Feeling of "I Just Don't Know Anymore"

Its an easy trap to fall into! Many moms give so much of ourselves to our children that we save nothing for ourselves or partner. Not only are you short-changing yourself by doing this, you are also shortchanging your partner and your daughter (by not setting an appropriate example). Let's first talk about what this does with your man: Men feel connected through sex. They feel more intimate through sex. They feel cared for and taken care of. It's his way to trying to get close to you - the you he loves. He thinks you are beautiful, because you are. He loved you before the baby, he loves you now. You are the mommy of his baby - what a gift you have given him! My advice here is to keep him on his toes - take the inititive and YOU POUNCE ON HIM honey! lol! It'll mean much more to him that he didn't have to beg for it first! :)

Now, on to your daughter: she is going to grow and become a cool little person with her own opinions, preferences, and life experiences - do you want her to drop that when she becomes a mom? or would you rather see her continue to grow as a person even after having a baby? She is too little now, but trust me - it won't be long before she looks at the world through your example. Show her that being a mommy is one of the most awesome and humbling experiences, but that there is much more depth and spirit to you - it's the best gift you can give her.
Now: to you - if momma aint happy - no one is happy. Figure out what lights your fire and seek it out! Take some time for just you! What were your goals and dreams before having the baby? What things do you like to do that make you feel valued and fullfilled? DO IT! If you don't feel sexy - only you can fix that (ps, a little might be in your butt - a baby does weird stuff to our bodies, but the majority of it is in your head!)

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I completely understand! I am going through the same thing myself. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and 3 month old daughter. I gained 70 lbs with the 1st and never lost it all, then I gained 40 with my daughter. It's hard to want to be intimate with someone when you don't even want to look at yourself. I had to talk with my husband about how I am feeling. I usually don't even get dressed unless I am leaving the house that day. I do know that it makes me feel so much better to get up and get dressed and try to look good.
Go to the salon and get a new haircut, buy a new outfit...you will feel much better about yourself.
While it is important to take care of our children, I have found that I am a much better mom/wife if I learn to take care of myself as well. You can't be truley happy with anyone else unless you are happy with yourself.
It's also nice to know that you aren't the only one that feels this way! You are not alone!
Good luck!

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My name is T., and believe me I do understand. All too well...LOL! The only advice that I can say is Try... Nobody feels beautiful after childbirth, believe me... We gain weight, we are tired, drained and yet our children smile at us because they have no clue. If you think of the positive things in your life right now, then you will have ambition. Get some rest, quit looking at the stretch marks or the weight as a bad thing, and think of them as trophies, because there is a lot of women who would like to have kids and cant. I had to hear that from someone after my first child whom is 3 now and I also have a 19 month old. If you feel bad, then take the day off ( no makeup, nice clothes) but once you feel good, whether you have some place to go or not, dress up, put makeup on and your boyfriend will notice too. Make a plan to feel better.

Good Luck to you....

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I understand the feeling of not liking your body anymore. I am working on that myself. It is important to take care of yourself as well as your daughter though. Start working out, you can go for a jog w/ your daughter, it'll be a pain at first but you'll feel so much better, have more energy, and start feeling good about yourself again. Make a goal say 10lbs and work until you get to your target weight. I don't care what anybody says on here, I read some of the post, you can talk to your bf until your blue in the face about how you feel about your body, but he will still want to connect with you physically. I think thats a good thing though. Please don't feel as though just because you put a little time n effort for yourself it makes you less of a mother to your daughter. Think of at as setting a good example for her.

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oh my dear sweet girl. How I wish our bodies would be as loud as our alarm clocks that go off each morning to tell us exactly what to do and when to do it. However the way it really is can seem like you are playing 20 question with yourself on what is really wrong and what to do about it. You can listen to all the advise in the world and you will never do anything about it untill you are ready, truely ready. And unfortunatly that may take a while(I hope not). I don't need to be a doctor to know that what you are experiancing is post pardom depression. And it sucks. The bottom line is after haveing the baby our bodies go through so many changes, physical, mental, and chemical. Our hormons are something we don't pay to much attention to in our daily lives unless....lets be honest here, we are about to start our menstation cycle. That seems to be the only time we really notice hormons at all. But G. please listen, I have been in your shoes. I'm sorry to say it only gets worse if you don't get help from your Dr. You will put your relastionship at risk(guys really don't understand this sort of stuff),you could put yourself at greater risk of "not careing" and shut down for way to long and end up gaining more weight than you could imagin. Depression really screws us up. Everyone you speak to about this will say the samethings. Eat right, exercise, talk to your Dr. ext. ext. But all that is true and the hardest part is YOU DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Nothing will work untill you are ready to work on it and the depression is robbing you of your will power. It holds onto you so tight and says "no not right now don't exercise, get a knap instead",or I don't feel like going shopping for healthy food when I have this in the cabnit already and this is so fast and easy to make and I'm so tired....or what ever it is depression will try to take your whole world away from you. G. you have to be stronger that it. Sounds hard I know. But each moment tell your self I am worth saveing, My daughter is worth haveing a great, happy, healthy mom, my boyfriend is worth haveing a happy, and beautiful girlfriend. We are worth more than depression. So fight, fight hard and don't give up. Fight like your life depends on it. Because G., your life does depend on it. So sit and cry for awhile and then call the Dr. and get busy saveing yourself. I love you G., I don't even know you and I love you. Hang in there and remember we have been in your shoes too.

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O, boy do I understand. My son turned 1 just one week after you had your daughter. I dont mean to upset your b/f, but my b/f and I have probably had sex about 10 times throughout the year! If even that much. i feel exactly the way you do. I totally let myself go and I really think that if I never have sex again, it'll be ok. Dont do anything you dont want to do. EVER!The way a man obsesses about sex is the way a woman obsesses about their weight. If your man cannot respect you enough to understand what you are going through then you are better off without him. I hate to say that, but its true. My daughter is 8 and I was a single mother for 5 yrs with her. Best 5 yrs of my life! Now, Im with my sons father and we, sometimes, dont even sleep in the same bedroom. Not because we're arguing, but because my children want me to sleep with them. You said yourself that as long as your children are taken care of nothing else matters. That's very true. I could go without lunch or fixing my hair, or new shoes, but I guarentee you that my children always have what they need and your b/f should be proud to have such a wonderful mother to his child. Tell him to count his blessings, get his priorities straight and that maybe if he wouldnt ask for it so much, that you will give it to him more often. Take a day for yourself. Buy some new shoes. Get a haircut. And if you dont want to buy anything for yourself, then buy something for your daughter besides pampers. It'll feel just as good as buying for yourself, if not better. Good Luck and Congrats....T. PS, if your are really concerned about your body, but a nightgown that'll make you feel sexy, and just turn off the lights the next time you 2 get together.

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Sometimes as females our hormones get messed up after having a child. Try an office visit to Dr. Thomas Tong at Nature's Things in Bryan, TX off of William J. Bryan. It will be the best $100 you ever spent. I felt the same way after our 4th daughter and a trip to him and a couple of months of herbs (he is a Naturopathic doctor, not an MD - the man dislikes modern chemical medicines) I was back to normal. Until then, go up to CVS and buy some St. John's Wort tincture or tablets. Take them as recommended on the bottle. Not only are they are good source of copper but they will help stabilize your moods. There is little to no available copper in the soil in this area of TX and most of our food supply is deplete of vitamins and minerals anyway b/c of the commercial chemical farming practices in the US. So it is quite normal for us to be "off" emotionally, especially after the huge drain on the body of having a baby.

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Sorry to hear about how you are feeling. Why don't you try joining classes for the both of you or just yourself. They have day cares at the gym. My daughter was born 8/13/98. She was 4 months and 3 days when she passed to SIDS. I had gained 70 pounds with that pregnancy. My ex also told me how much he loved me, etc. I was miserable with all that weight. We had another child and he is 7. In total, I have lost 100 pounds and kept off about 85. Weight is a huge factor that can make you feel bad. It's almost a spiral effect. You have to learn to love yourself. Your very lucky to have your baby. Try to remember how it was and do your best at making it happen. Good luck to you.

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Don't alow yourself to go into a depression because it can easily happen without you realizing it. I have an 11 month old and I found myself feeling the same way you do when he was about 6 months old. There were a few things that I needed to ghange in order to start loving and taking care of myself again. Remember that if mommy is not happy babies will feel the vibe. Try these things.

1. How is your spiritual Life?- I noticed that when I strayed away from God and His teachings that I had no sense of purpose.

2. Start a regular exercise routine.-A lot of gyms offer daycare centers so you can pack the little up and go get your work out on. You will see your energy level increase and that baby fat decrease when you start working that body out.

3. As new moms I know it is hard to find time to feed ourselves so make sure that you have healthy snacks to munch on (fruit, veggies, nuts). Also drink plenty of water. I use Crystal Light flavors to trick myself into thinking that I am drinking juice.

4. Let dad watch the baby and you go to the mall, library, or maybe treat yourself to get your hair done. You will enjoy the pampering and it will give you time away from the family and all moms need that ever once in a while.

5. I was a stay at home mom and I notice d that I was losing a sense of who I was. I started my own business of keeking kids at the house whick helped my husband with the bills and kept me busy. When my son turned 10 months old I decided to join corporate America again and I am glad I did. It got me out the house,making money, and moomy looks good in her suits compared to the sweats and ponytails I would wer all day.

Finally make sure you talk to someone. Moms can not be superwoman. Express your feelings without guilt, and know that it is okay to ask for help. God bless you and your family.

First talk to a doc about Post-partum depression. Then get out and go for a walk around the block once or twice a day. Put the baby in the stroller and go out for just 20 or 30 min at a time. The sunlight and fresh air will do wonders. It's also go for the baby. When you're at home, don't watch too much TV. Put the radio on instead. I feel more energized and am more likely to move around when it's on. If I have the TV on, I just want to sit and veg. out. Look for a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group to join also. There is usually at least one in most towns. They have discussions and do crafts. There is childcare for the kids. There is usually a small one-time fee per year. So it isn't expensive at all. From a group like this you may get invited or be able to start your own weekly playgroup. I felt like you do when I had my first. It was like we hibernated at home and didn't do much. I know I was depressed and staying in didn't help. When she was 9 months I finally joined a MOPS group and got her in to a Parent's Day Out program twice a week. Those were the best things I ever did. Also, once you get a little exercise and mingle with other Moms you'll feel better about yourself. That will lead to feeling better about your relationship with your boyfriend. Also, get a babysitter once a month or so and have a date night. It'll help you recconnect.

I've been there. It may be a post partum depression. But i believe the best way to handle it is by working out. But also by realizing on how far you want it to go.

If you've gained weight after your baby and don't start losing soon. It can get harder later in the years. Starting walking at the park with your baby and boyfriend. Or have him spend quality time the baby while you are walking around the park or while you go to the gym. All it takes is 30 minutes to an hour a day.

I notice what really worked for me is walking and coming home and work out to billy blank's boot camp. Now that is a work out. But i lost up to 20lbs in one month. Not only that but eating healthy will help tremendously.

But unless you feel comfortable with your self than all you need to is to beautify yourself. Get your hair and nails done. Go shopping and get you some nice clothe that you will feel comfortable and bring up your self-esteem.

Hello There and Welcome to Womanhood and Motherhood.

Congratulations on your beautiful 6 mos baby girl! It's a wonderful experience being a mom.:D. You sound like a great mom and I am very happy for you. What you described is a very normal and very natural thing that most women go thru after having our baby. Our body will never be the same!:( But remember that it does get better. You just had your baby only 6 mos ago. That's still a short time. Give yourself a little bit more time and besides, the hormones are not back to normal yet. The hormones are very powerful. They really affect and influence your thoughts and feelings. It's easy to be tired and sad about your body from everything that you are going thru. It other women can get thru this so can you.
Take that extra 10-20 mins. a day to apply some makeup and fix your hair. It's amazing what it does you mentally and phyically. Call a family members or frien s who would love to hear from you and for you to share your feeling. Even better if it someone with kids so that she can understand what you going through. Don't be out of reach with socialization with others. When you are happy, your baby can always sense it first. Your baby girl will go up and being positive and happy are great things to rub off to that cute baby of yours.

Well, G. R. Good luck and with time, things will be better. Sounds like you got a good guy there with you so just open up to him. Let him know that it's not that you are attractived to him but that you feel...:D.

Enough said. I am due with my third baby anytime soon and I sure love motherhood but this is definitely my last:D.
A lot of my girlfriends and even myself have experience what you are going through now. They all passed the stage so I hope this is help for you as well. Take care and good luck to you.

K.

Read the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Slesinger (sp?). I know your not married but since you have a daughter together you should think about doing that for her. The book itself is for a wife but I read it before I got married and it helped me be less selfish and take care of my man and child.

Hope that helps.

I think that you should have time for both your baby and your relationship, I know that having a baby is the most wonderful thing that you could ever had, but you should not forget about yourself, if you do not feel comfortable with the way your body looks right now, you should try make you look better, maybe a diet. Dont forget that your relationship is also important. I hope this comment can help you a little
B.

I feel you but let me tell you something when I had gained all my weight it was not because I was having a baby it was just due to low self-esteem. I too had a man that loved me for who I was and not what I looked like and he would try time and time again to prove it more then he would say it. He would want so much from me like taking a shower with him and all those cute little things but I felt so discusted with myself I could never do such a thing. With me feeling this way I ended up pushing him away and that ended that relationship, but it did not stop there it ended a lot of my relatioships till I finally put my food down and said I really had to do something to turn my life around. Believe me when I say even a little weight loss helps. I was 225lbs. and when I lost my first 5lbs. I was so happy for myself inside and out. My self confidence had come back and I found myself again. Now a year later and even a baby later I am @ a healthy 155lbs. and I feel so good about myself. I am happy I can see my feet, I can walk up stairs without being winded and I have confidence. I am happy and my face and skin tone is just fabulous!! Just remember when you do it for yourself its not as hard as you doing it for someone else. Good luck!!
T.

Welcome to Motherhood! I go through waves of the same stuff all the time! But I do know that if I work out, watch what I eat just a little bit and occasionally fix myself up then I feel TONS better. Just working out can make you "feel" skinny. I don't pay for a gym or anything but I take my little girl (born on August 13 of 2006 :) on walks - a beautiful thing about Texas- or I do Pilates dvds during her naps or after she's gone to bed. I didn't loose all my baby weight till she was 9 months or older. I started running (an old favorite) because I had a great running partner and that gave me an excellent jump start! Best wishes!

I understand exactly how you feel. This was how I felt after my first baby. I thought I was so gross looking, and my poor husband really didn't see any of the things that I saw. He loves you. Do you see any of the problems he has physically? I'm sure he sees them, but when you love someone, you don't see them.
About feeling better, though. If you will walk just 15-30 minutes a day, I guarantee that you will start feeling better about yourself. You get so caught up in that little one that you stop thinking about what YOUR body needs. Just put her in the stroller. I'm sure she needs the fresh air just as much as you do. Heck, invite your boyfriend to come along and you all can take walks as a family. You'll get some time to talk to him, get exercise and all of you will benefit from it. Also, drink as much water as possible!! The more water you get, the faster your body can heal itself, physically and emotionally. Science is only just recently beginning to understand all of the AMAZING capabilities that water has, and that water can do for your body. Not to mention, our bodies are mostly water anyway and we tend to expend a lot of it during the day anyway, from the work our organs do.
Anyway, I promise you that you will benefit from this tremendously. Take care of yourself, otherwise you won't be able to take as good of care of that baby! God bless!

Hi girl! I know exactly how you feel. My baby is 6 mths old too and I also went through the same thing with my boyfriend I didn't want to anything with him not even kiss him! All I wanted and cared about was the baby. I looked like a mess all the time and was irritated when others commented on my appearance and it made me feel worse! I finally had to sit down and take a good look at myself in the mirror. Most of these women are right you have to find something you love about your self now...you're a mother and there's nothing sexier to a man then the woman who just had his baby. It's the greatest gift you can ever give him. So you gained a few pounds it's just more of you to fill out your shirts and jeans! Be proud of it you've done an amazing thing giving birth to that cutie! And don't think you can change over night we're humans all you need is baby steps...instead of pj's all day try just jeans and a t-shirt...make-up...try just the basics a little powder mascara and gloss...And it is true, what you think about urself is what ur little one is going to mimick as well so show her you are beauiful no matter what! I'm not a doctor so I won't say you have PPD that something you may need to talk to yours about. If it ever does get to the point where you want to harm her or you please seek help. But honestly I think you have the BABY BLUES...it's not like you don't care about your baby...she's all you care about but you need to care about you too...she'll love you for it and it's not being selfish. I know it was long but I just wanted to try and help...I hope this is useful to you, write me if you ever need to talk, sometimes all we need most is a friend to help us and encourage us!
GOOD LUCK!!!!

What a common feeling! Well, I have found that sometimes you just have to fix yourself up FIRST and the sexy beautiful feelings will follow. Get a new hairdo, and go to Ross for a new dress or something. Then fix a candelight dinner for you and your BF. It can be simple but show that you care and you're trying. I have gained 60 lbs since I got pregnant with my first, talk about depressing! AND I have a nasty scar from my naval to my pubic line from a c-section. Yet my husband still finds me attractive. :) Sometimes getting 'in the mood' is difficult but I have always found that if I make the effort, the feelings will follow!

It sounds like you're in a rutt, or you might be suffering from a little post-partum depression. It's not always completely obvious. I'm not a nurse or a doctor, but after I had my son (now 7) I just was not myself for over a year. I was completely stressed out, tired, moody, irritable, you name it. After some time had passed and I got back to "normal", I looked back on that year and couldn't believe how I was acting. I just wish I had talked to a doctor when I was feeling that way. Depression can take away your sex drive, and it can also drain you of energy to exercise or "primp" or whatever - not to mention the fact that you're taking care of a baby day and night. There's usually not a lot of energy left for sex anyway!

Also, it sounds like your boyfriend is still adoring you. You are your worst critic - it's true! Get out and walk the baby in the stroller every evening, or get an exercise video that you can do while the baby is napping. It will boost your energy level and your outlook on things. Things will get better; sometimes you just have to take that first step. Hang in there, and remember that you are beautiful!

I think almost every single new mother can relate to what you're going through! My "babies" are now 21 and 12 (this month), but I can still remember when they were little. I remember feeling "touched out" -nursing, holding, rocking, etc., by the time their dad got home. Sex and affection for my husband was the LAST thing on my mind-it wasn't even ON my mind. It seems that all my giving had gone to my baby. I was completely in love with both my babies. It took time to make room for my husband-it is a huge adjustment.
It sounds like you have a loving guy-he is adjusting to this huge change, also. Be patient with yourself. You sound like a loving, giving mother. You and your man will adjust to this new wonderful baby and how she affects your relationship with each other. Tell him how appreciative you are of him. Take care...this is a transition period and all three of you will be fine.. Be sure to keep the communication open with your guy.
Good Luck-Hope this helps1
D.

BTDT and also agree w/ PP. If you are BFing, though, you need to make sure that any non-Rx meds you take are safe for your little girl.

I have resource used by Lac specialists that I can look some of these up in. Email me if you'd like.

Still, Rx meds have been around longer w/ a lot more history to show which ones are safest for the baby.

Hugs and blessings~C.

Don't feel too bad, your little girl is only 6 months old! They say it takes a year to get your body back after having a baby and if you are nursing you probably don't have much desire for other contact. After I had my little girl, who is now 5, I felt like I had 'let myself go' for a long time too. Her father loves you the way you are and if he is a decent guy he will be patient while you get yourself and your sex drive back. Honestly I don't think I was interested in sex again until my girl was around 2. It takes time and caring for your tiny baby is and should be your priority. I think what helped me most was going to the gym and the fact my man was patient with me while I got myself back together. You can connect in other ways besides sex too. Listen to him, laugh at his jokes, have fun together and with your little girl. If you love each other it will all work out.
Hang in there, it just takes time!

Hormones, hormones, hormones! This feeling of not being attractive and just not wanting to be intimate is not odd. What many women and their significant others don't realize is that after having a baby (especially if this is your first or your still breastfeeding) is that your body is out of whack and your hormones are even worse then while you were pregnant.

I have a 6 month old (my third child) and I feel like I'm just now getting back to "normal". Yup, I still have a lot of baby weight I need to lose (this is fat built up from three kids... heh heh), so yes there are plenty times I feel very unattractive. What I realized is that for me, how I feel about myself physically relates to how I feel about being physical with my husband. If I don't feel attractive, no matter how much my husband tells me how beautiful I am, I will just not feel in the mood. One thing that helped me is to realize that after three kids the liklyhood of me getting back to pre-baby body is slim, but I'm trying to be okay with that. I'm slowly learning to feel attractive in this post-three kids body.
You need to tell your boyfriend how you are feeling and try to make him understand that this is really a legit. medical thing.. your not just being a "sill girl" or moody. You really are being affected by your hormones. (maybe have him read some of the replys you get?)
I would say give it some more time. If for some reason you still have this feeling of "not giving a damn" then you may want to look into post partum depression. No, you don't need to feel like you don't like your baby to have PPD. With my firt I had the same feeling of, "all I care about is my baby being taken care of and the rest of the world can just go away." After about 8 months of me not wanting to do any of the things I use to do I mentioned it to my doc and he said that I may have PPD. Long story short, 1st baby choose not to take anything miserable for a few years! (not kidding), 2nd baby same story and took meds... felt 100% better. Check into it.
Best of luck!!

this is normal, to have feelings only for baby, and not for husband. very primal and natural. it does get better, but the loathing of yourself is worrisom. i am not a pill pusher at all, i prefer to take the natural route, but you may have post partum depression, which is treatable! i went through it, a tough battle for sure. make sure you get the BEST doctor so they won't overmedicate you. also, a more natural route is to find time, make time for vigorous exercise (doesn't have to be long) and take some good quality b vitamins. get your endorphins going with the exercise, and then the be vitamins are essential because your brain cannot make seratonin (the feel good chemical) without them. do these things, becaue your baby will thrive even more if you are happy inside.

You have the baby blues, talk with your OBGYN, they can help.
All women take time to bounce back after a baby. Maybe your babies father could go with you to the Dr. If you are putting your baby first, she needs a committed union of her parents.
Security in your relationship, committment in your relationship will also help you. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is a union blessed by God. He also gave you your beautiful little girl.

G. you certainly have the "Baby Blues" you should go and see your doctor and see what your options are. I'm not a big advicate of medications, however 6 mths after having a child (not sure if this is your first or not) your hormones can still be raging... especially if you are breastfeeding.

I know that once I started getting out of the house with my son and having some sort of schedule I had a lot more energy again. Check out your local libraries... see if they have Baby Book Worms or other "Lap Baby" story times. You could check into Playgroups or other mothers groups that are free of charge. If mommy is not an issue then there are plenty of places like Little Gym, Music and Me, etc. that you can join.

Eat healthy, good foods, and enough of them. Get some excercise, walking with your baby around the block, trail, etc. will do wonders to lift your spirits!

Best of luck!

Congratulations on your little girl. I don't really have any advice, but I can relate. I always used to enjoy exercising, but there hasn't been time for that since we had our daughter. I too have gained weight and my interest in sex has been way down, especially while nursing. I try to remind myself that love is not just a feeling but a verb (I need to actively show my husband that I love him), and my daughter needs me to take care of her, but also to know that her mom and dad still love each other. It does get a little easier, especially when you get to sleep through the night. Hang in there...you're NOT alone!

Take a relaxing bath and enjoy yourself... Then.... remember that even though you are a mother now.. you need/require time for yourself and need to remember that you are FABULOUS!!!

I felt the same way for almost a year. It's overwhelming.. but, one day, while I was taking my daughter for a stroller ride around the block one of my neighbors (who had the best of intentions) said "you look really tired, would you like me to take care of your daughter so you can take a nap or something?"... well, that woke me up, since we had just gotten up from a nap and I wasn't tired... so, when I got home and looked in the mirror - she was right - I looked horrible and then I decided... I need to look better for myself and my daughter...

Take baby steps - remember you are her only mother and you are FABULOUS - you are the QUEEN of your castle - dress like it, feel like it, BE THE QUEEN!!

Hope this helps!

J.

BTW - I feel better, look better and have lost 15 pounds in the past year by just looking out for myself and eating healthier.

Have you addressed this issue w/your Physician? You may have post-pardom depression. I had just the opposite w/my first. I had post-pardom hypertension.....bouncing off the wall as if I hadn't given birth. I had to take high blood pressure pills for 6 months. There are different affects after giving birth...all different types of hormones floating around. This is normal and natural after having a baby. The type of birth control can also be a factor. You should consult with your OBGYN. Also, discuss with your boyfriend that it may take a little attention and to find ways to help get you in the mood. ;-) Good Luck!

Find out what it is that you need to do to make you feel better about yourself (be realistic) and do it. Hire a sitter one night a week and you and your bf can go for a walk or go ice skating. Your baby is important, but having a partner is also important. Your baby will learn how to develop reltionships from seeing your relationships. Dim the lights, light candle, fill the tub with bubbles...do something different and romantic to put you in the mood. Good luck.

Hi G. R,
Consider: the best person to take care of your baby girl is you, right? If you're going to be there for her, then you need to take care of you, too. Also- your baby girl will be happier if she senses that you are happy with yourself. If you can't find the motivation to start believing in yourself, then maybe you could talk to your pastor (or other spiritual leader), or your doctor.
I hope that helps- good luck!

Sounds like you might have a little depression going on. Go see your doctor. I had post partum depression with all three of mine..got on meds for about a year and then got off of them. You know, it takes a year or longer for your hormones to get back to their normal state after having a baby so don't be so hard on yourself but DO go talk to your doctor! It will only get worse if you don't take charge now. Before you know it, you won't have enough energy to take care of that beautiful baby girl that you treasure so much.

Sounds like postpartum depression to me. I would strongly advise going to your doctor and explaining how you feel. The "I just don't know anymore" feelings are exactly how I felt after my second child. It took me a long time to recognize that it was depression. When I finally recognized it and sought help, I started feeling better and life started looking better.

Talk with your doctor. He/She can help.

I understand what you're saying. It's hard to feel sexy if you don't feel good about your body. I agree that your baby girl is top priority, but I also believe that we as mothers need to take care of ourselves. Do you have a stroller? You could start going on long walks everyday and get you exercising. It's amazing how much just doing exercise regularly can help you start feeling good about yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, you will be more likely to "get in the mood". :) Plus- exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy! Even if you don't lose weight right at first, you know you're doing s omething good for your body.

Hang in there -- it gets better! What you describe is very similar to what I went through too. It helped that people kept mentioning that it gets better after the first year, and it did! It has been a very slow walk back in my relationship to my husband -- he was so calm before the baby, but between my unavailability and the lack of sleep from the baby, he was so stressed in the first 6 months that at one point he kicked a hole in her bedroom door! I have to say, he wasn't all that desirable either in that first year! One way I heard it put is "sex makes little kids, and kids make for little sex." Just hang in there -- it seems to even out after awhile -- I was SO in love with my baby I wondered if there was something truly wrong with me and a father of an older kid smiled wisely and said "don't worry -- nature has ways of making them less lovable as they get older!" One thing you might look into is if you have some post partum depression -- you might. And your partner needs to know that for right now, the sexiest thing he can do is pitch in and help with the parenting -- the more secure you feel about his commitment to being a parent and a family member, the sexier you will feel - that's just sort of a guess based on my own experience, but, well, apparently they did a survey of American mothers and most voted that the single sexiest thing there husband could do would be to take out the garbage.

All the best!
M.

It's called postpartum depression. It is "normal" but it is not good. You need to find someone to help you. Many women go through it, I have after each child (2), but you need to nip it in the bud before you are too far from where you want to be.

It's not easy being a mom and a spouse, but it's part of the job. Best wishes!

Hi G.,
Please know that you are NOT alone. I can completely understand where you are coming from. I am still somewhat in the same boat as you.
It's such an emotional rollercoaster, the pregnancy, the labor and caring for a newborn and trying to figure everything out.
I think it is sometimes hard on the men. They are dealing with all of the hormone and body issues that we are. Just remember it took 9 months to gain the weight, so it should take about 9 months to loose it.
My husband was just like your boyfriend. He tells me all the time how pretty I am and all of that. But it's hard to believe someone else when you don't believe it yourself.
My husband was also complaining about how our sex life had pretty much disappeared. What worked for us is we set a date. Once a week he picks up dinner and we turn the tv off and have some good conversation. After we get our son to bed we are able to "reconnect".
He promised to quit always asking for sex if we did it this way. It has really helped. I don't feel the pressure anymore and it's so much nicer.
I hope that helped a little bit.

The most important thing parents can do for their children is to love each other. You have to put your relationship with your spouse/BF above your children...it's the best thing you can do for them! Show them what a loving, healthy relationship looks like. They will feel more secure knowing this and together you can take much better care of your children and give them everything they need (i.e. love, care, attention, a good example). All children deserve a mother and a father; they just plain do better in life!

Sex is not just a physical act it is a way to express a deep felt love that exists between a man and a woman. When your man is affection, kind and understanding during the day it will make you feel a lot more like being intimate at night. Let him know what you need from him right now.

I agree that eating right, drinking plenty of water and exercising can help a great deal. I have 4 children and with each pregnancy I learned to take better care of myself during the pregnancy so my recovery after the pregnancy was faster and easier each time. If you find that this isn't enough talk to your doctor. I would also encourage you to contact your church leader for help. Prayer is a powerful thing to help you in overcoming difficulties. Good luck and God bless!

Good Lord, I feel your pain! I felt and still feel that wasy. I had a baby last May and she is wonderful. I have 2 older girls ( he has 3) so this wasn't the first experience with a newborn. I was older when I had my last,40, and I am finding out that I am not "bouncing" back like I did with my other girls. I lost the baby weight, then stopped nursing. I gained a few pounds, but just felt like I looked horrible, that I didn't match the inside. I absolutely adore my husband and like your partner,he is very supportive and tells me all the time i am beautiful. I know HE means it, but... I don't. It is hard becasue I don't want to be ontimate with him, because I think if I feel I look so horrible, why would he think I am attractive? I am attributing it to baby blues, but maybe it is more than that, I don't know. I am new to this area, EL PAso, and don't have a friend base here and that has been hard too. The biggest thing I am trying to do is find a small chunch of time during the day for yourself. Get a massage, get a manicure/pedicure, get your hair done, what ever. The key is try to leave your baby with her daddy or someone else so you can truely enjoy the time. I don't get a lot of alone time, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter and can't imagine life with out her, but, I feel like I lost me. I can barely pick up a book to read with out her needing something. Small steps at first, and in time it will get better. That's what I keep telling myself.
Good luck

I gained 50 lbs. after I had my son, and I felt the same way. It helped to do something active every day. Just a 10 minute walk to the store or whatever seemed to help. Also, sit down and think about some foods that you can live without, but eat them "just because." Like for example, I can live without pasta so whenever I fix it for my son, I just don't eat it. Figure out small things you can do and gradually it will get better.

You could also try that alli weight loss supplement; it's a little expensive but it's very safe and works great.
Hope this helps and hang in there.

I can relate. I have three children. My eldest son is 10 years old, my middle daughter is almost 8 years old, and my baby is almost 5 years old. I was lucky enough to lose weight quickly after my first two. However, I had my tubes ties after the last was born and I have had trouble loosing weight ever since. I too have feelings that I am not attractive, and my husband tries to assure me that I am. I completely understand where you are coming from, and in fact it can leave a damper on a relationship. But you have to keep one thing in mind, in order to fully care for your baby and husband, you have to care for yourself first. Your appearance may not be the first thing on your list, but let me tell you it sure helps. Just grab some concealor, mascara, and lip gloss. Lose the sweat pants and t-shirt. Go treat yourself to a manacure, or have your hair done. Simple woman pleasures can give all of us moms a little lift. If you and your husband need some alone time, hire a baby sitter, get dolled up, and go out for a romantic night on the town. Good luck to you and your family. And remember, every mom loses sight of herself every now and again, but it is our job to find it.

Hi G.
Many of us moms have gone through this kind of roller coaster after having a baby. I agree with the other responses. Talk to your doctor , get out of the house , join groups . Do whatever it takes to win your self back. It amazing what hormones can do to you . When I had my little one we were overseas .It was my first child , and I had no clue about the Baby blues.
I did not speak the language nor did I know a soul overseas, which made it even harder . My husband was on business trips , gone most of the time. For me it was also all about my baby , but I realized that in order to be the best mom which I wanted to be , I had to also take care of myself . This realization gave me the strength to overcome whatever I was feeling .
Your husband loves you , and does find you beautiful , talk to him . I am sure he is more than willing to help you overcome these feelings, and you will be back to the Gwyneth you were before in no time . You will get through this ,keep positive and make time to be good to yourself .
God bless

Talk to your doctor about this. It maybe a result of post-pregnancy hormones.

I am a first time mother of a 8 week old. Just letting you know that I do not know much but I have gotten thru the past 2 months pretty well and not feeling to overwhelmed. I am about to go back to work so I am might be singing a different tune in a month.

First, if your daughter is not on a schedule I suggest getting her on one. It has made my life so much easier. I know when I can take a nap, make phone calls, exercise, etc. I suggest Babywise.

Second, go get a jogging stroller. Everyday take her for a walk. We usually go for about a 40 minute walk. I started by just leisurely walking then got to a fast pace walk. I am just now getting back to running. B/c my daughter is not stable enough I cannot take her running so during her evening nap I have my husband watch her.

I have always ran and it is hard to get started but once you do, you will feel 100% better. I have always had a stressful job and if I do not get out and at least take a walk, I will lose my mind. On top of that, you are doing something for your waist line.

I hear you loud and clear!! Please go back to your doctor/midwife and be evaluated for post-partum depression.

As a mother and Licensed Midwife, I care please take care of yourself.

Many of the other women who posted responses on here are right. You probably have a hormonal imbalance, plus the weight gain after having a baby can be depressing in and of itself. I suggest you start exercising. Not only will the exercise help you lose some weight, and tone your muscles. Exercise also helps your body release its own chemicals, namely endorphins. These self-released chemicals help you feel better emotionally. I've noticed this in myself, since starting a workout tape for the last 3 weeks: Abs of Steel. My abs have gotten flatter, I feel better about myself, and I feel better over all because I have more energy. Exercise is also supposed to increase your libido. I know it's hard to do with a little one. I am thinking that your boyfriend might watch the baby while you do your exercises. After all, you're doing this for him. That, or you can find a way to include everyone (like a brisk walk in a park, pushing the stroller). Actually, it's important to make this a choice for you as well. The choice to get out of this slump is for all 3 of you: you, your boyfriend AND the baby. Most importantly, though, it must first be something you're doing for yourself. Love and prayers!

You may want to talk with your obgyn and lwt him know how you are feeling. It sounds a little like the baby blues and you get a rx to help with that. Good luck and Congradualtions on your new addition to your life!
J.

Welcome to MOTHERHOOD!!!!! My dear, I have been where you are! Motherhood makes us grow up, be responsible, and teaches us that its not all about us. Taking care of your sweet girl is very important and one thing that she needs is a mom and dad who love each other. I know it takes alot of energy just taking care of baby, and it seems a chore just to fit a shower in for ourselves! It is VERY easy to let ourselves go, but you have to use just a little more of your energy to take care of yourself. What that simply could mean is when you get up in the morning, get dressed all the way down to your shoes. Something about having your shoes on gives you a burst of energy. And get out of the sweats. They make you feel frumpy. Wear jeans and a shirt....a womans shirt....not your boyfriends, not a maternity shirt, and not an oversized shirt. Find one, buy one, borrow a shirt that makes you feel pretty. You may not feel attractive, but you have the "battle scars" of bringing another human soul into the world, and isn't it worth it? Wouldn't you do it all over again to have your precious little girl? Your weight will come off and if it doesn't, so what? Haven't you heard that you put the weight on in 9 months, it will take at least that long to get back? Maybe longer if you are like me and gained 60 pounds! Don't dwell on it. Everything you are feeling is normal. My husband used to call our son my "other love interest". I think when we give so much of ourselves to our babies all day, our love, our attention, our affection...by the end of the day here comes hubby and he wants some love, attention and affection too. Hang in there, it will all balance out.

I think that what you are feeling is very normal. Once you have the baby, the baby and her wellbeing really does become the focus of your life. That was true for me. It just doesn't seem to be quite the same for the fathers. Life, more or less, goes on the same for them, until they can't get certain needs met. My hormones were pretty volatile for a long time after birth, and, believe it or not, caring for a baby takes alot of energy. You just may not have much energy left for anything else.

Do you have a good support system? Do you have help with your baby? Does your boyfriend help with your baby? Have you been able to talk to him about how you feel?

Good luck. Those first few months can be hard. I know for me, I struggled alot that first year. I call motherhood the hardest job I've ever loved.

If you can get some time for yourself, please do. And, if you and your fella can get away to have some good times where you don't feel sexually pressured, I bet that will help.

I know how you feel. Adjusting to being a mom was like stepping into a role I wasn't familiar with. I felt like a different person all the sudden and needed to merge that person with who I was in relationship. Beyond that, my body felt like purpose, not like recreation. My breasts were not for fun, but for feeding and the rest didn't feel romantic, it felt like a vessel, like Clare's home. It was difficult to reconcile that as well.
I think I had some depression as well. But really, I was tired and it hurt terribly every time we tried to have sex. I wasn't motivated. I felt squishy and freaky and like I'd spent all my energy on my baby. By the time evening rolled around, I was DONE for the day.
It has slowly passed and I am now able to balance it all better. I have slowly emerged from the other side and now only have problems when I have PMS. That's what makes me think it might have been post-partum depression.
I did talk to my husband. It was imperative to me that he validate my feelings. I didn't need him to understand, but I did need him to hear me. I did need him to know it wasn't about him. He got that and let me take my time about things. The way we see it, in a marriage that will last decades, one year of recovery is just not much. We would snuggle and he would massage me and we both did our best to love me and understand that growing and birthing child is not anything that we were practiced at. We just went with what my body said and needed and did our best to honor it.
Hang in there mama. Talk, hug, walk, eat well, love you. It will improve. If it doesn't, get some help from your doctor or a friend.
Much love and support,
K.

girl, i hear that. my youngest is 18 months old and i still don't like myself. having a baby does something to us physically, of course, and mentally and emotionally that our partners usually don't understand. you have the i don't like seeing myself naked, why would he want to attitude... or i do anyway. the stretch marks and junk that wasn't there before can't possibly appeal to him, but it does. you are the mother of his child!!! that takes it to a new level with him.

after my daughter i also went through some post pardum. mabye that is what you are experiencing. 90% of new moms go through it whether they realize it or not! Its an emotional thing.

I applaud you on your efforts to seek advice. to see if someone out there hears you or if you are the only one. trust me, you are not the only one. babies come with lots of demands. we just have to figure out the best way to cope with them and that goes for the relationship w dad as well. i would love to chat with you some more about this so shout at me if you want to. Just trust that you are not alone!!!!!

God bless!!

D. Mattern
The MOM Team
Raising your income and your kids at the same time!
www.formyrugrats.com
"The only thig that counts if faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

Sounds like you are having a hard time with life. I think you should put that baby in a stroller and start going for some walks, if its too cold, join a gym. getting yourself back into shape will help you feel better about yourself which will help you feel more attractive. this happens to me every pregnancy and its totally all my problem. I hate not looking good and it takes me time to regain my body. Until you feel good about yourself, your DH will just have to be more understanding. Combine wieght training with cardio for maximum results...try a gym that has body pump classes, its the fastest way to tone up in the world! Good luck!

Don't feel alone sweetie. I have two girls (2y and 4y) and there are still days where I don't get a shower and feel exhausted and overwhelmed. It's all part of being a mother. You're responsible for another person in this world, but that doesn't mean you quit being responsible for yourself.
If you do, you've stopped taking care of her as well. So many moms think it's an all or nothing situation, you can only take care of you or her, but not both and that's simply wrong. There is nothing that says once you become a mother, you have to quit being a sexual creature. In fact, being a mother can be very sexy. I mean you've been blessed with a body that housed and helped create a new, wonderful, unique life. How sexy is that! Embrace your changing body (some days are harder than others, I know), but embrace your incredible body.

Now, how do you change your feeling of Blah? Little steps each day.

First, one friend of mine said one of the things she promised herself everyday was she would get up and take a shower, no matter what. So, everyday, be sure to take a shower, wash your hair, shave your legs and underarms at least twice a week. To help you feel more "girlie", get some good smelling bath gel (Suave makes some great and inexpensive ones). If you use disposable razors, only use them a couple of times and toss them. After that, you're increasing your chance of knicking yourself and causing less desirable affects on your legs. Suave also makes some wonderful lotions that compliment your shower gel. Put it on and feel soft and feminine. I used to put my baby girl in the bouncy chair and set her in the bathroom with me, position her so she could see me in the shower or if you have a curtain, peek out every little bit and say "peek-a-boo", talk and sing to her while you're showering. DOn't forget to give your girlie bits a good wash as well. Always want them to sparkle and shine, even if you're not feelling all that sassy.

Second, be more efficient with your time. One thing that helped me is get a simple, low maintenance hair cut. This doesn't mean you have to get all your hair cut short, just ask for something simple, more of a shower and go cut, but one you like and makes you feel pretty. If you can, buy some cute hair clips, ponytail holders, etc at Target to help the affect of being feminine. It only takes about 30 seconds to apply lip gloss and mascara and be sure to brush your teeth and use mouthwash! I timed all this one time and I could get it all done in 22 minutes (the length of Baby Neptune) and I felt so much better just giving myself that much time each day.

Third, get outside and move everyday. It's been proven Vitamin D is a hormone and is great for helping moods. The best way to get that is sunshine (about 15 minutes a day for fair skinned women). We have the great advantage that so many other women in different parts of the country don't have. We have a great amount of sunshine a year, so use it. YOu don't have to go out and tan, but a casual stroll with the baby in the stroller at the park, in your backyard, or on your patio can help. Also, invest in a baby/mommy exercise DVD/tape. You can rent one, buy one, or check out one from the library. One of my favorites is The New Method Baby & Mom post natal yoga by Gurmukh Khalsa. In the tape, she's got mommies and babies there, exercising together. It's new agey, but a lot of fun to watch and learn. If you like to dance, pick up a Dancing with the Stars carido workout and set your precious one in her bouncy chair while you exercise. She'll not only see you workout and know you're close, but you'll show her that exercise is a great stress reliever and part of a healthy lifestyle. These factors should help lift up your mood naturally and make you feel more relaxed and get a better nights (or naps) sleep.

Fourth, exercise your brain. Everyday do a crossword puzzle, write in a journal, get a coloring book and crayons (seriously--cost a couple of bucks at the dollar store), read a book--any book, read a magazine, read the recent headlines and learn something new, get a Spanish/French/Italian etc 10 minutes a day workbook and do it. Exercising your brain will also help your mood and feeling of thinking. As mommies, we tend to only talk about diapers and the Wiggles. As cute as the Wiggles are, I don't want that to be the focus of most of my conversations. If you join a mommy's group, be cautious of those who do nothing but gripe. They are bad energy and will only weigh you down more. And read to her, no matter what it is, hold her and read to her. She'll love it. She'll also love dancing and music. Dance around the house, jump up and down like a crazy woman and get her to giggle.

Fifth, understand as mothers, the romance of the pregnancy and the happily ever after can overwhelm the reality of having a baby. Believe me, you'll read there are plenty of us out there that struggle with the feeling of motherhood and the sexual creatures that our husbands/partners want us to be. One of the worst things you can do is close up and not talk to him. Explain to him how you are feeling without being accusitory. It's no one's fault that your body and mind are feeling overwhelmed and squirrled up. It's a natural and frustrating process.
It's a balance of hormones and sleep deprivation and now emotional responsibility to not only your partner and yourself, but your precious child. Our mothers and grandmothers were told to "suck it up" and "deal with it", and in some aspects that is a good route for certain parts, but it can also be extremely harmful and damaging. There were a lot of depressed and lonely women out there, unsure of how to handle the balancing act of motherhood, housekeeper, wife, and hostess. How many of us have grandmothers who drank? Were crazy? Were paranoid about everything? And these were intelligent, wonderful, caring women who had no idea what do to or who to ask. Talk to your partner in a calm, non-finger pointing way and listen to his concerns without comment. Let him vent a bit as well, but if it gets too heated, take a step back and allow him to do the same.

Sixth, just because you became a mommy, doesn't mean you can't be sexy anymore. One thing that may be holding you back is the emotional/mental aspect. Have your marriage plans been changed because of the baby? Why? Are you two on the same page in regards to where you want this relationship to go? If not, how do you get on the same page? Talk to each other, listen to each other, and understand what the other wants and why. THis isn't the time to say "marry me or else" or demand a timeline, but talk, understand, and listen.

Seventh, maybe if sex isn't all that exciting, then maybe a little foreplay is in order. I know after the birth of our daughter Emma, sex was uncomfortable. Add some KY to your foreplay routine and take it slowly.
It's hard when you're breastfeeding because the stimulation of your sex drive and touching your breasts can cause milk let down, kind of unsexy, so pump or feed the baby right before (within 30 min) of having intimate contact and keep a bra on (depending on how what's comfortable for you). You can bring each other to climax with heavy petting (yes, even over a nursing bra) and making him feel good can make you feel good too and vice versa. If the climax isn't the main focus, simply the attention of each other's touch everyday can help. Men want to be touched and felt cared for. A backrub, a strong hug when he comes home, a kiss before he heads out the door, a pat on the butt when you walk by, a 'thank you for being here", a back scratch when he's watching TV or falling asleep---all of these can go a long way to making someone feel cared for and it's entirely possible he'll return the favor. This is a frustrating time for him too because no one talks about this for men. He has to figure out how to approach you again because you're a mother, and not just any mother, but the mother of his child. He may not know how to approach you, touch you because in his mind, things are very different for him as well. Your body has changed, but you may think it's unattractive, he may think it's sexy. You mothered his child, that's sexy!
Word of warning--don't ask him "Am I fat to you?" (or the like) There's no way he can answer that question without you feeling hurt or thinking he's simply making something up. Your inner sexy mama is what he wants, the body is simply a shell. Simple touches everyday, tell him want you want, and giving yourself permission to be sexy are all part of this. Yes, you're her mother, but your his partner and they are two different things and you have to approach them two different ways.

Invite him to touch you with a simple "will you rub my back?" He may be waiting for an invite to touch you.

Finally, if you're feeling really down in the pits, you may want to consider talking to your OB/Gyn about antidepressants. I know the over the counter St. John's wart, an herbal remedy for depression, can interfere with the effectiveness of birth control pills, so careful with that. I'd talk to your OB before deciding anything (herbal or prescription) and understand, all this will still apply if you choose to take antidepressants. The pill only helps so much, you're going to have to be active in your health, and when you are, you'll set a beautiful example for your precious.

I hope this helps.
P.

PS- Also, get out of those old sweats and granny panties! Get some cute panties for yourself, a great bra (Target has good ones), a nice shirt or two (even if they are T-shirts--dont' have to iron them) and a great pair of jeans (ignore the size right now) and feel better with your clothes. You can't decide that "when I get to the right size, I'll get clothes that look good on me". Get a few pieces now that you can pair with each other and look good now. You're more likely to take care of yourself if you look and feel good.

Sounds a little like Post Partum Depression. Seek medical attention. You generally can't "fake it til you make it" with PPD. It will be a lot easier for all of you if you do get help/hormones/counselling. It's okay, I promise. If you ever feel like "letting the baby go" too, call someone or load everyone up and go to the ER. Don't be the mom that hangs her kids in the closet, there is an abundance of help out there.

It sounds like you may be suffering from post partum depression. Talk to your Dr. for an evaluation to see if you are and, if so, follow his guidance for help to get past this.

Sounds to me like post partum depression. You may need to see a doctor about your lack of self esteem. There are many different kinds of ppd. It also takes time to get your figure back and if you hubby is happy, that is not all that matters. You have to be comfortable with your self before you can be comfortable with others. I am sure you are a beautiful woman. Just take it one day at a time, do things that you feel would make you feel good about yourself. Stay possitive and possitive things will happen. Good luck and congrats on the new baby.......

I am a childbirth educator and birth doula. It's really normal to have changes in your feelings, both about your body, your sex life, etc. Honestly, most women experience a change in how they feel about things after a new baby comes. Realistically, your focus has shifted completely to taking care of another person. Hormones naturally cause us to want to take care of the baby, and all else seems unimportant... that's how those babies survive.

However our relationships and marriages suffer. Things you can do- make time for just the two of you. It might be a short lunch date, or just going out shopping together. Seek help from friends, neighbors or family for short term babysitting. It obviously will take time for your body to get back in shape... are you taking care of yourself? Getting a little walk each day with that cute baby? Eating good foods so that your body can become strong again after creating a life?

There are many postpartum support groups out there as well. You may want to find a parent group, moms group, or other support group with women with similiar age babies. It's so nice to hear that you're not alone, and how others have overcome these types of obstacles. If you are in Austin area, Family Connections offers free postpartum support groups. Other organizations in your area, even "play group" type of groups, either at your church, or in your community may also offer the support from other women you'll need.

Just know this is a time of transition. Remember what brought you and your boyfriend together in the first place. Raising a child is honestly the most difficult part of a relationship, so start working on those skills now. Trust me, you'll need those to be strong when that baby is a teenager! :)
Good luck!

I know first hand how we can become consumed with our children. I am the mother of a wonderful 14 year old. I have put everything into him and now that he needs me less I am trying to hold on for dear life. Day by day, I am starting to do things for myself. I am learning more each day to love myself.

You must make time for yourself too, because when your beautiful baby girl grows up, what will be left of you. Life is a balance and you must make time for you and your significant other. Start thanking God everyday for the life you have been blessed with and learn to love it and appreciate it. It is so short.

I understand what you are going though. What did you love about your self before you had your baby girl. You have to look at yourself differently now because your body has changed. You have to find something that makes you feel good about yourself. You can't love anyone else until you love yourself. You have to make the change and find something great and wonderful about you. What do you love about yourself right now? Is there anything that you truly love about you. Not what people tell you but what you love. Don't look at just your outer self but look down inside and see yourself for who you are. How can you love your self if you don't find something that makes you happy in yourself. We look at ourselves and find all the flaws and not see the wonderful things that everyone else sees. It makes it hard when we want to see all are faults. You have to look past the weight and other flaws to see the beautiful woman you are. You need to do this because your little girl will be looking up to you soon and will feel and see that you are not happy with you and she will start doing the same things and think it is ok to view herself this way. I have a friend who never changed her outlook on herself now her girls have that same outlook and they are teenagers and now she is trying to change her outlook but finding it hard to change her girls outlook. I told her to do it while they are young but it took her along time to get over her divorce. Please find the time to see yourself in a better light we are all beautiful in our own way. I had a hard time seeing that myself. I am not as small as I was back in school or my early 20's but I have some thyroid problems so I have learned to love me for me. My husband has always loved me and thought I was beautiful but it was hard for me to see it. I hope this has been helpful. Please feel feel to contact me if you want to talk more ____@____.com. Smile you are always beautiful just remember that.

You are not alone in these feelings! This might be a little post pardon depression and if you are young your body will bounce back! Your feelings are very real. If this continues you really should call your doctor and tell him what is going on. Maybe he will give you something to get through this time. You will get through this! Communicate with your boyfriend and try to get him talking too. Yes it is about the baby right now... but it is also about you and your needs. Guys tend to forget about that. They feel left out - like they are taking the back seat once the baby is in the house. It's very tricky to juggle it all but God gave women the ability to do all things through Him. You are going to get through this and you are going to be a great Mother & a great Help Mate!

Agree with others. Take walks, get out once a week with friends. Plan a date night. I also agree with your man--you are beautiful to him and your relationship with him is very important to your daughter. Keep your man happy--even if it is with quickies. This actually will benefit your own hormonal recovery--having sex creates huge surges of hormones and our bodies were designed for this aspect of life. Men are designed to get in touch with their emotions through sex--his continued desire for you is the ultimate compliment he can give to you...he trusts you with his emotions he shares with no one else. What a joy to have him stay! and what total hardship should he leave. Totally agree with the feeling of being "touched out" though. Pray for strength. Mom of two.

Honey, talk to your doctor. It sounds like you could use some help. You might have just a tad of "post partum depression". If you love your man and your daughter, work hard to keep them. You can raise your daughter alone but it is so much more fun with daddy too. MAKE IT WORK.
I don't want to be judgemental. I just want to let you know, there is help out there. Thanks for reaching out. Grab hold--do it for your daughter, yourself and your man.
Go get 'um girl!!
(mother of 2, one on the way and daily keep my niece, I feel like I have 3 already, so is this my 3rd or my 4th? :) )

I know exactly how you feel, I'm pregnant now and struggling with the same issue. Sex isn't an issue because my drive is higher than my husbands, but to help me feel more attractive I've found that exercising helps, it makes me feel better about myself. Maybe thats all tied in together :). Maybe you just need some "you" time , get facial or go to the gym, anything that you love to do that makes you happy and feel better and leave the baby with daddy for a little bit. You might just need to recharge even if you don't realize it.

I am in my early thirtys w/a teenager and 5 yr old. I truly understand and can give you advise based on my experience which I hope will be of great help to you. First, say a sincere prayer for wisdom and spiritual strength to move to the next step. The next step, remember who you are as a young, beautiful, and strong woman/mother. You are just going through the aftermath and realization of having a baby. Now just get up and start your new life as a mother. Find a reliable babysitter, make a hair/nail/message appt,etc, find that one outfit you can wear and enjoy time to yourself. Work on you, love you, and you will have it to give to your precious new baby girl and your boyfriend. This too shall pass and your situatin will get better. It just takes time and patience. I will keep you in my prayers.

What you are feeling is completely normal. Our hormones take a dip after we have had a baby which obviously doesn't happen for the baby's father. He has no idea what you are feeling and you need to talk to him about it. It is a good idea to take some time for yourself too though. Maybe join an exercise class where you can take the baby like Stroller Strides (I am not an instructor and don't even go but my friends have liked it). You can take your baby in the Stroller and get some exercise and make friends at the same time. Your baby needs you to be healthy and happy too.

This is more common than you think. It is very hard to pull your self out of this rut. My husband also complains about sex, and he tells me that he thinks I beautiful, but it doesn't matter most of the time. What I found to help me be more affectionate is when my husband helps out or just comes and is trying to be affectionate without feeling like all he wants is sex. Just keep in mind they aren't the ones who gained all the weight and deal with the kids as much as we do, therefore they aren't as exhausted. It just seems that the more they complain about sex the less we tend to want to do it. Basically it just says that is what there mind is one and what they care about most.

That sounds so familiar! I took some advise from my sister, and we swear by it! It is time to get Dad involved. Tell him what you are going through. Let him know that you are concerned for both yourself and intimacy issues as a couple. Ask him to help you with her maybe 1 hour every evening by putting the baby to sleep (while you take a nice warm shower w/out rushing so fast you've barely washed the soap out of your hair followed by forcing some pj's on your still semi-dried body and dashing to the crying baby) By the time the baby is alseep, you two can have time to eat together and maybe even enjoy a glass of wine on a Friday/Saturday (pump first, of course)night and watch a movie. It's amazing what that did for us! It gave me a big push to stay on schedule with the baby, get him bathed, fed, and ready for Dad when he got home. Dad got to spend some QT with the baby after being gone long hours (and a tiny taste of trying to make baby happy - he! he!) and I REALLY looked forward to him coming home so that I could get some time to myself for bit. After the shower, I felt nice and fresh and a little like my old self again. Then it was actually nice to have dinner with Dad and just enjoy eachother. The next step was creating daddy-baby time for 2 hours every Saturday. It took every ounce of self control not to laugh histerically when I would return home to find him completely exhausted! He did it though, because his payoff was ultimately better/more enthusiastic time together alone. I think he also gained a little respect/understanding of what a 10 to 12 hour day has been like before he gets home.
The other HUGE difference was getting excerise. I love the YMCA that I go to. The facilities are stat of the art, super clean, family oriented and fantastic with a gym, pool, and aerobics classes. There's even a 15 min ab session to go to that might be great to start with if you are not completely comfortable leaving baby there for very long at first. They also base your membership fee on a percentage of your income. We pay 50 a month for the whole family to go as much as we want and enjoy all services they provide. I think that finallly put my out-of-whack body/hormones/self image back in check. Things seemed alot 'sunnier' (for lack of a better adjective). Hang in there. Make some changes. You'll be so glad that you did!

Would your bf watch your little one while you go to the gym? She's old enough now that she's not eating quite so often, right? Maybe if you could get in an aerobics class or some yoga or something like that it would help with the weight gain, which may help with the "non-sexy" feeling.

Have you thought about talking to someone about possible depression? When I had my daughter, I felt like every day was a struggle, like as long as I got through it with a healthy baby and a shower for myself, that was enough. And sex was the last thing on my mind. Getting a chance to talk to someone about it really helped me, plus a change in schedule: a walk in the morning, a trip to the park, anything to get me out of that slump.

Good luck!

I have been thru the same thing. My suggestion would be for you to take some time for yourself. Go to a spa or something or just go shopping or something for yourself. Ask your baby's father to watch the baby one day while you go and pamper yourself. Sometimes we have to give ourselves a break from the motherly duties, and it will make you feel a whole lot better.

I know that medication is the answer for some, but I am not big on taking medication for things. I have two kids and went through similar experiences when they were younger. The most impportant thing is to remember to take time for yourself. Plan something once a week for you. It doesn't have to be some big event. Go and get your nails done without the kids. Go shopping for you without the kids. You can even hang out and have a girls night without the kids. If you have a desire to lose some of the pounds there are so many things that you can do with the baby. One of the best is walking or jogging. They have great strollers for both. You can also switch up some excersize video's while she takes some naps. You just have to remember that you are as important as the baby is and you have to take time for yourself so that you can be a good mom and wife too.

Don't be so hard on yourself. This is not an easy time. The good news is that I bet 90% of what is talking right now is your hormones and lack of sleep, even if you don't want to believe it. I felt much like you after my son was born. It was hard to gain all that weight during the pregnancy, and then after the belly was gone see where the rest of the weight had gone! Around 6 months, my skin broke out and my hair starting falling out. It was not pretty. Not to mention, the rollercoaster your hormones and lack of sleep send you on, and then throw in the stress of having all the responsibility of raising this precious little human! You might talk to your doctor about depression. I wish I had with my son as I think it may have made that first year a little easier on my husband, my son and I. It can happen anytime during that first year, and unfortunately, the OB and pediatrician only ask you right after you have the baby.

What did work for me is making time to get away from the baby and do adult things - like watch a movie or go for a walk or eat a slow dinner. Even just an hour helped. I promise, the baby will be there when you get back, and you'll be happier to see her! My husband also was great at getting me out on walks and running so that I felt better about myself. And the other thing I did that helped us get through that first year, was check out perezhilton.com - it sounds funny, but who doesn't feel better looking and like a better mom when compared against Britney Spears?

Your hormones are still a little out of wack after having the baby and plus the sheer exhaustion of a young child is difficult. Take vitamins, get out of the house as a family and try and rest when you can. You could be suffering from slight post partum. Give yourself a break. You will start feeling better slowly. Also, ask Daddy to stay with the baby so you can go to dinner or lunch with a friend. It's amazing how just that can make you feel better because you have a reason to wear makeup and look nice then go back to reality.

Hi G.,

"hope someone understands what i am saying" -ARE YOU KIDDING!! I don't know one mother, besides the ones with crazy superpower genetics that become their original weight in 2 weeks after giving birth, or the ones that starve themselves during pregnancy to not gain one pound over the weight of the baby....who wouldn't understand EXACTLY how you feel. I have always been a 5'7 110 lb. woman my entire life since I can remember, even at 12 I was already that height and weight. I gave birth at 176 lbs!!!! I couldn't deal with myself either and told me husband one day when I finally broke down and acknowledged that our intimate life had been NULL because I just frankly didn't feel sexy AT ALL. And I will tell you, I did't even TRY. It took me 2 years to the month almost after stopping NURSING for my metabolism to return back to its original state. And I am 31 years old (so I am not a 21 year old, etc.) Please give yourself a break- when I told my husband how I felt, he said to me that he saw me as even more beautiful as now I was the mother of his beautiful daughter and that he was so grateful that I had sacfricied my body for our ability to have a family and children. This was the most loving and kindest words I could have ever hear, but I still felt like a fat blob regardless. Please go easy on the self ridicule. Making a plan to walk, run on a treadmill during your favorite show, etc. could make you feel better knowing that you are working towards something.

I hope this helps, and remember children are sooo worth it!! You will get back to your original weight and feel beautiful again I PROMISE! It's inevitable! So don't worry yourself right now, it's only been 6 MONTHS! That's nothing!

Take care,

S.

I believe you have a little post partum depression. Talk to your doctor or pediatrician about it. If you have a church affiliation you could also talk to your pastor. You may also need to find something to do for yourself such as an afternoon out or evening out with some girlfriends, it doesn't have to be expensive - popcorn and a gabfest at someone's home. Let the baby's father watch her for 3 -4 hours.

I completely understand, and all I can tell you is what i did. I started exercising, just 30 minutes a day, which I know with a little baby is difficult since you’re not getting any sleep anyway, but I did it. Then I started getting my hair done every 3 to 4 months even if it's just a trim. Then I bought some clothes that flattered my new figure, until I could get in my old ones again. And through all that I started feeling human again and I became a happier mom because if it. On a side note I was also suffering from post-partum depression, and it showed up later in my infant life, about 3 months, so my anti-depressants helped a lot, and then after a while I did not need them anymore b/c I had worked through my gunk.

I hope this helps, and I hope you feel better also. You are not alone.

Let me start by saying I completely understand what you are going through. I had ppd and was diagnosed when my lil man was about 3 mths. I went to my doc and he put me on a very low dose of med that wouldnt interfer w/breast feeding. I was on it for about 2-2 1/2 mths and I felt so much better for it. I excersied when I could, but what made me feel so much better was reconnecting with my friends. We would meet up for lunch every now and then (sometimes I had the baby sometimes not). We might go shopping. It made me feel like something other than just a mommy and since shopping was something I loved to do prebaby it helped me reconnect w/my old self. Basically, my friends helped get my mind off of everything that was bothering me and weighing me down. I would come home to my son and boyfriend in a much better mood and be a better mommy for it. Hang in there it does get better!