Ferber Method

I don't ascribe to the Ferber method, as I believe there are many other methods that can help a child learn to fall asleep on their own w/o letting them cry it out. I'm speaking as a pediatric nurse and an adoptive parent whose child came home at age 5 months (and I used to be a believer in the Ferber and similar methods). A baby's first developmental task is learning to trust. And if they cry and they need you to help them feel secure (and nighttime can be a scary time for some infants) how will they learn to trust if you don't respond? I know I'm generalizing some.

Anyway, we used the technique used on Supernanny and it worked great with NO CRYING AT ALL!!! I would put my son to bed (after his bedtime routine and would put him in the crib awake) and then I'd sit by his crib (maybe reading a book), but no eye contact. He first though it was funny, throwing his paci and blankets, but I'd just silently put them back in . One time saying "it's time to sleep",then if he did it again, I'd just put it back with no words. After about 30 minutes, he got bored and went to sleep. Day after day the time got shorter and shorter,and I'd gradually move out further to the point I was in the hall. It only took about a week and my son now is a champ sleeper and napper and we never had bedtime issues.

Also, putting a child to bed BEFORE they show signs of being tired also helps. We learned that by the time my son started to yawn or rub his eyes, we missed the "window" so we started putting him down 20-30 minutes earlier and it worked like a charm.

Please don't worry about setting up "bad habits"-- as long as you keep it in balance and help them feel secure it won't create any. Keeping a very strict bedtime routine helped a lot too (same order of doing things, same songs each night, etc.)We did cosleep for a couple of months when he first came home (which I didn't like the idea initially, but that is what they did in Korea and I didn't want too many transitions for him all at once), then transitioned to sleeping all night in the crib (but he always napped and went to bed in his crib first).

Hope that helps!

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It does work for some people, and it may be worth a trial run to see how it goes for both of you.... that said, my experience with it was terrible.

I was told that my DD would cry like she was wounded and not to give in under any circumstances. I felt like something WAS really wrong and finally put an end to the nonsense. When I turned on the light and walked into DDs room, her face was covered with blood- she'd been distressed enough that she had thrashed around and split her lip on the crib. I think it would probably work better with a less mobile kid, but it still seems rather wrong to me in retrospect. I ended up buying Elizabeth Pantly's "No Cry Sleep Solution" and found her genlter ways a little more in line with my own thinking.

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Here is an article that explains why CIO is bad for babies.
Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say
http://tinyurl.com/eemy4
All experiences shape the babies brain. When the baby is screaming/crying/left alone, stress hormones (cortisol) flood the brain. This affects brain development and learning later on. The CIO authors fail to mention that in their books. But there is research out there (parents don't typically think of asking deeper questions, kudos to you) that says this. If you think about it, it's obvious.
Research on long term cognitive development in children with prolonged crying:
http://tinyurl.com/2e5t7m
Aletha Solter's is an expert on infant crying and trauma and stress release. She is a psychologist and AGAINST CIO:
www.awareparenting.com/articles.htm
[b]CIO: The Potential Dangers of Leaving Your Baby to Cry[/b]
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

I have 2 children and never did CIO. They were in our bed the first year, then I put them in their own room/twin bed. One at age 2, the second at age 1. If they woke (and they did) I went to lie with them and stayed there. I wanted my children to feel reassured that if they needed help at night (comfort) they would have it without fights or arguments. Their emotional security is paramount to me.

I have a girlfriend who did use CIO with her 2nd. It was "great" for her the first 2 years. But after that, leaving a toddler to scream/cry alone in a room doesn't work anymore. If she woke up at 4 or 5 am in the morning, there was no getting her back to sleep. (With me, all I need to do is lie down next to them and that helps them feel relaxed and they conk out within minutes.) My girlfriend spent the next 2 years driving around her daughter for naps. Weekends too. Again not with me. So there is another con for you... it might "work" when they are babies, but then when they are older, it won't.

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Ultimatly heres the deal everysingle one of us has had different experiense with different methods of rasing of rasing our children as ever child is different do your homework read the books and find what works for you.
I love Babywhisperer have had great success with it and the support network built up around that,

http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html

But for yourself you may find a method that works better for you. Being educated and flexable are our best tools as a parent. Ultimalty we do the best we can with what we have I hope for success to you in whatever you chose is best for you and your child

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I felt the same way, but the crying stops. If I recall correctly, it was maybe a week of crying (became shorter nightly) for my twin boys.

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I read a lot, and tried everything that Sears recommended as well as incorporating various other 'no cry' solutions, and after 14 months, my husband, daughter and I were all suffering from sleep deprivation, and there was plenty of crying.

I read Ferber, and slowly and carefully prepared to try his methods - mainly by getting her on more regular schedule and waiting until she was well, not teething, and feeling secure. Then we put her down 30-60 minutes after her usual bedtime, when she was thoroughly tired. She was very ready, because we had 30 minutes of crying the first night, 15 minutes the second, 10 minutes the third, and none thereafter.

I would *not* recommend trying Ferber without reading his book, btw. Ferber is about minimizing crying. The idea isn't to make you child suffer, it is to allow your child to learn how to fall asleep easily and sleep soundly. Done right, there is as little crying as possible, and in the very short term, less crying than you had when you were trying to prevent crying.

Ferber isn't some heartless guy, he's just a doctor who thinks that sound sleep is important to good health. I know adults who never really learned good sleep habits, and still suffer for it. And I know that my daughter became much happier and more secure when I put her needs before my own and helped her learn to sleep well.

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The Ferber method is actually gentler than the one advocated by Weissbluth (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child). Weissbluth's method is pretty much a straight cry it out, whereas Ferber recommends waiting for a set amount of time (which gets progressively longer each time the baby cries) before going into soothe. So for me, the major drawback of that method was sticking to the schedule. Knowing that I COULD go in after x minutes made it easy for me to cheat and go in sooner, which defeated the purpose.

Good luck! Sleep training is no fun.

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I agree that babies cry for a reason. It is their only means of communicating. Even my Pediatrician said to not let them cry for longer than 5-10 minutes. If they are screaming or crying hard, I wouldn't let it go on at all. If they are just fussing, then give it some time to see if they settle down. There is a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution that helped me. And like someone else said, go with your instincts. Maybe the baby is not getting enough food during the day and is hungry or maybe they are too hot or too cold or just need some comfort. Sometimes certain things can bother them when they are lying down or on their back (like gas, etc.). Try putting a phone book under the mattress to prop it up a little. Whatever it is, your baby is trying to tell you something. Hang in there, this time goes by so fast.

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The Ferber method does not advocate just letting your child scream and ignore it. You are supposed to go in and soothe your child within a few minutes. With my first child I never had to do the Ferber method. First listen to your child. Is he all out crying or just whining and mumbling? If he is just making noises but does not sound distressed give it some time before you go into him. Do not rush in. babies sleep cycles last a few hours and often they partially wake and then put themselves back to sleep but if you rush in you fully wake them. If your baby really starts crying go in and pat him on the back. Make no noise, do not turn on lights just pat him to let him know he is okay. also take the opportunity to check that he is dry, not soiled and comfortable. When he calms a bit leave the room. If he cries return in a few minutes. Sometimes seperation anxiety comes into play and they just need to be held for a minute. If your son calms quickly and returns to sleep, Great! With my first all I had to do was pat him on the back or hold him for 5 minutes and I could return to bed. With my second he began waking and staying up for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night! Nothing I did would soothe him and he was ready to play. Finally after 4 months of sleeping for no more than 4 hours per night I decided to give the ferber method a try. The first night I went in after 5 minutues, then 10 and then before I went in at 15 minutes he fell asleep. The second night I went in after 10 minutes, then 15 and he was asleep in the middle of the third interval. Now if he crys I wait a few minutes and listen to him to see if he is able to soothe himself back to sleep. If not I go in to make sure that he is okay. Last night for instance he had peed out of his diaper so I put on a light in the hall, changed him without saying anything, held him for a minute and put him back down. He put himself back to sleep with almost no protest. In the end you have to know your child's personality and decide what method would work best for them. Also, if a child is well loved and soothed and cuddled in their everyday life 5 minutes of crying for a few days with reassuring pats on the back will not harm them...it is you that will suffer the most.

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