Flatulence - Am I Wrong to Request a Deodorizer?

That was hilarious - are you for real? Good thing you don't have a house of boys....they make contests out of it. "First chair in the butt horn section!"

Open some window and get a sense of humor.

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Why apologize for nature? When either my husband or I lets loose, the other may cheer for our comfort and admire the fart, especially if it's a really fragrant or loud one. We are just so glad the other is alive and living with us in a body!

Contrary to another letter, flatulence does not contain "particles" of poop, but rather volatile molecules which carry certain scent signatures, which fit certain receptors in your nose. Yes, these molecules (clusters of atoms, and way smaller than a virus) do arise from digested matter in the intestines, but they are NOT that matter – you are NOT getting poop in your nose, any more than you are getting flowers in your nose when you smell them.

If you find your husband's farts truly overwhelming in spite of your love, then gently urge your hub to use the bathroom or go outside if he is able. Some people are much more sensitive to smell or other sensory input, and that can be a difficult burden. It's best to have this conversation when he is not experiencing flatulence, though, or else you will certainly make him feel defensive and shamed and angry - not an easy place from which he might respond in a positive or adult way.

Be aware that virtually all air deodorizers contain toxic ingredients, and some are REALLY bad. I would NOT want to expose my child or anyone I love to those chemicals. I was exposed to airborne chemicals in the line of work for a couple of years, and have been ill ever since – I'm now so sensitive to traces of people's toiletries that I have had to leave theaters, restaurants and other public places when people come in wearing lots of perfume, and I can't even go into public restrooms that use air fresheners. Don't risk pushing your child in that direction! Here are just two of many sites where you can read about the risks, which include cancer and reproductive disorders: http://www.nrdc.org/media/2007/070919.asp / http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/38721

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I think you both overreacted. Of course, being a vegetarian family, we see our share of gas around here.

We always looked at it as a compliment. You are not going to fart in front of someone you don't love. Maybe he, in his odd way, took it like that?

I do think that humor is the best route. My husband will let one rip and I will be horrified and then try to top it. Then we laugh and move on. In the privacy of our own home that is.

If you guys are getting into this easily over a fart, then maybe the fart isn't the issue.

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Hello A.,

Flatulence is not pleasant but neither is being "rude" about it when it happens. If it is something he particularly struggles with a lot, perhaps you could figure out something that help his stomach digest better. The smell does pass but if it bothers you so much just keep fragrances going all the time or light them unoticeably whenever he is home. It is not worth making him feel like an inconvenience or nagging him to deodorize for himself. That's my 2 cents.

You want to be a fragrance of beauty to him in action and attitude? Yes!? Treat him well through the stink! :)

Just my 2 cents!

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Men are funny that way, and that's just what they do. I have 2 boys well 3 with my husband. They are proud of what their bodies can do. It sounds like maybe something else was bugging him. Maybe try to find out if there is something else. He does need to grow up though. That isn't something that is so important to fight about.

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I suppose if you're saying it in a kind, respectful way....

Hang in there! My husband's isn't so pleasant either. Sounds to me, though, like something else is bothering him - not just you burning oils on this occasion. Maybe he's really sensitive about his problem or maybe others have said something to him too.

I believe your request was more than fair. Men can be very infantile. Buy him some beano, you can get it everywhere. Costco has it of course in bulk cheap. Ask him to eat a bowl(1 cup)of Plain Fiber One every morning for breakfast, it tastes good and it will help to make his bowels move better so you won't have to smell there rebellion. Have him eat some prunes this will help too.

I don't think you're wrong at all, but he was probably embarrased. Maybe next time, you might just light the fragrant oil and say nothing about it. Trust me, I'm not the best at doing it this way when my husband has gas, but I've been trying hard so he doesn't feel bad about it.

This isn't a problem in our house as we don't seem to have a flatulence problem.

I don't think you did anything wrong in what you did, provided you did ask nicely. Next time, don't ask him to do it. Just do it. Don't say anything about the flatulence.

You might want to get more vegetables in your diet. Flatulence could be a dietary problem.

R.

Absolutely not! He should have the common courtesy to leave the room and fluff in private so as not to offend others (even if it is family.) Sounds like he has underlying stresses in other areas in his life and took out his frustration on the closest target. Let him cool off and give him some space. This is absolutely a miniscule issue blown out of proportion.

Hi A., no your not wrong, it's common courtesy.

Ok, he's gotta learn to laugh about gas. And admit it's awful when it's awful. What else are you going to do when you get old and fart jokes are all you have? Anyways, a true gas problem is uncomfortable in more ways than one. I highly suggest Hylands Gas pills. They are homeopathic, and you take them when you have gas. Unlike Beano, which you have to take before you eat. Anyways, the gas pills have helped keep me from gas poisoning on more than a few nights after broccoli for dinner. ;) Good luck!

It seems to me that your husband let you know your mistake when he apologized for "being an inconvenience" to you. Whether or not you meant it that way, it obviously made him feel unwanted when you complained of the smell. Yes, it's a reasonable request, but is it worth disturbing marital harmony over? I don't think so!! It's worth a little momentary personal discomfort to let your husband know you love him and will stick by him no matter how smelly he is. Trust me, he'll appreciate it!

I do not think you need to appologize for deoderizing the room, however I do think you BOTH need to lighten up about a perfectly normal and healthy bodily function. We all pass gas, if he gets upset just go get the deoderizer without making a big deal about it. Sounds like he is a little sensative about his flatulence. Good Luck

Hi A.,

I don't you were suggesting a bad thing, but I have ran into this problem several times before. My mother would complain to my father so much about this issue, that he would usually leave the house to deal with it and stay away from her for awhile. That was after the arguments that he didn't think it was a big deal and her insisting that it kinda was. Anyways, for my own experience, most guys I have known think it is rather humorous, until, as say, you ask them to do something about it. My husband is very noxious that way but I would just open windows, doors, etc., as he is very touchy about the whole subject (like yours) and feels personally insulted when I do even that much. But we don't get on well on many topics, this being just one. I would suggest that if he is uncooperative and takes it personally, that you do what you can and minimize it so he doesn't get upset. If you think you can get somewhere with him by talking to him about it when it is not happening and he can be calmer about the whole thing, then go for it. Personally, over the years, I have very much lowered my expectations for men in general on this topic and therefore find myself pleasantly surprised from time to time by the occasional thoughtful male. Good luck.

If something like that bothered him, there was probably something else that was probably bothering him more and that just tipped him over the edge. It might have been a tone in your voice, or it might have been that something went horribly on his trip. Did you ask him about his trip or welcome him home before asking him to deodorize? Just consider that it might have been something else and maybe, gently, ask him about it.
My husband farts a lot too, and his are very stinky, enough to make me gag at times! I just have a bottle of spray or a little box of matches available when we are together. I don't ask him to take care of it, I just spray. I just make sure that it isn't a scent that will make him wish he could fart again to get rid of the smell.

No, I don't believe you're wrong, and if I were you, I wouldn't apologize.

My husband can peel paint off the wall in the bathroom(exaggerating a little, but not much), and I have suggested he go see someone tooooo many times to count, and he won't do it. Most of the time he Ousts the bathroom, but sometimes he doesn't, and when I say something, I get the crusty looks too.

I don't know what's worse: breathing the odor or breathing in all the perfume from the spray. Neither one can be healthy, but at least the stench is gone.

Good luck to us both.

K.

I think you were rihgt to ask. Make sure you did it politely and if you didn't apolitize for not speaking nicely. Also if he was vary gassy he ate something that didn't agree with his system.

I will be married 20 years in September. My husband has smelled the house up I don't know how many times. I just get out the deodarizer and spray. Yes he gets mad when I spray (says he can't breath {hello,either can I!!}), but candles or oils, there is no way he'd get mad about that! I think you need to let your husband get over it! Does he think you should enjoy smelling that? But as far as you expecting him to light the oils or candles himself, I wouldn't expect to much.
S.

Sounds to me like there is something else going on...Is he angry about work? Is there anything else going on that this simple and reasonable request may have triggered a unreasonable response? good luck !

I would suggest that there is something deeper going on here. Something between you two that goes down to the heart. Have you talked and loved from your heart lately? My husband and I get irritated about these silly things when we feel lonely for each other.

On a practical view point, perhaps your husband doesn't feel good if his digestion is off. Mine is often off and we are working on a dietary change and healing from the inside out.

Maybe you could just burn something a half hour before he comes home? Or have candles burning in every room?

Hope this helps?

My husband goes on a lot of business trips. Somehow air travel always seems to bring on gas--a normal bodily function, however offensive.
I think the big part of your question is his behavior. all I can say is that I know that when my husband comes back after being away for a few-several days there is always a bit of readjusting to each other that we have to do. He's used to his independence and I'm used to being the authority around the house.
I don't see anything wrong trying clear the air with a bit of deoderizer. Hopefully he just needs to readjust to family life. I'd just let it go and see what happens. Good luck!

You were not in any way wrongin asking that he take responsibility for himself so that you and your daughter are not inconvenienced by the smell. You stick to your guns...has your husband seen a doctor about this problem...there are things that work very well. Charcoal tablets..really cuts the smell even ifthe still have the problem...a couple a day.
Bean-o worksvery well to pevent the problem. Does he have a dairy intolerance? L.

LOL! I don't mean to laugh at your situation, but it sounds so similar to mine, it just made me laugh. I'm constantly asking my husband to spray, light a candle or leave the room or do something, so I don't have to smell it. It's so unattractive. I mean, yes, it's completely natural, but it defintetly doesn't need to be shared.

I don't really have any suggestions, although from his response, it makes me think that maybe you could handle the situation differently. Use a different tone or different approach. Try some different deodorizer other than oils.

This is just me, but I would apologize, not for requesting that he use deodorizer, but for how I handled the situation and ask him if he has any suggestions.
Good Luck

He should know "it stinks" and communication is the best key. Let him know, polightly that it is offensive and you would to share the room with him and if it's "taco night" "fabreez it up". He should be okay. -washington