First Days of Kindergarten

Having dealt with anxiety issues myself and owning a preschool with Kindergarten I do have a few pointers.

First, go over different situations with her and rehearse how she could handle them, teach her how to problem solve. Example. She may be to shy to ask to use the bathroom so ask her teacher what the process is and then go over it with her. If the teacher asks the children to raise their hand, she may be uncomfortable with that. Maybe you can ask the teacher to show her where the hall pass is and then just get up and let her know she is leaving to use the bathroom. If the bathroom is in the classroom, it may not be private enough for her and she may feel uncomfortable, so maybe she can go to the nurse when she feels she has to go, and use hers. Stomach issues do go along with anxiety so I GET that completely. Second, ask the teacher if she has a print out of her daily schedule that you can go over with your daughter at home. This will give her the opportunity to know what is coming next, hence less anxiety. I had a little girl in my prek4 who experienced the same issues, it was heartbreaking, she couldn't even transition to another classroom without a meltdown, so we learned to prepare her before all events and then talk her through it, and it really helped. We did not give in we just encouraged her. giving in will only keep the fears going and make her feel worse. Last year during our first Christmas show this little girl had to be taken off the stage she was hysterical, but by working with her and talking her through her fears by graduation in June she did a solo dance on stage a HUGE improvement!!! She just left our school and is in summer camp in her new school and mom tells me she is doing amazing!!! If you have to go to the principal to have these extra provisions approved then do it, just let them know it is temporary until she begins to feel comfortable. If it does not improve then take her to talk to a child psychologist, it will really help her, and be sure it is one who deals with anxiety. Exposure to our fears in the comfort of someone we feel safe with is the best way to overcome them. I know you want to be there for her but the best gift you can give her is the ability to learn to rely on herself. Do things with her, but allow her to do things for herself with your reassurance, it will empower her. Try not to remind her about the bathroom before school, try to tell her what she can do should something happen, go over solutions verses the problem. It should relieve some of the anxiety. If she is shy then she has to try to build a safe relationship with her teacher, so she can go to her. Maybe meet with the teacher alone before school for a few minutes each morning, until she is comfortable. It is hard for a teacher to give her the special attention she is needing with a room full of children. I am sure she will adjust, I know how you are feeling, but she will feed off of your worry, so try to not show that to her, try to be as confident as you can when you are talking to her. Best of luck to you!!

Great idea reaching out to the nurse and counselor. I totally understand your feelings. She will adjust, but it might take a week or two.

You are not abandoning her and you have to put on a brave face so she won't pick up on your anxiety. :0)

What a hard situation. Connecting with a specific teacher who can engage her each morning will be crucial. Also, can she join Daisies (Girl Scouts) which will help her socialize and make friends. Are there any kids from her preschool there (if she went)? Maybe she could have them over for a playdate.She may actually be constipated. It sounds like you are on top of it just be sure not to tell her "mommy misses you" just "have fun, see you in a few hours." I think she will adjust.

I really like Diane S.'s suggestions. Proactive planning can really help children who are challenged with a new environment and routine.

One suggestion: do your best to act confident that school is going to be a good experience for your daughter. She needs to see from you that you believe school to be a good thing for her and that she will be able to adapt.
I know you are trying very hard to do this, so don't give up on yourself in this situation either! :)

Lastly, Rescue Remedy makes a pastille-like gummy "candy" that is great for taking the edge off of hard situations. If you aren't familiar with Rescue Remedy, it is a blend of flower essences which help to reduce stress and to calm strong emotions without any side effects. Midwives use it for laboring mothers who are emotionally upset; many people I know use it with their pets during 4th of July. We use it for our son before having to go get shots or when he's really upset; I use it before events I know will be loud/noisy/stressful. Both you and your daughter could use this very safely and you could offer it to the school nurse if need be.

It is probably making it worse for you to be there. She'd likely just go ahead and do what she's supposed to do. It's like your her crutch. She doesn't have to be strong and build coping skills because mom is there to make sure she doesn't have to.

I hope the teacher and counselors can help you feel better. She needs to develop these skills.

DD was in daycare & 2 years of preschool before Kinder & I thought she'd be totally comfy, but she had a hard first few weeks and had several crying episodes. Just remember that the tears are normal & so is the feeling of guilt & that you are abandoning your child.

Also, please just don't let you daughter feel your nerves or fear, or else she will feed off of it & it will make it worse for her.

Best to give her a kiss with a big smile on your face and leave. It is possible that as long as you hang out she will not get into a routine. They all adjust in their own time.

Okay first thing you do is Take A Deep Breath! All of these problems are very fixable. Here are a few things I would do for your daughter. 1. Get some pull-ups or goodnites and a travel pack of flushable wipes. If the accidents are stress related. As she gets more familiar with her surroundings they will stop. Until then the pullups will help. 2. Get a picture of the two of you together and pin it to the inside of her backpack so she can look at it for comfort when needed. 3. Practice the new routine for school at home and talk to her about it. Be clear that you trust her teachers and know that she is safe at school. Also, be clear to yourself-you are Not abandoning your child! True its hard watching them grow up, but you cant stop them from living life. You can only prepare them and let them know that no matter what you are there for them. Your anxiety is partly causing hers. When you freak out she will sense it and act accordingly. Dont forget to ask the teacher about volunteer opportunities in the classroom and fieldtrips. Storytime is my favorite and I live for fieldtrips. Focus on the positives not the negatives-new friends, experiences, projects, school performances and book fairs. Plus you kinda get to act like a kid yourself again. Nothing better than a good old fashioned singalong or finger painting!