Feeling Overwhelmed with 2 Year Old and 8 Month Old

Sweetheart, definitely put them on a schedule. Kids do like schedules as it gives boundaries & a sense of security. (until they are teenagers, then parents know nothing! LOL) Plus it will give you sanity. Work in one on one time with your 2 year old when the baby is asleep and definitely work a nap/quiet time for them both so YOU have some time for you. It won't be a great amount of time but enough to keep your head on straight. Would your 2 yr old enjoy a mothers day out program? Might be good for her to mingle with some others children and give you a little time. Best of luck, I know it seems rough, but this too will pass. You are GREAT Mother!!

Hey J.:)
I know you are going to get amazing advice from mom's of many children but I thought I would throw in my two cents. I think a schedule sounds great if you have the energy to do it! I have a really active high energy 18 month old boy and I think about how to keep up with him when we have our next one a lot. I think keeping your daughter busy would help a lot. I was watching some stuff on pbs that suggested buying a roll of that brown paper and putting over your whole kitchen table and either making some finger paints or buying them. Maybe you can just put your 8 month old in a bouncer she finds stimulating and have some fun paint time with your two year old. You know just have maybe one activity per week with your older one that is special. I take my little guy to the library for a toddler sing a long, it is free and he loves it. I see mom's with their toddlers and little babies there a lot and acutally both little one's have fun. I would say with a schedule, go easy on yourself. You know like say Monday- craft(you can go online and finds tons of craft ideas to do at home), Tuesday-library, Wednesday-outing of some sort like the park or a cone at Mcdonald's whatever, Thursday-free day at home, Friday-grocery shoppin. Just something maybe to go by but not something that is so rigid you don't have time to get any housecleaning done etc. I think if you two year old has just a little special mommy time and is stimulated it might work wonders. Best wishes and hang in there you do have a lot on your plate right now but you are doing great!

Hi J.-I have a little girl that will be 3 next week and a boy that is 16 months old. She is very strong willed and he is shaping up yo be the exact same way! I think a schedule sounds like a great idea. Your older daughter will have something to look forward to and maybe you can find a bargaining/reward somewhere in your schedule that will work with her...if my daughter is not getting ready for bed/cleaning-up/dragging her feet in general she may lose one of her books before bed(we usually read 3...so she only gets 2). If you can get your older daughter in a Mother's Day Out program...it is great! My daughter goes 3 days a week, so I have a few hours to get some thing done with only 1 child in tow, plus I can spend some quality time with my son. I know about being a perfectonist...I have had to let alot go, too. If you don't belong to a play group....try to find one. That helps keep me sane. I have something to do during the week with others. Another support that has helped me is MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers). If you google it, you can go to the website and find a meeting in your area. They usually meet 2x a month and they have childcare during the meetings (so you have 2 hours or so with other adults without kids). I have met some really nice people and they may have play dates during the week....or a Mom's Night Out....things like that. Plus you can connect with others that are in your same situation. Good Luck!

Hi J.,

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am probably going to say the same things that other mothers have, but I figured if you heard it from many people, it would make you feel more secure. I have 4 children, 4 yo and 1 yo daughters, 3 yo and 4 mo sons. I was a head-strong Accounts Payable Clerk when I got preg with #3. We moved to Virginia and I stayed home to raise the kids. Boy was that a huge transition. My oldest son, just turned 2 at the time our 2nd daughter was born, did the same thing your 2 yo is doing. It was a very difficult time for me, especially since we were living with my in-laws at that time. So, stress was inevitable. Basically, over the past year and a half, I have been learning a lot. I never had structure for my kids. I now see how much of a mistake that was. I have learned that consistency is important and so is a structured day, no matter the age. Kids feel more secure with structure, so they are usually better behaved with a structured atmosphere. I just got the Duggar's book where they write about how they raise their family of 21 (now 18 kids, plus one daughter in law). One thing that I have read (I'm not finished) is that she (Michelle) gives the young children "blanket time" so that if she is in the middle of something and cannot get up to train them, they stay on the blanket so that she can keep an eye on them. She specifies in the book how she trains them to stay on the blanket. That way, when she's nursing, or having a conversation and needs no interruption, the kids remain on the blankets. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but if your daughter is acting up, you probably should put the baby down and correct her, right when it happens, making sure that the correction is unpleasant for her. At her age, spanking is probably the most effective if she is a strong-willed child (my oldest son is the most strong willed child I've ever met!) However, spanking is to be used with caution, making sure that there is plenty of love shown between the spanks. Spanking should not be "the last resort". Also, make sure that you are spending quality one-on-one time with your 2 yo. She will then understand that she gets attention just like her baby sister does. My 1 yo is jealous of our infant, so when I can, I give her plenty of loving attention. That does help me when I must focus on him. I read this book written by James Dobson titled "Temper your child's tantrums", and I have a book from him titled "The Strong-Willed Child". I haven't read that one yet, but am planning on it. The first had some good tips on how to train your child at an early age, specifying on what he has found to be most effective for each age group. I suggest you read those. Also, another WONDERFUL parenting book I have found is "Parenting: An Heir Raising Experience" written by Mary Glynn and Sam Peeples. Has so much wonderful information. I'm sure you are overwhelmed with your work and having 2 small children, so I can tell you that it may be hard now, but if you train them right now, it will be so much easier for you in the future! My 4 yo is pretty much self-sufficient and has made things so much easier for me (except when she's fighting with her brother :) ). I hope I made you feel a little better. Just know, you are not alone and there are plenty of other mothers out there that have mastered child raising, that you can go to for advice. If you have any questions for me, please feel free to contact me. Good luck with everything, and God Bless you and your family.

J.

J. -
I have 2 girls..7 & 11 (yes, I survived that time!)...
I have always believed in "scheduling" if you want ANY sanity in your life and your husbands! I am suggesting you find a YMCA daycare for a day or 2 out of the week...to get you out of the daycare routine and find WHO you are, again.
It is amazing what time away from one another does...like sanity and a new fresh look on things.
Yes, you may encounter "tears/hardships" dropping off...but in the long run it will be better for all of you, I promise.
Just a thought.
Before you know it...you will be me...sweating exams in Jr. High! :-)

I would like to send you a couple of parent tip articles on sibling rivalry and the new baby. You can respond to my message or call me, ###-###-####. Our parent support services are free---we're a non-profit agency with over 25 years of service to Metro Houston families. I can email them to you or put them in the mail.
Also, here's a link to another blog where they're discussing books and tips for this: http://www.naturemoms.com/blog/2008/04/29/parenting-stron...

Hi, sorry I didn't have time to read all the responses, I just wanted to say that in my background teaching parenting classes, one of the things we told the parents was to rely on 're-direction' and 'positive guidance,' rather than punishment. In re-direction (which is kind of like distraction!), you would simply come up with another activity for your 2-year-old to be engaged in when she starts to behave in an undesirable way. So, when she is telling you to put the baby down and getting upset that you won't, perhaps ask her if she would like to go for a walk around the block with you and the baby, or you could offer to set up a playdate with a friend, or if you allow tv, ask her if she'd like to watch her favorite show/movie. Anything to get her mind off the behavior she's engaged in. You are a former professional, very organized individual, so I'm sure you can also come up with some activities ahead of time that you can suggest BEFORE the misbehavior starts. This is positive guidance. For example, my four-year-old LOVES to paint, so if I know I need to make some phone calls or help one of my older children with homework, I will simply get out the watercolors and paper and arrange everything on the newspaper-covered kitchen table and ask her if she'd like to paint. She NEVER says 'no,' and it usually gives me a good half hour to tend to what I need to do. I have thereby avoided the negative behavior altogether. I know it is overwhelming (I've been there!), but you will get through it, and if you can apply some of your professional skills and creativity to your new 'job,' it will go much smoother! Good luck!

Hi! I am not quite in your situation yet, but I have a 3 yr old and a 2 mo old. The thing I have found that works most of the time, and I was told this by many moms that have dealt with this, it that the older child needs the majority of the attention in a bad situation. They NEED consistency in feeding, schedule, discipline. In order to do this, I have little places all over the house to put my baby when and if my 3 yr old requires one on one attention. I find that the older on is more sensitive etc to me not being there, where as the little one can fuss a little and not be worried about it hours later. Also, I was told not to ever use the baby as a reason I cannot do something.. so instead of saying I can't play with you right now b/c I am changing "Baby". You say I will play with you as soon as my hands are not busy. That way it takes some of the negativity away from baby. Also, I have found that special Mommy dates work well. I will take my son with me to the grocery store, park, lunch on weekends, and it makes him feel VERY special to be the big boy that gets to go with mommy. All you can do is your best, I hope that helps a little.. I know an 8 mo old is ALOT different than a 2mo old, but I hope some of it might apply.

I really know what you are going through! I have a boy that is 2 1/2 years old that is extremely strong will and a little girl 3 months old (almost 4).

I will let you know what has been working for me.

My first advice will be that if it is possible, on Saturday that your husband can take care of the kids or one day just give yourself a babysitter and go take a very good massage (and manicure and pedicure and anything else you can afford) at least four to six hours just for yourself. That will help you to start again.

I know you said that you are being good at relaxing but if you are overwelmend maybe I don't think you are doing it enough.

My second tool is a book that REALLY WORKS! and it is called 1-2-3 Magic (a lot of mothers in mamasource recommend it too) if you follow it, it really, really work.

And you mentioned something, consistency, it is very important, and in a lot of cases is the key to get your kids to obey and just start doing things in sort of automatic. Sometimes being consistent or to stop what we are doing to correct our kids or to do something else with the big one is very inconvenient but it pays.

I've talked with my friends and warned them that I am in phase with the big one that I really plan to deliver what I say, so if we are in a playdate and I tell my boy that if he doesn't behave we are leaving.... we are really leaving even if that means that I have to cut my visit (or my lunch or party)with my friend short too.

And yes, schedule, kids like and feel safe with schedules. It is good and very important for everybody in the family.

I hope this helps! I used to cry and cry of frustration but everything got much better.

Good luck!
M.

Oh boy, do I know how you feel. First your 2 year old is definitly old enough for a schedule, they actully like to have one. She is also smart enough to know how to push your buttons. Try to remain calm with a stronger voice when she is being negative towards the little one. She too is still little, which is probably part of her frustration. I suggest when the baby is down for a nap you try to read , color etc with the 2 year old so she feels like she is getting equal attention. Its not an easy job staying home. You are not alone, it just seems very overwhelming at times. They grow so freakin fast, so slow down and enjoy the good, the bad and the ugly of it all. Dont worry too much about the house either, unless your expecting Brad Pitt I wouldn't worry about the small stuff. Maybe include your 2 year old in helping with diaper changes and feeding etc.
good luck