Forgets Homework

The brightest of children are the ones that sometimes lack common sense, or as you put it forgetful airheads... She may not be able to help this unless you get her on a consistency plan. Work with her teacher on this. Most kids today have planners that they write homework in. Explain to the teacher what is going on and have her take the time to have your daughter check her planner at the end of the day and put the proper homework or books needed in her book bag. Ask the teacher to check to see if she has the proper material. This will ensure it all makes it home.

This does not always mean your child has a problem (ADD, etc...) The smart ones need help too!

The teacher should not have a problem doing this. They don't want their students to fail. However, if you have a problem with the teacher, go above her head.

C. T.

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Before you run down that ADD/ADHD road, it just may be a matter of how she is organizing herself. As my husband said to me, " All the times I delivered the kids forgotten lunches, homework to school, when they were in second grade...it came back to bite me in 3rd!" I was enabling them to be disorganized! By third grade, I got fed up and made my son start a bulletin board w/ post-its. Each post-it had a different morning message: For two weeks after he started this system, I made him read them out loud at night, (some days he sang it out loud, did it to a beat of a drum....ANYTHING to make it sink in!) then he would organize himself for the morning, including laying out outfits. In the morning, same routine - he read the post-it's out loud to make sure all things were accomplished in the morning - including making his bed and picking up his room. Trust me....this routine got old and he learned. His morning routine, in 5th grade is so good...he even gets to read a newspaper in the morning w/ his breakfast, that's how much time he gives himself!

I also have a "NO FIRE DRILL" policy for my morning (implemented when my daughter was in 3rd grade - 5 years ago. It goes something like this: If the kid's run around, disorganized, late for school, can't find socks and make the morning generally un-peaceful - they are grounded ONE HOUR after school, no playing w/ friends/no TV. The hour starts AFTER ALL HOMEWORK AND CHORES ARE COMPLETED. (Sometimes they like to do their homework in the evening - it's not an option if they've created a fire drill in the morning! ) I don't yell - I just say...."I've had enough...and just give them the NO FIRE DRILL grounding! They hate this punishment. Haven't had to use it in a while. Best of luck!

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Coming from a childhood "airhead" myself, I think it helps if you first stop to wonder, what is in her head if it is not focusing on bringing her homework back. Is she extremely creative and working on things under the surface of how to create her next masterpiece? Is she being distracted by too much stimulation in the morning from TV? If she is an artistic sort, there is not much you can do to help her change just to make things run more smoothly. In fact, you don't want her to change. God made her the way she is and she will be a great creative talent if you can find ways of encouraging that side of her without defeating her by negatives as to why she can't be more like so-and-so. Are there ways you can help simplify her life so that her homework is always done and put back in her backpack immediately and her backpack put by the door every time so she doesn't have to expend any thought it remembering to bring it. For people like me (and some of my 5 kids) it's not that they don't have the capacity to remember, it is that their mental resources are taken up with things they don't consider so mundane. It's the way we are wired, not some deficiency. Work with it, not against it.

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Does she have trouble remembering which books to bring home or just to bring it home?? How about giving her a "special" bracelet that is a homework reminder. She knows that when she touches and sees that bracelet that she should be bringing home her work.

My daughter's class in 3rd grade filled out assignement sheets daily as a class so the teacher was reminding them to bring home the work when they filled out the sheets and the sheets had to be signed daily by the parents. You could talk to her teacher about doing the same with your daughter.

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I am currently reading, "A Mind at a Time" by Mel Levine. I have gained a whole new perspective on my son's school issues. This is from the book: First, every child wants to suceed and win your approval. Every person has strengths and weeknesses and can improve memory skills with the right tools and support. Some kids after awhile give up and assign themselves labels that lowers their self esteem (lazy or stupid). What I have learned to do is to listen to why the problem is occuring and try not to find fault in the child but what is lacking and how can I help. Then see how to enpower your daughter to help herself. I would get her involved in buying a planner and devising a organizational system. The book also talks about enphasizing the positive, so for your daughter - she is very bright and can do her homework - but we need to help you keep track of it better so you can get the grades you deserve. Then when she does remember her homework a positive reenforcement is best. We do a chart of one week then a small reward or just the star on the chart is sometimes enough. If she forgets again then remind her of the system she put in place and try again tomorrow.
I hope this helps. My situation is a lot different but it has helped me get a better perspective on why my son has some school and home issues.
Good Luck

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How about when she's finished with her homework, it goes right into the folder which goes in the back pack? A few gentle reminders might work here.

realize that this may be out of her control. My son is almost 8 and in the 2nd grade and unable to follow more then one direction. This is so frustrating! After some testing, along with his tourettes he has a learning disability- not just ADD or ADHD. We do brain exercises for him. Perhaps at school she can tape to her desk a check list so she can follow that and ask for the teacher to remind her to look at her list. This is also frutstrating for the child. They feel stupid and self esteem really goes down. So have a reward system in place for when she does remember everything. good luck!

Maybe punishments are not the answer here. Try a reward system. Parents are so quick to punish a lack of interest in homework, and noticeably they continue to see homework as a punishment. Punishing this rarely seems to work, expecially when they get older. Kids have to see the "HOPE" in the situation, to want to change a behavior.
Getting an assignment book, and having teachers sign it at the end of the day is a great idea, though give her a reason to remember to go to the teacher and get the notebook signed off. Use her interests as a guide. Special events on weekends, special outings with mommy, special outings with daddy, or games, toys she likes and wants. Maybe it can be as simple as her favorite meal/restaurant, or painting her nails.
Im all about punishing bad behavior when necessary, however it sounds like she's exhibiting a lack of interest here, and you need to find a way to get her interested again, and not by turning her off from the situation. Homework gets more important and there's a lot more of it as she gets older. This is the time to get her used to having to to it, and to encourage it before it's too late.

Below is a response I made to another mom about her son that wasn't doing well. I've responded to similar questions a few times. This worked for my mother and for a school I worked for. But I want to state that it seriously won't work if the parent and the teacher don't follow through on their end of the bargain. Here goes:

My mother had the same problem with my brother. Out of the blue he started failing. He wasn't doing his work or turning in anything that my mother made him do. This is also I system I saw used in a school I worked for once.

You get him an assignment notebook. Go to the school and show the teacher what you have and explain what you would like her to do to help you with your son.

He will be resonsible for writing all assignments in his notebook. At the end of each lesson, he will have his teacher sign the assignment book and make comments that need to be made. He has to take the book to her and have her sign it. She should not be required to remember it since she has a whole classroom of children to attend to.

When he gets home, you will check his assignment book. You will help him with assignments, studying for tests, creating projects and so forth. You can address discipline problems that very day. You will then sign for that evening and make any comments you need to make.

If your son does not bring home the assignment notebook, you will need to punish him by taking away a privelage and then also follow-up by going to his school the next day or calling the teacher that night. It is important that he knows this is required of him and that you are both trying to help him succeed. If you don't check it every night and follow through on consequences, the system won't work.

Make sure that you and the teacher know what he is supposed to do and what each of you is going to do so everyone is on the same page.

My mother also sat in on my brother's classes a few times which he found very embarrassing. She explained that he was not be responsible for himself so she needed to treat him like a small child. He went through this phase in sixth grade.

It didn't take long before he started to turn in his assignments, write everything down, and do well again.

Remember he's only a child and he won't take responsibility if he thinks he doesn't have to. It will be a pain to be so diligent, but it is necessary to help him succeed.

Does she have an assignment notebook? If not, you could go to the store and buy a really cool one that she'd like to have and feel important writing in it. Then she can write it all down. Good Luck! It tough! It will get better.

Hello! I've had that the same problem with all 3 of my kids. Does your daughter's school have an assignment book that you can purchase? The kids write down their assignments every day at school before the last bell. Our elementary level grades have the parents sign them every evening. The teachers also have an incentive contest for the kids that have kept their books up to date. Our schools have them available at registration starting at 3rd grade. If not, book stores like Borders or Barnes and Noble carry some great ones. It has really gotten my kids to be more accountable. Hope this helps, L.

I have no concrete suggestions about the homework, but I sure sympathize. My daughter was the same. She's 22 now, and my fears that she'd never make it in college or the workplace were unfounded, thank goodness.

I myself am sort of "naturally" disorganized, forgetful, what some people have considered air-headed. Once I hit adulthood, these traits (combined with the fact that I, like your daughter and mine, am smart) started making me interesting and endearing to most people.

When my daughter's college friends meet me, they say within a short time, "Oh my God, Kara, you're just like your mom!" and laugh. The thing is, if it's charming for an adult to be the absent-minded professor type, then how come a child shouldn't be?

My advice then is to express frustration with your daughter if you're feeling frustrated, but don't let anyone make her start feeling bad about herself for being forgetful. Last thing you want is for her to be a hypervigilant nervous little wreck, and that happens so easily with bright, disorganized little cooties.

I learned a ton in school and rarely had homework, especially not in elementary school. I taught high school language arts and had an endorsement in junior high social studies (I bet my stain remover can beat up your stain remover)! My students rarely had homework; I used a modified workshop approach. My students definitely learned, and they tested well - like that really matters, but never mind - and moved on to their next grade level with all the skills they needed to succeed. And I taught at a national-award-winning school, so students weren't allowed to fluff around.

What was my point? Oh, yeah... so a little girl forgets her homework when she's too young to have to worry about such nonsense anyway. What's going on in her head is probably a heck of a lot more interesting than the homework, and probably a lot more stimulating to brain development.

I say, if it's not a problem for you, go back to school, have her go in and get her homework, and enjoy listening to whatever she can explain to you about what distracted her from remembering the homework in the first place. Go ahead and let her know that you expect progress on this homework-forgetting issue, because it's her job rather than yours. But don't let it distract you or her from the fact that she's a cool little person whom you're lucky to have hanging around with you! Your baby is eight for only one year; don't let something small worry you so that you yourself are forgetting the important stuff!!!!!

So sayeth Queen E.. Hee!

Enlist the teacher for some help. I know they want to teach responsibility, and other great things, but as a former el.ed. teacher, I think that is all just a convenient excuse to take some of the responsibility off of them too, sure they are busy, the end of the day is hectic for everyone, but an extra 5 min. to stop, slow down, go over homework and making sure the kids are bringing it home saves a lot of trouble in the long run for everyone involved! A good teacher will make that effort for you, talk to them first and stop putting all the burden of the guilt on your child. As teachers, they are there to help and nurture too! Good luck!

Pin a note to her jacket so at the end of the day when she's ready to leave school, she sees it. She'll learn when she does it day after day. If she's ignoring it, there's another reason.

Can your daughter post a note in her locker that simply says... homework or don't forget my homework.

Or does she have to put her chair up on her desk before leaving school. When I was a teacher, I had a student who needed a reminder too. I put a piece of paper with the word homework on it and taped it on his chair (the opposite side of where you sit) so the only time he saw the note was when he flipped his chair on his desk before leaving.(All students did this so the custodian could easily sweep.)

Or can she ask a friend who is very responsible about remembering to bring homework home. Maybe she could report to her teacher before leaving, too. Where I worked, some kids did not qualify for special services in a BD/LD room, but a teacher from the room would still check on certain students in my room before departing for the day. (She would make sure a students would have their homework and check their desk to make sure it stayed organized.

I hope this helps.

I had the same trouble with my oldest son and years later he was diagnosed with ADD. He is very bright and just needs help with focusing and being organized.
Not to worry...you will be up to the challenge as I was.
My son is graduating this year from college with a degree in psychology!

I strongly reccomend a book by Howard Glasser, Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach. He also has a website and newsletter at www.energyparenting.com. A postive approach rather than punitive one can really help.

L.,

Is this the only thing she forgets?
You might want to have her screened for ADD.

S.

I haven't read through the other responses, so sorry if this is a repeat, but have you tried making sure her backpack is packed and ready for the next morning each night?

Hi L.!
My son is in fourth grade, and never had this problem until this year! He is in the gifted ed program at school, and quite simply, he thinks homework is beneath him!!! It really upsets me because it's still a responsibility that he needs to do. I told him I feel that laundry is beneath me too, but it still has to get done, lol! It seems that the homework is very easy for him. He gets zeros, but still gets a's in all subjects because he tests so well. I threatened to hold him back this year, but he's too smart for his own good, knowing i'll never let that happen, lol! Anyway, I resorted to taking away his DS, until summer, and the next time, I will take away WII until summer. That has been the only punishment that scared him! He has not been forgetting homework since then. I'll keep my fingers crossed! Rewarding them for doing their homework never works. I don't want to reward him for doing something that has to be done, because I think it sends the wrong message.

Also, I received an e-mail from a gifted ed site, (about.com) and it stated that it is a very common problem amoung very bright children.

Hope this helps!