Feeling Lonely

C. I truly understand you feelings. My husband also works 60-70 hours a week but the overtime hours are on call so it isn't like a planned schedule. We never know if or when he'll be here. That is a challenge. However, I just make the best of it & when we can, we spend time together as a family. My suggestion to you is on his days off, ya'll make a point to be together whether it be family or a date. It is important that ya'll stay connected. Let your husband know how you feel and make sure that he knows that you appreciate his sacrifice for the family, but that you miss him.

Work as a team for the good of the family.

Hope this helps, V.

1 mom found this helpful

I know exactly how you feel. The only difference is my husband only works one job, 8 hours a day. He is the "fun" parent. He only plays with the kids. After the kids go to bed at night, I am stuck washing the dinner dishes, sweeping the floors. I give the kids their baths at night. I can't even get him to change a diaper. He used to do all this before we met. Now, I feel like a babysitter with the benefits of a husband.

I can kind of understand where you're coming from. And I think it's totally normal. My husband and I used to go out all the time as a couple and now that I'm pregnant, all he want to do is go out with the guys. Like just because I'm pregnant, it means I can't go out or something. I stay at home too and I know our situation is different, but I know what it's like to feel you've lost your best friend. He and I don't do anything anymore! Have you tried talking to your husband? Maybe you could get a baby-sitter for a few hours on his day off and go do something you always used to do, such as dinner at a special resturaunt, or just take a stroll down riverwalk.

Hi, My husband works 12,13 hour days all days of the week sometimes.He cooks the food at sconyers and on the 3 days the place is open he has to get up at 4 am and doesnt get home till 5 or 6.Then on the other days he works from 5 or 6 am till whenever they get done.He even works sundays.Then the time he is home he is either fixing someones cpu or getting movies or games for them.What I find that helps is that we keep on a schedule.I put my kids to bed by 8 both my 4 yr old and the baby.And whateve he is doing like fixing someones computer or gamesystem,watching tv or playing his xbox I will sit with him and either talk to him or try and get into what hes doing so we an spend time together.My husband also stays up till about 11 or 12 oclock depending on the day so we can see each other.I can say that if you try to make him sacrafice what he wants to do after hes home that it will only make things worse.Instead try to involve yourself into w/e it is he's doing or persaude him into the bed to have some fun.You could also find a good movie you both might like and watch it together one night.I also try to give my husband a break from me and the kids on sunday.I take the kids and go visit my family that live in grovetown for a few hours and that gives him some times to miss me and to relax alone in his own house.I also wanted to ask if your son goes to hephzibah elementary?My son does but hes in prek.

C., try to make the best out of the time you do have, and then try to bring the spark back into the marriage!!! For example, while he is watching tv, maybe put something slinky on and light some candles in the bedroom, call him in there to help you with something and watch the magic come back! Or maybe arrange for a sitter and plan for an out of the ordinary romantic dinner at home (with candles maybe some wine). Its too bad we are so busy chasing the dollar these days that we lose touch with what really matters.

Hi C., I live in Macon. I am not sure how far that is from where you live, but I have a meetup once a month to get together with other moms and have a little adult time. You are welcome to come and join us. Also, I work at home and I could share it with you and maybe your husband would not have to work so much and you could have more time with hime. You can give me a call at ###-###-#### or visit my website at www.kristies.fourpointmoms.com.

I want you to have your husband back. Mine used to be out of town Monday through Friday so I understand. Now I have 2 little boys and he is not out of town nearly as much. Just let me know how I can help.

first things first HUGGSSSS now for the advice , TALK to him ,
sit down say I need to talk to you ask him to turn off the TV and tell him how you feel. then maybe arrange something like for 20 mins sometime between when he gets home and when he goes to bed for you two to talk. put the kids in bed at 7 if thats an early bed time for your son let him look at books till he falls asleep. that way you have an hr of alone time before he goes to sleep.

C., I think you should find an activity or social group to get involved in that offers childcare service such as a church activity. I understand that you lonely, but it sounds like your husband is doing the best he can. He is working very long hours to provide for his family so you can stay home, most women don't even have that option.

When was the last time you guys had a date night (or lunch date) sounds like you guys need a time to reconnect with just the two of you. I think you guys should sit down and plan a time when you can do that... even if it is going and grabbing coffee for an hour.

C. I to know how you feel. My husband works 60 to 70 hours a week sometimes 7 days a week.On sundays we always try to do something togeather as a family but we hardly have much time for alone time.Why don't you send the kids to a relative for the night and try to recindle the romance with your husband. UNPLUG the T.V and turn on some slow music buy some massage oil and fall in love with your husband all over again..........I'f he's willing it will work!!!

Hi C.,
I totally understand where you are coming from. I sometimes feel like I am alone too. My husband is a drill sergeant and he works crazy hours. He has to be at work most of the times by 4:30am and doesn't come back home before 6 or 7 or 8 or 9pm or even midnight, if he gets to come home. His two children live with us and I am the one that takes care of them 24/7, bringing and picking them up from school, feeding them, checking their homework, bringing them to karate and gymnastics and so on and so far. Sometimes it gets really overwhelming especially because I am also a full time student in college and try to get a little bit of money here and there working as a freelance graphic designer and doing photo restoration. And in those days in which he happens to come home early or is miracolously off, I wish he would take care of his kids and worry about picking them up from school and driving them around, giving me a break and time to study. However, I understand he is tired as your husband is too. When he comes home I fist get my daily "BIG HUG" and give him his time to relax, then I try to finally get some grown up time after dealing with the kids all day long, but we often get interrupted because they have their needs too. As some other wifes have suggested, the best alone time is talking laying on the bad because for our family that is where the kids are not allowed to go. They might knock on the door still, but we tell them we are talking and ask quickly what they need. My favorite day is Thursday night because on that night we go to dance class (ballroom and latin) and that is OUR time ALONE! We have also joined a ballroom club which organizes dances once a month and that is another of my favorite days... if we can find a babysitter... It is so helpful to find an activity that both of you enjoy doing and that gives you some time with each other. The only downfall is finding and paying a babysitter when you don't have family close to you and don't swim in money, but it's worth it, because it keeps the relationship strong and alive. My suggestion is that you talk to your husband in an appropriate moment. Don't try to address the problem as soon as he comes in the door. Give him his relaxing time and then try to start a conversation to see if he is willing to turn off the tv and listen to you. Make sure you start with a kind and sweet tone of voice. You could probably start by recognizing and praising his hard work (it will make him feel better and more motivated to listen to what you have to say)and asking him how he likes the job or something similar. Then start saying what you think and tell him your feelings about the situation. Do not accuse him of anything, keep it more on the side of "I wish we had a little more time for each other, I miss the times when we..." At that point you could suggest some kind of plan that would give you some alone time. It seems like with men you have to make them believe that they came up with an idea, so in some way you need to manipulate his mind so that he will come up with the idea of dedicating a specific time for you.
Just as an extra suggestion. There is a really good book out there called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman that explains the different ways that people understand and express love and how to make sure that both you and your spouse feel loved. Read it if you have a chance, it is really informative and eye opening.

I don't know if this will hope but you are not alone. I have been feeling like this also. My husband works one job but it requres him about 13 hours a day all on his feet so when he gets home he just watches tv and goes to bed. The second he turns on that tv I can't help but feel angry. I work part time but from home so like you all the responsiblilities are on me and I get lonely. The only think I have found to help is to reserve time once a month for a date. Most of the time there is no baby sitter so we will do whatever possible to stay awake and have some type of date after our son is in bed. I have found that if we watch a movie for date night he folls asleep which really makes me angry so we have been playing scrabble and having dinner late for ourselves that night. Usually something easy like chesse/crackers and fruit or something we can munch on while we play scrabble or something. I know it sounds cheesy but this is the only thing that I have found that helps. Once a month is not much but it usually makes me feel better for a while and then I look forward to the next time. I hope this helps.
N.

C.,

I am going through a similar situation. My husband works Thurs. through Tues. 11am to 8pm and I work Monday through Friday 8am to 5pm. I spent a lot of time and energy getting angry and upset with my husband because I felt like I was doing everything and my husband was starting having anxiety problems because he wasn't able to spend time with his family. Anyway, my first question is have you talked to you husband about this? I think it's really important to let him know how you are feeling. You may not be able to change the situation that you are in, but you can make the best of the time that you do have. Be creative. Come up with a time for the 2 of you to have some alone time. Say every Thursday from 8:00 pm to 10:00 is date night or whatever timeframe you come up with. I understand that he is trying to provide for his family which I think is absolutely wonderful, but you really need to make time for each other. Even if it means he will lose a couple hours of sleep one night. In our situation, my husband has worked it out where he switches one of his days off during the week for a Sunday so we can have 1 day a month to spend together. It doesn't seem like much, but we find that we really look forward to that Sunday. You may not be able to change the work situation, but you can come up with others ways to spend time with each other. Good luck!