First Time on the School Bus

Hi M., I know this is a little late. However sense I drove a school bus for 16 years I wanted to add just a bit. As one of the other responces said. Most driver are very protective of the children on the bus. Please let the driver know your daughter is a little nervous. Check with the neighborhood and see if any friends are riding also. Most children do enjoy the ride on the bus, as this is a time of day they can visit with a friend, and not worry about school work. Your daughter should have a little name tag on with her name, bus stop name, and your number should they need to reach you for any occasion. Younger kids might ware their I.D. for up to 2 weeks. This gives the driver time to learn all their names, and makes sure they go to the right stop. No children are aloud to get off at any other bus stop without special permission slips. Bus's are the strongest built transportation on the road. More children are enjured in their parents cars every year getting to school then on a school bus. The seats are compartmentalized, so the kids are protected if they stay in their seats rights. Because of demand, new buses are being fitted with belts. Which to me, the only reason to have them is for the kids that don't stay seated properly. I am sure this could be a very good time for you child. Some may cry the first time, but as soon as the parent is out of sight the crying always stops, or at least it did with all the nervous children I ever had. Good luck and have a great school year with your daughter. N.. PS I really question some of the very negative attituds some of the other people had.PPS as far as pollution, if you put 80 kids on 1 bus, that's got to be poluting a lot less then 80 parents driving 80 cars on the road.

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On the familyfun.com web site they have a very cute bus cake that I made for my 2yo bday party. Maybe print out the recipe and get her excited - buy the ingredients together, make it together the day before school begins and tell her that you will eat it together after her first day of school (and her first bus ride to and from school). Maybe she will be concentrating on the cute bus cake and not think so much about the "scary" real bus.
Just a thought.....

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You might want to consider attending this conference coming up in October: http://girlsnowconference.org/
It was the original idea of a 15 year old girl who asked her mother about bullies, so the bullies are not only a problem of the young but continue to be a problem throughout our lives. The two topic that are the focus of the conference are self esteem and dealing with bullies.

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This might be way too soon, but here in Ann Arbor, the Junior League and the U of M have partnered to create a program called "Strong girls, Strong Moms". They do workshops regarding how to handle bullying and are quite awesome. I have been a member of the league for 13 years and this program is one of the best we have been involved with. I would urge all moms of girls to check into it. It's free to the particpants and well worth the time.

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Hi M.!
Is the bus company close by? Maybe you can take her to meet her bus driver and she can actually walk onto a bus to check it out. Here the drivers are very protective of the little kids and they usually have special seating and get a little extra attention. Sometimes they do practice runs for their routes so maybe you can set up a ride along for her so she can know what to expect. Do you have a commuter bus service in your town? Try riding that with her a few times so she gets the feel of riding in a bus atmosphere. Is there another child she can pair up with so they can sit together? That might calm her too.

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I would say, ask her to just try it for a week and then if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to go on the bus any more. I am sure after a week, she will start liking it. You can also say, "For every day this week, when you get home, I will give you a little present for being brave." OR you can give it to her in the morning, before she gets on the bus. It could be a little book, or a little figure or some colored pencils -- something that she can put in her backpack. Actually, maybe you can wrap the little present in tissue paper and tell her she can OPEN IT ON THE BUS! Then she would really want to get on that bus! Also give her a picture of you and her that she can keep in her backpack to pull it out and look at it on the bus. Good luck!

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Hi M.,

As a school bus driver for the past few years and a mom of 4 I can appreciate your daughter's and your discomfort. I suggest you take your daughter to the bus stop on the first day and meet the bus in the afternoon. Unless you have a stop just for her she will see the other kids playing at the stop waiting for the bus. Introduce yourself and your daughter to the driver and ask approximately what time she will be dropped off in the afternoon. Tell her to sit in the front of the bus so she can see out like in the car. Most 1st and 2nd graders sit in the front where the driver can watch them. Are there any classmates in the neighborhood? She can plan to sit with them on the bus. At this age they can sit 2 or 3 to a seat. The ride for most kids is about 10 minutes so it really isn't that bad.

Good Luck,
D. C

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I am also late in sending this. Have not been on site a great deal lately. However, when I read this I was compelled to respond. We adopted our grandson and raised him to now 18. We also had to pay for bus service and after driving him, he asked if he could ride the bus. We agreed we would drop him off and he could take the bus home. It allowed us a few minutes more to get home from work in the afternoon. However, two boys, supposedly from "good" families began to taunt him. "where's your M.? oh, that's right, your M. is DEAD!". When he responded in anger, the bus driver reported him for getting into a fight. We went to the school and got nowhere. My husband went literally nose to nose with the principal who did nothing. The one boy was on a little league team that went to nationals and won the school spelling bee. Of course, they would not do anything to him because he was the "good boy". Our anger was intense but in the best interest of our grandson, we tried to work with him in dealing with it. The bus driver ensued on a journey against our grandson and us, because we complained. After more incidents, we pulled him off the bus and drove him. The cruelty was just too much. Losing him M. and having his father abandon him was enough to deal with. Personally, I just don't think it's worth it to have them take the bus. As an add-on, my kindergarten granddaughter just told me about a boy who rides her bus who had a needle "like the doctor uses for shots" on the bus and injected it into another's boy's arm! This is in an affluent area in a "blue ribbon" school district!

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Hi M.,

Bullying is in.

Here are some resources.

http://www.interventioncentral.org/htmdocs/interventions/...

Massachusetts Medical Society Public Health and Education

Tip Card on Bullying: e-mail: ____@____.com

http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/publications/Abstract.aspx?id=19...

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

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M., Are there any kids in your neighborhood who are a year or two older that would let her get on with them? My older Daughter got on the bus no problem the first few days, then she got scared, so the bus driver had her sit in the front seat and gave her a bus buddy. That seemed to help. She is also allowed to bring a "friend" on the bus with her as long as it stays in her backpack during the day. It sounds like your school is a bit bigger then ours, but you can walk to the bus door with her and introduce her and mention to the driver she is a bit nervous. It might help if she knows the drivers name and he/she is aware she's scared so they can reassure her!

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Hi M.,
Has she met any of the other kids on her bus? It might be good to ask around the neighborhood and find out who would be riding the bus. Making friends with other 2nd graders or finding an older kid who you can ask to help her out until she is comfortable. Usually the fear is over after the first week. Work out a plan for any potential problems, what to do if you aren't home when she gets there (you'd be surprised how this can happen), what to do if she misses the bus, what to do if she gets on the wrong bus. Usually their fear is about getting left or getting on the wrong bus. Act like this is just part of being a big girl. It also prepares her to be more independent as she gets older. The only reason I would not use the bus is, if there is bullying going on. Then I'd wait until the problem is handled.
Good Luck,
Apu

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I have just one thought to add to the responses... Why not tell her that you will put her on the bus and follow in your car?

Meet her at school the first day and ask how fun it was!!

Riding the bus is a big part of the elementary school experience - I would hate to see her miss it!

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I teach first grade and I deal with students and this same problem all of the time. The bus is so unstructured and unruly...stressful for little ones! I usually pair the little one up with a buddy, preferably an older, responsible child. It usually does the trick. Good luck!

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Why is she all of a sudden afraid of the bus if she liked it going on a field trip? Did something happen, someone mean to her or pick on her? I hated taking the bus in the 8th grade because I was new and barely knew anyone. Plus the "punks" (girls & boys) picked on me too which made it unbearable. I would say try & find out first why she was "scared" then go ahead & try a few of the other suggestions that others have made which I find very helpful/useful! Good luck.

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Can you find another child of similar age to buddy up with so she won't feel so alone. Maybe a slightly older child.

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Teach your child to take advantage of the presence of adults around her. My mom was really good about this, and I felt a lot safer as a child. For example, she'd say, "If you lose sight of me in the store, find anyone who is wearing a store uniform and they will help you." The idea is that in many situations, there is someone there who is supposed to be at least a little bit in charge--find them and get them to help you. So for the bus, she told me to sit near the driver. "Even if it's a crabby driver, they need to be able to drive so if someone's bugging you, you can make a fuss and he'll yell at both of you." Sort of gaming the system, you see. She also pointed out that bullies like to skulk more towards the back of buses and classrooms, so staying up front had lots of advantages.

This is NOT the same as being a whiny little tattletale. It's just about quietly positioning yourself to get less hassled.

While I understand your desire to help your daughter conquer this fear, I also agree with the poster who said riding the school bus isn't a necessary experience. Or at least not at this point in her life...maybe this is not a battle she and you need to win.

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I can't believe I missed this post.

My experience with letting my son ride the bus was a nightmare!! It wasn't the kids bullying him, it was a horrible bus driver. The bus driver would pick on certain children and then take it out on any child who told their parents about him. I went to the principal and also called the school district -- nothing was done about it. In fact, things got worse for my son. The bus driver threatened the other children on the bus and said that if they told anyone or backed up my son's stories, that they would pay dearly for it. (it all started when my son tried to stick up for another child on the bus that the bus driver was making remarks about -- the bus driver made my son get off the bus and walk home -- he was in tears all night) I waited at the bus stop the next morning to ask the driver about the incident, and he denied everything. Another parent called me and confirmed my son's story.

The school did nothing either; in fact, they pretty much took the bus driver's side.

If your daughter came home crying uncontrollably, then something major is happening or has happened. And you telling her that you would really like her to try to ride the bus is pretty much the same as telling her that she has to ride the bus (children interpret things differently). If it's just a 1 minute drive, I would drive her.

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Wow, this is like reliving my sons first bus trip. We lived close enough to the school that we could walk or we drove when I volunteered (which ended up 5 days a week) He was so excited to go on the bus that I let him take it one day. When the trip was over he got off the bus visibly shaken and started crying when I asked him what was wrong. He had witnessed bullies picking on his friend (the friend was a 2nd grader also, the bullies were the 5, 6 & 7th grade boys). His friend had large ears and they were flicking them, and pushing his head forward (they were behind him). My son was terrified as he had never witnessed someone being bullied. Yes there was a sister of his friend who was older and tried to stop the bullies, but was pushed down and was too afraid to do anything further. This is a small town with a wonderful school system it just so happens that there will always be a few bullies that intimidate or hurt those younger than them no matter where you live.
The bus driver can't do anything because they are driving and I would rather their eyes were on the road rather than off and chance an accident. My son was so scared he refused to go on the field trip unless the teacher sat with him even though these boys were not on the field trip. Remember he wasn't the one bullied!If your daughter is that upset she could have been a victim or seen someone become a victim and is legitimately frightened. Remember these bullies hurt others and sometimes will touch boys and girls inappropriately to intimidate and just laugh and will deny it to everyone but their friends.
It only took once for me to see, it is up to me to keep my child safe. As you said you are close to the school anyway, drive her or walk her as your other child naps in the stroller or enjoys the walk. Keep your little girl safe as long as you can. Remember taking the bus isn't something we need to do in our life it is an option. If the option doesn't work don't try it again. Forcing the situation can either change the way she sees you as her protector or put her in danger mentally or physically. The difference between field trips and the regular school bus pick up and delivery is that the field trip has many parent volunteers and teacher(s) with a particular age group class and the school bus pickup/drop off is a bus driver with children from K-12 and no adult supervision. It is worth a call to see if your money or a portion of it can be refunded, if not thank god your child trusts you enough to let you know how scared she is and consider the money loss a great parenting lesson learned. Good luck

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I know I am a little behind on your request, and I see you have already written a follow up, but I just wanted to add that my niece was having the same problems, I suggested to my sister that she introduce herself to the bus driver before getting on the bus. I know these bus drivers can be a bit scary, my daughters have even told me a couple times that their bus driver yells sometimes (my daughters are older). If a child comes from a household that the parents don't yell as much this could be a difficult situation for them when they hear other adults yelling or reprimanding other kids. They aren't used to it. I am big on communication with my daughters and explaining to them how different people react. Maybe try and talk to your daughter and see if this is the problem. Hope all is better now and good luck!

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We had a similar situation with our oldest a few years ago. We were able to work out a schedule so that we drove her to school and she took the bus home. It was less stressful getting on the bus with the rest of her class at the end of the day. By the middle of the second week she was begging for us to let her ride the bus in the AM too. I also talked with the bus driver to let her know about my daughter's anxiety and she was very compassionate and made sure to make her feel welcome and safe. Good Luck!

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You can try making it a special family time. Since its only 1 min take advantage of your locating and walk all together. You can also tell her she will be a super hero and save the earth by doing so.

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Hi M.,
I have not read any of the responses you've already received, so I hope I'm not repeating anyone. Also, my kids are 12 and 22 so perhaps my advice is way out of date.
2nd grade is WAY too young to ride the bus!! My son JUST started riding the bus and he is 12 years old. Is there a reason that you cannot take her and pick her up?
Trust me...they grow up quickly and your little one is telling you something. Please listen to her. Good Luck!
D.

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I have not read any comments that others have left. Just in case I wanted to encourage you to speak with your Professional Counselor at your school. I work in PGCPS and can tell you that if she is being bullied in any way they take that very seriously. The counselors are trained to speak with the students and help them to feel safe. They also are trained in dealing with problems like this. If you do not get any satisfaction (which I don't think you will find) seek out the
Parent Liaison of your school. That is my role and we are to direct you and help you to find the assistance you need. Hope this helps. S.