First Time Birth and Dignity

I wasn't going to answer since my answers are usually pretty snarky and that's not what you need right now.

I couldn't help it though when I went to look up what a "birthing gown" actually is. Having two kids I'd never heard of one before and lo & behold the first entry I came across was this: "here are plenty of indignities that come with childbirth — from the parade of people who come to check on you to the bodily functions that you'd prefer not to perform while in public. For those that consider peek-a-boo hospital gowns to be a humiliating part of the process, designer Daniela Corte created the Dar-A-Luz maternity gown ($98) that gets mama-to-be from contractions to the delivery room."

Talk about perpetuating your fear!!!! Holy cow on stilts. And they charge you a hundred bucks to buy into your fear!!

I'll clue you in on something. Birth through newborn, infant and toddlerhood seems to be perpetuated by all this manufactured fear. "People will come by and randomly touch your cooch. C'mon!!!!! Seriously?!? No-one wants to touch it unless they positively has to, end of story. I'm sure you're cute and all, but really, they don't want to.

It's the same with every last product aimed at soon to be and new moms. Unless your kid has knee pads when they're learning how to crawl, they might wear out their knees. Um, no.

Trust yourself. Trust in the people that you've hired to work with you. They've done this before and don't want to expose you anymore that you need to be exposed to get the job done and get the baby out, say with with me, from your vagina.

And please, for the love of new babies, don't spend $100 for a one time use, totally not necessary clothing item. I wore a hospital gown for 36 hours of labor and it worked just fine. And felt completely dignified doing it.

Happy birthing!

16 moms found this helpful

Okay, this is just my experience, but yes, you will be exposed, and no, I don't think you'll care. Usually the exposure happens as labor is really picking up - you're tired, you're in pain (even if you're on drugs), and you want to see your baby! I do not feel that I lost my dignity so much as that I didn't need to cling to it. My hospital did what it could to maintain a woman's modesty, but let's face it, at the end, the baby is coming out through your vagina. People will be checking on you, for the health of your baby and your delivery. If you feel uncomfortable, simply tell the nurse assigned to you that you're uncomfortable being exposed and to please preserve your modesty to the best of her ability. Believe me, when you are reflecting on the day your child is born, the last thing you will be thinking about will be who saw your what-what. ^_^

12 moms found this helpful

When you are in labor you are the object of respect and admiration for eveyone in the room. Yes, they (the doctors, nurses, and husband) are all wearing clothes and shoes. You are likely wearing a hospital gown, some plastic ID bracelets and a bunch of IVs. But you and the baby are the two most important people in the room. Nothing that you do -- screaming, crying, whimpering, sweating, swearing, vomiting, peeing, pooping, many of which you will in fact do -- takes away from the fact that you are doing something that is unbelievably important and difficult, and everybody knows it.

I have been in various stages of undress and preparedness for four different labor experiences. Sometimes my toes were done and my legs were shaved, but sometimes not, and I can't recall which times were which. Unimportant.

During labor I had completely normal and civil discussions with men and women I had never met before, who did not blink an eye when the * * * hit the fan. With my last delivery, it sure did. Twin #2 fell into a breech position and had to be manhandled a bit before she came out. I was eye-to-eye with a sweating, hard-working OB who'd delivered me before but was not my regular doctor. He was up to his elbow in my pelvis fishing for the baby's hand. He had been up for many hours without a break and looked it. I later discovered that he was probably the only doctor in my practice who would attempt this breech delivery rather than jump to a c-section and I feel so lucky he was there even though he was bone tired. It was not a straightforward thing. We were working together, negotiating, because he really needed me NOT to push until the right moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I feel like he did not respect me or disregard my needs or my suggestions. I, and he, were totally dignified, even though we both were a mess. And baby came out without any broken bones and did not enter distress, which was what we were both were shooting for.

If you are a good and strong person, who listens as well as talks, has presence of mind and is courteous and gracious when you have the luxury of time and peace, you will be respected and admired and yes, have dignity. Medical professionals are neither interested in nor distracted by the aesthetic aspects of your body.

5 moms found this helpful

Okay, whoever said you will lose dignity - I really think they may have meant modesty. But if they did mean dignity, then they have lost the idea of what giving birth really is. It is the most dignified thing a woman can do - you are giving life. It is the most beautiful thing in the world. And, YES, as others have said, you will lose ALL modesty.

**The nurses won't stick their fingers anywhere they don't belong. They will stick them where they do belong :)~

4 moms found this helpful

Don't give it so much thought.
When you are in labor your focus really does change and even if you still feel modest, it sounds like the birthing gown is a great solution. Nurses are professionals so I think that they need to be respected as such, and if they come into check you, you let them do their job.
Enjoy your birthing experience and rely on your midwife, who knows you for support and advice. Every mom has their own story and no two will ever be exactly alike. Do what is best for you.

4 moms found this helpful

I haven't read any other answers, so sorry if I repeat anything

Nurses who stick fingers where "they don't belong" are not doing it because they are bored or because they feel the need to invade your privacy or steal your dignity. Soooooooo many things can go wrong during childbirth and labor that they are doing what is in YOUR best interest to keep you and your child as safe as possible. One thing no one EVER EVER EVER told me is that at some point you will ummmm....how do I put this.... your bowels will empty themselves while you are laying there. Nothing you can do about it. It will happen. If it wasn't for my husband mentioning it to me days after my first birth, I would never have even known about it. The nurses know this happens and they know women would be soooooooo embarassed if they knew it happened, so they quietly clean it up as their job and wisk it away to keep your dignity--that's what they do. If you want to keep yourself as covered as possible, that's fine, but during labor and delivery, please remember that it is important for the doctor and nurses to do their job to keep you and the baby safe and healthy and that should be a priority. Your child will be coming out of your body whether you have anxiety about it or not. It seems silly for your to stress over being seen naked by professionals when you have the power to decide in your heart what the priorities are and get over it.

4 moms found this helpful

I think what people are telling you is what Amanda C. has stated so well:

"I do not feel that I lost my dignity so much as that I didn't need to cling to it."

You'll be pretty busy giving birth. That is very likely to become your only real priority as labor progresses.

Best!

3 moms found this helpful

I was very self conscious when I was pregnant with my first and had the same feelings. I also had way different expectations of what to expect. I think people don't tell us newbie moms what to expect because they do not want to frighten us.

When you are in labor you are in the mindset of having your baby, truly, nothing else matters. Every little modest feeling you have about yourself is not remembered because you are focused on your baby, as you should be. Remember every nurse and every doctor that walks into your room has seen more than you will ever know and for them to continue in that profession means that they truly care about you as a person and your baby and will be as discrete as possible.

3 moms found this helpful

You will probably not care about "dignity" while in hard labor. Not to be gross or to frighten you, but I'm sure what people are talking about isn't so much how much you are exposed, but the loss of control you will have over your body during hard labor.

Sometimes the pressure of the baby coming down the birth canal will cause you to pass gas, pee and poop on the birthing table.

The pain can be so great that some people who might be otherwise soft spoken or never curse will find themselves spewing some of the most horrible things, they'll think it's coming from someone else in the room.

Sometimes you will be asked or required to lay, sit or stand in embarrassing positions to ease the birth of the baby. You may be so uncomfortable and hot (and do you get hot!) you may want to get rid of the gown and get into an unusual position to find relief.

You may have a room full of strangers helping the doctor or midwife.

And as you may already expect, your midwife will be putting their hands in places on your body that will make you uncomfortable if you are a private person. But you should be prepared for others to stick their fingers, hands and even instruments down there. While you can plan for the ideal delivery, I think it's hardest for those who don't do a reality check that medical intervention by someone other than their midwife may be critical and necessary.

None of my deliveries went textbook at all. I fully planned to have natural, but both times wound up with an emergency c-section after things not working out as I had dreamed, hoped or planned. In one of the deliveries I wound up getting a doctor I didn't like at all delivering my baby because it turned into an emergency situation. That birth included all of those embarrassing things that can happen leading up to delivery. And on top of that, I still wound up going into surgery with a doctor I didn't like.

I regret it now, but I was so upset about the way things went down with that birth, I harbored anger for a long time. With that said, I say prepare yourself mentally for the unexpected, so IF it happens, you will be better prepared. You don't want the first days and weeks of motherhood to be clouded with cosmic/karma "junk." All that really matters is having a healthy baby, and you getting through the delivery healthy also.

Everything else is just another life experience to be remembered for what it is. It's better to be a "half-full" person instead of an "half-empty". Don't let anything frighten you or make you uncomfortable. The birth experience isn't shameful or humiliating. This is part of being a woman and a mom. And it's an experience (even the embarrassing stuff) shared by all...and respected by many.

3 moms found this helpful

They are right, when you are in labor the last thing you are worried about is being naked in front of people.
I was the same way but by the time I was in labor I just wanted it to be over.

2 moms found this helpful

Maybe their wording wasn't that great, but what they meant was that when the labor is going on all you will care about is seeing your baby, and doing whatever it takes for your baby to be here. They didn't mean you will be forced into humiliation.

I've given birth to three kids, during each birth I never felt exposed or on display. For each "check" my doctor was very respectful of my modesty. My doctor generally kept the blanket draped over me and felt as he needed. During birth.. I don't know how to explain it. Nature takes over. It's no longer the same vagina that you share privately with only your husband - it becomes a gateway for your child to begin his/her life. It's amazing, and wonderful... and the last thing you're worried about is how you look, or what the nurse is seeing. You truly do not feel exposed.

So, take what measures you want to keep yourself draped better..so you won't worry now. You may find, when the time comes, it doesn't even cross your mind.

2 moms found this helpful

I understand how you are feeling. It was completely ridiculous to me to think about being that exposed , especially with what was being exposed.

I can tell you that for me when the time came the only thing I was thinking about was my baby and him entering the world safely and healthy. I gave birth at a teaching hospital and my son was born at shift change...I think at one point there were close to 20 doctors and nurses in the room. Even with all of that, never once did I not feel dignified- the staff helping me was wonderful. I knew what I was going through was incredible and would bring me my beautiful little boy.

I will say, just remember what an amazing thing you are doing-- bringing a life into the world. If being covered makes you feel more comfortable and will make the experience what you need it to be, don't feel bad about that.

2 moms found this helpful

Dear H.,

I think you will find yourself in good company with many women who love being modest and don't feel comfortable being naked in front of others. I know that I feel the way you described. What I discovered about being uncovered is that you can be covered except for necessary checks for dialation, etc. I found that most doctors and nurses (in my experience) have been sensitive to this situation: they do the checking they need to and immediately cover you right back up. They are concerned about the baby and also about you. Also, they close the door enough so that no passersby would get any glimpses of what is going on.

I found that I was OK with what needed to be done by educating myself about what happens during labor and delivery and communicating with my doula ahead of time about how I felt about what might happen to the baby or to me.

Labor and delivery is such a new and amazing experience that can be hard, wonderful, and even humorous. You may discover that you are more at ease as you consider the billions of mothers throughout history with whom you are joining rank and "linking arms" so to speak as you experience what they have. It helped me to remember that many of these nurses have given birth themselves, and that the doctors have wives who have also experienced this. Many are familiar with how it can feel and try to be sensitive. I think we can maintain our dignity in childbirth because childbirth is a noble act, and dignity is more an inner feeling about who you are and the importance of what you are doing and how you are trying to do it than how other people treat you or if you are exposed more than you expected to be.

Perhaps you will find, like I did, that by the time you are ready to deliver your baby, you will be comfortable with allowing others to assist you, even while being a little uncovered, because you are eager to have you baby delivered. It really is the most wonderful time. And as soon as the baby is delievered, and you get cleaned up, you will have sheets back up and warm blankets back on and a baby in your arms.

I would also say that no matter is too unimportant to talk to Heavenly Father about it prayer. He created us; he is concerned about each one of his children and their feelings. He wants childbirth to be a happy experience for you. You can discuss it with Him and ask for His help. He has always helped me out in these kinds of situations.

Best wishes and happy mothering!!!
L.

2 moms found this helpful

The only time I was completely nude was while I was in my 16th hour of labor and the nurse suggested I labor in the shower.. It was fabulous and I threw off that gown so fast.. They kept telling, "ok, you can come out of the shower.".. Hee, hee..

My husband helped dry me off and helped me put on a new gown.

I was not thinking about anything about myself. I was thinking how in love I was with my husband, how excited I was to meet our child and grateful to the wonderful health care workers assisting us. It was a magical time.

2 moms found this helpful

Totally agree with what everyone is saying about it, but I do disagree with you that losing a sense of modesty in labor is loosing your dignitiy. You won't care one bit once you are in labor, and despite being a little naked, it is the most dignifed experince in all the world. I think that the midwife has told you it is fine to were this gown to make you feel better right now, so follow her lead and quit worrying about it. If you need to be checked by a nurse who is not your midwife when you are in labor, then you need to, and their fingers belong there, because they are trying to help you and your baby have a safe and happy delivery. Relax. After the baby is born, you will not even care who saw what.

M.

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As far as showing the body, I never really had mine exposed with any of my pregnancies, just during the actual pushing part and even at that is was still covered pretty well. My most uncomfortable part was when it took an hour for my doctor to stitch me up after my second, I know she had to do it but that is a long time to be staring at that area...lol. Also the position that you can be asked to be in can be a little odd but very helpful and if you choose to go without pain medicine interesting sounds and words can come out of the mouth...lol Never does a nurse have to check you; you can request that just the doctor do so. And unless there are any issues you shouldn't need to be checked more then a handful of times or less.

2 moms found this helpful

Everyone here said what I was thinking, but remember this, your doctor, the nurses, etc have seen hundreds of women giving birth, and trust me there is nothing special about your woman parts that will make them take notice of yours. I'm sure after a while they all look hte same, and its their job.

I was never exposed during labor. I was up and walking (no epidurals for me!) during both labors. I had my hospital gown on and a cotton robe, both of which kept me covered while walking. The only time I was exposed, it was from my pubic area down while I was pushing, and even then with my oldest I pushed for 1/2 hour with my gown and blanket covering me. My youngest was born in 3 pushes, we didn't evne have time to take the bed apart, he was born right onto the bed!

My point is, you can totally maintain your dignity because the doctors and nurses do this for a living, they see many women each DAY and its not a big deal to them. Trust me when you are 10cm and pushing and your baby is being born, you won't care what is hanging out and who is looking, all you want is that baby out and onto your chest/into your arms. And after your baby is born, you will still be in stirrups until the afterbirth comes out, but again, you will have that baby in your arms, at your breast, and you wo'nt evne notice.

Please try to relax and enjoy this. you are putting way too much stress and thought into something that truly will not matter when you are in the thick of it.

2 moms found this helpful

I kinda worried about these things too, but when the time came I could care less about anything like that! There were so many people in the room that I never expected to be in there, like the nurses waiting for the baby to be born so they could clean him up and what not. I think total there were 5 people other than the Doctor delivering the baby in the room. I am normally a very shy person especially when it comes to being naked in front of strangers ( I wasn't completely naked or anything, I had the hospital gown on, but it was pulled up pretty high) but like I said I did not care one bit when it came down to it. I had a few different nurses check me for dilation that day too so if that is something you are absoultely uncomfortable with I would make sure you let your midwife know all of these things beforehand. Good luck!

I wanna add that those 5 people were not standing right next to me or anything, they were standing by the door which wasn't too close, but they were definitely watching everything.

2 moms found this helpful

Listen, in the midst of labor, you're not going to whip off your gown and do a pole dance. Your core personality isn't going to change that much. You can wear your birthing gown (I wore a hospital gown) and no one is going to try to take it off of you.

If your midwife isn't at the hospital when you first arrive, a nurse will check your progress.

Talk to your midwife and your doctor about your concerns. I'm sure you can work out something. Try to relax (I know it's hard).

Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

First of all, yes, it is weird for lots of people to come and check and see if you're progressing. I felt a little like a birthing cow. Whatever, they were doing their best to keep me and my kidlets healthy, so I bit my tongue. I did not want a party in the delivery room. It was only my husband and myself, along with the nurses and doctors.

Still, when I was giving birth to my daughter, the epidural that I had planned on didn't "take" so I was essentially having a natural childbirth. After 10 hours, I was just plain exhausted. My hospital gown started to slip off my shoulders leaving me pretty much naked. My husband tried to pull it up and cover me up, and I snapped at him, saying "everyone in this room only cares what's under this gown anyway!" Of course, I also had a heck of a time pushing, and at one point the doctor asked me if a mirror to see what was going on would help. I think I said "if I was supposed to see what's happening there, my vagina would have been put on my forehead!" Clearly labor wasn't my finest hour : )

I would talk to your midwife about your fears and concerns about this issue, and hope that she can guide you as to how you can have the best birthing experience _for you._ I would just caution you not to get too hung up on this issue in your planning - what's going to happen is going to happen, and, while it may not be your "finest hour" either, as long as you emerge with a healthy baby, it really doesn't matter who saw your lady bits. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

First and foremost, you need to stay focused on what is important here and that is giving birth to a baby! You are creating undue stress that isn't good for anyone. Just keep in mind that when the time comes, YOU WILL NOT CARE!!! Believe me, I am insanely modest and I can tell you, I couldn't have cared less about my modesty when I gave birth. If you do for some reason get over the pain and begin to care, just tell the people you are working with, they all understand and will respect your needs. They don't want you worked up either.

Good luck and remember women have been doing this for thousands of years! You will be fine.

2 moms found this helpful

It is your birth and your body. The only thing you should focus on is what you need to feel safe and deliver your baby with no fear. Talk in detail with your midwife and come to peace with these issues. Use a birthing gown or skirt and ask your husband to help you with your modesty. You NEVER lose your sense of dignity during birth, it is the most powerful amazing experience that brings you from woman to mother. You may forget about the ideas of modesty and covering up at a certain point but dignity is never lost. If your support team knows that you want to be covered and never nude, they should absolutely do their best to do that for you.

Birth puts us in a vulnerable place, it makes us surrender to the moment and what is going on at the time, it takes us to a place of surreal and altered state so that all we are capable of is birthing. The unknown is usually the source of the feelings of exposure and loss of dignity. We all have had our fears with our first births and the only way to get through them is to make a plan to be supported through your wishes.

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During transition, you stop caring. It's actually a sign that you will be ready to push soon.

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If you have a birth plan, the nurses have to stick to it. I stayed coverd up until the actual push time and when that was over I was covered again. There wasnt that much time exposed. Good luck,

1 mom found this helpful

I too was worried about labor and all the people that would be around to "help". My mom had also asked if she could be there...I told her we would see how things went. My entire family was at the hospital and when it came time I was surprised that I didn't kick out my cheering squad.

When my son was born we had the doctor, 2 nurses, my mother, his mother, his older sister, my sister in-law and then the two of us. When it comes time to push all you want is to push.

It never even bothered me, they weren't there to see my stuff. They were there to support me and see my son. I loved every minute of it.

As for my daughter who was a c-section she was the modest one and didn't want an audience. :) Atleast that is what we say about it. Do what you feel comfortable with, but I would say be flexible and enjoy it.

Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Oh my goodness! The same happened to me! It made me not want have a kid. Everyone said the same thing, you lose dignity, you don't care if you are naked, etc. It pissed me off (sorry I feel passionate about it). TONS of people including myself wear the drap when giving birth, in fact I found some who never heard of doing it naked. I also found that the nurses were really modest with me afterwards as well. I did not feel violated.

Do it how you want. Sometimes when people are telling you how it is done you just have to smile, say thanks, and DONT tell them what you plan on doing because if you do then they will debate with you what they think is best for you. For those you have already talked to, if they ask, just say well I'm going to see how it goes then decide.

You can also ask your OBGYN if it is normal to wear the drap.

Good luck and I emphasis do what YOU want. Everyone else can do their own thing. Congratulation on your soon to be bundle of joy, I just had mine in January. Good luck :)

Updated

Hi,

It's me again. When you have your baby, you have what is called a birth plan and they have to go along (unless emergency or something). Request, actually require that only your midwife check you. They won't care. Besides when I was in they told me everyone's figures are a little different so everyone measures differently so it is BEST to have the same person check you so it is accuarte. I had a nurse measure me at a 7 and when my doctor came down he said she was being generous and I was a 6 plus. So yeah do what you want, you are right!

1 mom found this helpful

I wore a gown through both my labor and deliveries,and it stayed on. I never even gave a thought (or worry) to being completely naked. I wouldn't be comfortable with that either. I don't know why you would think you would need to be naked?

1 mom found this helpful

I know you have a lot of answers but what made me feel more was wearing a sleep bra for nursing at night under my gown
I didn't wear a bra when my first was born and I was uncomfortable. I wore a bra for my second and it helped a lot!

If it makes you feel better buy a special gown online that is more modest than the hospitals.

I was in the stirups wide open when my mom walked in my labor room. I didn't care. All I wanted was a healthy baby!

1 mom found this helpful

There is no problem with keeping a gown on. I did (until the emergency c-section), and didn't know that other women didn't. Yes, the nurse on duty is going to check you, unless you put in your birthplan otherwise, and your midwife is there throughout. Otherwise, they need to keep checking.

I know that everyone has said it, but you really do just focus on the baby and the birth and forget about the rest. If I was laying there naked, it may have been different, but since I had the gown, what I couldn't see, I couldn't see. I even got my gown wet when my water broke for the second time, and they changed me right there....didn't care.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi H., I can understand some of your worry. I had lots of people tell me the same thing and especially on the hospital tour they were saying lots of ladies just get completely naked. Yeah, not for me. Are you worried about being completely naked or about your lady parts being exposed?

I went through many hours of labour in a hospital gown. I had an epidural (that didn't work) so I was laying down for all this and was only "exposed" when someone came to check on me. And I was thrilled when they did come to check - all that pain had better be getting me somewhere! I ended up with a c-section, still in a hospital gown.

I will also say that they aren't internally checking you every five minutes so try not to worry too much about this.

I hated the way people said you lose all your dignity. I think it must just be a phrase people say without thinking much about it. I don't think I lost my dignity at all.

To try to overcome feeling exposed, as you've said, try to focus on the fact that the nurses, midwives, etc aren't really looking at your lady parts, they're looking at your baby, cause they are!

Good luck and hope all goes well!

1 mom found this helpful

It's not that you lose your dignity--that's a ridiculous comment and I don't know why people say that. I do think it depends a lot on whether you are set on delivering naturally or not. If you have an epidural, it's a very different experience than laboring naturally. When you are passionate about delivering naturally, you have to understand, it's a primal experience. You are more "earthy" than you've ever been before. You will moan in a way you would likely never feel comfortable doing normally. You will hold on to your husband or midwife/doula is a way that you don't normally do. You are giving birth. Women used to deliver surrounded by other women and there is something very significant to that support system. You truly will be in another place (if you're doing it naturally. With an epidural, you'll be more present.) In this other place, you literally will have no other focus than getting the baby out of you. You will have no concept of time--some minutes will take eternity and then 2 hours will go by and you'll be amazed. You have to realize your body was meant for this and the women around you are solely there to support you--as it's been done for thousands of years. They just want you and baby safe at the end of this experience. So now here's the tough love part: get over it. Your body is not going to be about you for a while. It's about your baby. Decide that what is important to you is the safety of your baby and stop thinking of a woman who is medically trained and passionate about supporting this process as doing something they shouldn't. Spend the time you have now learning how to give birth naturally (if that's what you want) and you'll be fine. And you won't give any amount of nudity a second thought once you've got that baby in your arms.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, you have a lot of good responses to your question, but here are my 2 cents...
About 1 year before I had my first child, I had a kidney stone. A really bad one that was huge and stuck in my ureter. It was so stuck, that I had it removed with the help of a cystoscope, which means they put a long skinny camera in your urethra and go into your bladder...well, you get the idea. It was in this situation that I first experienced the "I don't care who sees, just make the pain stop" feeling. I was still self conscious, but I was hurting so bad that that instinct took over. That has been my same experience with childbirth. You are so exhausted and in so much pain, that you just want to focus on that...and you should!!! Remember that the dr's and nurses at the hospital have seen it all, and they aren't going to think twice about seeing your body. And you will be covered...unless you are being checked (usually by your midwife or your assigned nurse) or when you are pushing that beautiful baby out of your body. The pushing part is when you just can't be covered anymore, and yes, it is a little uncomfortable. Even when you are in a bunch of pain. But, you will notice that they won't stare or really "look" at you at all. They are only focused on your baby.
Remember, you will not lose any "dignity" doing something that even the most dignified mothers have done. This is one of the things your body was designed and created for. Instead of choosing to focus on who is looking at you, choose to be grateful for your amazing body and those who are trained to make this a great experience for you and your baby. Good luck!!
(PS FYI, you can ALWAYS tell someone you don't want them to check you if you don't want them too. Esp if you are at a teaching hospital or something. Speak up for yourself...your nurse and midwife are the only ones that NEED to put their fingers anywhere :)

1 mom found this helpful

I felt similarly with my first. As long as your midwife is going to be there the whole time to check you then you shouldn't have to worry. However, I will say that I was so pre-occupied with the idea that I was actually having a baby you don't have much time to worry about someone see your parts and pieces. Also- all of the people that would possibly view anything are trained professionals and it's not like they're just perve's looking for a peep show. Hope this helps. I wouldn't say it's a lack of dignity but more of a "back to basics" thing. It's totally normal to go through birth, and someone HAS to be there to catch. It's something that's been done litterally forever. No stress.

1 mom found this helpful

H., with my first baby, his heart rate dropped with each contraction. I wasn't actually aware of how close I came to being wisked across the hall for an emergency c-section. I knew about the heart rate, but I didn't put two and two together during my labor. We were both lucky because my contractions weren't right on top of each other, so his heart rate recovered in between contractions. If it hadn't, I wouldn't have had a vaginal delivery.

The thing about it is, there were 20 people in my room. That was because they were so worried about the baby. You cannot control that, and you shouldn't want to. This isn't about dignity or modesty - this is about the health and well being of you and your baby.

You'll be fine handling things. Try not to get caught up in what the hospital staff do while you are doing the work of birthing your baby.

Good luck, and congratulations on your first birth!
D.

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There seems to be some confusion about the meanings of the words "dignity" and "modesty". I think that when people have told you you will lose dignity they mean that you will lose all modesty. If that is the case, then I would have to agree. I don't know you, but I'm guessing that by the time your baby is born, you aren't going to care which members of the hospital staff have seen you naked. I know it is on your mind now, but when your labor begins, you will be totally focused on doing whatever you need to do to deliver you baby safely. The doctors and nurses are there to help you do that, they really aren't interested in anything else. Try to relax, and remember that the doctors and nurses who come in during labor to check you aren't sticking their fingers "where they don't belong", they are doing their jobs and helping you bring your baby into the world.
Best of luck and congrats on your baby!

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I never lost my sense of dignity! I was induced around 9am, labored all day & finally went for a c-section at 9 that night. Through it all I was very aware of what was going on, who was there and how I was acting. While I did have lots of nurses & such coming in and out they were fairly unobtrusive (until the very end, but it was surgery).
You'll need to allow the medical staff access to your body if things aren't going well, but otherwise they should leave you alone for the most part. Having a midwife who knows how you feel about other people getting personal will help keep it less stressful.
As long as you don't get panicked you should be fine!
Good luck!

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I think what these people are trying to convey is that this is an experience so intense and overwhelming on so many different levels that the last thing on your mind by the time it is done will be modesty. It doesn't mean that someone will strip you of your right for a birthing gown or something. But it does mean that into your third hour you may just decide "I am hot and sweaty and this damn thing is making me crazy, I am taking it off now" or be too distracted with discomfort to argue about details with a nurse who isn't as careful about your modesty as you'd like, or that sort of thing. Just that birth has a tendency to make your priorities change somewhat.

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I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my first child. I had a male doctor and didn't feel comfortable at my regular check up when he had to check my you know where. After a while, I slowly became comfortable and it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Doctor and nurse are very professional and they are here to help us. When you are in labor, I don't think you're be thinking about being expose so much, all your attention would be focus on your baby. I told my husband that I only want him in the labor room and no one else because I wouldn't feel comfortable with other family members at the labor room. We didn't make it to the hospital, my daughter was delivered by my husband at home with his older sister next to him holding the phone so he could talk to the operator for instruction. At that moment, my mind was focusing on my baby. Do what is best and comfortable for you. Good Luck!

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Well, if a nurse is checking you for dialation, then her fingers do belong down there. Relax, you'll get used it after about 5 fingerings!! :) Don't worry, nurses don't just come around and stick their fingers in you for the fun of it. I do know what you mean though, I was the same way with my first. You get over your modesty REALLY quickly!! And, you do stay dressed, just no pants on. Good luck to you.

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There is nothing dignified about having a baby. You can wear a birthing gown and it will cover your upper body. But when its time for you to push that baby out your legs will be wide open and the doctor/midwife will be there. You will need to be checked regularly. If your nurse/midwife has more than one patient in labor at a time she can't sit at your bedside the whole time she will be moving from room to room. and you can't push till she says go. or you will hurt yourself or the baby. Thats why they have labor and delivery nurses. And trust me they have had extensive training. My daughter is going to be a nurse midwife. she is almost done with school. But it doesn't last long and when its over you will have a beautiful baby and won't even remember it. or ok thats a lie you will remember it but you will wonder why you stressed over it. Congrats on the new baby.

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I think you should consider getting a doula as well. They help you get your desires across to the staff when you're laboring, so you don't have to as well as helping you feel more comfortable about birth in general.

W. Nichols-Dewey, CD(DONA)
www.birthfirstdoula.vpweb.com

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I think so many of these fabulous women have said exactly how it really is. In my 2 childbirth experiences, both natural without meds, there were not random nurses coming in to check on us. When we were admitted into a birthing room/suite a nurse was essentially "assigned" to me/us. That nurse was the primary person (besides my doctor) who was checking on me and providing for my needs. She introduced herself, and we had a few minutes to chat even. A lot of the "checking" they will do, doesn't necessarily involve your body... if you are wearing a monitor for the baby's heartbeat/rate.. they will pull up the tapes (the paper rolls, lol) and look at it, and also your contractions will show up on a scroll like that. These days, they can monitor the heartrate digitally from the nurses station, but they will still come in to check the machines, etc. I don't know how it differs with a medicated birth (there may be a lot more monitoring going on), but with my 'natural' births, they were able to make really good guesses about my progress just by observing ME during a contraction, and looking at the record/contraction history. Checks "down there" are still necessary, but it is really not that many times, and they are very professional.

Yes, you will likely push out some things you would rather not at some point... but they have seen it all before, and you really won't care. At that point, you will just be wanting the baby out. I am a very modest person. I wore a hospital gown throughout. But when you get to the last 2 cm, all you can focus on is your breathing. That's it. And when you are pushing, it is breathing and wondering how many more pushes it will take. 'Cause darn it, you're tired! I only allowed my husband (and the doctor and nursing staff) in the room during delivery. The early stages of labor (for me it was up until about 5 cm or so) I could carry on a conversation and my parents sat in the room with us for awhile. But after that point, it was just too distracting, and they went out to the waiting room until after delivery.

The nursing staff is usually AMAZING. They are nothing like the nurses on other floors/wings of the hospital. They are totally focused on 1) your health/safety and that of your baby; and 2) your comfort and what they can do to ease any pain or stress you are experiencing. They understand not wanting to flash a crowd of people. They do have a job to do, but they don't treat you like 'ho-hum another crotch check' either. They are kind, quick, and considerate. Especially if you let them know you are nervous and modest.
I would add this: IF your husband ends up being one of those that just doesn't see the big deal in having extra people in the room (his mother, for example)... do NOT give in. Throw a fit if you have to.. but don't let him guilt you into having people watching you experience the most intimate thing you can imagine. That is for you, your hubby and your baby to experience together. And YOU need to be comfortable emotionally. If someone else doesn't "get" that.. then TOO BAD FOR THEM. Some people are fine with having 'extra' people join the experience. Good for them. It wasn't for me, and I didn't allow it. Sounds like you would not enjoy it either. Don't let it happen and don't feel a whit of guilt about it.

I didn't read the other responses yet but don't dwell on it.

I am not a modest type but it is normal to wonder about the what if's when you've never been there.

For me it was just hubby, Dr., nurses and my male neighbor anesthesiologist.

Toward the end, I didn't care who got that baby out of me, as long as she got ok and healthy.

While it is common for women to stop caring about their modesty as much when they are in serious labor, it doesn't mean that you need to. I have had clients in the past where modesty was a big issue for them and a big part of my job as doula was to help them stay modest. You can always, ALWAYS say no to nurses who want to give you exams and your family can help you by making sure that you are covered. Labor is in large part a psychological experience, if you are feeling exposed you will not labor as effectively. Make sure your labor team understands how important this is to you and if they won't then consider hiring a doula! Good luck!!

I know you have a lot of answers on this but as you are pushing, you have to pull your legs back... way back so even with a drape there, you will feel strange to have your legs pulled back like a frog but... it isn't long and it is to get out a beautiful baby. You will be fine and still have dignity. Best of luck

H.,
I understand your reservations.
Truth is, this is the kind of thing that sounds good in theory, while in reality--you may end up not caring too much who has their fingers in your coochie because, believe you me, your #1 priority will most likely be getting the baby to EXIT your body! LOL
And let me add that labor & delivery nurses are angels of mercy. They totally rock and know everything you need to know. Follow their lead and you will be fine. Best of luck!

I dont think you loose your dignity but your modesty. I was very modest before having my boys. I hated being checked by the doctors and such but once you are up on a table with a good 15+ people in the room and working on getting these babies out of you being nude in front of people no longer matters just getting your baby out to hold does. I was having twins vaginally 5 weeks early so I had a lot of extra people in my room.

The one piece of advice I would give you is to have your husband let any "extra people" who might enter the room (students, etc) know that they are not welcome when you are pushing or exposed. Have him be the one to protect your modesty so you don't have to do it yourself while you are in labor. I didn't enjoy the fact that I was exposed or some of the things that happened and I do remember them and it embarrasses me, but I know that other people don't remember it. At time I just wanted the baby out, but I would have felt much happier if I would have said " I don't want any students observing/extra people...etc" I still knew they were there and it bugged me. It sounds like your midwife is understanding and as long as it's just her and the necessary attendants, you should be able to maintain your dignity. The comments you are getting are just people trying to make it humorous. Most women don't care that much, but I completely understand where you are coming from! good luck :)

I am the same way. During labor, you can easily wear a hospital gown so that the top half of you is covered. You get to the point where you are trusting your labor nurses, midwives, doctor, etc. because they are there helping you progress thru labor. That helps you lose the modesty during labor. But, my difficulty came after the birth. The modesty came right back and I hated all the nurses popping in every four hours to pull your underwear down and take a look at the bleeding. I also had problems nursing, and I hated the lactation consultants squeezing and handling my boobs like they are just some water balloon they are trying to get to pop. Then came the issue of trying to pump or nurse when phleb's, volunteer's, nurses, baby's doctor, and whomever else would walk in wanting to do whatever they came for. Hospitals are known for the knock, wait 2 seconds, and then enter routine. So, my suggestions for after delivery are following.

Get a comfortable sleep nursing bra to wear the entire time you are in the hospital. That way at least you are semi covered while nursing/pumping. They also make nursing camisoles which cover even more of you. I wish I would have had one.

See about putting a sign on the outside of your room saying you are nursing and need privacy. I don't know if hospitals have a policy about this or not.

If planning on nursing, get to know at least one lactation consultant before hand (if possible) and try to request her if you need help. They are great at what they do, but they do go at you.

As for the nurse coming in and pulling down your underwear to check your bleeding, I have no suggestions. They do this every 4 hours for about 24 hours after delivery. Talk to your midwife/doctor to see how necessary this is and if they have any suggestions.

Good luck and hope this helps.

I am the same way. I felt the same way almost a year ago (my first was born in June). I wore a gown the whole time and actaully found myself making jokes about how I was glad that I had a pedicure before hand to make myself feel better about being exposed.

I didn't feel (and still don't) comfortable being naked in front of anyone, including my husband at the time - EVER. It is a personal issue with me and, just something I have to accept.

When I was in labor, I did take some additional steps to "protect" myself. No video cameras in the room or cameras, except for after the baby was born. I kept myself covered at all times, other than the areas that needed to be exposed during checks and delivery. For me, the "naked issue" is so deep seated that even during the hardest labor, I was still conscious of my issue and kept myself covered. So, I think that those who don't like to be naked, might not care at some point during the labor process, but those who have a real issue with it are not going to forget no matter how bad it gets. I don't know which applies to you.

I also did not want anyone in the room that did not NEED to be there when I delivered and I asked my husband at the time to stand at the head of the bed next to me when I delivered rather than watching the actual birth. From his angle, he could still see the baby being born without have a "full frontal shot." Additionally, I requested NOT having a mirror in the room when I delivered.

You need to do what you are comfortable with. Good luck!

That thing about "losing dignity" is just this: Your whole attention will be on labor and your baby. When I was in labor, the nurse closed the door just in case someone passed by. I replied that I couldn't care less-at that point. I was so focused on the experience and wanted to get it over with (and see the baby) that the thought just didn't bother me. But that's me.

Some go so far as to claim you'll lose all modesty and it never comes back. That's not true. You'll be the same person.

As for how you feel: Listen. It's important for you to absolutely comfortable with the people around you during labor. Besides making the experience better for you, it will also help you deliver your baby. Have you read Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Childbirth"? I highly recommend it. Gaskin says that childbirth is a sexual experience. There are many similarities between sex and delivery. If you feel secure, you can relax. And if you relax, the muscles involved in childbirth also relax and it's easier to get the baby out. Gaskin writes about this in detail and calls it the "Sphincter Rule." I don't have the book with me now. But I'm sure you can borrow it from the library. I mention in case your midwife hasn't told you already.

If you can't control who's going to be around you during labor and delivery, write a good birth plan. You don't have to make it long. Just note there that you are uncomfortable with being exposed and touched. Make several copies of the birth plan. Give the nurses and doctor(s) a copy each. If they change shift, give copies to the new ones. That way they can be more sensitive to your needs. That's what it's for.

I wasn't comfortable with my doctor either. I was lucky there was a different one on the day I gave birth.

Good luck!