C.D. asks from Eureka, CA on July 05, 2011
Five Years Old Behavier
I have heard that testosterone spikes in boys at age five and then again as a teenager. My son is having tantrums almost like he's going on thirteen. He only listens part of the time he yells and doesn't do what we ask. If anyone knows what i can do or any information or if this is true and how long this lasts
T.V. answers from San Francisco on July 05, 2011
Never heard that, but I have the same advice as the mama whose having trouble with her two year old. Here's copy:
I was at a big 4th of July celebration yesterday. There were children of ALL ages and it was easy to see the parents who indulged their children's every whim and those who did not. It was equally clear, they all love their little ones just the same, except, I feel if you don't teach children while they are young, you are in for IT.
The teens from about 13 - 17 were perfect examples of how they were being parented.....I saw a lot of beautiful kids/young adults, but there were parents who gave their kids alcohol (private club you know and everything was free), to kids who actually were having a good family day alcohol free.
This was a country club setting, so I got the distinct feeling that some of the mother's of the young children wanted to have a free day and handed the kid's discipline and play over to dad for the day. Some of the dads took it seriously while other's just communed/comerserated together and let their kids run wild. Most of them were not up to the task.
The nicest observance was the moms and dads with kids of all ages who stuck together as a family and/or took turns to give each other a break.
There is no "trick" to getting a child's attention, especially a young child. When they decide to ignore you, by running off, throwing a fit, striking you by hitting or kicking (which are two of my personal peeves)....that is the time when you as "the parent, the adult, the one in charge"....needs to take charge. If it is a public situation, you pick the child up and remove them from disturbing everyone else. If it is home, you do the same, except you have the privacy of your home, your yard, their room, to get them calmed down and if they are old enough, get them to use their words and manners.
Nothing is going to happen over night, but if you allow a child will PUSH the envelope all the time, more trouble is on the way.. Consistency is my best advice.
3 moms found this helpful
B.M. answers from San Francisco on July 05, 2011
I've not heard that either but that doesn't mean much :)
I agree with the other post in that consistency is very important. Stick to your rules and boundaries, be clear and calm, don't give in...and hang in there. When my 5 yr old pushes it too far, I try to go over the rules, say things like 'we don't say those words' or 'can you say that in a nice voice/tone'. Even when pushing boundaries, they still want to please us so offering the chance to do it the right way, or reminding them of the rules, can help them calm down and try again...nicely.
Most of all, hang in there :) Good luck!
2 moms found this helpful
C.B. answers from Kansas City on July 06, 2011
every age and stage has it's challenges - six months ago had a newly turned four year old go through the worst stage of his entire life for tantrums and not listening - and they told me that the 4's are worse than the 2's and the 3's put together. there will always be someone to tell you, "oh yeah, this is normal, welcome to it!" but personally, i just feel that they go through great periods, then they go through periods of testing every single boundary you have ever set up. (actually i was told that 4 and teenage years are the hardest, so i don't know what to tell you about 5 lol) my son seems to go through it in cycles. yeah the 2's were a little rocky, then the three's were a little rocky, and yes, the 4's have been worse. is it because 4 is the worst stage, or is it because he's getting smarter and older and able to raise the stakes? who knows. i do know what you are talking about with the nightmare tantrums though. keep your voice lowered, stick to consistent timeouts, and get clamped down - warn him ONE time that if he does not stop X behavior, he will get a time out, and do it. stick to him like white on rice (sorry if that offends anyone, i never did get how that is an offensive phrase but...) and be his jailer for a little while - keep your cool the whole time - until he remembers who the boss is. sometimes they just have to go to kid boot camp for awhile and re-learn who is in charge. i am guilty of this too - i start "asking" him to do this, or to stop this, and on good days he is fine with that, but then he goes through periods that "nice mommy" doesn't get me anywhere. and then you just have to be tougher, more stubborn, and stronger than he is. and you are. hang in there mama.
1 mom found this helpful
L.C. answers from Washington DC on July 06, 2011
I regardless of the reason, I certainly wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior. You need to be firm, consistent 100% of the time, and assertive. You cannot let this child rule the roost and you've got to nip it NOW!
Set the rules and the consequences. Have him help you. Post them in the kitchen or family room and review them often.
If he tantrums, tell him that he can scream all he wants -- in his room. If he yells, he goes in time out -- every single time. If he doesn't do what you ask, he gets one warning and then heads to time out. I used to give them a task to do and tell them that they had to start it when their program was over, or at the next commercial, or in 10 minutes - I'd set the timer. If they didn't do it, they'd sit in time out and then have to do what I asked and one more thing... It might have been take the trash out, put their clothes away, vacuum the rug, pick up the legos - whatever...
A.J. answers from Williamsport on July 06, 2011
Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson is perfect for his age on ending tantrums. He'll be much happier when he's not allowed to act that way.
I have three non tantrummers and if it's one thing we NEVER did, it was ignore a fit or "let" them have one in their room etc. Each and every fit was addressed FIRMLY in it's very first seconds after one calm warning. Since it was obvious they would NEVER get away with it, they each only tried it a couple of times. They could be sad or mad or express emotion, but no angry toddler fits which are EASY to decipher. Even if the kids threw them in public, they were immediately disciplined, usually removed from the scene for discipline then RETURNED to the scene (we would NEVER let them off the hook by leaving a location) and given a chance to act well. And repeated as necessary (it was never repeated).
At 5 years old he A) HAS total self control, knows right from wrong and completely understands language and reasoning.
B) Is REALLY set in a bad habit that should have been totally nipped years ago so fighting it may be tough, and yes, now you're dealing with an older boy's testosterone.
But don't give up. Explain the new rules, then enforce. Any attempt at a fit should get one calm warning, then immediate maximum discipline delivered calmly. His choice, his consequence, no problem. Dont' get mad. Check out the book on Amazon, it's extremely helpful in putting the importance of a respectful attitude in kids which goes hand in hand with not tantrumming.
There is always a stage, an age and a reason to blame, but kids can learn not to have them, and they should. Don't ever worry about the "forbidding tantrums will crush their spirit" stuff. My kids are every bit as expressive as their tantrummy friends. And when our kids are upset, we know it's real.
Also, in a boy, it's very important dad steps up and takes the lead on this when he's around.