Finding Balance - Plainfield,IL

I'm not a working mom, so I can't tell YOU how to manage because we have very different lives. However I can tell you this, you cannot be a do it all. To be a good mother, good wife, and good employee you have to take care and nurture yourself! I really loved the book "The Balanced Mom; Raising your kids without loosing yourself" it had some great tips and advice, starting with "there is no such thing as a 'super mom'"

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Check out Flylady.net Great strategies for utilizing the time you DO have in the best way! It's tough. But NEVER feel guilty about playing with a kid while your laundry sits for another day! :-)

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Hi A.. I feel the same way sometimes. I wish there was a cure for this.... My boys are almost 5 and 2 and a half and it wasn't until after my younger son turned 2 that I started to feel a little like I can wrap my head around things. I feel better when I exercise too, but I don't put too much pressure on myself (like if a wrench gets thrown in my day and can't work out, I don't stress about it). However, I do try to run with the boys in the double stroller even if it's cold outside, usually I just go for 30 minutes. So I'm with my kids and it's not a huge production to get to the gym.

Also, I started sharing a sitter with some of my son's classmates. Sometimes on a Saturday we'll go out to dinner with a couple from school and they will drop their kids off at my place. We'll go out somewhat early - 5 or 6 pm and we are back by 9pm, but it gives the kids a chance to play together (they have a blast), it cuts down on babysitting money, gives me time with my husband and also we get to know new people/families from school too.

I've also learned to ask my family and friends for help. My son broke his femer and was in a cast for 5 weeks. A bunch of people asked to help and at first I turned them down, but after I started to go a little crazy, I decided to take people up on their offers to help - drive my other son to school, etc.

My mother in law comes by once a week for a few hours and I used to feel like I needed to stay with her and have some quality time with the kids..... but now I do my own thing when she is here and give her alone time with my kids. I can finally do this without feeling guilty, etc. It's funny I used to feel bad if I wasn't spending a lot of time with them, but I think they actually have a better time when I give them some space.

I think the bottom line is that whatever you are doing, just do it, 100%, even if it is something for yourself and try not to feel guilty about something you are not doing. You can only do so much. Good Luck!

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I agree you have to decide what is most important for you and prioritize, and yes you need to discuss with hubby what he needs to do to help things run smoothly. Even though my child is a teen now I still do not have time to do the big projects that need doing (that is something I enlist the whole family to do-clean out closets and back porch, have garage sale or make a trip to Salvation Army, etc). I always feel behind. But I feel better if I put myself up on the list of priorities, not above my family but not at the bottom either. Different people have different needs-if I don't get some alone time I get wacko crabby. Also try combining things-for instance my husband and I take long, brisk walks together. It is great exercise and quality time for us too. Or enlist family on bike rides for family togetherness and exercise.
Never feel guilty about spending time with your children. That is one thing you will never regret. :) As soon as they are old enough get the kids doing chores. It is good for them and if you get them doing age appropriate stuff when they are young it is easier to get them to continue doing it when they are older and more resistant. My son does laundry, takes out garbage, helps with loading and unloading dishwasher, and of course, cleans his room, (that one is the hardest now that he's older. ) It is just part of his day.
Best of luck and know that most Moms, working outside the home and otherwise feel the same.

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There are times when I wonder the same things.

I've always been a working Mom, and it's hard for me to go to the neighbor's houses at times when they're pristinely clean and organized. The moms are SAHMs, and they've structured their days differently from mine. If finances were different, at times, I think it would be nice to have a cleaning lady, but I'd likely then feel guilty that I couldn't do it all on my own.

Each day kind of runs into the next, and all my good intentions (finishing painting our bathroom, fixing the faucet, etc) go by the way side. I try to spend as much time with my kids as possible (since we only get a few hours/day during the week). When they play by themselves, I feel guilty that I'm not in there with them.

So, my message is just to say that you're not alone. I think we all struggle with how to manage our commitments and priorities.
My husband is really good about helping with certain things (unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, taking the trash out, doing the bills). I balance that with other tasks around the house and with the kids.

We've just had to be OK with letting some things go......good luck!

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First of all don't stress, I think every mom has felt this way at some point :) When I was working outside the home I felt the same way. Now, I take Oligo vitamins and every since starting with them I now can function on less sleep and I have tons more energy for my 2 small children and my home business.
The Oligo vitamins have better absorption so they work better than most on the market, 1 is equiv. to 33 Centrum! I think they would really help you. You can message me for more info. or request info at www.LiveTotalWellness.com/JOBS

housework loses - it is the least important, lol. Try to have your husband partner and take up the slack more. If that won't work then prioritize by making a list.

I always answer that question by asking, "How does your partner do it all?" Look at what he does after work and how he prioritizes. Many men do as little as possible and relax as much as possible.

After work, I only have a few hours before the kids go to bed and before I go to bed. My husband cooks, I do dishes and we vacuum every other day. I keep the washer and dryer going and fold on Saturdays. My friend who works does a cleaning task for 15 minutes everyday (flylady suggestion). Her house is cleaner/more organized than mine.

Everything else can wait or won't get done.

You can find balance, but you cannot do it ALL.

Sit down with your husband and work it out. My first question would be......are you trying to do it all yourself? Ask your husband to take some responsibility if he isn't. Whether you work or not you still can't do it all. Forget about the extras. Ignore a bit of dust and disarray. Say "no" to most volunteering. Find another mom like you and trade babysitting to get that alone time. Don't try to do it all. Hang in there. You aren't alone.

Last time I checked we are not supposed to do it all!!! But I understand how you feel. I think if you have a house that is homey, relatively clean, can manage to work out at least once a week (alone time I call it) and spend time with your child on top of a full time job you are already doing it all.
Maybe you could think of what you would like to add to your schedule, like an extra workout, and delegate some of the chores that would otherwise take the place of the cleaning activity to your man.
I am working a 50- 60 hour week minimum, pregnant and exhausted all the time. I consider my daily chores of running the dishwasher and picking up around the house for 10-15 minutes a mini-triumph right now. I also admire my other half, who while working a full time job also has managed to use his evenings to build us a changing table and crib because we are so limited on space in a downtown apartment. Extra bonus is clean laundry day when both of us fold.....we call that together time.
I think you are doing great and I only hope I can keep up with you after the baby comes and the peace we have somehow figured out becomes crazy again.
Also, I am a consultant and I am crazy for organization, order, control and balance with all the other non-work activities...so I respect the hope that there is some additional way to fit more in. I have just resolved that in some cases we need to see the wins and the good stuff we are getting done.
But I will also take tips from anyone else who replies to your question...V

I totally understand how you feel because I think every mom can be related to you and to me. I have a almost two year old son, a wonderful husband, a dirty home and a full time job. I am not from Chicago, my husband either and all of our support system (family, friends, and relatives) are in other countries or far away from Chicago. It is frustrating because I do not have any time to do exercise, or cook a healthy food o have my house impeccable. I was frustrated until I decide to not to be so hard with myself and accept my limitations. I tried not to be hard with myself if one day (or two or three) my house is not 100% clean and be ok with that. I rather use my time to watch tv (without regrets, enjoying with popcorn after I put my baby to sleep). Or, better, do some exercise ( I bought some DVD and I find myself sometimes doing that around 9 or 10pm, so I don’t even have to go out).

We don’t have anybody that can help us with babysitting, or any other thing. My husband had the great idea to hire a woman that helps us with the cleaning every two weeks (sometimes more). She used to be a babysitter so we sometimes ask her to watch our son at night (of course we have to pay more).

My point is that sometimes we expect ourselves to be super women and we don’t realize we are just humans and we need to take care of ourselves. I think if one day you do the 15 minutes cleaning and the following day you do exercise, and so on you will feel better. Is ok for me not to clean the mess every day because the mess will be there anyway and also my extra pounds ( I prefer to spend a little more time on working on my extra pounds than the extra mess). Maybe you can make an schedule with your husband to help you with that and hire somebody to do a deep cleaning once a week so you can only worry about keep it clean and clean surfaces (believe me, it worth the extra cash, I am happy to pay her every time she goes there!!).

I tried also to leave work at work and I also struggle with that because when I am with my baby I am thinking about my work and when I am at work I am thinking about him and all the things I did wrong!!. I know I am not being fair with myself, and now that I am conscious about it, I can do something and enjoy both when I have to enjoy.

But most of all, don’t be too harsh with yourself. Good luck.