April 09, 2013,
E.P. asks from Corpus Christi, TX on April 07, 2013
First Time Home Buyers, Saving up While Tithing, Stress
My Husband and I are wanting to buy our first home. We Struggle with our finances as a team. There is so much that I would like to put into this, but this is as easy as I can put it. We are on a Fireman's pay, I do not work at the moment and my husband just started a 2nd job. Tithing has been weighing HEAVILY on our hearts and right now I just dont see us tithing and TRYING to save for our house. Not to mention that when he got into the Academy he left his Real Estate job which was bring in SO MUCH MORE MONEY and went from that pay to the firefighter academy pay. Our income droped drastically and we were unable to pay our credit cards so we also have CREDIT REPAIR to deal with. Now we are stuck with bad credit, living pay check to pay check, tithe, and arguments (thats what I hate most :/ ) I dont know what to do. But I feel that if I dont do something now that we are gonna be in this same place in 2 more years and deal with this stress again. I dont know what we have to do to take care of the credit.. Consolidating our bills? will that help? I know that HE will not like it but then again he is NOT a financial advisor and wants to argue about EVERYTHING I suggest. I really need a way out of this stress. This is too much and this DEAD END is also putting stress on our marriage. Please Help!
SAHM, Fireman's Wife, 3 AMAZING KIDS, Chirstian household <3
So What Happened?™
thank you everyone for your kind responses. And for those of you who responded as though I do not respect, honor, and think that I am some ungrateful wife towards my husband ... 》can kick rocks. As I stated there is a lot I did not mention!!!thank you to those of you who understand that tithing come first. My husband and I are very happy with what we have planned for our future. God bless you all!
J.T. answers from New York on April 08, 2013
I like the expression "charity starts at home". You can stop tithing for a while. It doesn't have to be forever.
6 moms found this helpful
X.O. answers from Chicago on April 08, 2013
What do you think God wants more: 10% of your limited income, or a strong and happy Christian family?
Your relationship and family stability need to come first. Tithing isn't intended for people who are barely making it and in debt. It is for those who are stable. Once you get your feet back on solid ground you can then tithe.
If your marriage and family fail, you'll probably never have enough stability to tithe. Strong marriages usually mean that you have or can achieve financial security.
ETA: I am Catholic, and for us we aren't asked to give 10% - we are asked to give as much as we can of our time, talent, or treasure--whatever it is that we can do.
14 moms found this helpful
S.G. answers from Grand Forks on April 08, 2013
The church does not want people to be stressed by giving more than they can afford. Call the church and ask to make a change to your donation. If you feel bad about giving less to the church then offer to volunteer some of your time instead.
10 moms found this helpful
K.C. answers from Los Angeles on April 07, 2013
Take a break from tithing. The purpose of donating to the church seems, to me, to be defeated if it's causing you financial, emotional, and mental stress. If you are truly in financial need, this is something you can cut out of your budget.
If you don't feel comfortable giving zero, reduce it to something like $5/week (or even $5/month). I know that's not much, but you'll still feel good that you're giving and it won't stop you from achieving your goal of buying a house.
Personally, I don't tithe and don't fully see the point of it as a mandatory thing (though I think it's perfectly fine for those who give willingly, happily, and easily). It just seems to me feeling obligated to give money you don't have isn't good for anyone.
10 moms found this helpful
H.L. answers from Houston on April 08, 2013
Thie spirit of tithing should be about "giving back". For me, that looks like inviting my friend and her young children over for dinner, because they've hit a rough patch and I can do more with the actual food in my house than the money it would take to purchase it. It looks like sending a "poor college student" a $20 bill. (Maybe more today, but I was 21 and on my own, and my friend was hungry.) It looks like polishing my future MIL's fingernails on her deathbed because she wanted to be buried with pretty fingernails. I get that the church has bills, but so do I. Not only the practical ones that keep me off the streets, but also the ones that keep me connected to the rest of my human race. "Service is the rent we pay for living." That's my tithe, and it's my way of life. If I have money left over, they can have it. Some people are "called" to give money ot the church. Some people serve better to just put in the time. Everybody can't do everything or even the same thing. You need to sit down and figure out your expenses and see where your areas of giving are strongest. Money is not always the answer. What else do you have to offer? Would it not be just as valuable?
9 moms found this helpful
B.. answers from Dallas on April 08, 2013
Why are you adding house stress to your worries? You're focused on the wrong thing. Lots of people rent. Homeownership is huge and costly in many ways. You are struggling financially, in your marriage and Spiritually.
You are not in a place to be stressing on what you don't have. Tithing is down on the list of your priorities of what to worry about. And this comes from a dedicated, long time tither.
You are on a secular website tring to get validation for a spiritual decision.
If titheing is weighing heavily on you, then do it. Tithing is not about giving to the church, it's about returning to God what is his. Really, it's all HIS. I suggest until you get your priorities right, and your understanding of money and it's place in your life, you will always have money troubles.
You are very resentful of the financial mess you are in right now. From your post, you are hurt that your H changed jobs and that left you with much less money and quite a bit of stress and financial strain. If what you hate most is the arguements about money, then find a Christian marriage counselor. If your church is not big enough for one, then call around.
You need to heal your marriage and find a way to stop putting artificial pressure on top of the real problems you have now. When you save money, it needs to go to pay off your credit card debt, not saving for a house. You have time at home to be reading Dave Ramsey. He is a Christian and has money advise that can help you.
Or you can put pressure on your marriage, make everyone unhappy, put pressure on a guy working two jobs and sit around trying to find a way to blame it on God and his expectations. Priorities girl, priorities!
8 moms found this helpful
C.N. answers from Baton Rouge on April 08, 2013
My money doesn't belong to a deity. I work for it - it's mine.
Tithing isn't giving money back to God. God has no need for money - if there is a Heaven, I'm sure it doesn't run on a cash economy. It's giving money to the church to pay the church's bills - electricity, water, phone, internet connection, insurance, mortgage, staff salaries, supplies for Sunday School classes, etc.
My church doesn't go by the 10% rule. They do have guidelines based on gross income, and at the same time, recognize that some people have more demands on their disposable income than others, and do not pressure anyone to give if they can't.
Several years ago, I was going through a very rough patch financially, and couldn't afford to make offerings to my church based on the income guidelines they had. I spoke to the minister and the treasurer, and was told basicaly the same thing by both of them. If you're having to choose between buying groceries and giving to the church, go grocery shopping. If you're that strapped for cash, the church should be offering you assistance, not asking you for money.
I gave to my church, just not by writing a check. I served on various committees, taught classes, worked in the nursery, etc.
7 moms found this helpful
~.~. answers from Tulsa on April 08, 2013
This is coming from a preacher's daughter and I have heard so many sermons on it throughout my life. We believe in giving what you are able to give. Not a standard percentage, but what you are able. For some, this means that some weeks, there is no money left over after the bills are paid. For others, they may give 25% of their income. God knows if you are struggling and the last thing he would want you to do would be to put yourselves out of a home to give an arbitrary percentage to the church. You can give a small monetary amount to the church, but how about donating your time in other ways? Host a ladies night Bible study. Teach a Sunday school class. Donate baked goods to a shelter in the name of your church. There are so many other ways to give from your heart. When we travel to India, many times the offerings are not money, but are different food items from a family's garden. God knows how your heart feels.
7 moms found this helpful
L.F. answers from San Francisco on April 07, 2013
Tithe! God rewards and always provides. Have the faith that God will provide and use this time as an act of faith to go ahead and tithe even though you don't know how your financial goals will work out. Your heart is heavy because of this and I am sure there are corners you can cut to make the 10%.
Go on Dave Ramsey and look at the Financial Peace University. There are tons of people who are able to to give and get a home etc who had massive debt etc. Best wishes!!!
7 moms found this helpful