Feeling Overwhelmed by Nursing (Only 9 Weeks In)

K....dont feel alone...a lot of Mom's have "issues" to deal with in nursing. Have you contacted your local Le Leche league??? They are so supportive and have so many great ideas. I nursed all three of my girls ( many many moons ago...the "baby" turns 25 next month!!) and I had such a wonderful experience with it..but there were the ups and downs to it. Now my oldest is nursing her first...and loves every minute of it...although I know she has her "moments". Keep reminding yourself of the benefits of nursing...best ready supply of absolutely perfect food for your little one....no getting up to prepare a bottle in the middle of the night...and best of all..that wonderful closeness that you have while you are nursing...there is nothing better in the world as far as I am concerned!!! Do you bring your little one to bed with you at night to nurse??? I used to do that...and I know my daughter does....she can drift back to sleep while he eats. Believe me...your life is controlled by that precious little bundle of yours right now...whether you are nursing or not!!! Relax...enjoy getting to know him...babies grow up SO quickly...just enjoy every minute of this and work on buiding memories!!! You are not alone in this...women have dealt with breast feeding issues since the Garden of Eden...lol...so relax...look for some support either online or at a local La leche league...the La Leche league is made up of other nursing mothers who will understand EXACTLY what you are going through!!!
http://www.llli.org/ that is their website.
Good luck and kiss that little baby for me!!!
R. Ann

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I can understand your feelings. I wish I could give you advice. When my son was born, I was too uncomfortable about the idea of nursing. When my second son was born, I wanted to but changed my mind before he was born. During my 3rd prenancy, I knew that I was going to nurse, no questions about it. Right after she was born, she took to it like a champ. In the hospital room I was surprised by the cramping, I did not expect it, but was determined to get through it. At home she seemed to want to nurse all the time but the minute my mild let down she would spit me out. Every 45 minutes to an hour she was at my breast. I was cracking and bleeding, she was crying a lot and together the two of us were miserable. I had someone from leleche come to the house and she talked to me, it was supposed to help but I felt more inadequate after she left. I took my daughter into the bath tub with me and we sat there, I began to nurse her and my nipples hurt so bad that the tears ran down my face.

I decided we both needed a break, it had only been 3 weeks but I needed some sleep and I was sure that she was not getting enough. She was always trying to nurse and then spitting me out, she seem unsatisfied. I gave her a bottle, she slept for the first time for 3 hours. She slept and I slept. I gave up nursing.

To this day I wish I had been able to nurse her, but at the same time I know that I did what was best for us. The guilt is over whelming when you are in the middle of it. The guilt of not being a good mom, not being able to do what I was created to do, it all seemed so overwhelming. At first I told myself I was trading sleep, and my nipple comfort for my babys health.

I realized after the first week that I made the right choice and the guilt subsided. That is until I hear of someone who makes it sound so easy. She is 21 now and I still wish I could have been better at it. The upside is I only regrett it for a few minutes and then it is gone, she is a beautiful healthy young lady.

I guess there is no real advice in this, other than to say that every baby and mom is different. After all of the advice comes in, do what is best for the two of you, guilt comes from within and only lives as long as we let it. I tell myself that everytime it creeps back in, then I kick right out the door. I wish you the very best, for you and your little one.

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It is completely natural to feel overwhelmed. Don't feel bad about it. If this is truly what you want to do then you can do it. you are nine weeks in so you may try pumping and have dad give him a bottle. Do this when you are out of the house though, sometimes babies won't take a bottle when they can smell mom around. then take some time to yourself, go for a walk, go see a movie with some friends, get a manicure, whatever makes you happy. When you get back you will feel better which is better for you and for baby. I know you feel like nursing is taking over your life, I've been there, my daughter nursed every 45 minutes to an hour for the first four weeks (all I did was sit on the couch and feed the baby.) However, if she was formula fed then you may have more space between feedings but you will also have to spend time preparing and storing the formula, and washing bottles and all the other 'stuff' that comes with that. your life will still be ruled by a little tiny person who wants to be fed all the time.

Don't fret, be strong. It will get better in just a few more weeks. Try to take a break for yourself and just unwind. And always take comfort in the fact that you are doing what is best for your baby. Good Luck!

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K.,
You should be very proud to have made it to 9 weeks, truly you've made it through the roughest part. I have now nursed two boys and remember how tough and overwelming those first 8 or 9 weeks are in general and then to put nursing issues on top of that, it can seem like a ton of pressure. If you really did and do want to breastfeed then don't give up yet you've just about made it to the point that it gets easier. The ONLY reason I stuck with nursing my first son is because I joined a breastfeeding support group at the hospital. I met great friends and realized others were going through the same things and having the same questions I had!! Check for a support group it really does help. I would also suggest not stopping on a whim--what I mean by that is give yourself a timeline like I'll try for 2 more weeks and reevaluate the decision then. I hope it gets easier and more enjoyable soon, I do cherish the 13 months I nursed my boys!!

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I totally understand what you're feeling. I nursed my son for about 10 weeks (until I had to return to work). I felt guilty about stopping, but I was secretly grateful to stop because I really wanted my body back to myself. We give so much of ourselves as mothers, and of course you want only the best, but if you're feeling that way you don't want to get to the point where you resent the baby. There are plenty of formulas that are great for your baby too. Maybe try pumping a little more or weaning a little. If you do decide to continue nursing, make sure it's because you want to, not because you feel you have to.
best of luck

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I nursed for 15 months. My dd is now 26 months, and sometimes, I still feel trapped, because everything we do revolves around her nap and sleep schedule. I am learning that as a mom, that is just the way it goes. i want another one, because I don't want an only child, but I am getting myself ready for the fact that once again, I will be a nursing mother.

I think that we that feel stuck like this are not in a minority, but many will not say they feel this way. I also know that it is a passing phase, and in a few years, I will probably miss the intense motherhood needs my daughter feels now.

Please, hang in there and try to enjoy being needed so much, cause it will go away soon enough!

p.s. I had to use a nipple shield for the first while of breast feeding and eventually after much work, we succeeded in making it go away. Keep up the good work!

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Ok, I'm not reading everyone's response b/c well, you have quite a few...I'm going to tell you that your story is almost mine. I have 2 kids now 5 & 3. The first I could only nurse until he was 6 mos old b/c going back to work dropped my milk production to less than 4oz a day no matter what I did. Yes, I felt like a complete failure so your reaction is a normal one. Life at this point IS overwhelming for you. You went from thinking about yourself to entirely thinking about someone else...it is controlling your days/nights...but it doesn't have to. You can pump throughout the day and store it up...let your husband feed him at night. THERE IS NO CRIME IN GOING TO FORMULA!!! Breastfeeders can bash me all you want but I tried and tried...My 2nd child was 10lb 6 1/2 oz at BIRTH! I couldn't nurse her past 3 months...there was just NOTHING left...she ate ALL the time. The whole point to breastfeeding is that yes, it is really good for the baby. And it is a great bonding experience. However, you are NOT a failure for having tried it and given up. Sticking it out for a year is HARD HARD work. My BFF did it with all 3 of hers and I can't tell you how many times she's told me she's gone nearly 3 days w/o sleep b/c she just wasn't producing enough milk..blah, blah, blah.

BOTTOM LINE.... YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!! You are no good to yourself, your child or your husband if you don't. Try the pumping to give yourself a break or even a formula supplement here and there...there is nothing wrong with that. Also, when was the last time you got away from little Duke? I mean a whole day...no crying, no diapers...just you doing what you want to do...if you haven't left him with Daddy, mom, m-i-l YOU NEED TO...take a break. It'll help with your perspective too.

Oh, and K....don't get caught in the perfect syndrome. We all want perfect kids and to be perfect moms but the reality is we're all just trying our very best...give it your best and let the rest go. It's only baggage. Do what is right for you and your family. When you let the baggage go, you'll find that it's really quite liberating.

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you should not feel guilty. i only was able to nurse both of mine for 2 months because my milk never fully came in and i always had to give them formula afterward. i felt guilty for a long time like i had failed as a mother. then i came to realize that any breast milk they got from me did them good. most nurses and doctors tell you the longer you nurse the better it is for you and your baby, but i had one wonderful nurse tell me that if you are nursing and you are tired all of the time and cranky when you nurse and it is overwelming then its not always better. you have to do whats right for you and your baby, if nursing is making that bond between you a not so happy experience at feeding times then maybe its not the best thing. you have nursed for nine weeks and that is awesome and you should feel very proud.

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I absolutely hated it at the beginning, but that ended at about two weeks. Just hang in there, it is the best thing for your son. The times you are nursing are so special, times you two, and only you two, share. My daughter is 14 months and just now totally weaned... and sometimes I tear up because it's over. You will not regret sticking with it. Good luck!

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The best advice I have is just to hang in there! It does feel overwhelming at first, but it gets better, and it's so worth it. I remember after I had my first daughter, sitting on the couch, feeling so depressed and thinking, "so this is what my life is now...sitting here feeding this baby!" I just wanted to cry (and sometimes I did). It was so bad at one point, I remember looking at her, and instead of seeing my precious baby, all I could see was this hungry mouth! But I kept nursing her, and after a few months, it just became second nature. I ended up nursing her for 13 months, and I was so glad. On the flipside, my second daughter started not wanting to nurse at about 4 months. I got so frustrated and worried about her not eating that I started gradually giving her formula. After a few weeks that's all she would take. She's almost a year now, and everything's fine, but I've regretted that I didn't stick with it longer. Partly because I'm sad we missed out on the nursing experience I had with my first, and partly because I'm sad about the small fortune I have spent on formula! That being said, everyone is different. Some people are happier with formula because they don't feel so tied down. But if it's really important to you, hang in there. Right now it seems like your whole life revolves around feeding the baby, but that will change before you know it! Good Luck!

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K.
First of all, take a deep breath and give yourself credit for what you have done so far. It's tough. It would be wonderful if you could keep nursing, but at leat you've gone this far. Every little bit helps and you have to do what is right for you and your baby.

I had a lot of struggles early on as well. My son nursed at least every two hours and I was so exhausted I couldn't see straight. And I felt like all I was doing was nursing! With time it did get better. He gained weight and didn't need to nurse as much. Try calling the hospital you gave birth at and see if they have a nursing clinic. Stormont in Topeka was a lifesaver for me and St. Francis has a clinic as well. I know Stormont's was free and I think St. Francis' us to. I got tons of support and could measure how much he was getting and truly see the results on the scales and that helped me phsychologically. Or try the local la leche league. They can give tons of support and guidance. And, don't worry, they won't guilt you further. They will help support you around nursing tips ... and doing what is best for both you and your beautiful baby. And that may be bringing formula into the mix. Hang in there and don't feel guilty.

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K.-

I am a die hard, all natural girl. And I was suprised, too , when I had some negative feelings about breastfeeding. Long story short, I didn't quit (that's what was right for me), and I am still nursing my 19 month old.

When she was born, she latched OK, but not great, and when my milk came in, I was engorged. Unbelievable pain. Toe-curling pain. I cried and felt like I was failing, but with support I just kept at it. Within 2-3 weeks, we had it down... no more pain, everything was great. Then at about 8 weeks, she had a growth spurt and just seemed to be on me all the time. I learned that this is normal--- the 8 week growth spurt with additional nursing. I felt just like you described--- "trapped"--- I spent what seemed like most of my day on the couch feeding her. I had to time my outings precisely, or I would be stuck in the grocery store with a fussy baby. I nursed in the backseat of my car A LOT. I was pumping any excess milk, but I was afraid to start her on a bottle because of "nipple confusion"... I now know that with a nursing champ like her, after 8-10 weeks, our risk of nipple confusion was low. My husband finally sat down with me one day and said "let's put some of your milk in a bottle. Go out for a walk or to the store, and I'll call you if there's a problem." That was the turning point for me. After that, she mostly breastfed, but we always had a bottle or two of expressed milk ready in case I needed to go somewhere, or just wanted a break (he helped sometimes at night, too, when I was really tired). And I would take a bottle to the store so that if she got hungry, I could feed her in the cart.

So, if there is any advice in here, it's to stick with it if it's something you really want to do, but ask for help if you need it. For me, the freedom of knowing that I could have an hour or two (or several) to myself was enough to keep me from feeling trapped. And in the long run, I am grateful that I nursed her (and still am!).

Good luck & congrats on your baby boy!

Yours in health,
Dr. Alyssa

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OMG, you are the first person who has admitted feeling the way I did. Breast-feeding was the hardest thing that I have ever done! I was told to feed her every two hours, then pump right after to keep the flow going. I was miserable and sleep-deprived. Plus, after giving birth, I had no appetite and didn't eat enough, so I wasn't producing enough milk. Depression started to set in, so I called it quits after only 4 weeks. Took awhile to get over the guilt, but I did what I had to do in order to be a good mama to my new baby.

Do what you feel is right for you and don't listen to all those women who tell you to stick it out. If your quality of life is suffering, then your ability to care for your child will suffer, too. Good luck!

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I can totally relate. I used to cry when nursing my daughter. I had alot of problems nursing due to a breast surgery. My dr put me on medication to help with the supply that only made me depressed! Talk about making matters worse! The best help I got was from a lactation consultant. She came out to the house and helped us. Carol Garwood was her name. I think you can google her to get her #. She identified that my problem was that I wasn't having a letdown. I got an oxytocin nasal sparay and we worked through it and I nursed (with some formula through a nursing supplementer) till last month when I finally just dried up. Having Carol come out gave me confidence in what I was doing. I also went to Kangaroo Kids nursing mom group. I went Thursday at 12:30. Everyone that works there is a lactation consultant and helps you out for free. It also helps to vent frustration to other mothers that can really sympathize. You are doing a good thing by nursing your son, but you wouldn't be doing a bad thing by going to formula. Don't feel guilty whatever your choice. My pediatrician said to me as I sat in the exam room crying(I wanted to keep nursing exclusively but my daughter was losing weight), "I was a formula baby and look at me now, I'm a doctor." I wish you the best of luck.

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Hi K.,
You are doing a wonderful job. Kangaroo Kids offers a breastfeeding mother support group I think two times a week. I went there with my first son and it helped being around other women feeling and dealing with the sames issues I was. They are located off of Manchester Rd. Look in to it sometimes just being with other women helps. You can do this and good luck.

Give it a little longer. I hit a point where I felt overwhelmed too and all of a sudden it was just fine...Mine hit at about 6 weeks and lasted a couple weeks... I ended up nursing for 10 months (with my first baby).... Had a hard time every now and then, but it was worth it. Try to focus on your alone, special time with your baby... I know he's always hungry when you are ready to eat, or when you have company and you have to leave the room... I had to just decide to accept it and know that it was more important for my baby...Believe me I spent many hours crying and feeling left out of everything, but now I look back and would love to have that time again with my kids... My oldest is now 17 :( Time flies...If you can't continue to nurse, give yourself a break...It'll be okay. You gave him 9 weeks of nursing and that's great... Do what is best for you and your baby. Congrats on your little man...Enjoy motherhood....

This should be a happy time, and if the nursing isn't working out, don't beat yourself up. There is perfectly good formula out there, and there are millions of women who DIDN't nurse, and they are great mothers, who take great care of their kids. I nursed my oldest daughter for 10 months, my middle child for 8 , and my youngest for 6. They all decided they were done with the nursing, and we moved on. It's not the end of the world, and the more you stress about it, the more your baby will pick up on that stress. Feedings really need to be a bonding time, and enjoyed, and loved. More stress doesn't help. Good luck, and know that no matter what you choose to do, you are making the best decision you can for your baby and you. and don't let anyone pass judgements on you for that.

Best wishes!

K., hang in there. It does get better and it takes a great deal of dedication. As your little one gets bigger, he will feed not as often. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Gradually adding solids etc. will be helpful. I know how you feel-breast-fed three kids myself and felt like a walking milk machine. They grow so fast and be patient. Supplement if you have to give yourself a break too. Nothing wrong with that. Using a bottle can sometimes be a big adjustment for your little guy to get use too. The sooner the better. My one son had trouble adjusting to bottle and breast, but he was 5 months old. Every child is different.
Good luck and best wishes.

We had to use a shield too for a while (seemed like a long while) but it worked out okay. I only did it for 8 months but just b/c I would have taken her off the bottle anyway. I was always worried b/c I produced so little milk (at least when pumping it was never enough) but she ate and she gained weight and it really is so much easier. Just give it a little while longer and if you still feel this way then stop. there's no shame in trying and deciding it's not for you.

I also felt very overwhelmed at the beginning. I thought this was something natural that should be easy and easy to do while just going about the rest of my life. I finally discovered a breastfeeding support group and that has made all the difference! You discover other people who are feeling the same things as you, having the same issues as you (knowing you and your baby aren't abnormal is a huge relief!), and have had experience and successes they can share with you. After joining the nursing support group at about 3 or 4 months, I FINALLY got really comfortable with nursing somewhere between 4 1/2 and 6 months. It really will get better, the first 3 months are pretty rough (which no one tells you!), you will get into a groove, your baby will eat on a more regular basis so you will know when is a good time to get out of the house, and as you become more comfortable with nursing you can do it more in public and just be on the go without feeling overwhelmed (and it's so much more convenient that hauling around bottles and getting everything prepared!). It's hard to believe, but if you stick with it (think of this hard time kind of like practicing, with practice, it will get so much easier), and get some support, you will get some relief and feel much less overwhelmed. I hope you can find a nursing support group in your area, in St. Louis, a lot of the children's resale shops have them, as well as the WIC offices and of course, the wonderful people at La Leche League (go to www.llli.org, to find one in your area, and there should even be phone numbers of LLL leaders in your area there that you can call anytime you have questions or issues, it's free and they have all breastfed and been through this same difficult stage)! Good luck, I promise it will improve, but I know it's hard and overwhelming when you're starting out. I've been there and I feel your "pain"!

I had to use a shield when I nursed my twins and it was a very stressful experience. I lasted 7 months but I think it really effected my ability to enjoy those first 7 months since I was so stressed, felt guilty, etc.
My third child nursed great. It still controls your time and that stressed me out but it was a good experience and worth it and I nursed her to 14 months and enjoyed it.
Really, you have to do what's best for you and your baby. Formulas are fine and healthy and the relationship is far more important. You could supplement feedings with formula if you wanted to be able to maintain some milk supply and that bonding but allow yourself some freedom.
Whatever you do will be the right choice for you. Don't let anyone tell you you should do one or the other and don't feel like you are a bad mom or giving up if you decide that nursing is not working for your or your child. Do whatever is right for you and your baby and you'll be doing the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without a doubt I hated nursing! It was painful and time consuming and it felt violating to me. I tried each time and each time I didn't last more than a few weeks. I lasted 6 weeks with the last and that was the longest.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Don't let it rule your life. Get that bottle started before it's too late. It's not worth it. You and your son will bond just as well without it.

S.

K., you are not alone. In fact, I think your feelings are more normal than you know. I definitely knew I wanted to breastfeed my daughter but I had no idea how hard it would be at first! I felt like I was crying all of the time. It was so exhausting. She was the slowest eater and I couldn't make myself sleep while she ate, so I was just up all of the time. I hated it but felt so guilty that I didn't want to quit. My mother finally said to me that I wasn't doing the baby or me any good by feeling so overwhelmed with guilt. This took such a load off my shoulders. I'm happy to say that I didn't quit, but I was so close. I gave myself a goal. At first, I just wanted to get to 12 weeks. Then, I went back to work and thought I would do it as long as I had enough milk for the baby (I HATED pumping, but I did it). Then, it just started to get so easy. Honestly, I am still shocked to hear myself thinking it when I type it, but it really did. You have milk with you no matter where you go. You don't have to warm anything up inthe middle of the night. You don't have to take bottles with you when you leave the house. You don't have to wash bottles (something I HATED to do too). It just became like second nature to both of us. Sure, it does restrict your ability to do things outside the house. Actually, if you pump, it really doesn't, but I always felt that way. I always felt like I needed to be there to feed my daughter in person. I learned, however, that it was okay to pump and go out every once in a while. I started to enjoy this special time with my daughter so much, however, that I wanted to be there every time. I went from thinking there was no way I could make it to 12 weeks to breastfeeding my daughter for about 13 months. I will say that I did supplement (after 12 weeks) when I had to do so with formula. It isn't the end of hte world. Sometimes, you just need that extra sleep or someone else to watch the baby so you can go to the store, dinner, etc. and don't feel so guilty--especially if you haven't stored any pumped milk. My baby still ALWAYS preferred the breast (something I was worried about) and while I didn't have to supplement often, this worked out well on times when I just needed some alone time, etc. Good luck. The best advice I can give you is to set a goal for yourself and see if you can meet it. I just kept increasing my goal because it started to get easier and easier. Oh, one more thing. I couldn't have lived without my breast pillow. I tried the poppy and it didn't work for me. My lactation consultant (I would highly recommend you talk to one if you haven't) recommended My BReast Friend. It was a life saver. It made breast feeding so much easier and more comfortable for me!! Good luck! Know you are doing something wonderful for your baby! Take the guilt out of it, no matter what you do. That doesn't help either you or your son. Good luck!

Rekax and undferstand that you are doing the best for your baby. All else is secondary!

K.,
I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. When I had my daughter (now 4) I wanted to nurse her more than anything! We struggled getting her to latch and finally went to the shield. By week two I was ready to quit! Not that my daughter wasn't doing well, I hated it! For the main reason...my daughter was a cluster feeder. Starting at 4 p.m. until 10 p.m. she ate every half hour! It was exhausting to me. I called my lactation consultant crying about how I felt I spent all afternoon and evening with my shirt off and a baby attached to my breast! She was quick to point out that at 10 she went to sleep and slept all night, we didn't hear a peep from her until 7 a.m. (I know, I should count my blessings and I did, but at the same time...) I was fortunate in that I produced a lot of milk, she was only able to feed from one side and I pumped the other side all day, until 4 p.m. that is. She suggested allowing my husband to bottle feed some of the pumped milk during her cluster feeding time. That helped me immensely! And my husband who was truly wanting the opportunity to bond with her through feeding as well.
I am also not one that breast fed until one year! My daughter refused the breast within one week of me going back to work, so I pumped until she was 4 months old. I had no idea, I truly thought I had more than enough stored up to make it until she was 1 year. (I had a big stand up freezer pack full of frozen breast milk!) She made it until she was 8 month old and we switched her over to formula. I was thrilled with that!
My son, I breast fed until he was 5 months old and I pumped until he was 6-1/2 months old. Again, same thing freezer full, etc. He only made it to 9 months and we had to switch him over to formula. He was a harder switch, but he adjusted.
I have to very healthy, happy children. I truly believe it has to be your comfort level! Don't let anyone else tell you what is right for you. I knew the health benefits of breast milk and that was my main reason for wanting them on it. The bonding part it a nice benefit, but you can bond with your children without breast feeding! Best wishes to you and good luck! J.

I completely understand how you're feeling! I also was given a shield in the hospital and quickly used it at every feeding - no one tells you how painful learning to nurse can be!!! And I didn't know it at the time but I soon learned that using a shield decreases the amount of milk the baby gets (I think it's around 20%, but I'm not positive.) I don't know why this happens, and I got that information somewhere online, but I decided to stop using the shield cold turkey after a few weeks and my son gained 5 ounces in 3 days. Maybe you could try a day or two without using the shield at all (he's hungry - he'll eat) and see how it goes. If that's preventing him from getting enough at each feeding to feel full it could be why he's eating so often.

I really know how overwhelmed you're feeling, and I wish someone had told me to expect that. But you've been doing this for 9 weeks which is a great accomplishment! My advice would be to try not using the shield and see where that gets you. You've both certainly got a great start at nursing and I hope it works out for you. If not, just remember that the most important things are that he's healthy and knows how much you love him, and you don't have to nurse him to attain those.

Good luck!

Also, if you try to ween him from the shield remember it will take a few days for your body to regulate to that so it may be several days or a week before the feedings get longer and further between.

It is so great that you are trying to nurse your baby. It is not always easy, even though a lot of people seem to think that it should be. Babies are so demanding of our time and attention, and when they are very young they do seem to nurse all the time. Add to that the difficulties that have led you to use a nipple shield and it is easy to see how things feel so stressful right now. I would highly recommend La Leche League, both for information and support. I started attending meetings because my family didn't understand my decision to nurse and did not support me in an effective way. When I attended my first meeting I finally met other mothers who really wanted to breastfeed their babies and wanted to support each other. It was great to hear others say that it is difficult, but that you can work through it. And just being able to talk out some of my feelings made a huge difference. On the information side, La Leche League Leaders have access to tons of resources and could probably help you with the difficulties that have led to needing the nipple shield. I personally know a mother whose son needed a nipple shield for 4 months and then suddenly just knew how to nurse without it. You can check on the website www.llli.org to find groups and leaders in your area, or if you just want to talk directly to a leader now you can call 1-877-LA-LECHE and all of their services are free.

I certainly don't think that you have to nurse your baby. You have to make the choice that is right for you and your family, whether that's continuing to nurse exclusively, nursing and pumping, nursing and supplementing with formula, or not nursing at all. Your son has gotten a great start from the 9 weeks of hard work that you've already put in. I hope that some of this helps.

Contact La Leche League. They will help!! http://www.llli.org/

Hi!
Don't feel guilty-- I felt the same way, and once I finally weaned I was absolutely relieved. I didn't ever miss it. That doesn't mean quit, though-- you can get through it (I disliked most of the 14 months of nursing, actually). It helps to pump and then have someone else take a shift feeding your son if that's possible. Also, see if you can figure out positions like laying on your side and nursing so that you can relax, read a book, or watch TV. Enjoy inappropriate movies now while you still can!
And no guilt. It's HARD to have someone attached to you all the time!
A.

Have you tried pumping and and giving him a bottle (or better yet, letting Dad give him a bottle) once in a while?

Hi K.,

I am the mother of three beautiful grown daughters, now 27,25 and 22.

When I had #1, I was sure I was going to Breast feed - not to be - she was allergic! Talk about a bummer!

#2 - nursed for 45 minutes every 2 hours - after about 6 weeks of this she went on a bottle - not that she wasn't "getting" enough, she was just HUNGRY! She ate a full 6 Oz bottle every 4 hours at 6 weeks!

#3 - I just decided to "skip" the whole breastfeeding idea - a lot of people tried to tell me I would miss the Mother baby bonding - BS - I was and remain today the closest with that child!

Maybe you should try a compromise and nurse sometimes and give him a bottle at other times. Choose times to nurse when you will be able to sit and take the time and be relaxed such as first thing in the AM, nap time and bedtime - then pump and give him a bottle at the other feedings - this will also allow "daddy" to be able to bond with baby as well.

Don't give up just yet, and don't feel guilty if it doesn't work out breastfeeding - you will be just as close to your little guy if he eats from a bottle!

Good luck and hang in there!

N.

You're going to have enough guilt throughout your little guy's life (part of bein' a mom!) so just remember this mantra forever..."IT IS WHAT IT IS." Try it, and if it doesn't work...IT IS WHAT IT IS. :)

I know you have tons of responses already, but I just wanted to say that I had great difficulty and pain nursing at first, even with lots of support and more than one lactation consultant, but it got much better after a couple months, and became a great aspect of my relationship with my daughter that I wouldn't trade for anything. The hardest part is the beginning! It will not be this way always! She is going to be 4 soon and still nurses before bed for a short time. I also nurse my 15 month old mostly on demand. I guess extended breastfeeding isn't for everybody, I just wanted to say that it is a very viable option, it's so worth it, even though probably every mom feels the kinds of feelings you are feeling at some time.

K., The advice you have recieved is right on-keep trying, it does get better! Just to add my experience: at the 7 week mark, I came down stairs in tears saying I didn't think I could do this (nursing) anymore-and 3 weeks later, with a little more routine-it WAS better. #2: my little guy would NOT take a bottle and when I returned to work, his stay at home dad had to syringe feed him 2 ounces in the afternoon, after driving him down to my work for his noon nursing(from August05-Feb 09)-But I managed 14 months-the last 3 months were only AM and PM-then only PM. And the results in his health are phenomenal-and yes it IS hard and takes dedication, but well worth it if you choose to continue!
Bon chance!

READ THIS K.!

You've done a great job. Nine weeks is long enough. Formula is perfectly fine. Give yourself a break, don't feel guilty. You need sleep. You need time to take a shower. You deserve some spicy food! If you're happy, the baby will be easier. It's a learn-as-you-go deal. Nursing is different for different people just like pain is different for different people. And once you get a bottle schedule (probably 2 oz. every 4 hours?)going, it will be easier to get the baby to sleep through the night. Good Luck!

My son will be 5 months on the 1st and am still breastfeeding. Even though it has been hard and demanding at times, I will never regret doing so. I have always had to use a shield with him and in the beginning it was frustrating because I thought, why can't I do this without the shield?! It still gets frustrating sometimes because now he is getting active and pulls off and looks around and laughs at me. I just feel like stopping, but feel bad because I won't be feeding my baby. My nipples would get so sore and cracked that I def complained about giving it up, but it does get easier. He was eating like every 2-3 hours I would feel that there couldn't possibly be anything left for him since he ate ALL the time. You are not alone, good luck!!

I can completely relate. I loved the idea of nursing and its true what they say about the bonding between mother and child when nursing. But my goodness it was such a hassle!! I went back to school a week after having my daughter so pumping was necessary and then back to work when she was 3 months old. I dried up at 4 months. It was just too much work to nurse/pump, go to school, and then go back to work too. I suggest pumping and doing the bottle thing occasionally if youre feeling overwhelmed. Also, many women dont ever breast feed. Yes its very beneficial to your child's health but so is formula. Maybe not as much as the real thing but remember, your sanity is important too. To your baby and yourself. Try pumping and storing milk. At least this way you can give him a bottle during the night time feedings if you want. And then while youre feeding him you can pump if you want to. Its all up to you whatever you decide to do. Youll find something that works for you.

Dont let your guilt overcome you. Lots of mothers dont breast feed or cant breast feed and theyre children turned out just as healthy as the ones who had nursed. Dont be so hard on yourself. Whatever you choose will be just fine. It wont hurt your baby to quit nursing! Ive heard great things about La Leche League(I think thats what its called) and they can provide suggestions for you if you still have more questions. Best of luck to you, and dont beat yourself up over this!!

I only nursed my twins for 2 weeks. When I was pregnant, I was adamant that I was going to breastfeed, but things didn't work out as planned. When I stopped, I immediately felt guilty, but they are both happy, healthy little boys now. At 21 months they are almost 3 feet tall and 30 pounds.
My point is, you have to do what's best for you. If you want to keep breastfeeding, keep at it, if you want to give it up (or even supplement) go for it. Some may criticize your decision, but you will make the decision that's right for you and your baby. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or trapped.

it is very overwhelming...I only nursed and pumped my baby for 3 months...they say the most important time is between 8-12 weeks...but after I introduced formula she was much happier because there was not much work on her part and she ate more at a feeding and less feeding times thru out the day...there is nothing wrong with formula...if you are a busy Mom it is a commitment...and if you return to work...you pump during the day...that is why I stopped there was no spot I could go to and pump...I weened her off by mixing nursing and bottle it took about a week...don't feel guilty...if anyone does then shame on them...

I felt so burdened by nursing for what felt like forever while nursing my daughter. I can't remember when it actually got better, but it did. I nursed her for 9 months and after the pain of nursing subsided (after 2-3 months, I'm thinking), I thoroughly enjoyed it. I would pump some so that other people could help with her feedings if I knew we were going somewhere. But sometimes, I just enjoyed being the only one who could feed her. Especially around my MIL who wanted to do everything and just got on my last nerve. It was nice when my baby got hungry, and Grandma couldn't do anything to help... Mommy was the only one who could save the day!

K.,
I know exactly how you are feeling. Nursing sometimes seems like it controls your days and nights - don't feel guilty. You have made the right choice to nurse your son and that alone should alleviate any guilt you are feeling - he will have an amazing headstart with the immunity booster you're providing him. I went through the same thing with my first daughter (we're about to have our third). The first had latch-on problems so the "lactation consultant" recommended the use of a shield, which we both became addicted to for about 3 months. But it was when I finally let go of the shield that nursing became both more comfortable and more natural (and it took a week or two to get used to). But once it starts to feel okay, you can begin to not despise it and relax and start to understand that giving your baby that 20 minutes or so is the best gift! And yes, nursing for a year or more seemed an incredulous journey that I would never embark upon, but I nursed the first for 13 months and the second for 14 months. Find things to do during this 20-25 minutes, like reading, knitting, watching a favorite program or chatting softly on the phone to a friend. You can begin to feel that nursing is very natural, but you have to be able to relax (once any pain subsides!). Good luck, and perhaps think about visiting a lactation specialist - maybe they can help. Good luck and try to stick with it, but recognize that if you don't, you're still a wonderful mama. Take care,
K.

Good Morning K., It is normal to feel over whelmed at times. it's just part of being a great mom. It takes time to Slow down & relax. It's OK to feel this way! You can talk to your OB if it is really bothering you K..
Enjoy your cuddle time, bonding time, just plain ole Loving Duke time. I lasted less then 3 wks with our eldest son, he just wouldn't latch on good and in the hospital when I asked for help the nurses would just tell me I was lazy and take him to the nursery and give him a bottle. grrrrrrr They got a nasty letter when I left. Our second son would of probably been a great little latcher. But with the first experience I didn't even try. So sad too. I had several G/F's try and help me relax and help me with the first, I just couldn't get it. They turned out ok though. Our DIL's did great nursing, even when it was painful and stressful for one of them.
One DIL said she felt like a milking machine sometimes and would smile as her baby boy nurses.

It can help sometimes if you want to pump and give him a bottle, you are still holding him but maybe dad would enjoy feeding Duke once in a while and you could soak in bubbles.
Relax K. and just continue to be a Wonderful NORMAL mom.

God Bless on your new little Man
K. Nana of 5

CONGRATULATIONS ON 9 WEEKS OF NURSING! WONDERFUL JOB! YOU ARE DOING GREAT! I completely agree with all the previous comments, but I really just wanted to reiterate that you should be proud the 9 week accomplishment. Just take it a day at a time & remember to enjoy motherhood.

Hi K.! Oh, do I know how you feel. I have a now 6 mo. old son. I have just completely weaned him to formula. We had weight gain issues early on, although he was 8 lbs. 4 oz. at birth. After 3 mo., he had gained fewer than 3 lbs. So, I started supplementing with formula to get some weight on him. I so desperately wanted to only bf him. I didn't have an easy time of it with my almost 3 year old daughter, either. Mostly b/c I was a nervous new mom. I was also surprised at how "difficult" it was. There were times I almost dreaded the baby wanting to eat, b/c I knew it was going to be painful :( And that stressed me out even more. I had intended to nurse much longer, and still do feel guilty sometimes about it. BUT, I have to do what is best for my son and myself. He needed something else to gain weight. I was trying to pump, but my milk supply just cont. to dwindle down and it became an almost neurotic task for me. So, I decided what he needed was a happy, relaxed and fun mom! I am proud that I was able to nurse him for the time that we did, not that I don't still feel a twinge of guilt every now and then. But, he is happy, healthy and growing into such a beautiful boy!!

I empathsize with you; I do know how difficult it can be trying to decide what to do!! Just know, whatever your decision, it is OK as long as it is comfortable for you and your baby boy. A happy mom makes a happy baby. If you really want to cont. bf, then do it. If supplementing some formula will help you feel not so tied down, then do it. Just be aware that your supply will decrease. And, please don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you decide not to bf. We moms beat ourselves up enough!! Good luck to you!!

I share your feelings. I wanted so badly to nurse both of my children and wound up stopping for different reasons with each child after just two weeks. Be proud of yourself for going as far as you have. I suggest the breast feeding support group at Shawnee Mission Medical Center. I also have to tell you that if you do stop know don't let yourself get caught up in guilt. As Mom's we always have to do what is best for our babies but sometimes that means making sure Mom is OK. Maybe you could try supplementing with bottles and let Dad in on some of the feeding. That might give you the best of both worlds. Your baby will be fine whatever you decide.

Nursing is a mixed blessing for sure. I want to nurse our baby until she's 1, which is next month, so I've been putting my time in for 11 months. I want to laugh when people say, "boy...it sure does go by fast." Apparently they didn't nurse their kids. Nursing means being tied to your kid constantly for multiple feedings day/night with a few hours at the most to yourself. Some people have luck with pumps, but I didn't, no matter how much I tried & wished. Once your baby is a bit older, you can wean from night feedings, which at least gives you more sleep (if you can re-train yourself to sleep through).

On the plus, you don't have to mess as often with bottles & don't have the expense of formula, but that all comes with a different kind of cost. I truly admire those willing to nurse longer than a year. You might also try attending Le Leche meetings (go online to find one near you); I go in University City & it helps. Some people, I think, just need their personal space & nursing makes that difficult. I am one of those people. Even though I've nursed my baby for 11 months, some days it still gets to me to some degree. Don't feel bad. Nursing, to some extent, is a sacrifice, but it's just one of many we'll make over the years. Nursing has so many benefits that outweigh my desire to have my body back (my baby has never been ill & is perfect weight, if not a bit thin & loves nursing) & everytime I eat dessert I'm really glad I nurse. Don't worry how long you nurse your baby; the fact that you are is great & your baby will benefit. Once you realize that it is just one of many sacrifices you'll make as a mother, you'll be at peace. I also remember a woman telling me that it's amazing to think that this time next year, I won't ever be doing it (nursing) again. That gave me some perspective. Hang in there!

Hi, K.!

I honestly think that most women get to that point, even if it is only for a moment. I could not breast feed for a full year when I wanted to. I screwed up my back really bad when my daughter was about 7 months and had to stop because I went on pain meds so that I could move. Obviously, my daughter couldn't drink that. But I felt horrible about it for months. Early on, I also had to start supplementing with formula, because she just wasn't gaining weight and it became a concern. So she got both breast milk and formula. I also felt guilty because either she wasn't getting enough from me or it didn't have a nutrients or whatever. So when I started to feel trapped I felt even more guilty. Post partum played a part in that I think.

One idea that I have for you, if you do not want to stop entirely, you could pump and use a bottle for every other feeding THAT way Daddy could get in on the action, giving you a break and he can get some really special bonding time with the little one too!

Talk to your doctor, also. This maybe part of the "baby blues.......". If the pumping thing doesn't work for you, talk to baby's doctor about supplementing. That may help so you don't have to give up entirely.

Good Luck and Congratulations! You are doing GREAT! I promise.

I just finished nursing after 5 months, thinking I'd make it to 6, but my supply and his hunger were not matching up at all for the last few weeks. What kept me going was reading about what benefits my son got from my milk and for how long I nursed him. My favorite reasoning was "Cows milk is for baby cows, Momma milk is for baby Sam!"

Hang in there, you can do it!

C.

I know you have gotten a LOT of responses but I figured I would put my 2 cents in...It IS overwhelming...not just the nursing...being a new mom is. With my older daughter I was quite overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed....I was able to nurse her through a year but it was very stressful until I realized that However I fed her, she would get her nourishment. I now have a 9 month old in addition to my 3 year old and it was much easier this time. I think it was easier because I had faith that everything changes and it gets easier. It GETS EASIER. Feedings get shorter, intervals get longer. SLEEP comes back into your life! You are right on the cusp of sleeping longer stretches but the sleep deprived brain feels as if nothing will ever change and that nothing will get easier. IT WILL. No matter how you feed your baby he will be very well nourished. If you feel like you want to keep nursing you will and if the benefit of nursing is less than the benefit of your sanity you will choose a great formula. The other thing you can do is feed part and part...nurse a few times a day and do formula at other times. Your milk supply may drop some with this but I know many women who do part and part through a year. You have freedom, you love your baby, and it is about to get easier! (Of note, if you decide to do some pumping get the hands free pumping bra on line....you can email and pump at the same time!)

K. i understand and I'm going through the same thing. My son was born October first and the experience is very pleasant however it feels like a ball in chain. I want to breastfeed for all the good reasons but I don't like the time it takes me away from completing daily work/home tasks. I'm trying to bond a little more and make it as pleasant as possible for me because he enjoys it. I went back to work after 6 weeks and finding a nipple was painful but my moms tells me he misses my nipple a lot. I've set a deadline and I'm going to wait it out!

K.,
Nursing is a lot of work! and most mom's who breastfeed only would agree with you that it controls your days and nights. The good news is, it does get better. But it takes quite a while. Once your baby is 4-6 mos. old and starts taking some solid foods, you can spread out those feedings a little and get more of a break. In the meantime, you can try pumping and having your husband give the baby a bottle, or if pumping is too much like work, try a formula bottle. It's no disgrace to supplement your breastfeeding. The stress relief for you is a gift to you, your baby and your husband.

Breastfeeding is great for your baby, but if it's just too much, it's ok to switch. The mother guilt will subside. And you might as well get used to it, because you'll feel guilty about soo many things from here on out! It's just part of being a mom :)

Nine weeks is a stressful time...you feel like you should have the hang of things by now. Don't worry, you are NOT alone. Just let go of the little things, get some rest and enjoy your baby. Congratulations!
C.