Feelings and Being Pregnant

I was the same way for a long time after finding out I was pregnant with number 2. It didn't go away until she was about 2 months old. I feel bad but when she was born it felt almost like she was she wasn't even mine. I saw her be born but I didn't feel connected to her like I did with my first. Bonding with baby number 2 can be difficult. As long as you know you can love him or her you will. You will bond in due time. Breastfeeding helped me tremendously! Now it's great. I still feel guilty for not having the instant bond with my second as I did with my first but it fades. It's okay to not jump up and down. You are not a terrible mommy or a bad person. You are just a person. Don't feel bad. It just takes some getting used to.

It's normal, and a lot of us have been there. Try not too feel too guilty because your feelings are real and completely understandable. I too had my daughter, completely unplanned. I was using BC and was told I would never be able to have a child full term (had miscarried earlier in life and the Dr said my uterus was tilt, and that it would be near impossible to complete a pregnancy) Well, my daughter is proof that what it meant to be is meant to be. I felt completely alone during my pregnancy due to her father, he was horrible to me most of the time, plus my mom thought I'd be ruining my life (unmarried, low income, etc). I had a horrible pregnancy up until I delivered, then a horrible recovery. I was scared to death because I had no experience with a baby at all (at least you know what to expect lol). I was completely clueless, but I survived and so did she lol. It's amazing how things can change. Now, my mom, nor I, could imagine life without her. Of course, sleeping in would be nice, but I wouldn't trade my life for anything, though it gets rough being her only caretaker. She has given me the strength to finally finish college and get my life in order, as a single parent, and I couldn't be happier. As for the living situation, I know it will be tough, BUT, it's not impossible. A lot of families go through this and, something I have always remembered with my daughter, is that all a baby really needs is love. Sounds corny, but so true. Mine slept in my room until she was 6 months old, so there is nothing wrong with having her sleep in your room, and, eventually, sharing one with her sisters. My cousins have 7 kids and three of the younger boys have always shared a room. Now that they are moving into a bigger home, they still all want to share a room lol. As for the finances, it might get a little rough, but completely doable. Just try to watch what you spend, clip coupons, no eating out, etc. for a while, as long as you feel up to it, and if everything goes ok, you can still work up until you have the baby. Also, most daycares provide free childcare if you work at their facility, so, you could always try that route down the line. Just know everything will be OK. Just remember this little angel is coming for a reason. I know it's hard, but just let all that anxiety go and think about all the good things...healthy kids, roof over everyone's head, etc. and you will start to feel better! Good luck and congrats!!

First your not a bad person.. I think many of us feel overwhelmed at times. Especially when we are not ready.Just try looking at the positives..I myself have 7&8 yr old daughters and am expecting my son this July..Im also single and doing this on my own!Im highrisk so Im unable to work the father has nothing to do with any of this and I mean nothing.I live with my mother in a 3 bedroom.I am lucky enough to have friends who have been giving me hand me downs.. crib, carseat, stroller etc...If I can see the positive outweighing the negative I know you can!

Whe nI got pregnant with our second daughter I was very depressed! I really tried to focus in the positive but it was hard becsause I felt so guilty becasue yes I did love her and I knew that I would be happy to see her and give her the same I care was giving my, at the time the otherwas a baby still they are 1yr 15 days apart!, But I guess it is almost as though you have the"baby blues" now. It will get better! Maybe with the ultrasound or whem you hold the baby for the first time.

As for the size of your home, I understand. We now have 4 daughter, 13, 12, 2, and 4mo. We are in a 3 bedroom 1 bath. The baby sleeps in bed with my husband and myself, mostly becasue we have no where to put her. But it works out! Sometimes we can will ourselves to be positive and happy. If you think about the negative then that will bring you down. But sometimes it's hard especially being pregnant. I hope I have helped.

Just know that you are not the only one that has had and unexpected pregnancy ,and you are not the only one that has felt this wasy about your baby. But it won't last forever! God doesn't cive us what we can't handle!

You are NOT a bad person! You are human with a lot on your mind! It will get better, just try to focus o nthe positive!

This is definately normal to feel this way. My first child was conceived while I was on birth control and then we planned my second child and now I am pregnant with #3 and I was on birth control this time too. I cried when I got pregnant this time and my husband was angry as he had just accepted a new job position and we plan on moving and selling our house plus my second one is still little, he will not even be 2 when the baby is born.

After only a few weeks I figured God had a plan for me and that is why I was having another. Also, it does not matter where you live and how big your house is, the child will never remember. When I was born it was normal for the parents to have the cribs in their room with them, where now you see more people having nurserys, but I am pretty sure the baby will not know the difference either way!

Cheer up, once you hold that baby in your arms, you will realize it is all worth it.

C., if you and your husband decide that you want to parent this child, God will help you make it work and the child will be a blessing to your family. However, there is another option to consider. If you both decide that you do not want another child, a very loving, selfless choice would be adoption. Many couples today are unable to conceive even though they have all the love and resources to be wonderful parents. You would have the opportunity to choose a family for your child and possibly have a relationship with him/her if you want to. It's just something to think about.

I wouldn't say my children weren't planned. Hubby and I had talked about having 3-4 children one day, but we were hoping we would have 5 yrs together first. We were married for 1.5 yrs when we found out baby number one was coming. She was born two weeks after our two yr anniversary. We found out she was coming a week after we booked our cruise for our anniv....needless to say we had to cancel it. When she was four months old we found out baby number two was coming. Two kids 13 months apart...I was overwhelmed with the thought. Four months after she(baby number two) was born we found out we had baby number three on the way....I was on birth control ALL THREE TIMES. It was way more then we were ready for, and way more then we wanted at the time. But due to my faith I now say that Someone knew what we needed vs what we wanted. It has been tough but I would never go back and change it. Money has been tight.....really really tight. But I have really learned what needs are vs wants and what to give up for a few yrs so we can get ahead. Right now hubby and I truly "live like no one else so we can one day live like no one else" basically we are sacrificing all the extras to pay off the debt and get money saved up and retirement and a future for us set away. I also nany right now bcuz the kids came in the middle of college and i just haven't had the time to finish my degree, so any job i could get would basically only cover if cover childcare so staying at home and being a nany is the better option. My kids are now 5, 4 and three. They are all thirteen months apart and our last was a boy. I can only share with you my experience. I can't tell you how to feel, what to do..etc...only you know and feel what you are goign through. But I have found that if I trust my someone then things will be ok.

Aww sweetie, those feelings are normal, given the circumstances in which you conceived. It's okay. Once you really begin to realize that you are, indeed, pregnant, and that it's not going anywhere, you'll become a little more comfortable with it. We all have to adjust when life throws us a curve ball. You'll adjust in your own time. Don't push it, though. Let it come to you naturally. Keep enjoying your toddler and bonus daughter, get them involved with the welcoming of the new baby, and you might find your feelings beginning to change. Good luck hun!

C.,

I found out I was pregnant a couple months ago with my 2nd baby. My daughter wasn't even 1 when I found out and I, too was depressed. My babies will be 19 months apart when my 2nd is born in November and I couldn't, and still can't, imagine what it will be like to have two children close together. I feel like I am cheating my first-born out of so much by adding another baby to our family so soon.

I cried a lot when I told my husband, but luckily for us all, he has been very supportive. Neither one of us is sure how we will make this work financially or emotionally, but I have always been a believer in the theory that everything happens, when it happens, for a reason. I'm not sure of this reason yet, but it always comes clear after it's all said and done.

As for sleeping arrangements, I know this is not a permanent fix, but our daughter slept in her pack-n-play in our room for 5 months after she was born. If that will buy you some time to figure things out, I say go for it.

You are NOT a bad person for feeling the way you do. I still struggle with telling myself this, but I keep telling myself things will work out and there are a lot of emotions that I can't control right now.

Please know that all children are blessings and life won't throw you something you can't handle in the long run.

Keep your spirits up! You're a great mother and doing the BEST you can to support your family- that's a tough job, but we can handle it. Please keep us posted and send me a message if you'd like to talk more.

You first need to realize you are not a bad person for having these feelings. My children are 20 months apart. I also have 3 bonus children that are my partners. We live in a 3 bedroom home and we make it work.(his brother and his brothers son is living there two, he is having hard times) so imagine 6 kids(4 boys and 2 girls) and 3 adults in a three bedroom. We have the boys in one room, his brother in another room and the girls in our room. Yes at times it can be overwhelming but you get through the hard days and have much more happy days. Never any boring days thats for sure. Next you need to realize you do not have to have a bigger place. If you have a girl they can all share a room. If its a boy he can be in your room. Another thing you need to realize is God doesn't give us more than we can handle, you are having this baby for a reason and you are so lucky. There are a lot of women out there that can't have children and would be so jealous of you.(I am in no way trying to make you feel bad about you being overwhelmed I just want you to see the blessing you are given). As far as income have you thought about maybe doing childcare out of your home? You could do that up to giving birth and return as soon as your ready. Not to mention you would be home with your children. Get the girls involved with the coming of the baby. Go look at baby stuff. On days you are feeling more overwhelmed take a bath and let evrything go. don't think about not being able to afford the child(I don't know many people that can afford children but they manage) not having enough room. Don't think about all those things just relaxe. Take lots of deep breathes. You might feel better after a nice relaxing bath. You could even take a walk. Make sure you are not getting depressed talk with your doc and express your feelings to him/her just to be on the safe side. Good luck and keep us posted. And congratulations!!!!

C., of course your not bad for having feeling like that! this child will be a blessing just like your other children are! you know, there were 3 of us kids growing up and we lived in a 2 bedroom house. our parents in 1 room and us kids in another. when our brother got old enough he slept on a cot in my parents room to give his older 2 sisters some 'privacy'. people make due with what they have. children that share rooms are closer and thats a good thing. heck, me and my sister slept in the same full size bed until i was like 10 haha! i'll tell you one thing, i'm proud of you. though you have some strong feelings right now against this pregnancy at least youre going through with it and giving this baby life! God bless you! i think youre wonderful! trust God for your needs. you all will be 1 big, fine, happy family! lots of love to you and yours, - H.

Like everyone is saying, you are NOT a bad person for these feelings. It's normal to feel this way in such a situation. There are small ways you can go about solving the problems and concerns you have.

Since money is tight surf around on freecycle or cheapcycle for free/almost free baby clothes, or other items. People always give away great stuff, I just gave away a crib a few months ago. You'll save money that way and still have what you need for the baby. We cloth diaper, it can save anywhere from 1-2,000 dollars a year! That's a great way to save money and it's really healthy for the baby. There are so many little things you can do now that will really pay off in the long run.

Things may seem rocky right now, but as time progresses you will most likely feel a little more at ease. Having children is never easy, but it is rewarding, and I'm sure you know that! Hang in there! :)

Hi C.. I too was in a simalar sitiuation. My son was only 4 months old when I found I was pregnant with my second child and had the same feelings. I didn't want to be pregnant... we weren't trying. My husband works out of town 5 days a week and it was already hard enough just taking care of one infant... how was I going to do two infants by myself. The guilty feeling of not wanting to be pregnant does go away. It took until I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant for me to start really getting excited for our second child. Be sure to bring up your feelings to your ob though to make sure he can watch for signs of depression though. The best thing that helped me was to talk about my feelings, though it was very hard b/c I worried about being judged. No one did judge me which was great and really helped me get through the guilty feelings of not wanting another child yet. My second child was just born at the beginning of March and it has been great. The moment they handed her to me I knew that I was blessed to have her and would not change anything now.

As far as the room situation, I would suggest putting the baby in a basinet or small pak-n-play in your room at first. My daughter is 7 weeks old and is still in our room. I think she will be fine in there for the first 2 or 3 months. That should give you a little time to find another plan. Do you guys have a basement in your townhome? If so, maybe you could fix that up for your 9 year old and then put the two smaller children in the same room together.

If you want to talk more about your feelings, let me know. For me it really did help to talk it out. That way it wasn't all bottled up.

I feel for you C., I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my now 6 week son, my first born. We were not at all ready, but he is a blessing. I too felt those same feelings and I dont think you should feel bad about it. You were not planning this so of course you have alot of emotions to deal with. Just remember you pregnant for a reason, although you dont know that reason. that helped me. For me my grandfather passed away shortly before my son was born, I was glad he got to know that I was having a baby before he passed on. Best of luck to you, and remember when that little one comes you will be happy.