For Moms with Three or More Children

i found it rougher going from 2 to 3. The first two had each other to play with so didn't "need or want" #3 so i was always having to play with, entertain etc. #3

Going frm 1 kid to 2 was a breeze because #2 became #1's "baby"!!

Hi J.,
I found it hardest to go from two to three personally. I love having three kids but I always feel like someone is left out or not getting as much attention. If I take one and my husband takes one, someone is always feeling like a loner. My last two were are about two years apart and I feel like my middle child gets a lot less attention than I would like to give her. The middle child has to grow up fast so giving it a good few years in between might be easier on everyone in the long run!
It is hard but worth it and I know my kids love having their siblings! Good Luck!

My last 3 kids are 22 months apart and then 3 years and 5 months apart. I liked the second gap that it gave me more time with my older kids before number 4 came along and he took up a lot of time. HE needed more of my time because he had some developmental delays in the beginning so I am glad for the 3 year gap. I had him at 34. It's also harder on us as we get older. After I had him perimenopause hit me bad too. SO I did not have as much energy after he came along. I would really think this through.

we have three children - we were planning on having them close together - had our first daughter in 1990 - then had a miscarriage between her and our second daughter... when I heard "it's a girl", I said, "you mean I have to do this AGAIN??????!?!?!?!?" (just because of society thinking you should have at least one of each). Well, my dh said he would be happy with 2 or help if I wanted to make more. lol

We kinda decided 2 was enough... but God had other plans - when our girls were 8 and 12, I was intensely watching Oprah's show on perimenopause... that was what my symptoms were leading me to believe I was going through... until I started feeling nauseous... I bought a pregnancy test and told my dh... "If I am,,, you are going in tomorrow! (that is going for a vasectomy, which he said he would do whenever)"

took the test feb. 12 2002 and cried for 2 weeks! I didn't want to be pregnant again or do diapers again or potty train again or clean up vomit again! Our girls were great and we were just getting our freedom back with them being self sufficient and most anyone could babysit - or our oldest could watch her sister if we weren't gone long.

well after worrying about being 40 and having a baby because the doctor was throwing a scare into us that something might be wrong with the baby cause I was "older" - he sent us to a specialist which cost over $100.oo to "explain to us the problem we might encounter". He didn't let us in on the problem only being a 5% chance. I was scared! I was praying so much - crying at the alter. All for nothing! The boy that we have is such a blessing.

I would suggest that if you know you want a 3rd, go for it soon... you'll have the children closer in age which will allow them to know each other better. In my family my parents had a very spaced family... I have a sister and brother that are old enough to be my parents... then about 11 years younger I have a sister that came and surprised my parents... then 7 years later I surprised them! I love my family but don't "know" them like I would like to. One other thing that bothered me a lot through school --- my parents were older than all the other kids' parents... I was afraid they were going to die (all through school). Now that they are gone and didn't get to see our son, or didn't get to see him much, I kind of wish we had him earlier.

So many many things to consider when planning a family!

Please if you have any questions, you can ask... I love to help!

Hi!
I am a SAHM of four Madelynne 11,John 8,Rachel 5,Zackary 3 everyone thought we should have stopped after the first two because we had one boy one girl but I always wanted a large family, it is alot of work but I wouldn't have it any other way. There was a big change tho from two to three simpley because you have two hands and two kids once you add a third you are kind of out numbered LOL. I say go for it but only you can really decided what is best. Good luck. Feel free to message me if you like even if it's just to vent to another mom. I also belong to www.cafemom.com it is a great place for advice.

I have three boys presently and think that it was alot harder going from 1 to 2 kids than 2 to three or three to four. I am pregnant with #4 and with the others getting older it is easier. The only thing that I had to think of was at the time I had a 6 1/2 year old and a baby so I had to balance worlds like that but I got out of the house way earlier with my third than I ever did with my 2nd!! Good luck. Mine are all about 3 years apart so that also might be a difference....

Dear J. J,
I am a SAHM of 3 boys. Their ages are 5,6 and 7. I didn't notice any thing different by adding our third child. I mean I was still changing diapers anyways and my house was always cluttered from baby stuff, but I still had enough love and time to offer our third child. I just made sure I stuck with the same routines as I did with my first two chldren. It all depends on what you as a person think you can handle. I am also a member of cafemom. It sure has been a big help for me. As has this site. Feel free to message me with any questions you may have. And best of luck in whatever it is you and your family decide.

Hi J.!
I am mommy of five...ages 7 (girl), 5 (boy), 3 (boy), & 10.5 month old twin girls. All are 23-26 months apart. Honestly, my biggest adjustment/hardest transition was going from 1-2!! Seriously!! Also, our #3 has been our easiest so far...well, the twins are good, too, there is just 2 of them! lol! I also think it was easier going from 2-3 because the oldest two played together all the time...had someone to entertain them while I took care of the baby. All my friends say #3 was the easiest, too! Go for it!! Good luck!! :)

Mine are 5.5 years, 2.5 years, and 7 months. For me, it is much harder (but exciting!) going from two to three than from one to two. The spread between my first two was more than we wanted, but worked out nicely because now I can count on my oldest to fend for herself while I tend to the two year old and baby. I worked full time until I had #3, so I know what it is like to be crazy busy. I also am a full time student now (no longer working) with the three, and I'm only hanging on because they are in day care three days per week. While the four days with them are fun, I am looking forward to school being over because I have so much homework, and the house and meals are just barely getting done. On the other hand, if I was stay at home all day every day, I'd likely lose my mind.
At first I was scared to take all three of them anywhere because I breastfeed my kids until one year old, and the baby was nursing 24/7. However, he is on more solid food now and more hardy, so I just tote everyone along to the YMCA and errands just fine (except the grocery store; there is no room for food!). There is no way I would be happy with three kids if my husband weren't so hands on. He is a busy resident, but when he's home, he's helping.
Life is good. Go for it!

I agree with most of the posters. It was not a big deal to add the third. My first two girls are 19 months apart. I didn't think much of them being so close because that was all I knew. In many ways, they got treated as twins... double strollers, same time naps, etc. People still always ask if they are twins.

My daughters were 3 and 4 (nearly 5)when my son was born. I was amazed at how different it was to have a bigger age span. The girls could do many things on their own and were very helpful. They were very excited about their brother rather than jealous. I am still glad the first two were close together as they can share so much and have much of the same interests (easier this way), however, I am glad the third came quite a bit later. It probably would be harder if the third was a girl as she might feel more left out at times.

I agree that you are already used to multiple kids. My mom had 6 kids and says the same thing even with the 6th kid. One of the harder things I've noticed is having to have three kids in boosters or carseats if you don't have a big vehicle. The hardest thing, I think, is finding a babysitter that can handle all three...and it costs a fortune! With two kids, I felt I could drop them off at friends' houses, etc. With three, I feel I really hesitate to ask except for one or two friends and then only very occasionally.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

K.

Hi J.!

I have to ditto what most other moms have said. I think it was harder to go from 1 to 2 than 2 to 3. I have 2 daughters 4 & 2.5 and our son is 3 months old. It can get a little crazy, but our son is SO laid back that it is a joy. The girls do include him in things, and my oldest will sing to him to try to calm him down. I think you have to decide what is right for you.

Good Luck.
K. O

How is it going now, with two children? How much support do you have: financially, physically, emotionally? Why do want a third child? I think you should ask yourself and your husband these questions. I have 3 kids: almost 17 girl, 14 girl, 13 boy. My last 2 were 51 weeks apart. So, I had 3 kids under 3 yrs old. Trust me that was not planned. Of course I am so glad and blessed it turned out that way. I was very fortunate that my husband was/is extremely supportive. My kids were/are also very low maintenance. We had no issues like sleep or behaviour. My oldest was diagnosed at 7 with insulin dependent diabetes. Even with the best behaved kids though, food, clothing and shelter is expensive and time consuming and labor intensive. Also, now that they are older, the expenses are greater with all their activities. Anyway, just some things to think about. Good luck, there are no right or wrong decsions.

Hi! I can't wait to see the responses you get from this question!
We have 3. My son was 4 1/2 and my daughter was 2 1/2 when the baby was born. She is now 5 mos old and my son will have his 5th birthday in just a couple of weeks.

I think it is harder to go from 2 to 3 children. We were just getting to the point where my 2 kids could play together, and we could do alot of fun things together. No need for a diaper bag everywhere you went. No need for a stroller. They could both walk -- just hold hands and go. No one needed to be carried.

Then.......came a baby. Now its stroller, or infant car seat - diaper bag... etc. Lots of feedings! It's not so easy to just pick up and go anymore.

I feel like I'm ALWAYS telling the older 2 to "stop that" or "Be quiet, the baby is asleep" or "No, not now - I gotta get the baby". Or if were playing and the baby wakes, I'm always rushing them so I can take care of the baby. I don't even really ENJOY my kids or are days together right now due to all the hectic ways and confusion! Which I was NEVER like that before the baby was born.

I also have a workaholic husband -- so it is me at home 24/7 with next to no help ~~ 7 days a week. (By the time he is home, he just throws off of schedule and the kids always want mom to do things (just like the other 6 days) and the baby just cries for daddy - and he's just cluesless on how to take care of her.

I feel as the days are just so hectic. I don't think I spend enough one on one time with ANY of them. And when I do, I'm so exhausted or stressed about the cleaning and laundry that is piled up.

I don't want to say I regret having a 3rd, I'm sure it will get easier -- but I do feel like I am experiencing post-pardum depression -- just 4 mos late!!

Oh -- and last thing --- if you think you and your husband barely have time for each other now - it gets even harder! We don't ever have time to talk without SOMEONE needing SOMETHING! The only real conversation we ever can getin, is at 2am. We currently rely on "text messaging". Hard on a marriage, I'd say.
We always had the "perfect relationship" Waiting till we were 30 to get married, 32 when we had our first. Financially stable and allows me to be a SAHM.

Good Luck. I hope you make the right decision for you. I'll check back to see what other responses you get!!

I have to agree with most of the moms, going from 1 to 2 was much more difficult then 2 to 3. You are used to juggling and not having enough hands when the third comes along. My two oldest are 22 months apart and then the other two are 27 months apart. Now don't get me wrong, it can definitely get crazy and hectic, but you seem to go with the punches much easier the third time around! Good luck!!

Hey J...
I have a 4 yr old boy, 2 yr old girl and a fresh 2mnth old lil boy.. it's a little crazy but it works out. my husband is gone all week being a truck driver so I am busy.. but i think as long as you have a repetive schedule that helps. I know that i need structure and you'll just fall into a nice routine that works for you. It makes is easier durning the day. Plus with the older two if my hands are busy (cuz we live w/ our grandparents to help out) i just tell my oldest to give his baby brother his pacy or rock him or just ask him to talk to him for a min.. It's crazy.. I won't lie.. it was easier for me to have had one and go to two kids rather than 3.. i'm still trying to figure out a nice routine since we recently moved in with my grandparents. But i have to say that since i still have them take naps and i have a routine bedtime it makes my day easier and then i may catch a few minutes to myself especially b/c i don't have anyone here to 'help' out with the kids. You'll figure it out and I wish you the best. Having kids is a 24/7 job. It just depends if you want to start over again and wake up threw then nights and literally be tied down with a newborn. it worked out okay for me and i would never regret it. Remember God never gives you more than you can handle. Good luck with everything.

M.

My oldest, girls, were 15 mos. apart. My son came when the girls were 3 & 4. With my girls, they didn't care if there was a schedule or not. With my son, he needed a schedule, which was very difficult because no two days were the same with his sisters activities. It was impossible to keep a schedule, and it was h*** o* him. That is the only thing I noticed. Otherwise, it was no bigger a problem having 3 than 2 children.
I would vote for the older ones being a little older when #3 comes along. Will help you when they get to college, also. Having more than 2 in college is rough.
R.

Hi J.,

I have 3 children. The oldest is a girl and the second a boy. They are 19 mo. apart. I had my third when my son was 2 and 2 weeks. (So that was 3 kids in 3 and a half years.) For me, going from 1 to 2 was much more of a transition than going from 2 to 3. You already know how to juggle with 2, so one more isn't much of a change. That said, it isn't easy either. I think girls are easier than boys when they are younger, but that could be the disposition of my girls. It really matters more on the personality and characteristics of the child. It's always a little scary, because you never know what this little person is going to be like!

It also depends on you as a mom. I was pretty uptight with my first about nap time and getting her on a schedule. By my third, I realized no matter what I did the schedule seemed to work it self out at 6 mo. So, with the third, we went to the gym, library, pool, whatever and just let her nap along the way. I tried to go somewhere everyday to get out and force myself to get ready for the day. That helped tremendously. And she naps now just as great as the two I stayed at home with all the time trying to put on a schedule.

I learned to let go of a lot too. I no longer am worried about the house being perfect and dinner being perfect. I have to plan a little more in advance and I try really hard to not bring them shopping with me. Really, it's stressful and worth it to go early in the morning or late at night. We do it sometimes though when everyone is in a good mood.

I really LOVE having 3 close together. They all sleep in the same room at night. I separate the younger two for naps, though my 3 year old is growing out of those now. They love being together. Hard, yes..worth it: YES!

Short answer: 2 was harder to get used to than 3. The third is always a gem! (Well, 99% of the time!)

Hi! I felt the exact same way and at your same age. I had two boys who were older than your girls, but toyed with the idea of a third baby. My boys are 15 months apart, and after 7-1/2 years, I thought of having another baby. My husband wasn't fond of the idea, because he thought we were at a good place with our boys becoming a bit more "independent" at the ages of 8 and 9. Well, I got pregnant, and after it was all said and done, the baby came 9-1/2 years after my second child. It has been awesome! The kids are helpful and love their little sister! The transition to three has been easy for us, possbibly because the boys are older. Of course, it's more Christmas shopping, but who doesn't love that?! Ha! I'm now 40 and have a 12, almost 11, and 18 month old, and love every minute of it! Time goes by too fast, so I'm incredibly thankful that I decided to have another baby! Good luck in your decision!

I love my three kids. THe first two are twenty months apart, then the third came 16 months later. A little overwhelming, but doable. The hinderance of having three instead of two little ones is what type of vehicle you fit into. We already had a van, which is good because three carseats are hard to fit into most cars. I take them all three to the grocery alone, out to eat, to the park, etc. I try to always park along a sidewalk at a restaurant so we don't have to cross the parking lot necessarily. That is easiest for me because I have the younger two hold hands while I carry the baby. I can also carry the younger two at the same time if I have to.

Well, I only have one kiddo at this point, but I come from a family of 6 and 2 of my sisters have 3 children and this is what they have told me: that it was more difficult to go from 1 to 2 than it is to go from 2 to 3. You have the hang of multiples already and what you need to do to juggle more than one. Another thing to consider is the spacing between children. Looking at the ages of your 2, hopefully they are sleeping at night, which always helps. Hopefully this helps toward a decision! Good luck!

I agree with the others, 2 to 3 was a bit of a challenge, not enough hands to hold theirs. Our first two are 20 months apart and the 2nd and 3rd are 38 months apart. They are now 17, 15 and 12. It was a little busy when they were young but there where some great points to closer together. We didn't have any small toys yet, so didn't have to worry so much about baby putting other toys in her mouth, second still napped afternoons for a while with the new baby, not too many outside activities yet while youngest was still really small.
The oldest will move away this fall to go to university and that is now the trying part, I will miss her terribly. Also, we moved 2000 miles away from our family when the youngest was 9 months old so there was no help with the kids.
Wouldn't change it for the world.

I have 3 young children - 6, 3 and 1... all their birthdays are within 5 weeks of each other in the summer. I think it was MUCH easier going from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2. When the 3rd comes along, are already used to splitting your time, making 1 child wait even if crying, while attending to another. You're a pro at juggling different schedules and feel very confident with your parenting skills. Moms with more kids tend to be more laid back, too, because they've learned what's really important and no longer stress over the minor stuff like we did when baby #1 came along.

One nice thing about our spacing (3 years and then 2 years betweeen kids) is that soon after #3 was born, our oldest was off at kindergarten all-day everyday so it gave me a bit of a break since I just had 2 kiddos around during the day. It helped ease into the 3 kid thing. :-)

I have 3 girls 8, 6 & 2. I think that going from 1 to 2 was harder than from 2 to 3, but I think it was because of the ages. The "big girls" are 25 mos. apart, but my little girl is 4 1\2 have years younger. Yes, we are outnumbered and there are more hands to hold than I have, but my 8 yr old doesn't need to hold my hand much anymore anyway. The big girls were really good helpers, they enjoyed rocking the baby and helping change diapers. Sometimes I have to remind the oldest that I am the mommy not her. She is such a good big sister. I have remarked to my husband that if they ever worked together we'd be toast, but so far that hasn't happened. I sometimes feel bad for the youngest because while the older two play together she will have no one her age and will be lonely, but the cars are not big enough for another child and I can't afford to buy two new cars. I know families who have stair step children, I think how crazy it must have been for them while they were little with diapers and toys and the lot. We never had that because of the age space. My little one got toted around alot to the big girls activities, but she now has many big sisters and grandmas and always had a lap to sit on! She has turned out to be very flexible and was portable even as a baby. Good luck with your decision.

Good morning. I have 4 children at home. 15 yo stepson, 8,7 and 3 yo daughters. My advice is that going from 1-2 is the hardest, going from 2-3+ is not that big of a deal. I would suggest you let your youngest get a little older. My first two (daughters) are 17 mo apart and then my third daughter was born when my middle daughter was 3-that was perfect. That would be my only suggestion. The other thing (so I guess I have two), is to think about how much help your husband is going to be able to give with the children. If he works a lot, it might be less stressful and better to have just 2. I couldn't do it without my husband helping with homework, soccer and softball practices and general life-work. Best wishes on your decision! A.

Once you are"outnumbered" it doesn't matter! LOL! We have five... and that is what I tell people when they ask. Ours are 2 years apart (with the exception of the first two - they are almost 4 years apart). Many people think this is a great space. Good luck!

Hi J.. We just had our third child...he is 3 months old and for us it has been a much easier adjustment. My oldest is five and my second is 3 (they are 23 months apart). So for awhile I really had 2 babies. With my second being 3 it has been so much easier. They are able to do some things on their own and they actually have really enjoyed the baby and they are a big help to us. Another reason it has been easier I think is when we had one child not much changed for us...we still tried to do it all(go everywhere, participate in everything)...adding a second we had to slow down, so we felt like well, what's one more. Another reason it was easier is my children had each other to play with and were not so demanding of my attention. We did however get a dream baby...he is already sleeping 10-12 hours per night, never has been fussy.... My husband has especially enjoyed this baby...I think it is because you realize how fast it is going to go. Hope this helps!

My husband and I have 2 daughters 18 months apart, they are my stepdaughters but have always lived with us. They were 10 and 8 when we had our son. Granted he has extreme special needs, but it really wasnt that hard. Idk what kind of vehicles u have however, you will need as suv or van. The girls adjusted really well, I think probably because they were older, but it wasn't really that big of a change, once you have 2, 3 isn't that much different.
Good Luck with your decision
J........

my personal opinion is that going from 2 to 3 is not as hard as 1 to 2. My first two were 20 months apart, and then we waited 6.5 years, which is probably a little long...but it was SUCH a joy and a help to have the older ones able to dress, go potty, get a drink, go outside by themselves, or they could help with the baby by patting him, getting a pacifier, getting a diaper, or they could even stir something on the stove while I got the baby. It was great. I would recommend a book, "The Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It's a WONDERFUL book written by a Christian psychologist, who does not tell you what to do, just what you might expect regarding the birth order of your children. Fascinating.

Hi J.,
I always think it is what works best for you and your family. I have 3 children, 16, 13 & 8, soon to be 9. I wouldn't change it for the world, 2 girls and 1 boy in the middle. I was told to stop after the first 2 I had my girl and boy. Then I was repeatedly asked if I was done yet. Not that I felt it was anyone's business if we wanted more children or not. Good luck. I really didn't think it was a huge change from 2 to 3. They just all went along. My husband worked long hours and evenings, but we made it work!