a show on tv the other night about a foster child that was really wild.... turned the entire family upside down and wrecked everyone's life.

I also had a friend who did that and she got a bad kid... apparently most of the kids that have to go to foster homes have done something wrong.... I don't know if that is the case or not.... but anyway she got this little boys and according to her he was the sweetest thing and the best thing and they were one big happy family and she was giving him everything that he always needed, bla, bla, bla....
Till one day you knew something was right but she wasn't talking. Then finally later down the road we find out that the little boy is going somewhere else. Then find out shortly after that they are getting divorced. Come to find out all the hell that the little boy put them through really screwed up their family life and their marriage. I lost touch after that.
So..... that put a bad taste in my mouth with fostering.
But you have to make that decision on your own.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best.

Before you get into it make sure that you "REALLY" love children and not the money!!!
My grandchildren landed in foster care and the only thing they wanted from them was the money and labor (ages 8&9 at the time). Once their kitchen was remodeled they were sent to another home for more of the same!

Hi K.! There is a real need in the state of TN for good foster parents. If you are interested check into it. You can call the Department of Children's Services Monday through Friday at 1-800-856-5488. I work with children who have been abused and I know first hand that the Department of Children's Services needs good foster parents. If this is touching your heart right now check into it. Being a foster parent is not an easy thing to do, but it is very rewarding and the children whose lives you touch will be blessed.

i have not been a foster parent myself, but i do know one. my sister in law's mother has been a foster parent for many years, and the main con that i see with her, is that she becomes very attached to these children. she now has five children in her home, four of who are adopted, because she could not bare to let them leave her home. the fifth child is the biological sister of one of the adopted children, so i am sure that should she wind up beeing adoptable, she will adopt that little girl as well. i think that it could be a wonderful and fulfilling thing to do, but really, how could you deal with the pain of loosing these children every time they move on in the system?

I'm glad you posted with this question. My husband was a Foster Teenager but for the most part spent time in Juvenalle Hall due to the fact most Foster homes do not want teenagers. He had a hard time growing up feeling like no one wanted him. It's sad at the age of 38 he had his first Birthday party and really didn't know what to do, as it felt forgein to him. Needless to say he had a rough life and his addictive personality turned into drugs and living on the streets. He became clean and has been for 19 years and I can say is the smartest person I know. Anyways with this we have decided that we will become foster parents for teenagers. With his knowledge and my compastion I think we will make a great team in Fostering. My heart wants to start fostering right away but I know we need to wait till our kids are older. Good luck!