C.B. asks from Sunbury, OH on August 25, 2006
? For Stay @ Home Moms
I'm currently a SAHM working as a nanny/sitter mainly on he weekends. My husband works a full time job from 7am- 3:30pm and a side job which hours vary. He does not do anything around the house. He feels it's my "job" . My "job" is NEVER ending. He's off @ 3:30 and feels he can just sit and watch TV til bedtime. If the baby won't sleep at night, neither do I. I'm usually up til at least 12am finishing laundry, dishes etc. because my daughter is so demanding during the day, and I like to take her out, so we're not stuck inside all day for me to clean. Somedays I feel like I should get a job outside the home just so maybe he'll help me.
I guess my question is should my husband be helping?
What do your husbands do? Or do you do everything?
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
Wanted to THANK ALL of you! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I had a long talk with my husband about how overwhelmed I feel. He says he really wants to try and help me more, and agrees not everything is "my job" around here. So this weekend I would ask nicely for him to do things, or kindly ask him to help, and made sure to thank him. It's going to take a lot of work to break his old habits, but we've got to do this together. I hope to see improvment, but we'll see!
L.K. answers from Cleveland on September 28, 2006
So I am in the same boat as you. My husband works for a car dealership and is working quite a bit. But then comes his days off and he just thinks "hey, it's my day off, I shouldn't have to do anything" I try to tell him that I haven't had a day off for 5 1/2 months now, I mean there is nothing I love more than being a stay at home mom, but we need breaks too. I really don't have any great advice, because nothing I have done or said to my hubby seems to work, but just wanted you to know you are not alone in this one.
D.H. answers from Cleveland on September 26, 2006
helping,yes i believe so...50-50 isn't that what marriage and parenthood is about???? i believe so...My hubby works and does laundry, and vacuumes...my son cleans the bathroom and garbage..i do dishes , cooking and all other needs...this way everyone is happy. including me..i'm an artist and now have time to paint to sell the artwork. it's a win win situation here..try and make suggestions.
C.H. answers from Detroit on September 25, 2006
Don't feel alone in this.
My husband is the same way.
He thinks I should do it all, I am also a SAHM with 3 boys.
J.A. answers from Cincinnati on August 28, 2006
Hi C.. I'm also at SAHM and I also babysit during the week. I do all the house work on top of babysitting 4 children and taking care of our 2 children. We made an agreement when I decided to stay home that I would take care of the chores. However when he is home he does have to share the duties when it comes to taking care of our children. If I'm doing a chore or tending to one of the children I babysit for he gets our children what then need, ie: a drink or something to eat, help with homework, etc. In addition he also understands that it can be overwhelming at times and I can just ask him if he could help me put laundry away or something like that. The way I see it is, I would rather work my tail off to be at home with my children than to work outside of the home. I also found that when I did work out side of the home, I was still doing the same chores. I guess it just depends on what you want. I'm okay with my husband not doing that much. Hope this helps. Jen
1 mom found this helpful
E. answers from Dayton on August 25, 2006
In order to maybe put it in poerspective, my husband is home all day with our 4 yo son while I work 40+ hours. I get up early, do a load of laundry, unload the dishwaher, and tidy up. Then when I get home after 8+hours, the house is trashed, my son hasn't eaten or been engaged enough to suit me, and the laundry I put in before work is still in the washer! I feel like I work two full-time jobs, or aer expected to. My husband has it easy. He wears what he wants, he has no one telling him what to do or how to do it, he can enjoy my son's company during the day. Still, I give him the weekends to be off duty, even though at times I wonder when it will be my turn to have "me" time.
1 mom found this helpful
K.C. answers from Columbus on August 26, 2006
I can definitely undertand your frustration. I am a SAHM of 2 young girls and before I moved to Ohio I did in home daycare for 3 additional children. My husband went through that phase of all the house work being "MY JOB" so.... I left him home for one whole day with our kids and a schedule of my day, the cleaning, laundry, cooking, dance class, potty training, etc. Well that was a great idea because he realized that "MY JOB" was definitely harder than his. He ended up praising me for the work I do and now even though he works two jobs outside our home he understands that what I do is work too and he helps out alot around the house. My husband works from 8am-11pm five days a week, so if he can manage it, your husband has plenty of time to help.
1 mom found this helpful
C. answers from Grand Rapids on August 25, 2006
I totally understand your situation. My husband works extremely long hours and has told me " I have a job, I shouldn't have to do anything at home". I understand that our husbands work, but my theory is that they are still part of the family. I work part time, so my full time job is the house and kids (4). He works full time, so he should contribute part time to the housework. We have had many discussions about this and he now sees that he needs to help somewhat because it's just really hard to get it all done with kids at home. Before you decide to get a job, I would have a long talk with your husband and make sure he's willing to pick up some of the work, because if his attitude is that it isn't his "job" that won't change when you work and then it will just be one more thing for you to juggle on top of everything else. Make sure he's on board before you add something else to your life.
D.Q. answers from Dayton on August 25, 2006
I am also a SAHM and I babysit 5 days a week as well. Over the summer I could have 12 kids at my house. Now that school is back in (thank goodness) I have 4 kids here and the oldest is 3. He is mine. My husband gets so mad because laundry isn't put away and he has to look for socks sometimes. I told him that if he doesn't like it to put his own clothes away. he won't even do that. He says it is my "job" to do it. He never gets up if the kids do and I get up with them every weekend. I say do what they have suggested. Go on strike. Let them know how hard it is. My husband could never do what I do. I feel for you. I know how frustrating it is when they come home and do nothing. My hubby has now decided to go golfing every Saturday. That's his outlet. I keep asking him when I get to have some time to myself and it has yet to happen. I ususally get to take one to the grocery store. Good luck. You are not alone.
L.I. answers from Youngstown on October 09, 2006
I just joined the site ....
Do NOT get a job outside the home if its not financially needed ...well, wait :)
the reason I say that is my ex was like your husband, and i got a job to get away, but all that happened was I just added more to my already crazy day.
I do recommend getting a PT job though because we ALL need time away. You NEED to be an idividual, otherwise you start to blame others for your misery. If you break away, you will appriciate your daughters smiles when you walk in from work.
So, it goes either way, you will add more to your life, but at the same time you need to in order to be a PERSON, not mom/wife only.
T.M. answers from Columbus on August 25, 2006
I went through the same thing with my husband. I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years and we have 4 boys. I never stop!!! My husband was the same as yours....he only worked his 8 hours and that was it. Then after our third son was born I had to have major surgery. He had to take over. After having to to my job for 6 days while I recovered he changed his mind set. Now he may not help a lot during the week....but he does a ton of stuff on the weekend. During the week he loads the dishwasher and takes out the trash and maybe run the sweeper every now and then. On the weekends though he will do everything but laundry...only because I don't want him to mess with my system on that.
Maybe if you take a couple of days and don't do anything....go on strike!!! Another idea a friend of mine did was make a bet with her husband. They each spent two days recording everything they did in their day . Then they compared notes. She bet him that he could not do her job based on the list for the weekend!!! If he could she would spoil him with his favorite dinner and a loving massage. If he could not do it then he had to start doing more to help her.
I know what you are going through and it is a horrible place to be!!! I wish you all the best!! Keep your head up though.....things do kind of settle into a manageable routine after awhile.
M.R. answers from Toledo on August 27, 2006
My answer to that question is YES! Mu husband felt the same way when our first was born. I was at home, trying to start a business and take care of a baby. He would come up and get upset when I asked him to take our son for awhile so I could go relax. In his defense....I now know that he just didn't get it.
When our son was 9 months old we went on vacation for 9 days. It was the first time that he got to be with a baby 24/7 for nine straight days! HE GOT IT !!!!!! From that point on, he helped more. And actually once my business got going more and more, he does all of the cooking and most of the laundry.
But YES he needs a dose of reality! My husband sure did and thank goodness because I was considering leaving him at the time. Those first 9 months were tough and just got tougher when he could walk and get into things.
I hope you can somehow arrange for him to spend nonstop time with the baby. Maybe you can go away for the weekend and leave the baby with him. That would help him get it and you get a break that you probably need badly!