Financial Considerations with Out of Town Guests

V.,

Please do not think I am coming across rude, but if you offered your house for a place to stay, then you have to be the entertainer. Now, I have the same sort of cercustances but they ALWAYS offer us food money, fill the gas tank, and do things around the house to help me out. I think if they are coming just for a free vacation something needs to be said before they get there. If you really do not want to go there, then play it by ear.

Here is what I do. When our family comes into town we go to the store and grocery shop. It is not an option to go out to eat everyday they are here. So we plan out meals with them and we go to the store. More than likly they pitch in money at the cash register. Now if they don't. and yes you need to be prepared for that unless you say something to them in advance, then pay and go about it. We cook every night and EVERYONE cleans up. Plan breakfast, lunch, and dinner and this will save money.

About the car, do they have alot of tickets or accidents on their record? I guess I really dont understand why they could not take the car shoping if they are family? My relatives do and they are never gone for more than an hour or two. I think you need to not try and do everything and trust them, if they do not have issues with driving.

One other thing, if these family members are really coming and to spend time with your family, then there should not be a huge issue. But if they are coming for a free vacation there is something wrong with them. I mean a family of 5 on one income....they need to go to a hotel if they do not help you out in some way or form. It would be very rude and heartless for them not to pitch in. See how this time goes and go from there.

Good luck and let me know if you need any other advice. I have the same thing happening in Feb-May, try that....

2 moms found this helpful

Dear V.,

I know that it is very difficult to ask family to help with food and such when they come to visit. But in times like this, you do not have a choice.

I would just tell them, "At this time I can not afford to feed you all for the week or so that you are staying, so you all will have to help with groceries, and as for you using my vehicle while you are here, that will also be difficult. So if you can afford to rent a vehicle that would be great, and if not then the use of my vehicle will be limited."

If they do not understand, then V., that is not your problem.

If they can not see and understand that you are a one paycheck household, then it is your family that will be at fault.

This is what I would do if it were me.
I make my sons help when they come home. And they do not have a problem with it. But if they did, well then they need not come.

I would let them know your circimstances before hand also.

Good luck dear.

Question. Did you invite the guests, or did they invite themselves? If you invited them, they are your responsibility. However, if they're just coming because they want to, then they should at least be respectful to you and yours and offer to take care of themselves for the most part, and you just be a good hostess.

L. B.

Please, for the sake of yourself and your family, set some healthy boundaries with these relatives. If they are coming to visit you, they should be able to afford to rent their own car, pay for some meals, etc. It sounds like they expect an awful lot when they come to visit, like you are expected to drop everything and cater to them. If money is tight, and you can't afford the burden they plan to put on you, say so.

Each time you let them do things that create a burden for you makes it seem more acceptable in their minds, and more likely that they will continue to make similar requests in the future. Squash it early or live with it long-term.

C. H

This is a question that I have been struggling with most of my adult life since we've always lived in "cool" places like California and Colorado! I have had guests come and stay for a week, let me feed and chauffeur them all around town without even a thank you note. I have had other guests who are super respectful and may eat some meals with us, but either offset it with a gift card or taking us out to dinner. And, oftentimes the best, is when my cousins (in college so I knew they had no money)helped a ton with the kids, and one night cooked me dinner! So, any extra money I spent on them had been so worth it! So, the point is that there really is no magic formula for expectations when you are hosting guests. But here are maybe some thoughts that make sense to me:

1. I base my expectations on the age of my guests. If they are older, like my aunt and uncles, or people that I am not super close to, then I expect that they will at least take us out to dinner or chip in for some things. If guests are either friends my age or younger, like my cousins, I usually foot the bill for most things without much expectation. As my cousins get older, I now find them wanting us to come stay with them and I'm sure they will be wonderful hosts to us!

2. I think it is kinda a rule that you provide guests with food in your home, whoever they are. I usually just try to have things on hand for breakfast at least, maybe a few things for lunch. Nothing that takes you a lot of time. Good things are fruit, muffins, cereal, lunchmeat. You could even leave it down in the kitchenette if you want. Dinner is the hard meal. I found it easier to go out as then the guests could not possibly expect you to pay for them and they should actually pay for you at least once. But, I know that gets pricey. So, for a week maybe think of two or three dinners that pretty inexpensive to make in bulk- like soup or spaghetti. They key is to keep things very simple, and you may find that you don't spend too much more than an average week on groceries.

3. I think having people expect to have you drive them everywhere is ridiculous. Offer to take them to the light rail station or bus stop. People should be considerate of the fact that you have three kids, and use them as excuses to not haul people around town whenever possible (like, "it's Johnny's naptime so I just can't take you to "blank")

4. Do not knock yourself out! It seems like the more you provide, the more is expected. Just be clear about your lifestyle and habits, not mentioning anything about the money aspect (meaning: not mentioning that you may be changing your lifestyle for the week they are there to not overspend). For example, just say "hey, we're pretty laid back around here. Help yourself to muffins for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, but I don't cook much anymore. Do you want to catch dinner out a few nights?" If I cook, then I say we eat by five, so if guests are going to be back later than that I tell them to catch something on their own. I reality, we eat closer to 7, but with guests sightseeing, being back by 5 is hard, so I usually avoid having to make a few dinners! Encourage day trips!

5. One advantage of being a host is that you are in control of the situation. Be gracious when they are in your home and things are going appropriately, and be a little snippy when guests overstep. Decide that you are going to relax and have a good time and not worry about money for the basic things so that your guests feel welcome. But, for example, if your guests arrive at your home at 7pm and haven't had dinner, I'd make it clear that they either should have eaten with you earlier or gotten their own dinner out. It's all about boundaries as you are the host, not the maid. This, for some reason, is easier for my younger guests than older guests! Go figure!

So sorry to write you so much. The thing is that if these people may come to stay with you again in the future, you need to set up the boundaries or else you will run yourself ragged. Anyone with tact knows how hard it is to host as well as take care of 3 kids! But, on the other hand, people who are not willing to rent a car may also be looking for a cheap vacation! So, create the balance yourself! good luck! And, if guests come and do not do anthing to off-set the cost of having you (even with something small like a bottle of wine, watching the kids for a night, whatever) then I would not have them back.

I totally relate!My husband, my 13 month old daughter, and I are renting in my parent's house right now which is very large (they give us a great deal on rent). We have been living there while finishing up school but are now done and will be leaving this summer. Anyway, we often have family coming to stay with us because of the space also friends will ask when they need a place to stay, etc. My family who owns the place never expects us to pay for their food but others have not been as quick to offer to buy their own food or pay for the utilities. My husband's parents are usually pretty good about offering to pay for food and utilities as well. However, there have been a few guests that have not thought to ask about food and have just used ours. A part of me wishes that I could be more altruistic but the point is that we can't afford to pay for other people's food for an extended period of time. I feel bad but now I tell everyone that stays with us for over a few days that they need to pitch in for utilities and food because we can't afford it. I would be honest with your guests and say we really are happy to have you visiting but we just don't have the extra funds right now to pay for all your meals. (Maybe wait until the middle/end of the trip because they may offer without you having to say anything.) I know it is an uncomfortable subject but the truth is that your family is most important. (If the families are your husband's family or closer friends with him make him do it-hehe). Anyway, as far as gas goes if you are having to take an extra vehicle when your family could just ride in one car I could see asking for gas money otherwise maybe it is not necessary. Good luck! I know how stressful these situations can be. We once had different people staying with us for almost three months straight! Try to enjoy your guests!

I would definetly let them know up front what you are willing to contribute. IE we are happy to let you stay, but wondered if you could contribute and help with the groceries while you are here.
Just decide what you are willing to pay for, and how much you want to provide for them. When we have family I usually cook and don't expect them to pay but that is generally for one or 2 nights not a week at a time which is a big cost consideration just in groceries alone.

I would also make sure you tell the family that is staying without a car when you are available to take them around, and then give them a bus or train schedule and ideas for nearby activities they could attend while you are committed with other things. I would also request up front that they help out with the gas.

Good Luck and Enjoy your company.

I would also let them know what you expect as to clean up. When they are there and leave. For example here is a set of clean sheets would you put them on when you leave and place the dirty ones in the laundry, etc.

Hello,
Are the guest friend's or family? Either way, you need to be honest with them and let them know your finance situation. They should be able to understand with the way the economy is now.
I would let them know that they would be responsible for buying themselves food that they can fix in the kitchenette, for their breakfast & lunch, then you can take turns fixing supper in the main kitchen and enjoy that meal together.
Let them know what is provided in the kitchenette, such as salt pepper,dishes,dishwashing soap, etc...
As far as a car goes, let them know you are willing to take them site seeing (if you are willing), but that they would have to contribute for some of the gas. Besides, you are covering the wear & tear, along with insurance on the vehicle.
Hope this is some kind of help.
Good luck & have fun.
C.

I may be the only one in this line of thinking, but unfortunately when you "invite" people to stay with you, you are assuming responsibility for food and utilities. Not for the car, which most people will handle for themselves. I would try to help them find a good deal online, hotwire.com or travelocity.com or such and see if they will take the bait and get the car.
However, while you are assuming the food and utilities, most people who travel much will automatically plan to either give you money for the food, go to the grocery store with or for you or fix some dinners or take you out as well for some dinners.
My parents come for 3-6 weeks at a time to be with us and don't even stay in our house, yet they eat here many of their meals and do their laundry here....they give us money and go to the store or Sam's and buy food and diapers for us for the privilege of spending that time with us and the grandkids.
Most of our family/friends who come to visit even for a few days will bring cash for all the extras we spend. Don't be surprised though if they leave cash on the dresser when they go too, I've had friends do that too because they didn't think I would accept the cash.
Be sure to let them know that you cannot really afford to go here and there and spend money doing some of the tourist things with them, they may get the idea that they should be helping you since they get to stay free!
Maybe you will be surprised and these folks will do the same for you...unless they have come before and didn't do it, which you didn't say....hopefully that isn't the case, if it is then shame on you for allowing them back without setting up the ground rules when you are not in a position to be feeding more than you already are!
Good luck.....let us know how it works out!! I'll keep my fingers crossed it's a positive time for all.
D.

We are also a family of 5 on a single income. I know when our families visit it is always assumed that there will be help with expenses. They usually bring a little grocery/gas money to give to us when they get here to hep offset their expenses.

-M.

Honesty is the best policy. Before each of the groups comes to visit, give them a call and let them know how excited you are that they are going to be spending time with you. Let them know that you are so glad that you have plenty of space that they will be able to stay with you and not have the expense of lodging. Then mention to them, I wanted to touch base with you about the menu for the week that you will be here. Ask them if they have any thoughts on sharing the planning and grocery trip. If you approach it honestly, often times people have a specialty meal that they would be proud to make for your family. I also believe that people don't want to freeload. They are appreciative that they are saving a lot of money on lodging and would be happy to contribute to the food supply. Also, they may want some alone time on their vacation too so you can ask them if there are any nights that they might want to go out to a recommended restaurant just their family -you might find that they want to invite your family and pay as a thank you.
If you approach it lighthearted and matter of factly and in the contex that it is their vacation and what would they like to do, I think it will all work out. You never know what they might be feeling -Oh gosh, since we are staying at their place, we have to spend every minute with them and aren't going to get to do some of the things that we want to do or spend some special quality time with just our family on our vacation.
Good luck and have fun with your company. Remember it is your house so you can be flexible to some extent but you are also allowed to follow your routines as well.
Communication is key.
Let us know how it all goes.
L.

Wow! it sounds like you are going to have a crazy month! We too love to have guests, so here are a few suggestions that you might find helpful. (I'm going to assume that you are rather close to these families or they would not be staying with you for such an extended period of time.)

1. explain to each family your situation of having back to back house guests and your need for your own family time. Also make sure that they know they are more than welcome to use the kitchenette.

2. let them know that you will provide breakfast every morning unless they have other plans.(ie. cereal everyother day, maybe eggs and toast one day, a really nice breakfast one day of the week, and then whatever else you can come up with.)

3. lunch and dinner you can do on alternate days. so, if you provide lunch on monday, they are responsible for their own dinner. tuesday they do their own lunch and then you provide the dinner, etc.

4. plan one great menu that you like and use it for all three weeks. this will help you be totally prepared, you won't be rushing to buy that special spice that you will only use once, and some things you will have leftover from the first week that you can use for the second week and so on. This also allows you to buy in large quantities and freeze in three portions to help cut costs- gotta love Cosco!

5. for the family who doesn't want to rent a car- check with your insurance agency, it might not be so difficult to have them temporarily covered under your insurance. or just explain to them that they might not get to go everywhere they want if you have to chauffer them. suggust that they rent a car for just a day or two, maybe three if they have specific places they would like to go. (it is rather unreasonable of them to expect you to do all of the driving, but you're still responsible for your guests!)

good luck and I hope you come out sane on the other side! :)

I've been down this road just recently. We had a friend from California come here for work. We said we will put him up for a few weeks we had the office that he could stay in. Well it ended up being 2 1/2 months (he didn't pay any rent) then during Christmas break for the full 2 weeks his family came to visit (along with them bringing their dog that went to the bathroom all over my garage along with scratching up my door because he was an inside dog at home, but I will not allow even my dogs in the house) and they ended up stayed with us. Well now we had a total of 8 people 3 dogs in my 4 bedroom house with a small yard. I just cooked a few dinner's then I gave up because they weren't really helping that much and they got groceries every once in a while. We are only a 1 income family too with 2 kids and boy did that 2 1/2 months eat us alive. along with all the food we prepaired our gas, electricity, water, sewer went up almost $200.00. We learned not to do it again. We asked him that it was time to move out. He couldn't afford an apartment, so we rented him out trailer to live it someplace else. Enough about my problem, but I can say you need to speak up and let them know what you need. I didn't speak up that's what got me in my situation.

I would call them before they come and ask them what they are planning on for food. Let them know that you have a fridge, ect, and you know the best places to get groceries near you. Thank will help them think about it and understand that you're not expecting to feed them the whole time.

A year or so ago, I went to visit friends in another town. They put us up at their apartment (kids sharing bedrooms, I slept on the couch) and bought at least one meal for us (for my birthday). But I knew that money was tight for them, so I brought some food (I had extra at home) and bought food there, too, for my family. I even fixed a couple of meals for them (using both food). To me that just seemed polite. I should chip in. Maybe, if you give them a few hints (like above) they will understand.

Whenever we have family or friends they have automatically offered to spend the money they would have spent at home on food and utilities to us instead. My parents stay for about 6 weeks at a time usually and they even have their own house while they are here but usually give us money for food and gas as we chauffer them around or my dad takes my car a lot. With other friends, we have always said they are welcome but that we need to know ahead what the plan will be. If they mention they will be eating with us or will need us to transport them, then we just ask them right up front for a contribution to our budget. None of them have balked at all and have either just written a check or we have gone to the store together after sitting down and making a menu. It's just my opinion but in this economy if they don't offer to help they are welcome to stay at a hotel! Good luck.

Hi V.,

Sounds like you are going to be very busy with all those visitors!! Prior to the visits, my feeling is you should let them all know in advance that you are living on a budget and would appreciate their contributing to the food and gas. If they are family members, I sure wouldn't hesitate in letting them know! Friends on the otherhand, may require a bit of tact when bringing it up, but even friends certainly should understand and shouldn't expect you to foot the bill for food/gas for them. (after all lodging is free!) I had family stay with me for a month last summer, but luckily I didn't have to brooch the subject of them paying their own way, they just did it. They also shared in cooking and cleaning so I had no complaints! As for meal times, if you are having to do all the cooking (or most of it), I found caseroles fit the budget and seemed to go a long ways (in otherwords, fed everyone). Spaghetti is easy on the budget too, as is meatloaf. Anything you can make in bulk like the above. (Let them spring for pizza one night too!!) Good luck and hope all works out well!

Are these friends/families that you feel comfortable having an honest conversation with about their stay?
I would think if they are close enough to you to stay in your home, you should be able to express to them that you aren't able to fund their vacations (not that bluntly of course ;-)).

-In the kitchenette, you could put names and directions to grocery stores in the area.
-You could say that you will provide dinner, so you can all have a meal together once a day. That should make it obvious that they are on their own for the other meals.

-What does the family without a car plan on doing while they are with you? Do they just want to hang out and relax in your home? That would save on gas, but cost more on food. I would take the wife with you to the grocery store, shop together, and split the bill. Buy only things you need for that week, not things that your household will use when they are gone.
-If they expect you to take them places, I would sit down with them and plan a schedule. Make sure that they pay for all of their own activities, instead of them saying they will pay you back later. From experience, people that don't live near you rarely pay you back.
-After you plan a schedule, you could say, "would you like to fill up the tank while you are here?" I always pay for the gas when i'm visiting someone else. I would hope your guests are considerate of your time and your finances.

We are fortunate that we have room in our budget to provide food and transportation when we have company, but it is nice to not feel like people are taking advantage of you. I know of many people that are out hundreds of dollars from relatives who will "send a check to you as soon as we get back home."
It is a lot of fun to have guests in your home. I hope that you can find a way to make the situation work for you and your guests, so that you don't get in a financial hole to give someone else a vacation.

The key thing is to express your expectations up front. Some people do not think anything about staying with you and letting you pay for everything. If they can't afford the trip, then maybe they should wait. Be honest about your situation and let them know while you are excited to have them, you must be upfront with how things need to work. You are providing free lodging and an occasional meal (define this). They will be expected to rent a car, pay for their food (kitchenette) and their activities. Good luck!
S.

I understand people coming to visit whether it is family members or friends but what I don't understand is why they would not want to rent a car. I am a single parent of four kids with limited income and when I go out of town usually during Thanksgiving I rent a car because I know how hard it is for people to pick up, drop off, and tote me and the kids around to all of the people and places we want to visit. That being said I have a suggestion on the car. I recently had to rent a car due to my car being out and I wnet on hotwire and rented a car for a week for $79.00. It was an enterprise car for $9.95 a day. This is an awesome deal and if they are coming for a week I feel that this is not to much to ask. The other thought is if you really think they cannot afford it you could offer to pay to keep your sanity (however I do not feel personally that you should) If someone is coming in to visit they should be prepared financially to pay for some things and a car is a neccessity. It sounds to me like you have kids and you need to keep your schedule according to their needs not someone elses. The visitors should understand this and be courteous to you and very thankful that you are allowing them to stay at your place. (Hotwire also has awesome prices on hotels). If they rent a car this would keep you away form the gas expenses and the transportation and time issue you are concerned about. I hope this does not sound to harsh but I feel it is fair. I hope this was a help to you. If you need help with the rent a car search please let me know and I would be happy to help you find a great deal. A.

I agree with the other ladies about food, but you did not say whether you had invited these guests or if they asked if they could stay with you, I think that makes a difference, although I personally have always fed guests in my home regardless.
I think you are right about not letting them drive your car. (a year ago I would have had a different opinion) Your car is insured with the people who are on the policy, if there is an accident their insurance will not pay and yours will treat it as uninsured claim, it will cause a rise in your insurance premium. If they can't rent a car they probably will not be able to pay for repairs if anything happens. These kind of things can cause rifts in relationships, even with the best of intentions, believe me I know. It's best to avoid it. You can call your insurance company to make sure and you can use that as an excuse if you need to.
I have always been so excited about guests coming that I don't worry about these things too much, it always seems to work out.

I just wanted to say that if I invite myself to someone's house (or even if I'm invited), I almost always take them out to dinner one night. I also eat out or help with the purchase of groceries. After all, I'm getting free room and board! I think it's the least I can do. To expect my host to pay for my food, etc. is pretty unfair - perhaps some bagels for breakfast or lunch meats/bread for sandwiches, but maybe I only expect that because that's what I would provide.

Good luck. You received some very good suggestions!

i agree with the previous posters... you are "hosting" these people, regardless of whether they were invited or not. though i think most house guests (I hope) would offer to chip in, buy some groceries or gas, or whatever.

one thing you might suggest... perhaps, since your basement has a kitcheonette... is something I've offered to people staying with us (particularly people with small kids). since kids can be notoriously picky eaters.. and well, maybe your guests would rather sleep late and not bug you about breakfast, etc... anyway... I have said something like "if you'd like to (borrow the car to drive/have me drive you) to the store, to pick up a few items that we don't usually have" see what I'm saying? for example, I never know what kind of cereal will be my neice's favorite thing.. so while I usually stock up on some food items I know she likes.. I always take my sister to the store so she can buy specific types of cereal or juice or whatever... and she never expects me to pay for it, (even though I'm her sister) but really it would be kind of weird to drive someone to the store to get things for their kid and then expect you to pay... like I said, we "host" the majority of the food, but my sister likes to pick up a few things to make my neice feel more at home. in the same vein.. some times when my in-laws are visiting, they like to go buy their own coffee, milk and breakfast items so they can sleep late and enjoy their morning coffee in the basement at their leisure... and in their pajamas... which they ordinarily would not be as comfortable in around us...

anyway, I'm just saying, you can probably ask for them to chip in, if you phrase it in a way that makes it their convenience. Regardless, I think anyone who is aware that staying with you is saving them rental car fees and hotel stay is going to be pretty reasonable. good luck.. I hope you enjoy your company.

If you are having these families stay with you, then I would guess you know them (or at least one member of each of them) well enough to kind of lay out your situation. If, however, your relationship to them is not one where you feel comfortable doing that, then you'll have to be a little more creative in how you let them know what to expect. You could do something like say to the family coming without a car, "Let me know when you want to go to the grocery store to get yourselves food for your stay." Be kind, but matter-of-fact, as if what you're saying is the only logical route. If the family without the car only needs to go a couple of places while there, I wouldn't ask them for gas money. However, if you find yourself going all over town for them, just get gas while they're in the car. Usually the guilt of knowing they're the main reason you're out of gas will prompt them to chip in. Just know that you don't have to go into debt to be a good hostess. Most people will be so grateful that they've been spared a hotel bill that paying for their own food and transportation won't be a big deal. Good luck, and may you survive a whole month of house guests! :)

I would say that any guests who've been invited to stay in your home would certainly expect to be fed, and not to pay for food or other basic household expenses. That would actually be odd to ask them to do that.

However, if they know that your budget is stretched thin, and they're coming to accomodate their own situation (attending a relative's wedding, for example) it would be okay to tell them in advance, "I'd love to have your family stay with us, John, but we literally can't afford the extra expense of the food and gas. How can we make this work for both of us?" Then the onus would be on John to offer to give you an appropriate amount of money to help this go smoothly.

If they're driving here, it's not to late to back out of the arrangements. Reasonable people do not expect others to go into debt for them.

I kind of agree with Jennifer, if you asked them to come visit or they are close family I think that is just expected you provide meals.
I think it depends, if we are talking immediate family, then I think meals are part of the plan when visiting and they are not required to pitch in for groceries. If they are using your place as a stop over to do other tourist type stuff not necessarily to visit you and your family then I think it is fair to ask they get their own supplies and letting them know there is a kitchenette and you can supply basics if need be.
Most family or when I visit I offer to take them out to dinner one night, or help if my kids are eating something else other then what is provided. When someone comes to my house I have to pay out the meals, plan them out in advance and even ask them what preferences they have. It is just kind of a undiscussed thing that I provide that if they stay with me. It sucks, I know I had my godmother come stay with us and it can be an added expense. I think it depends on the reason for the visit, what goes on when you visit them and how close related you are! :) Do you when visiting them provide the meals or groceries?
I think going to do something (a paid activity like the zoo or something) they should pay their own way but meals are a tough one.
Good luck. As for the family that doesnt' want to rent a car, then you should discuss they pay for the gas! :)

When you are showing them around, I would conveniently say this is a fridge that you can keep things in for breakfast and lunch. Then mention that you don't have the money to go out for dinner, so you always eat in. Then ask them if they would like to do dinner together. If so, ask them if being in charge every other day would work for them.

If they want to go anywhere tell them that you wish you could but you don't have any money for gas right now. If they want to go bad enough they will volunteer to fill it up. I liked someone's idea about meeting together to schedule where your car goes, so that it doesn't invonvenience you.

They should be grateful that they don't have to pay for a motel. You have to clean after they leave too.