Fiancé Took Out a Loan Without My Approval

If you aren't a troll...

Cancel the wedding...one of the top reasons for divorce is money.

He can't make good decisions about it and is already lying about it.

DON"T DO IT!!!!

Run, do not marry someone who sneaks, lies, and has no money sense. He has issues with his character and those types of problems don't go away with time.

It's not easier when you get married, it's harder. If you already can't trust him and have this many issues, especially financially, I would move on without him. Love simply is not enough. Good luck.

You're lucky you have a chance to get out before marriage and before kids. You may have dodged a bullet here. I really hope we don't see you here in a year asking "I'm pregnant, we have no money, my husband lies and doesn't respect me, I have to work two jobs to pay off our high interest loans and I want to a divorce, but I can't afford a lawyer. Can anyone help me?"

You can still avoid that.

His lying, going behind your back to secure loans, and not respecting you are huge red flags.

You have time to back out of this situation and find a person who will love you, cherish you, and respect you without ruining your life.

There was a post recently were the groom called off the wedding and did something great by having a party to help people medically. That might be a way to resolve the issue.

I would not marry this guy no matter what line he strung out for me to hear. I would go with my gut feeling and move on. You are only 26 and you have many good years in you. Remember you don't have to marry the first man that asks for your hand. My father even told me that when I was like 12 years old. Find out who you are and what you really want in life. Write it down and use it as a guide.

No way would I change my name with this guy. He is not worthy. Till death do you part could be for a long time of misery.

the other S.

PS I like my life too much to put up with all the bull this guy is feeding you. Plus the consensus of the group is for you not to marry him. So take it with a grain of salt or heed the warning from seasoned moms. The choice is yours. If you marry him, I am quite sure you will be back with "what do I do now to get away from him?"

Is this for real? Why would you marry someone with a history of lying and want to buy a house and have kids with them?

Think about it. That's not love, that being a user. You will be better off alone than with a dishonest man.Do you really want to be 10 years down the road, with a kid, with a man who can't budget, who lies and behaves like a sneaky 12 year old AND now have to deal with a divorce?Do you think this guy won't lie in court?

My other guess is going to be that this money he's asking for covertly is not going to be used for wedding expenses. I think there's more to the sneaky behavior than just the loans, personally.
Wake up and dump him.

And no, there is no amount of "amazing" that could happen in a wedding which would be cool enough to pay off at a usurious rate of interest.

So in a span of a week he has secured $12,500 worth of loans at 20%. Y'all realize that is at least $2,500 PER MONTH. Right? I would be freaking out if my fiancé/husband did this.

He's a liar and not financially responsible. No, I would not marry a person I couldn't trust.

Financial issues is a leading cause of divorce. If he is doing these things behind your back now, and you don't communicate with him, it will go on forever. My husband and I had to sit down and talk about our future plans in order to get on the same page with finances.

No way would I be okay with my husband doing what your fiance did.

I agree with B...I'd go. He lied to you - big red flag - and is being financially irresponsible. Those two combined are dangerous.

H.,

You've asked for advice, so you know in your heart and gut that something is not right with this relationship. So trust your instincts and good common sense and call off this wedding. If you go through with it, you'll be signing up for endless heartache and misery. Save yourself now. Before you invest any more of your time and heart. Before you are legally bound to pay for his really bad financial decisions (and you will be legally responsible if you marry).

When two people marry, it should be a partnership based on a foundation of TRUST. You two do not have that foundation, and love alone can't fix that kind of fundamental fault.

There are so many red flags here. I know it's hard to cancel a wedding, but when you consider the consequences of marrying him, it is best to take that pain now versus what will come if you marry him.

And please, please, please do not create an innocent little life with a man who is dishonest, financially irresponsible, and disrespectful to the woman he says he loves. That's not the kind of man who can be a good father or role model to children.

I know you're hurting with this sad situation, but H., you can do better. And your life will be better in the long run if you get out now.

I called off a wedding many, many years ago. Not because he was dishonest or irresponsible. Quite the opposite. He was trustworthy, loving, kind, intelligent, well-educated, responsible, came from a great family---everything you could want in a husband. But, in my heart, I knew it wasn't right. That made it all the more difficult to explain to everyone. It was SO hard to tell him, and my family and friends that I was calling off the wedding, but I knew in my heart if I went through with it, I'd be causing more pain later for him, me, and our families. Thank goodness I trusted myself to do this. We both went on to meet our wonderful spouses and have families we love----instead of ending up unhappy and divorced had we gone through with the wedding.

One last bit of advice: make up your mind to end it BEFORE you talk with him. Do not let him talk you back into the marriage with false promises. To stay strong, go back and re-read all of the advice you've received here since you aren't talking about it with anyone in your real life. Call your former therapist and make an appointment for just you to help you through this.

Trust your inner voice that is warning you. Take care of yourself and reach out for support.

Wishing you the best in this difficult time.

J. F.

I would not go through with the wedding. If you do, please do not have children because you are setting yourself up for failure.

He is proving that he is not financially responsible AND he lied about it. You cannot buy a house reasonably with bad credit. Do not let him screw your credit.. get out while you can.

Money is one of the biggest issues of a marriage and can easily drive a wedge between a couple if they don't see things the same way financially.

I would not put up with someone lying to my face or lying by omission.

Are these loans in his name only? You mention that you were not going to "let" him get a loan. That is another red flag.... you should be a partnership... you are not his mom.

As for the email, I think it is wrong to snoop.. You say you just saw it, whatever. Maybe it is your sign that things are wrong here.

It sounds like the whole basis of this marriage is not right... lying, trust issues, no partnership.

If you do choose to go through with this marriage.. you know what you are getting into from day 1. Expect financial troubles, trust issues, and continuous arguing over money.

If he is going behind your back on money now, he will not hesitate to do that when you are married and you could come home one day to NO home due to a foreclosure that you know nothing about.

I'm sorry but this isn't looking good. I think you were blessed to have these issues brought to your attention. If it were me, I wouldn't marry him. There is a huge problem.

He got you in debt before the marriage???
He lied about where he went?
You felt the need for counseling
He quit counseling
He has some history of lying

If your daughter was going thru this, what would your advice be?

My ex bought a car without discussing it with me. He was bad with money too. When we split up, the collectors tried to come after me BUT we were not married and none of his debt was in my name. So I got off the hook, you won't be so lucky!!!!!

If you are a troll, you are the most educated troll I've seen in a long time. You sound like you have your act together and most of all you know you are entering into a bad marriage.

What I would tell my fiancé is he needs to return the money immediately or the wedding is off.

You're already seeing major Red Flags. Money related issues are still the #1 cause of divorce in the US, and you and your fiance are not on the same page. Additionally, he manipulates and lies.

I'm sorry for your pain, but getting married would be an incredibly foolish move. Thank goodness he showed you who he is before it is too late. Love yourself enough your break your own heart, and call off the wedding.

You are NOT overreacting. If you take this story down the basic levels, you have a man who:

1. lies
2. makes financial decisions without you
3. has questionable judgement on finances
4. lies some more
5. doesn't share with you
6. doesn't involve you in important decisions
7. doesn't respect you enough to think through your judgement and opinions

And you don't trust him.

No way in heck would I move forward with this wedding, even if it means embarrassing yourself in front of all of your family and friends. If you get married, you're in for more of the same behavior from him... but this time you'll be liable for EVERY bad financial decision he makes. Don't do it.

So lets run down your fiance's track record:

He has lied to you in the past about things that aren't "this large" and that "don't involve you". Not sure what that means but it's clear you probably don't know everything he's lied about in the past.

He talked you into a loan you did not want or need less than a week ago.

Yesterday, he lied to you about going to the beach and instead took out another loan. (two loans in one week??!!)

You were in couples therapy but he recently quit.

So I have a question for you...Why in the world are you marrying this guy?

Red flag, red flag. Postpone the wedding.

Oh my goodness. Red flags all over the place, and no you aren't overreacting. In fact, this would be a deal breaker for me. One of the biggest issues for married couples is financial problems. Once you are married, his debt becomes yours. I would carefully reconsider this marriage. Sure you love him, but from a business/partnership standpoint, you are walking into quicksand.

ETA: After your SWH - I see even MORE red flags!! HE QUIT couples therapy??? He's not committed the relationship!! Sorry - DO NOT make excuses for him!!! Do you REALLY want to double check everything for the rest of your life??

Welcome to mamapedia!!

On the off chance this is real....I'll bite. Otherwise, I call troll.

You need to put off the wedding. Or cancel it. Why?

1. You guys are NOT on the same page when it comes to finances.
2. You don't "ALLOW" him to do anything -he's SUPPOSED to be your PARTNER - you are NOT his mother.
3. Even after discussing it (which is a positive) he went ahead and did it anyway.

Now the reason I call troll? Those places that do high interest loans? Once they get you hooked? They don't wait for you to come in the next day to sign on the dotted line. They use high pressure tactics and want you in THAT day....

Either way - good luck!!

You were in couples therapy for four months and he quit about a month ago, now he starts taking out high interest loans. And he has a history of lying. Big red flag that something bad is probably going on. Is he trying to pay someone off? I think you need to cancel or at least postpone the wedding. This behavior is not what one should expect or accept from a soon to be spouse.

I would not marry a man that lies to me. He's acting disrespectful and that will only get worse if you marry him.

Good luck.

Considering your location, this is a first question, I have to say this is nonsense. Why, because it does not take a day to secure a high interest loan, you don't come in the next day to close. You walk in, you walk out. Hell you don't even wait to buy a car which is a much larger loan.

I just don't understand this need people have to ask fake questions.

this would be a no-brainer for me. i don't hang around casually with people who lie habitually, so there's no way i'd consider marrying someone who is so fundamentally dishonest and who held my opinion so lightly.
khairete
S.

I would be very very very very concerned about the lying and sneaking behind your back. This is a huge red flag of things to come, and for me might be enough to have me call off the wedding, or at least postpone it for a good long time, until I felt comfortable he had changed. As for the loans, I would insist that the money from both be turned right around and used to pay them off now, otherwise the interest will end up costing you twice as much. If you don't have enough money for the wedding then either adjust the wedding so it cost less, or put it off so you can save.

But for me the lying and sneaking behind my back would be huge deal, I would not want to start a life with someone who would do that with so much ease and little thought about me.

Not overreacting. If you tolerate lying now, I predict very little future for this marriage. Talk to him and lay in on the line.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

He lies. Yikes! He borrows money you cannot afford, and your financial future will be tied to these outrageous payments you will have over the years. He quits counseling. This is what the rest of your marriage will be like.

You planned a wedding you cannot afford, and so he goes in for these big loans? Scale back the wedding! Why can't he get a better interest rate? I'll bet there are prior credit problems you know nothing about, but you plan to marry into them.

Honestly, I would postpone the wedding. You will be financial liable for everything he has signed up for, and I'm sure there's more to come. He said these loans were to pay for the wedding, but he lies, so you can't trust this.

I would take whatever wedding deposits you can get back, hire an investigator to run a credit check on him, and I'll bet there are gambling debts or bad investments he's paying off. I'm sure you hate to think of this step, but he's gone against you twice and has lied to you as well. I'd keep all bank accounts completely separate. I would not buy a house with him,, I would not get pregnant with him, and I'd realize that entering into any more involved obligations will put even more stress on the finances then you have right now. You will be paying off debts, mortgages and covering children when he bails out. Maybe he's not a horribly deceptive guy, but he's at the very least a terribly poor planner who doesn't trust you enough to talk to you. That's not a basis for marriage.

I would (painfully and tearfully) set aside my dreams of a happy marriage and realize that he's not going to change - this is who he is. Please at least put everything on hold until you get some answers, and get yourself back into counseling (even if he doesn't go) so you have someone objective to talk to.

Updated

When people show you who they are, believe them.

He lies. Yikes! He borrows money you cannot afford, and your financial future will be tied to these outrageous payments you will have over the years. He quits counseling. This is what the rest of your marriage will be like.

You planned a wedding you cannot afford, and so he goes in for these big loans? Scale back the wedding! Why can't he get a better interest rate? I'll bet there are prior credit problems you know nothing about, but you plan to marry into them.

Honestly, I would postpone the wedding. You will be financial liable for everything he has signed up for, and I'm sure there's more to come. He said these loans were to pay for the wedding, but he lies, so you can't trust this.

I would take whatever wedding deposits you can get back, hire an investigator to run a credit check on him, and I'll bet there are gambling debts or bad investments he's paying off. I'm sure you hate to think of this step, but he's gone against you twice and has lied to you as well. I'd keep all bank accounts completely separate. I would not buy a house with him,, I would not get pregnant with him, and I'd realize that entering into any more involved obligations will put even more stress on the finances then you have right now. You will be paying off debts, mortgages and covering children when he bails out. Maybe he's not a horribly deceptive guy, but he's at the very least a terribly poor planner who doesn't trust you enough to talk to you. That's not a basis for marriage.

I would (painfully and tearfully) set aside my dreams of a happy marriage and realize that he's not going to change - this is who he is. Please at least put everything on hold until you get some answers, and get yourself back into counseling (even if he doesn't go) so you have someone objective to talk to.

Since this is your first post on here, I am not sure that I'm reading a real post or a made up one. It's eye-popping to me to read your very last paragraph. "Am I overreacting? He does have some history of lying."

What would you answer if a friend you cared about told you this? Would you say, "Oh of course you're overreacting! It's perfectly normal for a fiance to put he and his new wife in hock up to their eyeballs at 20% interest and not only not tell her, but to lie about it!"

Are you really this clueless that you have to go on an internet site and ask the question?

You are a fool if you don't postpone the wedding AT THE VERY LEAST and tell him to move out. He needs a real wake up call. You need to face reality. This man is not marriage material.

I had a friend whose husband was able to forge her name on a loan right before they separated. It was for $5000. This was 30 years ago, and that was a lot of money back then. We had a small party when she paid it off. It took her 3 years to pay it off. A business associate's wife was a student and he forged her name on student loans. Talk about betrayal. Yes, they are divorced. She ended up having to pay these and I don't know how she did it. He totally blew himself up financially - really imploded. She was left with the aftermath. It was really terrible.

Your fiance is a douchebag on so many levels for having done this. He is saddling you with debt you did not agree to. His credit rating must be TERRIBLE already to be stuck with such a terrible interest rate. He is obviously not trying to cut corners. A house? Did you say you're going to buy a house? No, you're not. Do you understand what kind of credit and earning/debt ratio you have to have in order to qualify for a mortgage?

Do you and your fiance even understand what 20% interest even means? I'm not sure which is worse - if he doesn't understand or if he doesn't care. They're both recipes for disaster. You need to actually figure how much the total you will pay back for these loans will be in total after they've reached the end of the payback term. You will likely quadruple the original amount. Is ANYTHING worth this kind of highway robbery?

And then there's the issue of lying. Lying about money. Lying about where he was. What else has he lied about? He obviously has no compunction about being untruthful. WHY would you settle for this?

If you are thinking how hard it would be to say goodbye to him now, just wait until you're up to your eyeballs in debt, are screaming at each other day and night about money, you hate what he's done with every fiber of your being and hate that you allowed it to happen, KNOWING FULL WELL that you signed up for it when you married.

You know what you need to do. Just do it.

Over-reacting? Seriously?

over reacting? No. You need to cancel the wedding. Kick him out of the house and move on with your life.

Why would you want to continue a life with someone who LIES to you? You stated "he has some history of lying" - so WHY are you still with him? By accepting his lies, you have basically given him permission to lie to you and treat you poorly.

I agree with others that since this is your first post, I find it hard to believe that a grown woman would accept lies before they get married.

I also agree that money is one of the top reasons for divorce. Do you really want to be responsible for his debts from here on out?

If this is real, you have a real problem. But you have a really easy solution. Cancel the wedding and kick him out.

He is lying to you, sneaking around and putting your future plans in jeopardy. These are not problems that will magically disappear after your get married. Fix this first, or walk away, but don't marry this guy now.

Briefly, I would see this as an indication that the two of you have very different values when it comes to finances. Money differences is a major cause of divorce. I would postpone the wedding until the two of you agree on money matters.

I have purchased two houses and refinanced one 3 times. You will not be able to get a motgage with this history. I urge you to make an appointment with a fee only financial planner. Or talk with a mortgage broker about requirements for motgage approval.

if he had a good credit rating he could get a loan from a reputable source at a lower interest rate. You so need to learn about finances for your own future whether it's with or without him. It's great you have a goal to purchase a condo. Now you need a plan for how to get there. Goals are worthless without knowing what you need to make it happen.

why did he stop going to counseling? I would be concerned about that, too.

After your description of his reaction I ask if this is the sort of relationship you want for the rest of your life? I suggest he does not value you or your thoughts. He expects to be in charge. He expects you to not only go along with his decisions but to not be allowed any input before he makes a decision. He wants you to pamper him, to be his maid, mesuesse, subservient to him. He believes he knows best and isn't able to empathize with the way his actions affect you. He's right. You're wrong in his mind. He expects you to accept his views and live the way he wants. He's not able to respect your thoughts and feelings.

In my youth, 40 years ago, we had a way of describing such a man. He is a male chauvinist. I see moms describing husbands such as this as they agonize over their marriage or give this as a reason for divorce. You are lucky to know this side of him before marriage.

ETA: I get that my response is long enough. All of what you say is fine IF it is something that you are pleased with. It really sounds like he makes all the important decisions and is setting you up to back you into a corner with that power. I won't tell you what you should believe about this or how it should make you feel. I'll tell you that the kind of love that he offers to you (if it is, indeed, love) is not compatible with the kind of love that you are offering to him. You are painting yourself into a corner by allowing him to lie to you and to make all major decisions without you, even about the value of the work that you do away from him. It's not always about the dollars that you bring home. He is telling you that your only worth is in how you complement him. If he is well cared for, then you are worthy. Whatever you decide that you need to make you feel good about yourself doesn't matter if he's not right in the middle of it. Oh, and don't think that that will change when a baby is born. This type will expect you to continue to cater to him in the same fashion AND tend to a little one. Since you won't be "working", you should be able to keep that rascal out of his hair. And then he'll talk down to you for the lines on your face or not presenting his perfect meals on time. He'll have a tantrum when you don't immediately open your perfectly smooth legs for him EVERY TIME. You'll feel all used up because he'll just take and take and see no reason to give. He'll be so turned off by you that he'll have a younger, mindless version of you kept in an apartment. You won't know about it because it's all HIS money, and you'll have no access to see that he's paying all her bills

Fyi, THIS is exactly how it starts. If that sends your heart aflutter, go for it.

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"History of lying"? I wonder how you handle those incidents. I wonder if you expect a ring and a mortgage and children and keeping up with it all...to bring that to a screeching halt. If he is a person who turns to lying and getting in over his head financially as a solution to his problems, then getting married to you will not magically change that. In fact, I would almost put money on it that it will get worse, probably immediately, since you're over-extending just to put on a show of a wedding. People who do that HAVE TO keep up the appearances precedent that the showy wedding establishes. (That's not to say that people should not have big fancy weddings if they want. It just means that when they go into foolish debt to get it done, then they are setting themselves up to have to always play keep-up or catch-up.)

If you're willing to accept that this is who he is and this will be your life forever, then marry him now. If you can accept that he solves money problems by borrowing more at any cost.... If you can accept that whenever he does something that you don't like, he'll lie about it.... If you can accept that you'll never have a really good handle on what is actually going on in your marriage--with your finances, if he's where he says he is, if he's still even got a job.... If you can accept that you will ALWAYS snoop and try to catch him in a lie, making each of you resentful.... If you can accept that you will spend your energy trying to cover for him in your explanations to your friends and family.... If you can accept his explanation of where he is and what he's doing when he needs to take a break from the children's clatter and clutter, while you stay home and cry yourself to sleep because you don't get a break like that.... If you can accept that you'll either live miserably for the rest of your life with him or divorce once your credit is such a mess that you won't have a place to live with your children, then marry him NOW. And don't complain about it, because you already know what to expect, and you are accepting that.

Otherwise, don't be afraid NOW to tell him that you do not trust him and need to build that trust, in general and especially financially. Even if he's not "good with money", you need to feel confident that he won't just go out and get a loan that you two don't agree to. Some things should just be a given, but nothing is a given unless you establish it as such.

So why are you engaged to marry him? He has a history of lying to you, and you have not resolved that with him. He is being dishonest with you now and financially irresponsible and unilaterally and adversely making major decisions that involve you and your livelihood. Just what you've said in your post is reason to call off the wedding. I want you to understand that this isn't just a flimsy case of his wanting to take care of something on his own. That might be it on the surface, but his behavior--just from what you've said--is indicative of some reasonable deal-breakers.

Many people have dealt with a partner who might have lied to stay out of "trouble". The difference here is that yours "has a history" (that doesn't usually mean that it's only happened once) of it that neither of you has moved beyond. And he's not finished lying. If you don't hold him accountable now, you certainly won't later. People go through this stuff with spouses and wonder how they're going to deal with it. Why in the world would you accept it before you're even married? It gets worse once the commitment and the bills are real.

Insist on some couples counseling. Your relationship doesn't have to be prefect, but you shouldn't marry him without certain assurances. My husband bugs me at times, but I can feel confident that he won't be going out creating big debt for us against my wishes or lying about where he is. In order to feel secure and safe in your intimate relationships, you should be able to take certain things for granted. Anybody can surprise you, but you should have reason to believe that your confidence isn't misplaced. You don't have that. So then, again, I have to wonder: Why do you want to marry him? You can't afford to just "love" him and gaze into each other's eyes. And you can count on--more than anything that he could say to you--those feelings wearing off HARD once you decide that you are tired of this mess.

Big red flag that he is lying about money. Once you're married, those debts are yours as well. He's lying about money and hiding debt from you. I wouldn't marry him. I would seek couple's counseling and do a lot of soul searching about whether I would want to marry someone who will lie about money and possibly other things.

He will not change once you are married, so you need to decide if this is a deal-breaker or not. It really is that simple. Lying is a real problem in marriages and it can be hard to deal with...especially when it is clearly about something that you disagreed about. I am not telling you what to do, that would be nuts, but you should know that folks do not change major behaviors like this just because they get married.

Run. At the very least, postpone the wedding until he proves he's trustworthy.

You need to really consider if this is the man you want to marry. sounds like there are trust issues - why would you go into a lifelong commitment with someone who apparently has no problem looking you in the eye and lying?

Do not marry him and do not combine finances with him. He's lying about money, which could mean many things, including a gambling problem. My mother's exhusband would not go down to the casino, but he would do things like borrow behind her back (ruining relationships), let the electric bill run so high it would get shut off, not pay the rent (don't ask me where the money went) etc. You don't need to be at a slot machine to have a gambling problem. And working in finance is different than having a handle on your own money. Friend of DH's is a financial advisor...who does nothing but complain about his bills. Um...yeah.

I would take this very very seriously, check all my accounts and run my credit. And the wedding would be OFF. Any fees for canceling the wedding would be small price to pay. My mother's finances have never recovered. He used all her savings. Think about what it would mean if his lies cost you the home you were raising kids in, took food off their table, kept you from buying clothing or medicine for them. You say he already has a history of lying and now it's even worse. Huge neon flag. HUGE. Please pay attention to it. There are far worse things than canceling a wedding. Like being married to someone you can't trust. He can't even finish counseling with you.

It does really suck, but it will be worse if you have to sell your home to pay his credit debt (what my friend's parents did) or tell your mom the bank took the house, or watch your car be towed off because he didn't pay it, or have more and more debt to keep whatever lifestyle he can't otherwise finance. You are right to not want to have these mounting debts. Don't wait til you are 65 and can't retire because he sucked money out of the 401K.

ETA: Many people would not go into debt for a wedding, but I am absolutely not surprised at anyone who would. If the touted average is $25K, who has that laying around? Not many.

Hi H.,

I have to agree and say HUGE RED FLAG. Obviously, confront him on it. If he is dismissive of your response I would say TWO HUGE RED FLAGS. I don't mean to be alarmist but marriage is for a lifetime and I would advise you very seriously not to commit to someone who's financial values are clearly so different than yours. Some difference is okay but these are two planets apart. Best to you and best of luck!! :-) S.

You are done. Either postpone the wedding or better yet, break up and move on. It is much cheaper to cancel a wedding than deal with a divorce. Also, keep in mind when you are married, you will be 50% responsible for all of his debt. This boy will ruin your credit and make you broke all while lying to you about his intentions and whereabouts. You are better off alone!

Sounds like you are living together so if it is your place, kick him out and if it isn't...you need a place of your own. This relationship will end, whether you end it now or after you've been abused further.

You are setting yourself up for divorce before you are even married.

Huge red flags!

Please read and re-read what B and Marilyn S. have wrote.

Best of luck to you

I would be extremely careful. You may even want post-pone your wedding. What I mean to say is, you will NOT want to, but you SHOULD post-pone the wedding.

This man has problems handling money. I can't guess at how severe they are or his history, but it is glaring that he does have problems. This will be (not could, but WILL) be a huge problem in your marriage, if you proceed.
Your financial record will be tied with his going forward, and any and all mistakes are going to plague you as well. If you go forward without doing something (canceling the wedding, counseling, extreme therapy, I don't know what all will be required), know that your future income and credit worthiness will be jeopardized. Any home you buy will be at risk. And car you buy will be at risk. Anything you buy, will be at risk of him taking out a loan against it.
Please please please do not ignore the severity. It isn't just a lie. It is financial madness, AND he's lying to cover up his problem. Does he gamble, too? Often people with gambling debt take out irresponsible and seemingly unnecessary loans to cover it up.

He has a history of lying? That would be enough for me to reevaluate my relationship with him. And then probably DTMFA.

eta
He REQUIRED you to do those things? Look, this guy doesn't love you, not if he thinks that treating the woman he's going to marry like a maid and that lying to her is ok. It's not. He talks to you like you are his child, not his equal. These things are going to get worse.

I would not marry a man that I knew was a habitual liar.

There is no reason one should go into debt for a wedding, if you need to cut back in certain areas then cut back in areas. You need to get on the same page financially before you get married, I wish I had before we got married, we would have been alot better off financially in the beginning. With that being said 9 years in we are in a lot better place then we where but we are working through things. The thing that got us tripped up was buying a house too soon but taking out a high interest loan for the a wedding is a bit different.

I would have strong concerns about his financial history. And why did he need a second loan of $5,000? Why is he lying? Is there something more going on that you don't know about? He is definitely not financially responsible, which could spell problems for you as the future wife.

You might want to get a credit report on him because you might find a few other surprises. Here's the interesting thing, once you get married, his financial issues become yours too, because this will impact your "joint" finances and plan. It seems his solution is to simply take out another high interest loan and this seems habitual. Another thing, it is perhaps a good idea to have a talk with him to outline your concerns, as this is likely how he has learned to operate financially. You should also modify your language..you say you "don't approve" maybe use the words " don't agree" because you make it sound like you have the final word and say on the matter and this won't work in a marriage. Hopefully, you can convince him that these repeated loans are detrimental.

This would be a big red flag for me.

Do you love him, with all of your heart?
Can you honestly see yourself living with him as your husband for the rest of your life?

Can you trust him?

Do you think he listens to you and respects your opinions?

Do you think you can change him once you are married?

Be completely honest with yourself. I have been married to my husband for over 30 years. It has been so hard to realize, he is not going to change. He grew up, but he is still pretty much the same guy, with the same struggles and worries.

I still love him, but at one point, I was done. I just could not take his inability to understand what I was saying and what I needed and what I wanted him to do or to change.

So we went to marriage Counseling and learned how to communicate.

In the end, you realize, who you are marrying, will become 10x that person once you are actually married, good, bad , ugly.

So he either outright lies to get his way, or coerces you into going along? And in the end, he still gets his way.

You will be a doormat in this marriage. Period.

You either accept that role now, and spend the rest of your married life being belittled for your financial contributions, and inability to earn what he makes and therefore you really don't stand on equal ground with him as a life partner.

Just curious, I'd like to know what kind of private beach he went to? Nude? Gay? If I want alone time, going to any beach is good enough, alone, with my towel, book, drinks, surrounded by strangers. I don't see the point in lying about it.

BUT, this is the point you need to get, he's comfortable lying to you and that is a terrible way to start a marriage. Honestly, this marriage is doomed. And your smart to follow your gut and get other opinions.

And, what did the therapist say when he quit? Is that normal?

Hanna, please stop this train wreck now. Don't bring children into this heavily controlled family atmosphere.

Hmmm...
Overreacting? Not at all.
Why are you guys going into debt for a wedding? Are you agreeing to use monetary wedding gifts to pay off those loans?

Are you 100% comfortable that the man he is today will be the same man living with you on 10 years?
If a married couple does not agree on finances and money, the marriage will not be successful. That's a proven fact. #1 reason for divorce is money.

Are you prepared to take over 100% of the financial responsibilities? Bill paying, saving, investing? I hope do because that's probably the ONLY shot your marriage has. He's proven that he's financially irresponsible. So what are you going to do about it?

I have a hard time believing this is true. Anyone who would take out a loan to cover wedding expenses is an idiot and doesn't matter what the interest rate was. If you both are overspending on your wedding like this, you're in big trouble. So I hope this is fake...

You know what? He wanted to have enough money to do things right. I guess he's not expecting to have kids right away and that you'll have time to pay this off.

I would sit down and talk to him about it of course but it's like this. He isn't your child, you're not his mother, and you're not his wife yet. You are his girlfriend who he cares about and loves and wants to marry.

So, I would look at this like the other adults on this page. Financial disagreements are what? 90% of all discord in marriages?

This is one of many differences of opinions about money you're going to have.

He's not your child, you're not his mother and you're not even his wife yet.

He doesn't have to ask your permission to make a decision. If he wants to borrow money, yes, he should talk to you about it, but all in all, he's an adult who's able to make his own decisions.

I think that this is a bump in the road not a pitfall.

I also think you have a good head on your shoulders. He may not be in the same place.

Sit down and tell him you saw the email. He's going to be mad you went into his things. But ask him why he felt he needed to have that much extra money? Why did he want to get more when there is enough money in the bank for everything plus the honeymoon?

He might have planned something amazing for the wedding and you have ruined the surprise.

I don't like it when it's "He lied, I'm leaving"....people lie. People sometimes need their privacy and lie to get the other one to just leave them alone because if they don't then that person is just going to take a walk and maybe he'll never come back.