Feeling Pressured by Mother-In-Law to Supplement with Formula

I've been there and done that...dealt with busy mil and the whole breastfeeding/skinny kid thing.

Here's some stuff to keep in mind, and maybe some good ammo for you;

Breastfed kids don't always look chunky like their formula fed counter-parts. Breastmilk, though loaded with colustrum (fats) is leaner and more fortified than manufactured formula products. Any good pediatrician will tell you, hands down, breastmilk can never be replaced by formula when it comes to nutrition.

There are plenty of studies that show, formula fed kids have a higher incidence of obesity and diabetes because of the many additives found in them. Do a search on the internet and you'll see what I mean. It is why so many hospitals and docs have gone back to really pushing breastfeeding vs. formula. Dr. Mercola among other health experts, has many great articles on the subject on his site.

See;
http://pregnancychildbirth.suite101.com/article.cfm/hazar...

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2001/0...

There is also genes to take into account. If you and/or your husband are of slight build, your child is not going to be big.

All of my kids were thin and long. They were lean and lanky toddlers and once they hit age 6, they are very lean yet super muscular and strong. They're going to be athelets. They are all good runners and very healthy and strong. They're just super lean and long.

Our pediatrician always laughed because they were all off the charts in height and weight...but she never batted an eye at how thin and low in weight they were. I on teh other hand was always freaking out because my mother in law had me convinced there was something wrong with them. Now I know better. The big thing to worry about is whether or not they're eating well. While I'm going to guess your kids are fine, you can always get a second opinion from your pediatrician. I'll bet you'll hear what I heard.

Also, don't let this woman sidetrack your breastfeeding plans. If you are currently soley breastfeeding, you should know that the minute you begin to introduce formula to the mix, your own supply/production will decrease, and you may cause early weaning to occur.

Unfortunately, women from a certain generation don't see the value of breastfeeding. They were the first to be introduced to mass produced formulas and were conditioned to not appreciate the benefits of breastfeeding despite the obvious sacrifices that come with it.

My own mom didn't get the whole breastfeeding thing. And my mil definitely was against it. She thought I was "weird" and that "it" was "disgusting" and "unhealthy" to have a child fed this way. For some reason they or she had sex and other odd ideas mixed up with the primary purpose of breastfeeding, and couldn't understand why I wanted to do it. Any chance she got, she tried to sabatage.

I also later discovered she was resentful that as long as I breastfed, she wouldn't be able to bottle feed the baby. She felt I was denying her some "grandmother" experience becauase I exclusively breastfed. I did pump milk for her, but that totally freaked her out. I think I caught her dry-heaving...no kidding.

I say arm yourself with hard facts. There's plenty of good information out there that validates breastfeeding over formuula feeding. One very recent reason being the horrible crisis in China where thousands of infants and children are ill and some died because of "additives" found in formulas. There hasn't been alot of press here in the U.S. but there is evidence that these same additives are in some of our milk and dairy based foods and even candies.

See; http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2005/1...

I'd print up several articles, or even buy her a book that explains the benefits of breastfeeding. And most important have dad back you up and explain directly to her the benefits. Then close the deal with some other special activity she can do with the baby for some bonding time...something other than bottle feeding.

Some more resources;
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBbenefits.html

http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-breastfeeding-benefits-yo...

I know I ramble, but I hope this helps.

2 moms found this helpful

Don't listen to your mother-in-law. A lot of people from her generation don't understand breastfeeding, as it was encouraged to only formula feed. We know now that breast is always best. Although most babies who are breast fed end up chubbier in the first 6 months, and slimmer in the second than formula fed babies, all babies are different. Formula feeding WILL decrease your supply, and if your baby is happy and healthy than there is no reason to supplement. You will know if you aren't giving him enough milk if he is fussy and seems unsatisfied with feedings (don't worry though, this often happens in growth spurts and will subside after a few days, just let him suck as much as he wants and you both will get through it fine). Now, if you need to increase your milk supply, you can try herbs like fenugreek, and acupuncture. I have am studying to be an acupuncturist, and have weekly treatments. The points they needle for lactation, and the herbs they prescribe are very helpful, but it sounds like you don't need any of that right now. One more thing to think about is what is in formula. They are experimenting on babies. Even organic formula companies are putting DHA and ARA extracted from fungus and other dangerous sources into the formula, even though there is no real evidence of any benefit, and there are very few formulas that don't contain these substances. Also, they are putting nucleotides (the building blocks of DNA and RNA) in the formula now because they found nucleotides in breastmilk. However, there have been no reliable studies showing the benefits of these chemicals, let alone the dangers, and they do not know what exact amount to put in the formula. Basically, keep on doing what you are doing for as long as you can. Your baby WILL be healthier (even if he isn't chubby), and you will feel better for the service you are doing your child. Good luck, and don't let your mother-in-law tell you how to be a mother. You clearly know what you are doing.

2 moms found this helpful

Your baby is fine. He sounds like a giant compared to my breastfed baby. She's almost 9 months old and maybe weighs 15 pounds.

Don't let someone talk you into doing formula. Your milk is made for your baby by you and it is what he needs. Most babies have trouble digesting formula anyway. Why would you want to make him sick?

It is often true that formula fed infants are chubbier than breastfed infants. This is because parents tend to over feed when they use a bottle. They see that there is an ounce left and keep putting the bottle in the baby until it is gone. With breastfeeding there is always milk and you let the baby decide when he is done.

Next time someone brings up you babies size and your feeding choice. Say "Thank you for your concern but my doctor and I are not concerned. He is healthy and gaining weight appropriatly."

2 moms found this helpful

L.,

Good for you for nursing your son (and for a home birth - very brave!). My two boys were NEVER chubby, and were exclusively breastfed until 6 months. My second was 9 lb. 7 oz. at birth, but ended up being in the 7th percentile for his weight by about 5-6 months - and has remained there ever since (he's now almost 2). He was a 42 week baby so he seemed big to start, but genetically he's a small guy. My other son was also always slender, ranging from the 25th to 30th percentile for his weight.

My thoughts on your questions are:

1. If you are nursing to his demand, and he seems satisfied and not constantly hungry, then he is fine. Call his pediatrician and discuss the growth curve if you want some solid numbers to support your argument with your MIL. If he is growing and is healthy - no problems.

2. My mother in law too often made comments about giving my boys a bottle and how her kids were all fine and that one time wouldn't hurt him, etc. etc. etc. She is a pediatric nurse and has spent some years working in OB in the nursery, and was always telling me how the nurses gave the babies bottles even if the Mom's asked them not too... drove me nuts. What ended up happening is that she never really watched my kids until they were weaned around 16-18 months. It was sad that I felt I couldn't leave them with her, but I felt it was the best way to prevent her meddling with my parenting choices.

3. Totally depends on the baby :) My nephew was completely BF and was a tank! But, then at a year when he was weaned to 100% solids/table food (and really started moving around) he fell off the chart for his growth and everyone freaked out. I think it was just that his Mom had super milk, and he got super chubby!

Anyway, like I said, my boys are now 3 1/2 and almost 2 and are both still slender and active and totally healthy.

Good luck to you, and keep sticking to your guns on this one.. you know best for your baby.

Jessica
SAHM to Charlie, Joey, and baby girl due Nov. 16

2 moms found this helpful

Tell MIL that you and your pediatrician (who knows more about it than she does!) are perfectly happy with how your baby is doing EBF-ing. From there, I would quietly but firmly say, "So there is nothing more to discuss." If she continues, repeat, "There is nothing more to discuss."

If at all possible, you need to get your husband to step up and deal with HIS mom. "We appreciate that you care about Baby's well-being. However, WE are his parents. If you keep giving Wife a hard time, we may have to limit contact for awhile."

Sounds harsh? If she doesn't respect "There's nothing more to discuss," then it is required. Because it does NOT stop magically when they wean. There will always be something she is sure she knows more than you about. An opinion followed by silence can be okay. An opinion repeated over and over again until compliance is forced through erosion of YOUR mental health is NOT okay.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

As a wife of a natural healthcare provider and mom of two breastfed babies (who were both not chubby), cudos to you for staying strong and you should definitely not feed formula. Here is why...

A baby gets everything...yes everything from momma through breastmilk. If for some reason baby is deficient in something, it is because momma is, so you shouldn't add something to baby's diet, but to momma's. Here is why: momma has little receptors on her nipple. when baby latches on, baby's saliva tells these receptors which tell momma's brain what to produce - for example, a baby who is 3 months needs diff amount of protein than a baby who is 8 months.

It is also very important to not supplement or give solids until the child has about 8 teeth or is 1 year = whichever comes first. this is about the time that the leaky gut closes. you want to wait to feed solids until after this time, because otherwise, you will set your child up to develop food allergies and other gut issues.
This has been researched, and my husband has helped many individuals REVERSE the damage that occured due to feeding solids too soon, or formula that was made of soy (very damaging).

My babies were soley breastfed till 1 year = they are very healthy and not chubby (but remember that formula fed will be definitely chubbier due to the fillers that can't metabolize and become fat)

Stick to what you are doing, and I agree that Mercola has some great info = Kellymom.com has good breastfeeding info as well.

You might want to check out some immune research as well = breastfeeding helps develop healthier kids - even the WHO supports bfing till 1 year.

I would definitely set boundaries with your MIL = but I do agree that she simply is reacting according to HER own knowledge on the subject - not research. Many moms were lied to and told that formula is better than breastmilk...formula manufacturers basically saying they are better than God. Our bodies were created soooo amazing and intelligent = I would trust my body over any man-made production. I think you would believe the same, as you believed your body could birth a baby without the 'assistance' of a hospital and its interventions. (I had two homebirths as well) :)

Stay strong, stick to your guns, check out www.holisticmoms.org for more resources and support and make sure to take a picture of that beautiful act of bfing before that precious little one grows up and you regret not taking a picture!

Let me know if you need help finding more research!

C.

2 moms found this helpful

First of all, NOBODY should be worried about a 3 month old being slim and trim- wether it's a bottle fed or breast fed baby. The only thing anyone should be worrying about is if the baby weighs ENOUGH. Of course there are extreme cases and conditions, but trust me, if your 3 month old were in that category, you would know it. I'm afraid if anyone is projecting concerns about body image already at 3 months, this poor baby is in for a long hard road of self esteem and body image issues...no fun. That being said, for the record, my doctor always told me that breastfed babies are traditionally heavier than formula babies because of the concentration of nutrients and yes, fat which is very important for brain developement in babies!! Nursing MOM'S are traditionally leaner. Secondly, it has been tested and proven over and over again that breastmilk is the ideal. It provides so many things for the baby that formula is just not scientifically able to. Your baby is lucky to have a mother who is able and willing to breastfeed and do not let anyone talk you out of doing what's best for your child...especially in the name of body image! There is nothing wrong with NOT breastfeeding. It's a personal choice. My husband was fed exclusively formula as a baby and has always thrived physically and mentally- he is very successful. But if you can and want to nurse, the approval of your mother in law is not worth sacrificing the health benefits your child is receiving, not to mention the bonding that only you and your babe can experience. This is YOUR time and your husband's with your baby. If your mil had any sense, she would back off and let you do what you know is best. Gentle suggestions and experiences are one thing, but telling you that you shouldn't breastfeed exclusively is completely crossing the line in my opinion. Follow your gut, Mom, mother's intuition is a very powerful thing.

2 moms found this helpful

That is just absurd. I can't believe you are having to deal with this. Breast milk is far superior to formula. Unless your baby is constantly hungry and you aren't providing enough milk why in the world would you supplement with formula and ruin your supply of milk! That is the SILLIEST thing I've heard in awhile.

Your son's weight seems fine to me. If it wasn't and your doctor had a concern you'd be the first to know. Maybe your child just has a good metabolism. All babies are different. They most certainly don't have to be chubby!

I had pressure with my second TO breastfeed. I couldn't unfortunately due to health problems and meds I had to take not being good for the baby. So I dealt with the opposite of you. I would simply say breast milk is best, my child isnn't constantly hungry, I'm making enough milk and I KNOW what is best for my child. But thanks for your concern. Of course in the nicest way possible. But don't let them bully you! You do know what is best!

My son was fully breastfed for about a year and he was Normal... He gained in his weight curve like he was suppose to. He was born at 7 pound 10.5 ounces... And again gained apporopiately. He was never fat. He was always just normal looking. My daughter on the other hand was born premature she was 6 pounds 5 ounces when born. Again she gained on her curve BUT she was bottle fed. She was never over weight or chubby either. She was just NORMAL for her birth weight. So see maybe your baby is just like mine were and stay nice and healthy no matter what they are fed! Who is to say chubby is best!!

So stop worring and don't let them bully you into feeling insuffiencent as a mother! I'm terrible sorry you are going through this when you should be just worrying about enjoying your baby. Tell them all as polietly as you can to leave you alone and do just that... Enjoy that baby!

1 mom found this helpful

L., I'm sorry for being so blunt, but your mother-in-law needs to mind her own business...or at least educate herself before opening her mouth!

You're doing the very best and healthiest thing for your child...and yourself! Your son sounds like he's a perfectly healthy weight for his age and there's ABSOLUTELY no need to give him formula!!!

I think that your mother-in-law is falling subject to her generation's belief that formula is just as healthy as breast milk...if not more so, so they believed. All she would need to do is pick up any parenting book, magazine or hit any website or blog to realize that her data is grossing out of date!

If I were in your shoes, I'd not be able to let it go and would probably send her magazine articles, forward her medical website links, etc...but for me, opinions are like kittens and I give them away too freely! :) I'd at least sick my husband on her armed with knowledge. I'd probably be more kind if it didn't sound as though she was talking about it behind your back...that's the part that really gets me.

But I find most people are much more laid back than me and would simply smile to themselves, knowing they're in the right and be proud they're giving their child the best possible start nutritiously that is available on the planet.

Whatever you choose to do, you should be proud of your choice to breastfeed...and should continue without supplementing!

1 mom found this helpful

I can relate, as my MIL did the same to me as well. She was against my nursing from day one.

Don't worry about what she says on this one, my son was not chubby either. He was fine weight and height and all that and still is. He is now 18 months, and he never had formula.

Your child gets all they need from your milk. Plus all babies grow at different paces. I have seen formula fed babies that are not chubby as well.

Stay strong, your doing a great thing for your child!!! I understand exactly how tough it is to hear the pressure of adding other things into your childs diet. My MIL still does it. "He drinks too much milk, he gets too much water....""

Like I said, stay strong, your baby will grow as needed. I would be more worried about the Dr's opinion in regards to your childs size, not you MIL.

Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,
You may want to connect with LaLeche League, it is a group of women who choose to nurse their babies. It can be a place of great support and information. If your baby is having wet and poopy diapers and is growing then you may need to gracefully ignore outside comments. Babies come in all shapes and sizes, some chubby some slender. I do know that if you are exercising you need tomake sure that you are eating extra calories to produce rich milk. You may also want to make sure that you are well hydrated.
C.
(Mom to 4 breastfed children of all shapes and sizes)

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I think your child is just fine. my son was also born 9lbs and 9oz & 23 inches and at 8 weeks now he weighs about 15 lbs but is about 25 inches long and I have a MIL alot like yours, actually i thought you were talking about my MIL!!!LOL Anyway I would either ask her to mind her own business or just stop talking to her. Sometimes and this is no offense to th older ladies on this site but the MIL can be set in their ways and need to be tld that this is your baby and he is just fine. The dr is obviously ok with it. And I would tell her that if she has anymore concerns to call your ped.
My son is a big boy but not chubby by any means. Just let her know how you feel and be honest.

1 mom found this helpful

L.,

Your baby's weight and appetite are fine. (A healthy range for that age is 9 1/2 - 15 1/2 lbs.) Don't supplement with formula unless your baby stops gaining or starts losing weight and you Pediatrician says it's necessary. I exclusively breastfed my four babies just like women have been doing for thousands of years. I never fed any of them formula and weined them to cow's milk at a year.

If you want to track the "normal" growth of infants, there are a million calculators on the internet. Here's one. http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/usefultools/l/bl_percentil... It says your baby is at the 37th percentile. That means if you take 100 3 month old boys, 37 of them will weigh less than your son.

As far as dealing with the pressure, buy earplugs. This is only the beginning of what you are going to hear. As an example, I have been approached by complete strangers and told that my 8 month old shouldn't be in the grocery cart without shoes (it was 80 degrees outside) and another time that I should let my 12 month old fall in a murky lake to teach her a lesson, etc. Once I had a woman pick up my baby at the park when he was 10 feet from me and said I need to watch him better and not put him down to play.

After my second was born, my mother told me we had better use a condom because "we sure didn't want anymore." We had two more for a total of 4 in 6 years. We just stopped telling my family we were pregnant until it was inevitable because I didn't want to hear about it. I have relatives call me and tell me the lies my mother makes up about her grandchildren.

You just can't let people work you up and you don't report to your inlaws or anyone else about your parenting. Some grandparents think that because you are the parents and they are your parents that it gives them a higher authority than you over the grandchildren. They tell themselves that they are doing this in the children's best interest and they overstep their bounds. Just politely tell her it is your son, your decision. You have heard her suggestions, but you are choosing differently, so she need not bring it up anymore.

Good luck,
S.

1 mom found this helpful

L.~ YOU ARE CORRECT!!!!!!! Do not let anyone preassure you into supplementing while you are breastfeeding your son. Your baby is getting all the nutrition he needs from YOU. What does your MIL think mothers did way back when bottles were'nt around. I fed all three of my children on demand, somedays it felt like I was feeding my babie all day where others I fed every 2 hours or when baby was hungry. All three of them were NEVER a chubby child. Our country already has a problem with overweight children.......why start yours on the wrong foot at 3months?!?!?! As long as your diet is healthy and you are feeing your son when he is hungry that's enough. The problem with bottle feeding is people measure out a specific amount and then they expect the baby to "finish" the bottle. Breastfeeding your baby eats till he has been satisfied. You are doing the right thing by standing up for yourself and your baby.

1 mom found this helpful

Keep up the great work mommy. You are doing the best thing for your son. My son is also slim and people have told me to introduce formula but he is 9 months and has not had any. I am trying to solely breastfeed him for at least a year or more.

1 mom found this helpful

I nursed my 3 boys until they were 3 yrs old. I began some solids at about 6-8 mos. You, I feel in my humble opinion, would do best to turn a deaf ear and have the confidence that nursing has kept children alive, healthy, and thriving since beginning times. Unless the Dr. states "failure to thrive", I'd have no concerns about defending myself, or pleasing others. You need to feel confident, people can sense doubt and move right in there. Are you worried? If not, then tell them, "I'm not worried, and neither is our baby's Doctor." Children who are breast fed have higher IQ test results right through the high school years, they have higher language skills, and less colds, ear infections, and food allergies. Nothing is absorbed 100% by the human body like breast milk. Formula is supplemented, yes, and enriched, yes...but most of it gets pooped out because their bodies aren't made to absorb all the chemicals and synthetics vitamin and mineral compounds in there. Their livers and kidneys can't do it 100%, so it just gets eliminated. So, all the vitamins and minerals are gone. If you need to, your Dr. can give you iron and fluoride drops...but, otherwise, if your Dr. feels good about weight, then I would, too. There are the times where the baby can't manage to latch on, and then supplementation is prescribed. I kept my milk supply up by nursing on demand, and any time at all. My kids were never chubby, but they were on the charts. I'm slender, my husband is slender, and the Dr. said that is their genetic pool. Good Luck, and believe in your stance.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L.! I don't have alot of advice.....just know that your baby is FINE just the way he is. I used to have a great relationship with my MIL and now it is so terrible I can't even describe it. My advice is to set CLEAR boundaries with her now and tell her that your son's eating habits are not her concern and that you expect that she not discuss you and your son unless you are there to defend yourself.
I feel for you! Hang in there! Don't let other people's funny ideas make you feel like less of a parent!
-Anne
ps. My babies are SKINNY and SUPER HEALTHY! I prayed that they would have their dad's metabolism and they do! :)

1 mom found this helpful

If you know your baby is fine DON'T let anyone (including docs) pressure you into using formula.

1:) He sounds fine for his age and size. (As long as he doesn't start LOSING weight, he's FINE!!!)

2:) Yes, I've been pressured about this issue. Everyone thought I should start feeding cereal or start giving a bottle or now I'm told I should STOP breastfeeding. I just pretty much ignored most advice. If I thought I should comment, I would say, "well, I'll check into that" "thanks for the advice and I'll read up on that issue." And now I tell people "Well, I'm pretty sure I'll quit nursing by the time he goes to college....but we'll see."

3:) Size wise, every baby is different. I always thought breasfed babies were ALL tiny until I had my son. NOT the case. Each baby will be different no matter what they are eating. As long as they are NOT losing weight, they ARE FINE!! Don't let anyone pressure you. I've had it from every angle including docs, relatives, and strangers.... You know best. Breastfeeding is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your baby right now.

As long as he is continuing weight gain (even if it's slowly), he's fine. My daughter was breastfed until my milk dried up at about 7 months. She was always a peanut. My son was strictly breastfed till 9 months where we started table food and at 1 1/2 he is still breastfeeding multiple times a day. NOW, he has always been a big baby. He started out at 9# 2 oz. and has never let up. He is not fat by any means and I consider him to be normal. He wears 12-18 month clothes and the only "chubby" part about him are his wide feet...LOL>

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with what everyone else has said, nip it in the bud with her now or you will be battling this forever. You have a pediatrician, who went to school a VERY long time, to answer your questions and you can just tell her you will bring up any of your own concerns to him/her.

I had a baby who was in the 90th percentile for weight and, let me tell you, you can't and will never win with other people. Slim or chubby, everyone has an opinion.

1 mom found this helpful

I would flat out tell her that supplementing is out of the question, your doctor says that the baby is extremely healthy, and that it is NOT her place to tell you how to parent, it is not acceptable for her to say one more word about it, and it is not acceptable to talk about you behind your back. That it stops now, or she stops seeing the baby until she can remember who the mother is. Period.
You will not have one more lick of trouble out of her. She just wants to be able to feed the baby. Offer no excuses as to why the baby would be thinner, breastfeeding or exercise. Your baby is healthy and she has NO business trying to get you to add unnatural foods into your child when you have no intention of doing so.

Been there, done that, can you tell? LOL Put your foot down now, it will help a lot over the next several years.

I would also let her know that you now cannot trust her to be left with the baby because she does not respect your parenting. That will help, too.

1 mom found this helpful

I, too, agree with everyone else. I formula-fed my 5 year old son (supply issues) & he was & is still skinny as a rail... even as an infant. I'm 100% breastfeeding my now 5-month old daughter & she's WAY bigger than my son was at the same age! :) So, go figure...

Yes, I've been pressured to stop nursing (and supplement with formula) for a lot of reasons - illness, teething, surgery, better sleep at night, starting solids... Fortunately, I have a super supportive husband, a fabulous pediatrician & more milk than you could shake a stick at! I never jumped on the "formula just in case" bandwagon, and we're still going strong. DD isn't showing any signs of being remotely interested in weaning (thank goodness!), although she's interested in solids.

Sometimes breastfeeding can be hard enough without people acting like clowns & trying to sabotage a wonderfully natural thing.

Stick to your guns, mama & good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Well... my daughter is two months old and she's almost 14 lbs! And I've heard that breastfed babies are chunkier than the formula fed babies! :)
So, both my daughter's weight (way heavier than yours, given her age) and the breast milk vs formula info on chunkiness is showing us that we will continually differ on what's "right" and what's "wrong"!
Bottom line though... is he eating what he wants to eat? If he's eating his fill and his doctor isn't concerned about how slim he is, then he and you are fine the way things are.
If, on the other hand, he's not following his own growth curve in his chart (and he was born HUGE), then perhaps what you need is a pump to increase your milk supply.
If you use a pump to increase your supply, you can accomplish two things: See if he actually needed more milk, and if he did, he'll be drinking your breast milk, not formula. There would be no need to supplement and he will get chunky. You will be happy and your MIL will be happy.
And don't worry about the possibility of overfeeding your baby... though it's true that bottle fed babies tend to eat more, in the end you cannot force a baby to over eat. They stop eating when full, unlike us adults who can continue eating regardless.
Another thing I've heard of moms doing, is they pump the "thin" milk and then they breast feed the baby the "thick" milk. That reminds me... is your baby emptying your breasts each time he feeds? If he's not, then he may not be getting to the 'good' stuff.
Oh... forgot to mention, my daughter gets some formula at night (between 2 - 4 ozs).
I know that it must be awful to fight with your MIL, but take heart in knowing that at least she cares.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with all who say not to worry. Your baby does not "need" formula. It is hard for older women to see how many of us do things nowadays. I'm lucky--my MIL loved breastfeeding but went with the advice of the time and bottlefed after 3 days. I think she may feel wistful about me breastfeeding. I wonder if part of the issue may be your MIL wishing to bond with the baby by feeding him--with a bottle, she could feed too.
I agree that boundaries need to be set; at the same time remember to be respectful about it and acknowledge her concerns, and say that you know things must be very different than when she was raising her children. It sounds to me like the issue is less about the objective truth, and more about the relationship among you all.

1 mom found this helpful

You have gotten tons of great advice so I'm going to keep this short - I have 2 children - both whom were exclusively breastfed. My brother has 2 children who were exclusively formula fed. My children are rarely sick aand have always been generally healthy. My brother's children are sick all the time and always have been. There is so much research available about the benefits of breastmilk vs. formula. 1st and foremost your baby is getting his immunities from you - you will find you may catch a cold but he won't. Babies that breastfeed do not get vitamin D but a simple babies vitamin provides that to them - ask the pharmacist at your local drug store which one they recommend (some of them taste better than others).

You should be proud for sticking to your beliefs - it is so important for the development and of your baby - and besides - isn't it amazing!!

1 mom found this helpful

First, of course he is, at 15 weeks babies are to weigh about 13 pounds and be about 24 inches (if avereage size upon birth), so he's right on target.

Secondly, yes I had pressure from friends and family to supplement but I simply told them I was following my doctor's instructions to breastfeed or pump and provide breast milk for times away from my son for the entire first year. Honestly, it isn't anyone else's business your long list of reasons to provide mother's milk exclusivly , such as infection fighting - nutrition and ease of digestion - it's convenient and free - you want to introduce him to your food through your milk supply (just remember to eat well and get an additional 500 calories to maintain your milk supply) In addition, recent studies show exclusivly breastfeed babies not only have higher IQs, but also tend to gain less unnecessary weight, which may help them become less overweight later in life. My favorite reasons why to breastfeed is the skin-to-skin contact and my desire to enhance the emotional connection and burn calories which helps shrink the uterus, so us moms can return to our pre-pregnancy shape and weight quicker. Studies show that breastfeeding also helps lower the risk of premenopausal breast cancer and also may help decrease the risk of uterine and ovarian cancer.

By the way, my now 10 year old son, Marcellus, only had mother's milk, never formula but it took another year to wean him; I nursed for two years and it was an awesome experience. He also never ate baby food store purchased or homemade and he only accepted baby cereal mixed with my milk. He went from the breast to table food in year two.

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L.,

I see you've already gotten lots of responses, so I'll keep mine short. First, what you do with your child is the business of you and your husband. You can go to your peds office anytime for a weigh, and they can let you know that your son is doing great, or if there are any potential problems. You can also find the standard growth chart online (google it) and track it yourself. My MIL did the same thing - it's their generation - they were formula feeders, and might feel threatened that we are doing things differently (not better, but differently). Let your husband run interference with your MIL. The relationship you have with her will be different now that the life of "her" grandchild is in your hands. I hope everything works out. You're doing great! You have to do what's best for your family, and no one else should get a vote!

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:D mom have confidence that YOU are mom, and you are doing a perfectly fine job with your baby! :D babies do NOT have to be chubby at all - ever!
you are doing the most wonderful job being a mom - you know what your baby needs, you are living a healthy lifestyle, you had a wonderfully healthy pregnancy.... :D you are doing everything just fine mom! :D :D :D

you HAVE HAVE HAVE to ignore these comments. use your doctor as the scapegoat. tell people that you have discussed ____ with your doctor and have determined that you are doing just fine... blah blah. its easier to say that than to say that you are choosing to do something, because people will then try to convince you otherwise..

mothering our babies this way is the best way to do it, i have no questions about that. my son was breastfed until he self weaned at 19 months! :D no formula (except for a jaundice issue, for only 1.5 days) and he was not chunky, but as he grew, he actually was compared to the way he got to be once he was mobile.....

find the local la leche league near you. if not in your immediate area, check any near you. the local one for me is an hour away, but once i went, i became ADDICTED to it! :D you need that mom support NOW most importantly.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. theres NOTHING that compares to the instinctual knowledge of your baby's needs. that is SO IMPORTANT, and so many people try to silence those feelings by telling you that crying it out will 'work' - (it does but not for the reasons they would think) - these same people will never understand that breastmilk is good enough. it IS GOOD ENOUGH - and its perfect, and its matched perfectly to your child, and its wonderfully healthy, and boosts immunity - things im sure you are aware of..... just DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT !!! :D :D :D

www.askdrsears.com - he will even let you use him as your scapegoat! even if hes not your real doctor in real life, you can certainly take his advice and use it as such. blame dr sears, even if your doctor doesnt agreee..... wow. if i didnt have dr sears's books when my son was young, i would have really had a tough time! :D i trust him with my life, and my sons life too! :D

anyway, if you need to talk, or just advice, or something, just send me a note. what you are doing is right for you and your baby, and no one has the right to take that away from you. :D

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Hi L.,

My son was strictly BF and he was not chubby at all. Neither of my kids were. He couldn't go on any fomula because he was milk and soy protein intolerant. He only weighed 7lb 2oz when he was born. I never had anyone state that he was too skinny. Even the doctors. If he is BF, he is geting exactly what he needs from you. You probably know this already, but your milk supply will change with his demands. I would only get concerned if he started to lose weight. My guess is that you MIL is used to seeing and/or only formula fed her kids. I am not saying that is bad. It's just a matter of opinion. Stick your grounds. You can tell her politely that you have choosen to BF only. And that if you or your Dr. see any problems in the future with his weight and decide that you need to supplement with formula, you will make the decision then. But until then, you are going to BF. She probably won't like it, but it isn't her choice. Not ALL babies are born chubby. My DD was born at 7lb 9oz and was a very thin baby. She still is even at 12. I did not BF her because she refused it after my milk came in. In that instance, what do you do? Formula. I am just glad that my son did want to BF. Enjoy it while you can. And don't worry about what others say. This is the one and only joy that can be felt between mom and baby. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Good luck!

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Hi L.,

In short, your MIL and her compadres need to mind their own business. They probably mean well, but they are misguided and overstepping their bounds.

Your son wasn't just born at a "healthy" weight--a 9+ pound baby is a BIG BABY!! And for his age, his weight sounds completely healthy. Also, your son may stay this weight for several weeks, and then pack on a few pounds, or he could grow again (seemingly) overnight. My son is 10 months, and I am amazed at how his body changes week to week.

I don't know what kind of healthcare provider your baby is now under the care of, but ask them if they can tell you your son's height/weight percentiles. That will shut up your MIL. (For example, a baby in the 75th percentile for weight for his age means that 74% of babies weigh less than he does, and 25% weigh more.)

It will give you a good comparison of where your son is with other babies his own age, but the percentile thing is nothing to lose sleep over. I think Pediatricians and others really get too wrapped up in it. You can also probably find a growth chart online. Google "Breastfed baby growth chart". Make sure you are looking at a growth chart of for breastfed babies, because it IS different.

I have heard anecdotal evidence that breastfed babies are bigger than their formula-fed counterparts.

Lastly, your bio says you delivered at home, I'm assuming this upset or at least worried your MIL. Perhaps she's concerned that you will continue to do the "wrong" thing in raising your son, but she needs to be reminded that she's YOUR son.

Also, I don't know how old your MIL, but how we raise our babies and what we know now vs. 30 years ago has come a LONG way. She may be stuck in some old modalities.

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Hey!
First off, Kudos to you, rock star mom!
Your MIL sincerely probably feels inferior to you (gasp, a horrible fate to all us mommies of boys) because you are doing things she was for whatever reason unable. Criticizing or being concerned is her way of getting some power back. Stay strong and nice, letting her know how lucky you are that you are able to soley breastfeed because of good health and the wealth of information available about how recommended it is to breastfeed, etc. Thank her for her concern and maybe pass along or share some motherhood magazines or books with her. Then ask her for a recipe or something to make her feel important!
Good luck and keep nursing!!
B.

1 mom found this helpful

YOUR BABY IS PERFECTLY FINE!!!!

I know how frustrating it is to get such UNNECESSARY "help" from someone who is supposed to have your baby's best interests in mind ... (I had similar experiences with both my MIL & my mom). I tried to keep in mind that they raised babies in an era where breastfeeding was not the norm, and to them, formula is the "right" way to do things. I developed a standard response: "I appreciate your input - I will certainly discuss it with my Dr. at our next visit." My MIL would actually roll her eyes at this. I finally resorted to showing her the growth chart, and listed the percentile my son was at (he was off the chart for both height & weight - on the big side, LOL!), and said "See? He's fine!" Well, then it was "maybe he's eating too much." We tried to educate our moms about how breastmilk can actually change to accomodate the needs of your baby (unlike formula, which may give him too much of some things, etc). Some people just have to be difficult, and I think our moms are those people, when it comes to their grandkids :) We both finally told our moms "Mom, we really do appreciate your concern, but we know that he is a healthy baby, and we have chosen to do things differently than you. Not that your way was wrong, but we have chosen something different that really does work for us."

Keep up the good work, Mama!

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I had this problem with my step mother but it was for the opposite reason...my son was a really big, chubby baby; over 10#'s when he was born and stayed on the larger side . I was anal about feeding him on demand and not supplementing with even a pacifier as I had trouble maintaining my milk supply with my oldest son b.c of nipple confusion, supplementing and scheduling. She suggested to me that he would benefit not only by me feeding him less often, even if he was hungry but also by supplementing with formula. Her reason being that she didn't breastfeed her babies at all and they turned out to be really tiny young women and therefore in her mind they were healthy and my chubby son was bound to be an overweight man if I continued. Instead of blowing up on her and telling her what a narrow minded, stupid, uneducated woman she was (ohhh I sooo wanted to) I went home and researched to find if there was ANY evidence that formula was a better option ever for a baby. Not only did I not find that, I found the opposite. Over and over again it was reinforced that babies who are breastfed to at least 6 months or longer end up as adults to have healthy weights compared to those who are not breastfed. Your MIL simply does not have a leg to stand on, there is no evidence to support her theory that formula would benefit your son and he will end up being healthier as a child and adult b.c of formula.
You are right, supplementing can and probably will upset your supply, its a last resort if what you want to do is solely breastfeed. If your son is not hungry and he is not extremely low on the growth charts (your doctor will let you know if he is) then you have NOTHING to worry about. Breastmilk is BEST, its that simple. Some babies are lean, some babies are quite chubby. Do all adults look the same? Heck no, why on earth would babies look the same? If he isn't crying from hunger then he isn't starving. He's a slim kid, he is who he is and formula is certainly not going to be more beneficial. You are right to question this.
Just google breastfed vs. formula and you will find a wealth of information about how breastfed babies maintain healthier body weights as an older child and adult. Print them out, give them to her saying "thank you for your concern, I took it into consideration, researched further and these are my findings. Neither my doctor or I are concerned so I hope you will no longer feel the need to be either."
Happy bf-ing
K.

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I am sure your mother-in-law means well. You should be happy she came out and told you what was on her mind, but it sounds as if your baby is doing just fine. My son was also smaller and breastfed. My doctor told me not to be concerned as long as he doubled his birth weight by 6 months of age. It looks like your son is well on his way to doubling his birth weight...I think he sounds like he is getting enough. If your baby was real fussy and seemed like he wasn't getting enough, I would then be concerned. Babies don't have to be chubby to be healthy. It sounds like you are doing just fine. Be polite to your MIL and just state to her that your baby's doctor says he is very healthy. All children are different.

I can only imagine that 99% of the responses have been supportive of your desire not to supplement with formula...And that is right on.

Aren't MILs (and mothers too sometimes) just so funny? Can't they express concern in a way that is helpful instead of passive and sometimes thoughtless? Just try to remember she loves your son very much but simply cannot find a great way to express that emotion. And, might be from a generation that was told by doctors that formula was best.

What your son weighs and eats is between the parents and the pediatrician. At 3 1/2 months, I am sure he has already been in for check-ups several times and will have many more over the next 6-9 months...If something is "wrong", you will be the 1st to know. I had an 11 pounder the first time and he was a lite eater and so gradually grew into the "right" size...Both my husband and I are on the short/slim side. My 2nd came in at 8 pounds and just blew up from there. I remember at 2 months (exclusively breast-fed) I thought he would burst out of his skin.

In other words, your son sound perfect to me - Keep doing what you are doing.

http://www.kidsgrowth.com/stages/growthcharts/boysweight_...

Here is a growth chart with the % for your child by the CDC. It looks like he may be @45% for the "average " infant. The main thing is that he is growing at an appropriate rate. good luck!

I successfully breastfed 2 of my 3 kids. I went through arguements with my in-laws too about my middle daughter. My oldest son had feeding problems so he was formula fed. He was a big baby. I think by the time he was a year old he weighed almost 30 pounds. So, when my daughter was born, I took extra precautions into making sure that I could breastfeed her successfully. She was a very heathly baby, but not nearly as big as her brother was at different stages. My in-laws bottle fed their kids, so I think that is why they were concerned with her size. My son at 6 weeks was taking 8 ounces of formula every 3 hours. My daughter at 6 MONTHS was still only taking 6 ounces every 3 hours. I was told that I wasn't feeding her enough, but she was happy.The doctor said that she was a little below average for her height and weight, but just said maybe she's just a small baby. She is now 3 1/2 and is 32 pounds. Her sister is 15 months younger than she is and weighs 30 pounds. Every kid is different. My middle daughter takes after my husbands side where the girls are really petite and her sister and brother are taking after my tall german family. If you think he's eating enough and he's a happy baby, just try your hardest to ignore the pressure. He would definately let you know if he was hungry. Hang in there!

I think that you are his mother, and if you don't have any reason to supplement with formula, why would you? As long as the docs and YOU don't think there are any problems, I would just try to find a way to deal with her, but keep doing what you are doing. My son was only breastfed for a week, my daughter for 7 weeks, then formula, and they both were about that same weight at 3 months. He sounds healthy to me!

And as far as "chubbiness" goes in babies, I think that some are just chubby and some arn't. I honestly don't think it has to do with breast vs. formula. I have a friend whose children have been formula fed the whole time, and her kids are Super SKINNY!!! (2 yrs and 8 months) Both mine were mostly formula fed and were chubby, but have grown out of it. I guess what I am trying to say is, don't worry about how chubby or not chubby your kid is...just make sure they are healthy and get enough to eat!

Hang in there...MIL's present tough situations sometimes, but they are part of your family. I am TOTALLY on your side with this, but remember, some day, you will be a MIL to your little guy's wife! GOOD LUCK!!! AND CONGRATS ON BEING SOOOO SUCCESSFULL WITH THE NURSING!

I think the decision on this is purely up to you. My son was exclusively breastfed until he started eating solids at 5 months. And after that, I still didn't give him formula until I started weaning him around 8.5 months. There's a growth chart available here: http://www.kidsgrowth.com/stages/viewgrowthcharts.cfm?id=... He does sound like he's below average in weight for his age, but probably nothing to be concerned about. Before you make any changes, ask your pediatrician if your son's weight seems of concern. But I personally think you have nothing to worry about. If he continues to remain a bit underweight even after he starts solids - and especially once he starts walking - you will probably want to discuss with your ped. if there is a problem. But I really, really think you have very little to be concerned with now.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing is that he is feeding regularly and normally. If he is doing that, I think things are just fine.

Treat your MIL with gentleness and respect, but have confidence in your own instincts and your own way of raising your baby.

L.-stand your ground! Your doing the best that you can for your sweet little boy and no amount of pressure or bad-mouthing should make you change your mind. Shame on your mother-in-law for making you feel this way. Your son will be just fine and probably much more healthy since he's being breast-fed. Good luck, I can only imagine what you'll have to deal with as the years go on.

Mothers and Mother-in-laws may have experience already but they do have to remember how it made us feel when our own mother and mother in laws mad unrequested suggestions about our children. You are the mom and you make the choices. Your son is doing fine I am sure, your doctor would tell you otherwise. I would point out to her that a chubby baby, even at 3 months old, has more of a chance of developing diabetes, heart problems and weight problems when they are older and you would hate to be adding to the cause. Unless your baby is crying because he isn't getting enough, I wouldn't worry. If nothing else remind her of the recalls on all the formulas and tell her that at least this way you know he isn't going to get tanted milk.

Oh L.,
Well, if your mother in law does not live with you then I would not worry about it. She seems jealous to me, and really this is your baby she has already had hers. I don't believe in being rude to her, I would just put up with her out of respect to your husband so he doesn't get the brunt of it all but then I would quitely go and do what ever you want to do. Try not to be too negative about her (I no this is really hard to do) but your husband will be so apprepriated that you do this for him. If his mother doesn't see you getting angry about it she will eventually quit because she will see that what ever she says about it won't matter any how. BUT really you are doing the very best for your baby and don't fall into all this silliness.
This sounds bad but people will see right through her and will really think she is being noisy.
Take care
S.

I so could have wrote this myself. My son was a little older and my MIL thought my son was too thin. Instead of realizing that both his parents aren't exactly large people, she decided to pump my son full of Ensure drinks. I was soooo mad. Luckily they were just visiting so I could let it go in one ear and out the other and throw everything away after she was gone. I didnt leave him alone with her though. He hated the drinks too.
I would not worry about how chubby he is. We all come in our own shapes and sizes. Not every baby is supposed to be fat. If there was a concern your dr would let you know. He sounds like a healthy boy to me.
Both of my kids were breastfed and were slim babies.

Hello!

I went through a similar thing with our first baby and the in-laws. Your baby is is the exact same weight as my 2nd whom is 3 mo. and strictly breastfed. She is in the 95% for weight.

For us it helped that my husband and my mother where very supportive of my breastfeeding, especially my husband, which in turn showed the in-laws that our baby was well taken care of. It also helped to show the in-laws the growth charts that you get from the doctors office of the height and weight and the % the baby falls in. Your mother-in-law is just from a different time, when breastfeeding was not done. Remind her of the benefits of breastfeeding. Never give up and/or listen to negativity. Call your lactation consultant if you are worried about anything, they are free and a good peace of mind.

Sorry about the rambling, just remembering the same thing, now with my 2nd, my in-laws are very educated and supportive!

C.

I strictly breastfed my baby boy until he was 6 months old...he was never chubby, but not thin either. Breastmilk is the IDEAL food for babies...it is perfect. It even says so on all cans of formula. Breastfeeding your baby protects him from getting sick, infections. Breastfed babies rarely get diaper rashes, they don't get as gassy as from a bottle. Breast is best and I wouldn't give in to the pressure from your mother in law. You would know if your baby wasn't getting enough nutrition...don't all mommies worry about that? As long as your baby is not too thin and is satisfied with the amount of milk he is getting from you, I would keep breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is not easy, any mom who does it to benefit their child is awesome. Don't let her keep you from doing the best thing you can do for your child. Hang in there and be strong!

L.; first of all congratulations on a happy healthy baby , and the ability to breast feed well, you are doing a good job, first of all most babies chub out at about 6 months, no you do not have to suppliment it with formula, most babies live happy with just breast milk for quite a long time, for years, and nothing else, its perfectly fine, dont argue with your mother in law, just let her speak her peace and say thanks for the advice, ill consider it, does not mean you have to do it, she may of been in a situation where she had no breast milk or not enough, any way , its best to let those situations die down a bit, and not to fret over it, i had my mother in law but in a few times in my life, like that, first of all, it could be a good time to ask her what she did with her kids? she will tell you , you might find, she could not do it as well as you are doing it, keep up the good work and continue to feed your happy healthy child what is made for it and more natural, is your breast milk, thats the way it is intended, so you stay strong, and you know what is best for your child, just enjoy mothering soon they will be grown and gone, D. s

Wow, this has to be the winner for number of responses! Ugh, I can't believe your MIL would be so bold to tell you what your baby does and does not need. Your breastmilk is MORE than fine, and he would demand to eat more if he needed more. He's fine and you know it. She needs to back off!

1) your son is fine. My son was 13lbs 10 oz at 16 weeks and is in the 50th percentile making him average to other children his age. 2)I am still breast feeding him (6 months today) and have decided to start solids instead of formula. Some cereal with breastmilk or apple juice, some veggies...there's no need for formula if you don't want to introduce it until you have to. My first son went from breast feeding to formula for about 2 months and then was on whole milk. For those who suggested that I start solids or anything other than breastfeeding before 6 months I told them that I respect their opinion but this is my child and I will do what I feel is best. As far as your mother in law goes, tell her you don't appreciate being spoken about behind your back and you will do what you feel is best for your son. Mention to her that (I am assuming he has a doctor) the doc has no problems or issues with his weight and babies who are "chubby" (or more) early in life have a higher risk for juvenile diabetes and weight problems later in life. 3) My three were breast fed, my daughter is tall and slim, my first boy is average height and solid (not fat, muscle) and my third is ending up being the biggest of the bunch being the size at 6 months that our first son was at 9 months. None have been chubby by any means and are barely ever sick. You're the mom, you know whats best for your child. Sometimes it's hard not to second guess our decisions, especially when it's the MIL, but stand by what you believe. Good luck.

Babies come in all different colors, shapes and sizes! He ssounds like a healthy baby to me! My MIL also gave me a hard time and didn't understand the "big deal" on not giving my dd any formula. I am a SAHM and saw no reason to have to supplement with formula. Whenever she would bring it up, I would change the subject. Good luck!

L.,
I breastfed both of my kids until they were 2. At 6 months i started them on rice cereal but breastmilk was always part of their diet and THE only nurishment for the first 6 months. I think breastfed babies can be either chubby or slimmer...it depends on them. Both of my kids seemed a little chubby around 2 months but they must take after me...my mom said i had roll upon chubby roll on my legs. (I was also breastfed!) You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself and your child by breastfeeding. You've had great advice and already said that you'll be going to all of the websites and reading so you can use that as evidence when dealing with your MIL. Don't let anyone discourage you.
L.

L.,
I strongly agree with you about the breastfeeding/baby-weight issue between you and your MIL. You are entirely correct in your thinking and because of this, make it as easy as possible on your MIL when she inevitably must agree with you. She probably has some other issue she's dealing with and this is the easiest way for her to deflect the real issue bothering her, whether it be about her raising of her own child(ren) or the raising of children these days in general.
I think the best thing to do here is to encourage your MIL to accompany you and baby to baby's next well-child checkup at the doctor's, so she can hear straight from baby's doc that baby is doing just fine and benefits greatly from breastfeeding. Keep up the good work!!!

I have a 2 month old and I only breastfeed her. Every once in a blue moon i give her formula. my aunt who is a nurse has told be that breatfeeding is the best thing for her. as long as you and him are happy with it i would keep on only breastfeeding him. If you have any more concerns i would talk to his Dr. your son it at a good weight for his age. I use to work in a drs office. if you have anymore questions feel free to email me. ____@____.com.

So here's the funny thing about my two girls: I breastfed the first one exclusively (no formula) for a total of 14 months and she was HUGE! She was only 7lbs when she was born but I had to take her out of her first car seat at 6 months because she was over the weight limit!! My second baby was the same weight at birth and I have been supplementing with formula (we moved when I was on leave and it got stressful) and she's consistently 3lbs lighter than her sister at all the checkups. The Point is babies are all different. One thing that works for me when unqualified people try to tell me stuff is, "Well, I have to go with the advice of my Pediatrician." That usually shuts people up!!

My boys were all breastfed and all skinny, but to be truthful, I'm on the skinny side, so I'm just not going to have big chunky kids. Don't argue with your MIL. Just say thanks for your advice, I'll look into that and then change the subject. If she keeps bringing it up, continue to say the same things. It's just not worth the hassle and the battle.

L., I would not listen to a word your "dear" MIL is saying. If you feel that your son is healthy, and if your DOCTOR says he is healthy then she seriously needs to butt out. You of course will want to put it in a more politically correct way. My 5yo son was the same way (though I did supplement some because of working FT). He was, and still is a very lean boy...he is very strong and fit, but most of all he is healthy. A chubby baby does not mean a healthy baby.....old wives tale. There of course is the healthy baby fat that all babies need....but it doesn't mean he has to be chubby. Congrats to you on choosing to breastfeed exclusively and sticking with it! It is a hard and demanding job.

B.

My MIL is always telling me what other people are telling her, and knowing her the way I do, she says something, they don't get a word in edgewise, and then suddenly "they" said it. If "they" have a problem with the way that you are choosing to feed your baby, then "they" should tell you.

Bottom line, as long as your baby is gaining weight, and your pediatrician is not concerned, then why even listen to what your MIL is saying? She is probably struggling to feel relevent. Why not ask her advice on benign issues, it will make her feel needed.

Take heart, it doesn't get better generally with MIL's like this. However, my MIL, as big of a pain as she is with telling me what to do ALL THE TIME, is an awesome grandmother and loves my children and takes amazing care of them so that I get breaks now and then. So I smile and shake my head when she is talking to me like I am an ignorant child, and it keeps the peace.

Your baby is just fine. I think some women (especially if they formula fed themselves) don't have all the facts about breastfeeding and sometimes have been told by the medical community that they need to do formula because of XYZ. This still happens all the time. Breastfed babies are more slim and trim and you all are doing just fine. Besides 3mo is really early for the chubby stage and honestly, not all kids get chubby and that's fine.
If you want to do some educating with your MIL, there's good info on the La Leche League site. Personally when I got heat over this, I just stopped talking about it. That worked for us, they dropped it when I just kept firmly stating what I was going to do and then changed the subject. If it would have persisted, my next plan was going to be to just tell them that I am making the very best choices for my baby and that I chose to feed him the very best food and that was the end of the discussion. Done. It's hard to set boundaries esp. with MIL's but sometimes it's worth it to let her know that you have made up your mind and it's your call. You might also have your husband talk to her. Sometimes that works better. Good luck!

My daughter is 4 months old. She was breastfeed and I supplemented formula. When born she weighed 6lbs 12oz. Friday we went to the doctor and she is 12 lb. My docture wasn't concerned at all.

First of all, I want to say: Who-ho!!! Yay for you!
I'm so proud that you had your baby at home (I did too!), are adamant about breastfeeding (I am!), and are sticking up for yourself and your son.

I don't think that all breastfed babies are slim and trim. I know two breastfeeding mothers who have the most rolly-polly babies you'll ever see. I also don't think that all bottle fed babies are rolly and pudgy. I think it depends a lot on the baby!

I have a 7 1/2 month old son now, and he was exclusively breastfed for 5 months (at which point he lost his tongue-thrust reflex, and I started feeding him some rice). He has been, and still is--even with "real" food in his diet--a slim and trim baby. (We still breastfeed, by the way!)

Your baby is absolutely average in weight. Check the growth chart:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhanes/growthcharts/set1clin...

That means that he is just fine and healthy.

My mom and mother in law have pretty much stayed out of my way when it comes to breastfeeding. They bottlefed their children because it was considered "science" and "the best" at the time.

Well, you can tell MIL that "science" has now figured out that breastmilk is WAY better than formula, and that breastfeeding is preferable (actually, formula companies have that written on the side of the can in small print). There are over 100 compounds found in breastmilk that formula companies CANNOT synthesize. Not to mention the health benefits! If you suppliment, you know your supply will decrease.

I guess if she won't back off, I would just calmly tell her (every time she brings it up) that you have heard her arguments, you need to agree to disagree, the doctors agree that your son is healthy, and that you are NOT going to discuss it any more. (I imagine she just about had a fit when you told her you were going to have your son at home! My mom did!)

This is your baby, and it is your right to raise him as you see fit.

*C.

I did not read other responses, but just wanted to say a few things:) Your pediatrician is the best source for whether your baby is gaining enough weight. Not public opinion. I breastfed all of mine, and I exercise way more than most people do, but they were chubby at 4 months, and slimmed down a bit once they started moving around and crawling. I would just confront your MIL gently by saying that your baby's doctor is not concerned about his growth at this point so you don't feel it is necessary to suppliment at this point. And leave it at that. You do not need to have it out with her. She can have her own opinion, and you just need to let it go and not let it bother you. Good luck!

The first thing to remember is that your pediatrician is the doctor, not your MIL or anyone else in the family. And second, ALL babies are different! Whether they are breastfed or not. My daughter was 8 lbs at birth, was strictly formula-fed, and was only 15 lbs when she was 6 months old. My Mother in law also gave me the very same problems as yours. She adamently argued with us that our daughter was too skinny and we were starving her. Our doctor however, assured us that she was perfectly healthy, not skinny, and she was very long for her age. She is now 19 months, tall and thin, and absolutely perfect. My cousin's baby was 5.5 lbs at birth, is strictly breastfed still, and is now 20 pounds and she's only 9 months old. Again, all babies are different and what you are doing is perfectly fine.

Hi there-
My son is 3 months old and weighs 13.4 pounds- He is not chuncky and I only breastfeed. He weighed 7. 9 oz at birth, His dr says he is doing great. My first daughter was thin, and second daughter was very chuncky and I breast feed both of them as well. I just think it depends on the child. If your baby is doing well, then don't worry. I am sure he is not starving. Sometimes people just don't get the whole breastfeeding thing, and really need to mind their own business. My MIL is a piece of work, and doens't get anything that my husband and I do with our children. We have made all of our own baby food and try to be as healthy as we can with OUR children. Remember, you gave birth to your son and know whats best for him.

Congratulations on your home birth! You are off to a great start - keep up your confidence and be your baby's advocate. He is fine if he maintains his place on the growth chart - whether his place is at 50% or 95% or 5% doesn't matter. What is important is that he doesn't fall from 90% to, say, 20%. Then you would want to check it out. I breastfed exclusively for nine months 3 of my babies, and the other for 11 months. I had one chunky baby, one thin baby, and two "medium". It is genetics partially, but the overfat look of the past generation is from formula - its not healthier, but that is the old stereotype.

Do not give in. If your sons dr thought he was losing wight he will tell you. Very nicely tell your MIL that the Dr. says he is fine and does not need a supplement. I tried both breast feeding and formula and all of my children were healthy and happy, but I did try breast feeding one and she was not gaining weight and supplemented and she never did go back to breast milk afterward. She was also very tiny drinking formula. But telling your mil that the dr says the baby is doing great may help you. As people talking behind your back, get used to it because if it is starting now it won't end. Raise your baby how you and your husband want not how others feel you should. Good Luck

Wish I had the time to read all the responses so far, but my kids are all 10 and under. All 3 were breastfeed (my oldest only for a couple months cause he wasn't a good eater). Luckily no one questioned my decision to breast feed. My opinion is Mother Nature is the best source for everything. Babies have been breastfed for thousands of years!!!! Honestly, it's no one's job to criticize anyone for the decision they make for their own child. I would try to be "gentle" with mother-in-law, she grew up in a time when formula was thought to be the best for baby- her vigor is only because she truely cares about her grandbaby. But what you are doing is fantastic!!! Do what YOU think is best, don't let someone else's opinion sway you from what you feel is right!

You do what is working for you and your child! If your breast-feeding is going well, and your child is gaining weight appropriately (if there was a concern, your doctor should've mentioned it at his 2 month check up), then why on earth would you want to mess with it? 13 1/2 lbs at 14 1/2 weeks sounds perfectly fine to me. Is your son very tall? That would make him look thinner.
Every baby is different. I bet if you asked your parents, they would be able to tell you that some babies in your family were thinner at this age, too. He may chub up later, and that would just be how he's destined to grow genetically.
I was very stubborn about breastfeeding my daughter and trying not to supplement, but it did not work for us. At 3 months, she had only gained a few ounces more than her birth weight! You guys are fine.

I would just tell her that back in the day they probably got their well baby check ups from their MIL but nowadays we go to a Dr. and that you'll stick with your Dr.'s advice. Thanks anyways! lol
I asked my Mom one time how much she loved it when her Mom told her how to do everything. It was like a lightbulb moment for her and she quit doing it, lol.
Good luck. Stand up for yourself because people will only treat you the way you let them.
J.
Mom to 4

I would talk to your doctor if you are concerned. Both of my children were strictly breastfed for one year. My kids were not chubby at all. I don't think you have a thing to worry about. It sounds like your son is just fine. Like I said before just check with your doctor and that will make you feel more confident on your decision.
Good luck
K.

One of my favorite says is.... "I quit caring what people think of me years ago!" Do what is best for you and your baby and ignore the people who think they all know better. Your doctor and you are the only ones that should decide what is best for your child. Who cares what other people think. Just as long as your not stepping on other peoples toes or breaking the law, I'd just go on with my life.

You are doing the best thing you can for your child by breast feeding him, keep it up!

You are right about formula not being the best option since you are willing and able to breast feed. Babies vary a lot in weight and can still be normal but let your baby's doctor keep on eye on that. They look at the percentile thing and can give you a more accurate picture than your MIL. Some babes have a higher metabolism and tend to look skinnier, even when well fed. If it were me, I would try eating more healthy fats myself, and making your supply of milk richer in that way. Ask your doc again about how much fatty fish such as salmon and tuna, is safe for a breast feeding mom to have. You can also use coconut oil, walnut oil, olive oil, ground fresh flaxseeds. Eating nuts is a great way to get good fats into the diet but since you are breast feeding you might want to ask you doc if there are any nut restrictions.

do not do anything you are not comfortable with. Letting someone force their will upon you is not always ok. My daughter was 7lbs 14oz 21 1/2" and is now 6 mo and weighs around 20lbs and is perfectly healthy. She is in the 97th percentile for her growth rate. she is around 28"+ long now...She is eating solids but I do not do formula due to the fact it is terrible for babies!! Breastmilk is the best way to go. As long as you take your daily vitamins and eat generally healthy your little boy is just fine. My daughter is thin and tall....obviously nothing wrong with that :). Tell you mil to relax and let you raise YOUR child and explain to her breastmilk is THE BEST not FORMULA!...even try google type in breastmilk vs. formula...you should get good results.

Questions

1) I cant remember to be able to answer
2) YES YES AND YES. I didnt have any family to interfere, but I had it from the health visitor and GP 'medical professionals'. I ignored them as it may have been only chance to breastfeed!
3) YES!! I kept being told he was thin, but looking back on piccies he looks NORMAL just not fat! Now he is a slim and wont overfeed!

http://forums.a-little-wish.co.uk on our message board we have information to increase your supply (IF you would like to try to) and links for the world health organisation BREASTFED baby charts :) which yes are lower than the UK ones (guessing your in america)which are based on artifically fed babies. Unfortunatley I have lost my bf account that shows what I went though and who I had to fight to keep feeding my baby.

BE STRONG! Its YOUR baby, not your MIL, I can imagine its hard but breast milk is the best for your child as it is made for your child and all the antibodies etc etc...

Feel free to contact me :)

Happy feeding :)

Neither of my children were "chubby" babies and both were exclusively breast fed. They were not chubby toddlers either; some kids just aren't. As long as you and your doctor think he's healthy, thank your MIL for her advice and stick to what you know is best for him.

My daughter is now 13 1/2 months old and she's NEVER been chubby. She's petite and thin... 20-25th percentile since the day she was born, but the doctor is very pleased with her growth. I breastfed exclusively for 4 months then added formula when she started eating solids and cereal. Some kids are just naturally thin AND healthy!!! Every child is different and when it comes to MIL, just smile and nod :D Sounds like you're doing just fine with your little guy!

Sadly, our parents' generation was instructed by doctors and the medical establishment that breastmilk was not as healthy as formula, and that bottle feeding was the best way to have a healthy baby. It didn't even *occur* to my mother in law that she should breastfeed, and I recently had a long conversation with *her* mother about how she started formula two days after birth because "she didn't have enough milk" and was told that she was starving her baby. (Which we now know to be totally untrue. Fortunately, we all know much more now about breastfeeding and how it works and it's amazing health benefits. (Although sometimes I wonder what parenting dogma we take as gospel now that our kids will roll their eyes about and wonder how they survived.)

As for the second issue, the chubby baby, here's what I've been told by multiple pediatricians and from my own observation of my own babies and my friends' babies: some babies chunk out, some do not. And a healthy's baby's weight in the first year of life bears almost no relationship to their weight later in life (skinny babies might get fat, fat babies might get skinny.) For example, my oldest son, who I called "bird boy" for the first year, was long and lean and delicate (and a champion breastfeeder.) My best friend (a petite woman) had a daughter two months before my son was born - her (also breastfed) baby was smaller at birth than my son, but outweighed him by three months and continued to do so until about age 2, when she slimmed down and my son got more solid. Another example is my two sons - my oldest was 8-6 at birth, and as I said was long and lean - still is, at 4, although he's very solid, nothing birdlike about him anymore. He's built like my brothers, and will probably be very tall and lean. My second son was only 6-3 at birth, but already (at almost 4 mos) has three "Michelin Man" rolls on each of his thighs. He's also a great breastfeeder, but I wouldn't say he's particularly eating MORE than my oldest did. It's just the way his body is. He's built much more like my husband, and will probably be shorter and more muscular.

As for dealing with your mother in law, I'd suggest gentle and compassionate education. Tell her your pediatrician is not at all worried about your son's weight, and that you trust your doc. Even do her the courtesy of asking your ped about it at your next appointment "my mother in law is concerned" and report your ped's response back to her. That way you don't have to pit your opinion against her opinion - and a third-party medical opinion is likely to make her more comfortable, anyway.

You can also explain "on-demand" feeding to her, and how a breastfed baby eats until he is full - just the way we grown-ups are supposed to eat. And that formula babies are slightly more likely to be chunky because they are far more likely to be over-fed, given a prescribed number of ounces on a prescribed schedule.

But again, be compassionate with her. We have the benefit of years more of research and education at our fingertips - mothers were just kept in the dark 35 years ago, and told what to do by paternalistic doctors without regard to what their bodies and intuition might be saying. My mother exclusively breastfed me and my two brothers, and took a lot of flak for it at the time.

Be patient with your mother in law - and trust yourself. My favorite breastfeeding website is kellymom.com - written by lactation consultants, it has the clearest explanation I've ever seen of how your breasts make milk and the cycle of supply and demand. This might help you explain more to your mother in law, as well. Plus, lots of great info on herbs and breastfeeding, which you might enjoy!

Best of luck!

Is there a way to tell her that what was "known" to be correct about babies back when she had babies has changed quite a bit as doctors and pediatricians have done more and more studies and research on infant development?

I remember when my 11 year old was a baby, it was okay to start solids at 4 or 5 months. Just three years later, when I had my second child, the recommendation had changed to waiting until the child was 6 months.

Sorry I can't think of any way to help you, but ugh, I sympathize.

Not all babies need to be chubby! Feel good about what you are doing and don't let your MIL make you feel otherwise. I have 4 kids, all of whom I breastfed for the first year. All of my kids, including my baby who is now 5 mos have been small. (My first was below the 5th percentile in height and weight!) As long as your baby is growing, that's what really matters. It wouldn't hurt to talk with your ped. just to be sure. That way, you will also be able to tell your MIL that you asked your dr. and he/she said the baby is fine. Be proud you are dedicating the time & energy to giving your baby the best you can! Good luck!

Well-meaning MIL's, friends, family - even neighbors all have something to share. And it seems that afterward, I think back through some of the strange discussions - and wonder what precipitated them. I really don't think it's all about the babies - or about their weight - I think for SOME, it's such an outrageous, impossibility in thier minds - to believe a baby could be completely nourished by something they can't see, or measure. Or do. We know some babies are breastfed, others formula fed, some both. And we know that all babies are of differing sizes.

We struggled with our first. I stubbornly refused to allow the NICU to give our baby formula. He was in NICU for his apgar score (2!!) - but every single scan or review came back fine. Long story short, they insisted I take formula home and supplement his breastfeeding by giving him the formula first, then allow him to nurse afterward, and that maybe my milk would come in and we could 'switch'. I'd not taken one single breastfeeding class - not one single video or book. I just knew in my heart that I would feed him. And so I did. I pretty much didn't sleep - again, stubbornly, so that I could pay close attention to his little body. He stayed hydrated, seemed satisfied, and grew. Never losing weight - although at times stayed within a similar weight range from week to week. And there were those neighbors - those friends - and that doc, that had things or comments to share. Well, his weight stayed at the 45%'ile, and he's nearly nine. Perfect!

Our next two babies were girls - and the hospital had sort of 'moved' into breast is best. Rather than ask what we wanted to do to supplement each of them, they rolled them into our rooms and left the babies with us. Told us to call them if we needed anything. And that worked for us. Each of my girls were born off the top of the charts - exclusively breastfed until six months and seven months - my greatest fear being if they began eating table food at the pace they nursed, they'd never sit or stand, just roll. :D .

We also choose healthy, natural or organic foods for our home - and our children are free to select fruit, veggies, or yogurts as they wish. They are never stopped from grabbing a piece. And although each of their body shapes is unique, all of them are quite healthy - and not heading toward obesity.

Each baby is different. Each nursing story different.

As long as your baby isn't losing weight, isn't dehydrated, and continues to move toward milestones (again a very different thing for each baby!!) - he sounds fantastic!

And I think you'll know or recognize, first, if you listen to your heart - if you need to supplement. When you need to add foods. Or to trust the advice of your doctor.

I do think you might 'feel better' consulting with your baby's nurse or doctor - OR taking baby in to a 'well-baby' clinic. Ours is available weekly at the hospital of their birth for monthly measurements and weights. For our first baby, we did this - more for the accurate (same scale) measurments for his scrapbook than anything else. However, it's a chance to mark the growth in your mind, sometimes offering an opportunity to ask the nurse(es) questions you might have - and then, at some point, ask MIL to attend with you - my own mom was amazed that he was surviving the breastfeeding and that he grew so much in the first week. She thought he'd lost weight. Haaaaaaa :)

oh, yeah - one nurse at the hospital for my son watched him cry and told us he was tongue-tied and that we needed to have his tongue thing-ee clipped, or he'd never ever be able to nurse adequately and would fail to thrive. I was pretty much stunned to silence. I'd never heard of such a thing. And, thankfully, I pooh-poohed her advice - our pediatrician was shocked, too. His little tongue was fine - and today, my son can stretch that long tongue up to his nose (gross) - just another poor conception / observation.

Best wishes - good luck - and enjoy that precious little guy!

T.

Oh, I can top this one! My son was born at 10# 1oz and ON THE DAY we came home from the hospital, my MIL told me not too feed him so often as he was already big and didn't want him to develop a weight problem. The baby was 2 days old!

You are the mama, stick to your guns! Feed your baby and just don't worry about what she has to say. Try to feed him privately or at a time when she is not around. Just nod and smile and tell her you will be CERTAIN to check her suggestions out with your pediatrician before making any changes.

Good luck!

Stick to your principals. There is no reason that you should supplement with formula. I breast feed both my kids for a year and they are now 10 and 6 and have always had healthy weights. It is really between you and your baby and your Dr (and maybe your husband) The weight does seem healthy and yes, breast fed babies do not get the real baby rolls right away. You will be starting cereal and other foods all too soon. Enjoy this time with your son and tell your MIL that you appreciate her opinions, but this is your son and you feel that this is right for him and for you. Things are a lot different now that when your husband was a baby. Hopefully she will begin to lay off.

I'm all for breastfeeding but you should know that there was a article in the newspaper the other day about how we are all lacking vitaminD these days and it's very very common in breastfed babies to lack this as well. That's the only real pro to formula is it has ALL the vitamins etc., that a mother may not have enough of to pass along to her baby through breastfeeding.

I've breastfed and formula fed both of my daughters. I am all about breastfeeding but for my own reasons had to switch to formula eventually and I like formula but it made my first daughter obese by age1 seriously. My daughter was a 4 lb preemie and I eventually switched over to formula with her and she was FAT and chunky in a size 2T by her first birthday. She eventually thinned out and is healthy.

Right now I have a 1mo. old preemie my second daughter who has had 98% of her feedings breastmilk maybe 2% formula and she's gaining really fast and becoming a chubby little girl with a double chin.

So maybe it doesn't matter what you feed them and it's just genetics.

I breastfed both of my kids for a year. They are now 4 years and the other is 20 months. My MIL did not understand about breastfeeding and niether did my SIL. Both of which formula fed their kids. So they were always telling me how little my son was and how I should supplement. I told them that I'm making plenty of milk and my doctor says that my son is healthy. Just stick to you guns and don't let anybody tell you what is good for your son except your doctor. Even then some Drs don't understand the importance of breastfeeding. So just tell your MIL to stick it! Sorry not to be so blunt. But once I had my daughter my MIL & SIL knew better and did not say a single thing about formula. Tell your MIL that there are many benefits to breastfeeding and that maybe when she was a mother they told her to formula feed but people are better informed now. Formula feeding is a choice that you alone has to make. You can go to La Leche League for support and maybe go to some meetings and bring your MIL along.

wow! some mother's are still trying to mother. Is this typical behavior for her in other aspects - what does your husband think?
Anyway. . . you are the mother. It sounds like your baby is fine. Are you getting routine baby checks from your pediatrician? I breastfed all my children. I had to suppliment my first one but it was because she cried all the time.
There is no reason to add formula if the baby is content. Sometimes that meant I had to nurse every 2 hours but I was willing to do that for their health. Nothing is better than a mothers milk.
Is your MIL involved in other aspects of your marriage/parent?
I have a great MIL and she would never interfere unless I asked.
I might reassure her with the pamplets you get at your doctor's office and point out the growth chart to show your son's progress. Does she feel intimidated by something she 'didn't do' in raising children. My MIL did not breast feed
because it wasn't encouraged like it is now.
Be gentle with her but be confident because you are the mother. Maybe open up conversation about some stories of how she raised your husband?. Good Luck.

Good morning! I breastfed my six older children with mixed results. Three of them were really chubby babies, and three were slim and tall. The three chubby ones breastfed longer. I recently had a set of twins who I tried to breastfeed, but they weren't thriving so I immediately switched to the bottle. They gained weight rapidly and improved dramatically! Thank goodness for formula.

If your little guy wasn't thriving on breastmilk, I think you would know. My little girls weren't getting enough so their sleep was fitful, they didn't have enough wet or dirty diapers, and they seemed to be gaining no weight at all. All told, I breastfed for almost a month, and I was really sad because I wanted to breastfeed them (my last ones), but they needed more and that was the absolute bottom line.

I wouldn't give in to supplementing if he doesn't need it. Keep an eye on his iron level as a low iron level can be a concern with strictly breastfeeding babies. Thank your MIL for her concern, and tell her you'll take it under consideration. Make peace so your homelife with DH is comfortable. I'm a MIL myself, but I wouldn't get in my DIL's business unless I was asked or if I saw that an intervention was necessary. Hang in there. I hope it gets better!

Many of the growth charts for babies' development have not been updated since the 1970s (some from the 1950s!)when many babies were formula-fed. What was once thought as "normal" weight was based on averages from mainly formula-fed babies. Formula often makes babies heavier than they would normally be! I exclusively breastfed my daughter and she was never chubby - but always very healthy and developmentally advanced when it came to walking, talking, etc. Your MIL is just from a different world - oddly enough her mother or grandmother was likely breastfed! Remind her of that.

I would just take your MIL's concern with a grain of salt and move on. Your baby is just fine...if there were some concern about his weight, your pediatrician would say something. All 3 of my children have been slim and they were basically completely formula fed. I had friends who strictly breastfed and their babies were the chubby ones. It just depends on the baby whether or not they'll be "chubby" and it doesn't matter if it's breast or bottle. Your MIL may come from the generation that thought formula was best for baby and they won't see it any other way. I've had to just ignore some of the concerns of my MIL because we see things differently.

Congratulations on your little man! I'm sure he's adorable and a happy baby! :)

Just wanted to say that babies should not be chubby like your MIL says. My mother's good friend always said that about her daughter- "oh, she's so healthy because she has meat on her bones!" Well she weighed 150 lbs at age 10, by age 18 she had high blood pressure, we are now in our forties, she weighs well over 300 lbs., and as beautiful as she is has never been married. It truly breaks my mother's heart that she couldn't convince her friend that chubby was not healthy.

I pumped breast milk for the first month before I dried up and then switched to formula only. I have always heard "breast is best" but recently I did hear that breast-fed babies may not be getting enough vitamin D, so you may need to supplement that somehow.

I chose not to breast feed exclusively, but whenever anyone harassed me about it, I always told them what my ob/gyn told me. "My doctor says ultimately the decision to breastfeed or not is MY choice alone and not let anyone harass me about it."

That usually stopped people in their tracks. You might share these concerns with your pediatrician and see what he or she thinks. People have a hard time arguing a medical professional's recommendations and it kind of takes the heat off you.

HTH,
A.

You have every right to keep breastfeeding and not giving formula. If your dr is not concerned about his weight then she should be quiet. Your son sounds a healthy weight to me. He's put on over 4 pounds in 3 1/2 months. He's gaining a decent amount weight so there is no reason for you to be concerned. Next time she says something to you just tell her thank you for being concerned about your grandson and end it at that. If she keeps saying something keep giving her the same answer...maybe she will get the hint.

You're MIL most likely comes from the same generation as mine and it just happens to be one where breastfeeding was discouraged and formula was pushed for babies. Times have changed and research has shown that breastmilk is far superior to formula. A chubby baby is not necessarily a good thing as some people seem to believe. The more fat a baby has, the harder it becomes for them to learn to crawl and walk. In extreme cases, the extra fat can make them bow-legged. Don't let your MIL pressure you to "fatten up" your child. If he's happy and alert and is wetting five diapers or more each day, then he's getting plenty to eat. If you need a way to handle her and put her back in her place, just use your pediatrician as a defense. As long as the ped. says that your child is fine, growing well, gaining well, etc., then there's no cause for concern. If that doesn't stop her, just try to politely tell her that this is your child and you and your husband will make the decision to do what you think is best for him. Good luck with it!

L.,
You will feel a lot of pressure from people to stop breastfeeding. Just shake it off, and know that you are doing the very best thing you can for your baby. My guess is your MIL didn't breastfeed and has some guilt over that. Your responsibility is to your son and he does not need formula. Babies come in all sizes, just like adults and he will eat enough to sustain himself. Let your MIL know right off the bat that she will not be making your decisions, or she will try to make them all. Good luck, and don't let this stress you out.

Gee...not that you need another post to read! My MIL was similar, but not quite as adamant as yours. I think it boiled down to a couple things. One, she didn't breastfeed, since at her time, formula was "it" and was what "good" moms gave their kids. So, going in, she has a different perception than I do. I think, also, that if I throw the "this is the way nature intends it" argument to her, it makes her feel like what she did was inadequate, since she DID try to breastfeed her kids and, according to her, almost starved my husband (she had inverted nipples in a time that wasn't nearly as talked about as now). Second, she really really wants to be involved. Sometimes I let her give my babies a bottle of breastmilk so she could feed them; I also made sure that once they were on solids, she could feed them when she felt like it. Bottom line: I think she knew the bond that being the sole nourishment for my child creates, and she was jealous of it. She's also definitely a "mommy"--would have had babies and small children for forever, if practicality had not determined they stop at four. I'm sure she misses raising babies and toddlers and children, and sometimes she tries to take mine over. It doesn't stop me from getting upset, but it does help a little sometimes! Keep up the nursing; baby's weight sounds FINE!!!

Hi L.~

What does your babies doctor say? When I look back at my little girls records (she is 10 months right now and only breastfed)she was 10 lbs 9 oz at 2 months and 13 lbs 9 oz at 4 months. So I say he is completely fine and I would not stress about it!

Breastfed babies are ALWAYS skinner than formula fed babies!

I personally encourage you to NOT supplement or he may reject the breastmilk at some point and I would hate to see that happen to you.

Good luck to you~
A.

As long as your baby seems satisfied after feedings and is growing and meeting milestones (smiling, holding up head, etc) there is no need to suppliment. Not every baby needs to be chubby. In today's age of obese children we don't need to be starting this as an infant. Studies show that breastfed children have lower tendancy toward obesity than formula fed infants. With the added health benefits as well.
If you need more ammo to tell your mother-in-law discuss it with your pediatician; I am sure he or she will agree!

Wow, did this generate responses! DON'T SUPPLEMENT unless you have to. I would ignore her and politely tell her that you appreciate her concern, but supplementing is not necessary or healthy for him. I would enlist the support of your pediatrician and your husband. I know not everyone can breastfeed, but if you can you should stick with it. I have two boys. The youngest was breastfed for 11 weeks, with some supplementing, at which time I was forced to quit for a variety of reasons, including some medical. He now has asthma and allergies and had a lot of ear infections as an infant. My youngest was breastfed for 14 months, never had any formula, and doesn't have allergies, asthma or ear infections. Now I know guilt is a prerequisite to mothering, but I often wonder if my older son might not struggle so much with asthma and allergies if I had not supplemented him with formula or if I had been able to nurse him longer. Neither one of my boys got "chubby" until they were about 4 months. If your pediatrician says he's healthy and you're happy nursing him that's all that counts! Good luck. P.S. I once overheard my MIL state that nursing is a way for the mother "to control" the baby and monopolize his time. She never said that to my face, but maybe if your MIL feels that way you could find other ways for her to spend time with your son--bathe him, take him for a walk, etc.

I just looked up my son's size. He was born in Feb. 08 and was 9 lb. 2 oz. He didn't break 10 lb. until almost 1 month. He was 14 and a half lb. at 4 months. He's probably fine. If he's sleeping well for you--going at least 4-5hr. stretches at night, he's doing great. My baby is almost 9 mo. and is more than 20 lb. He's not really that chubby, he's long! and crawling :) Get ready for that!

Just wanting to chime in...I breastfed both my girls exclusively for a year and they are night and day as far as their weight. My first daughter was 7, 11 at birth and has always been long and lean and my second daughter was 8, 6 at birth and is a little chunk. She's starting to thin out a little now but her weight that first year was always 3-4 lbs heavier than her sister's was at the same age.

Pay no attention to your MIL. It sounds like she is from a different school of thought. Bf'ing is based on supply and demand so supplementing with formula will likely decrease your supply.

Keep doing what you're doing!!

I'm AMAZED at the number of responses! That's great! I think the best thing is to make sure the doctor is satisfied with your little guy's growth. There is such variety in all kids..breastfed, formula fed, siblings, etc. While I've read alot of things in all these responses, I want to emphasize that many of them are opinions based on what those people have seen or heard. People on both sides of the fence can provide very convincing arguments why they are right. And the research out there is just full of too many holes and variables to make a clear decision. The important thing is to do what you find best for your baby and you. That's not the same for any two people. Once you are satisfied by talking to your doctor that your son IS growing satisfactory, then it may be good to find some good educational material for your MIL. I've actually taken both my mother and MIL to my son's well check-ups so they are more informed. I would be careful NOT to use any extreme materials, especially something that may cause her to feel defensive about her decision years ago. You will probably find that as the months and years go on, there will be more and more opinions coming your way from well meaning individuals. Try to find a way now that you feel comfortable handling this, as I guarantee you'll need it for a long time! Good luck and enjoy every minute with your son.

Don't worry about what your MIL says. That is an old wives tail that babies are supposed to be fat. You know your son better than anybody in this world. If you think he is feeding enough, then don't worry about it. I assume that he gets to the doc on all his regular visits. If so, your doc would have said something if they were concerned about his weight. Stick to your instincts.

First of all, tell your MIL to shove it where the sun don't shine!!! Trust me, you will feel great for doing it!! >:) Second, your son is perfectly fine at 13 1/2 lbs!!! I mean, has your ped. said anything about him being underweight?? I very highly doubt it, or you wouldn't be questioning it here. You keep doing what you want to do with YOUR child, and tell you MIL that if she is so damn (sorry for the language)worried about YOUR son being underweight, which he's not btw, then she can go talk to your ped. about it....I can guarantee your ped. will set her straight!! You keep up the good work at being an awesome mom and don't let your MIL bully you like she is!!

You may have already received many responses to this. I would like to say that it is great that you want to exclusively breastfeed your son. It sounds at though your MIL is butting in where she doesn't belong and as long as your pediatrician has no concerns about baby's weight, try not to get too upset with MIL. Explain to her that the doctor is happy about baby's growth and you have no intention of supplementing formula (unless it is absolutely necessary). It is also possible that she is jealous of you because you are able to breastfeed and she was not; just a thought.

Don't listen to her. She's not a doctor and it's frankly none of her buisness.

I wasn't able to breastfeed my daughter for several reasons so aside from a few weeks was exclusivly formula feed. She was 5lbs 5oz at birth and continued to be low on weight. Now she's 3 and still thin. Some people are just thin and there's nothing wrong with that. You should nip this in the bud right now.

First off, just call your doctor! Second, I feel you are doing what your instincts are telling you to do. No, not all babies are chubby and that's fine. It's just a common misconception in this world. I've also read statistics that chubby kids make chubby adults....As far as the MIL goes, get lots of facts and statistics and continue to stand up for yourself and your baby. Your breastmilk has EVERYTHING your baby needs and is best for YOUR baby! You Go Girl!

wow, your MIL sounds completely misinformed! Have you seen the La Leche League webpage? They have tons of information and support for breastfeeding moms. Of course there is nothing better you can do for your baby. Don't supplement, stick to your guns and refer her to the experts so you don't have to take her on. I would probably cite your pediatrician as supportive of your breastfeeding if she needs to hear it from an authority!
I'm sorry you have to deal with her, good luck!

I got some great advice from my mother-in-law last week. She said that you need to do whatever you feel is right for your kids no matter what anyone else thinks. After all you are their support and resource, not everyone else. This is from my mother-in-law that smokes heavily and so she has only seen my 8 month old premie twice now because I cannot/will not bring her to her house due to her challenges with her lungs. I have been feeling like my inlaws were going to hate me because I refuse to take my daughter down there and she basically told me to not worry about anyone else other than my immediate family (husband and kids) and let everyone else worry about themselves and deal with their own thoughts/opinions. So with all that said, sorry so long winded, I forward to you my mother-in-law's words. Do what YOU feel is right for your child, not what anyone else says you should do. Hope this helps.

L.,

Yes, most breastfed babies are a bit more trim. As for your mother in law, mine did the same. I now have a perfectly healthy NORMAL 4 year old (a bit advanced actually) with amazing ability to fight off viruses thanks to breastmilk. You know whats best for your child, don't let anyone change your mind. If weight is an issue for your little one (your childs pediatrician is the best to answer that question) however, the LaLeche League can help you with suggestions to change your diet to aid your little one in gaining some. I'm sure you're doing a fine job, do your best to ignore the comments and realize this is YOUR child, you are doing whats best. Big pat on the back for doing whats best for your baby :)(the WOW index states about 14 pounds is normal...the chart is in kilogram form) that link is here in case you need it. http://www.who.int/nutrition/media_page/cht_wfa_boys_z_0_...

Every baby is different. My son is very large and people tell me my baby is too fat. You doing what you want for your child is the right thing. Unless your doctor says otherwise it doesn't seem like you have anything to worry about. (Easier said than done I know.)

Take some deep breaths...Your baby should be fine. Is your Doctor concerned? Formula is loaded with bad fats and this is why (my opinion) some bottle fed babies weigh more. But not always. Every baby is different.

Thank her for her concern. You will take it under advisement and discuss with your doctor. It is tough but I believe she isn't trying to be malicious. It is hard to not get into it but be at peace with your decisions and thank others for caring so much about you and your baby that they freely give advice.