First Grader Refuses to Go to Religious Education Class

K., he's 7, you're 40 and his mother, if you don't make him do what he has to do now, I hate to think what he will expect to get away with as he grows into a teenager! I'm a teacher and it makes me sad that so many children are tell their parents what they are going to do! Take something away that he loves until he complies...X-box, soccer, whatever it is...make him earn it back by going to religious class. Good luck, M.

Talk to him. Find out why. Listen for cue words. This may be your opportunity to discover him in a deeper level. Respect his needs...children know way more than we usually give them credit for.

Hi K.

I am a social worker and I would recommend first to ask him why he doesn't want to go. He is only 7 years old and he probably does not see the importance of the class as you do. There probably is a reason he doesn't want to go. First find out and that will lead you to what you should do. This may not be about lack of authority in your part or a need of control. Kids need to feel like they have some control over their lives and the best way is to ask him why he doesn't want to. He might not like the class for whatever reason, but if you force it, he may resent it later and since it is important to you, that is probably the last thing you want to do. It probably just a phase, keep trying to encourage him to go and he most likely will if there is no real reason for him not to want to. One other possible solution is to go with him the next time and stay with him during the class. Maybe that will give you a clue as to why he doesn't want to go. Good luck

I havent gotten to that age yet my sons only three. Bribing isnt the right way but maybe offering something he would like to do during the week as a reward. I beleive we are the parent not the friend. Just talk and listen, maybe go with him once if it is possible, to see what the enviornment is like and the teacher. I got bored with some teachers when I was a kid sometimes some teachers forget they are kids and need to make it a little more interesting or fun. Learning about God and the Bible or whatever religion you are a part of should for kids have some fun to it. I myself am not religious but I do understand the importance to you he learn because I am a mother and you want your child to head in the right direction. It will work out, I have a feeling youre a strong woman and will find a way...........

I was made fun of on a regular basis at my religious class when I was his age and it was soooo horrible and lasted for several years by the same girls. Fortunately I had friends at school and a wonderful home and this experience didn't permanently damage my self-esteem.

When I was a teenager I was not rebellious and I was a good kid with high morals and very serious about school and extremely spiritual and read my bible every day (my best friend was and still is Brooke White on American Idol who's never smoked or drank)...however, I thought the religious classes were SO boring and didn't contribute much to my life, and even as an adult looking back I don't think the classes had much of influence or impact on my life. I was a good kid either way. The home life has much more influence over a child than anything else. I attended the classes out of respect for my mother because I loved her and she wanted me to go, but I hated going. I felt like I could talk to my mom about it and express my frustrations without her getting angry. I probably could have refused to go and my mom would have respected that (church is another story--that was most likely a battle worth fighting to my mom), but I didn't want to disappoint her like that. You want your child to obey out of love and respect, and not because he's forced to.

Choose your battles very carefully, but win the battles you choose. Only you can answer what's more important here: That your child attends the class or that the feelings are warm between you and your son? There is a delicate balance between allowing our children to make their own choices and between letting them get away with too much. Our children need to learn to respect our authority and they need our guidance to help them make good choices, but they also need to learn how to make choices and experience the consequences, both good and bad. My mom put her foot down if she felt something would harm us either spiritually, emotionally, or physically. And if in your opinion this may harm him spiritually not to attend, then this might be a battle worth fighting (and winning of course) to you.

K., once you establish there is no reason to worry as far as safety or bullying is concerned this may be a defining moment in the dynamics of the house between your son and responding to authority. he may just be exhibiting rebellion because he'd rather be somewhere else instead of there, or someone made fun of the fact that he attends the classes, he may prefer to be at home, who knows? you have to decide whether are you willing to give the reins of power to your son at 7 years old~ this may not be not about the classes, per ce, but about you being able or unable to control your 7-year old child from now on. (and the next one, if it works for your oldest, because the younger one will learn from him how to manipulate you).
i never bribed my kids. i also don't reward them for behaviour that is expected of them. what you're experiencing right now could very well be a power struggle and you should decide right now, because if you lose...you will be fighting a difference battle every day/week/month.
my children are now 19, 18 and 12 and although we have had our disagreements the word or their father or mother was never up for grabs in terms of going over our authority. nip it in the bud so you don't go through this the next 14 years.
don't miss the bigger picture in this and good luck!

as i read the other responses i find it unsettleting to think that K. is being told to rethink the religion classes or to imply she is being unreasonable or hypocritical. (kids learn by example...indeed) she is the mother of this child and it is her right and her duty to teach him in whatever way she desires, whatever religious or tradition she wishes. kids don't get to run their lives at this age or make decisions that will follow them for the rest of their lives. kids are not adults in small size. they are children who don't understand serious ramifications of decisions given to them. it does explain why i see so many kids who yell at their mothers in public, cause a scene and the parents end up asking "what went wrong?" when they have lost all control over their kids at an early age. K., are the classes important to you? to your husband? is it your tradition as a family? take your child! a kid this age should decide what he wants to wear, not to whether or not go to religion.
there's a great proverb: "the wise son brings honor to his father, a foolish son is the shame of his mother".

Do what is important to you, K.. when he is a man, and the teenage years are over...he will be grateful that you taught him to do what is expected of him. so will his boss, his wife, and his teachers.

Are you and your husband on the same page about the importance of him going to the class? Have you considered that there may be something inappropriate going on in the class? What does he say about why he doesn't want to go. Is there some change in the home that he is having trouble adjusting to? Just wondering why he would all of the sudden refuse to go. Is he normally a strong willed child that you have to battle with or is this something out of the ordinary? Seven is young to just start rebelling against your parents. Look into all the angles before you decide what you are going to do and make sure that your husband is giving him the same message about attending the class. If it were my son, I would make sure everything is safe in the class, explain to him why it is important for him to go, and then make him go...just as I have for cub scout meetings and karate when my son really, really, really did not want to go! I think punishing him will probably not take you to where you want to go with this, nor will bribing him. But ensuring his safety and dealing with any other outside issues that may be effecting his mood and then enforcing your decision that he is to go will show him that you care about his feelings, but he has to respect your authority.

I think you want the religious class to be something fun and interesting to start a life long passion. I would first find out what he dreads about going to class and see if that issue can be remedied. Maybe it is as simple as another classmate causing trouble. I think the bribing route will ALWAYS backfire. But maybe there is a reward at the month that he can obtain for going to all 4 classes with no trouble. Use stickers and a chart so it is easy for him to keep track. All kids like stickers. If push comes to shove, start withholding privileges. But be sure to always follow through with what you are threatening, otherwise your words become meaningless.

Hi K.,
I am also a teacher and agree that parents should let their children know that it is the parents that make the decisions. I would state that clearly and then ask for his input. Let him know why you feel it is important- listing specific examples and then ask him why he doesn't want to go (also listing specific examples). If you feel his reasons are valid and outweigh your reasons for him going- (if the environment is unsafe, etc...) then you could reconsider. But, if his reasons are because it isn't fun or he'd rather be doing something else, let him know that your decision stands.
I would not bribe or punish that he doesn't want to go. However, if his actions require punishment, that is another story. (but let him know that he isn't in trouble because he doesn't want to go, but because he - kicked, screamed, whatever)

Hi K. -

Is there a reason that your son "has" to go to these classes? Children learn more by example than by being preached at. If you provide the type of home that sets the example for how you would like him to live and what values are important, he doesn't need outside influence. Forcing him to attend training classes can only serve to make him resent what you are trying to teach him. Sit down and talk to him. Ask him why he doesn't want to go. Let him explain his understanding or beliefs without judgement and then ask him to listen to your explanations - also without judgement - and then let him ask questions. It may be an enlightening experience for both of you.

M. M. Ernsberger

K., Has he indicated why he doesn't want to go? Was he enthusiastic before and did an about-face? Did something happen in the class -- for example, was he intimidated or humiliated by a peer or teacher?

I think you should try talking to him about its importance first, in basic terms. Be sure he's not getting conflicting messages, like, why do I have to go if Mommy/brother/cousin sue doesn't go? Do you weave the lessons from the class through his daily routine? My parents made me go to class but it wasn't in a context of how it impacts our daily life (why it's important), so I rebelled. Bribery or punishment will motivate him for the wrong reason.