17 answers

Feeling Lonely

Well about 3 months ago my husband got a new job at ups ( PT 4am-9am)and works a full time job from (9-5). Now I know he works a lot of hours and I am very lucky to have a husband that would do that, exceptally since i am a stay at home mom. But I feel like our relationship has change Alot... i feel like i have No one to talk to.... he use to be my best freind and now he is like a stranger... If I call him at work... he cant talk... ater he gets home all he wants to do is watch tv and then get ready for bed at 8pm.. which i do understand that but I feel like there is no time for me and the kids with his busy days. Everything that has to do with the kids and the house and to take care of all the bills are on me.. if they are sick and all apts ,all activitys... which i understand some of that i am a stay at home that is my job as a parent... i am starting to feel like a single parent.. there is no time for my husband and i... the only time we are in the same spot at the same time is for our sons' soccor games. I dont know if i am right feeling this way but i feel ALONE/// where did my best friend go... we use to have the best relationship and now we are at nothing.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

C., try to make the best out of the time you do have, and then try to bring the spark back into the marriage!!! For example, while he is watching tv, maybe put something slinky on and light some candles in the bedroom, call him in there to help you with something and watch the magic come back! Or maybe arrange for a sitter and plan for an out of the ordinary romantic dinner at home (with candles maybe some wine). Its too bad we are so busy chasing the dollar these days that we lose touch with what really matters.

More Answers

C. I truly understand you feelings. My husband also works 60-70 hours a week but the overtime hours are on call so it isn't like a planned schedule. We never know if or when he'll be here. That is a challenge. However, I just make the best of it & when we can, we spend time together as a family. My suggestion to you is on his days off, ya'll make a point to be together whether it be family or a date. It is important that ya'll stay connected. Let your husband know how you feel and make sure that he knows that you appreciate his sacrifice for the family, but that you miss him.

Work as a team for the good of the family.

Hope this helps, V.

1 mom found this helpful

I have a husband who works swing shift at a plant. It feels as though I never see him some weeks. There's two weeks out of the month that he has to work weekends and that kills me. I am a stay at home mom and I have to go at it alone alot of times because of his schedule. We devised a plan that when he lays down ( on the nights that he is here with us) we talk about everything that is going on in each other's lives. We are in bed and relaxed. That way I get my time with him away from the kids and he feels as if he isn't doing all of this for nothing. He gets the updates on the kids and I get the time away from the kids that I need. If you can find time during the day or after he gets off just allow time for both of you to reconnect again. That is essential for a marriage to work. I just think that little time that I get with him before I go to sleep is the best because we can talk about anything and the conversation always goes back to our children. Try to find time, even if it is for 5 mintues before you go to bed.

I can kind of understand where you're coming from. And I think it's totally normal. My husband and I used to go out all the time as a couple and now that I'm pregnant, all he want to do is go out with the guys. Like just because I'm pregnant, it means I can't go out or something. I stay at home too and I know our situation is different, but I know what it's like to feel you've lost your best friend. He and I don't do anything anymore! Have you tried talking to your husband? Maybe you could get a baby-sitter for a few hours on his day off and go do something you always used to do, such as dinner at a special resturaunt, or just take a stroll down riverwalk.

Hi, My husband works 12,13 hour days all days of the week sometimes.He cooks the food at sconyers and on the 3 days the place is open he has to get up at 4 am and doesnt get home till 5 or 6.Then on the other days he works from 5 or 6 am till whenever they get done.He even works sundays.Then the time he is home he is either fixing someones cpu or getting movies or games for them.What I find that helps is that we keep on a schedule.I put my kids to bed by 8 both my 4 yr old and the baby.And whateve he is doing like fixing someones computer or gamesystem,watching tv or playing his xbox I will sit with him and either talk to him or try and get into what hes doing so we an spend time together.My husband also stays up till about 11 or 12 oclock depending on the day so we can see each other.I can say that if you try to make him sacrafice what he wants to do after hes home that it will only make things worse.Instead try to involve yourself into w/e it is he's doing or persaude him into the bed to have some fun.You could also find a good movie you both might like and watch it together one night.I also try to give my husband a break from me and the kids on sunday.I take the kids and go visit my family that live in grovetown for a few hours and that gives him some times to miss me and to relax alone in his own house.I also wanted to ask if your son goes to hephzibah elementary?My son does but hes in prek.

C., try to make the best out of the time you do have, and then try to bring the spark back into the marriage!!! For example, while he is watching tv, maybe put something slinky on and light some candles in the bedroom, call him in there to help you with something and watch the magic come back! Or maybe arrange for a sitter and plan for an out of the ordinary romantic dinner at home (with candles maybe some wine). Its too bad we are so busy chasing the dollar these days that we lose touch with what really matters.

Hi C., I live in Macon. I am not sure how far that is from where you live, but I have a meetup once a month to get together with other moms and have a little adult time. You are welcome to come and join us. Also, I work at home and I could share it with you and maybe your husband would not have to work so much and you could have more time with hime. You can give me a call at ###-###-#### or visit my website at www.kristies.fourpointmoms.com.

I want you to have your husband back. Mine used to be out of town Monday through Friday so I understand. Now I have 2 little boys and he is not out of town nearly as much. Just let me know how I can help.

I know exactly how you feel. The only difference is my husband only works one job, 8 hours a day. He is the "fun" parent. He only plays with the kids. After the kids go to bed at night, I am stuck washing the dinner dishes, sweeping the floors. I give the kids their baths at night. I can't even get him to change a diaper. He used to do all this before we met. Now, I feel like a babysitter with the benefits of a husband.

Hey C.! It makes sense that you are feeling lonely and missing time with your husband. I'm assuming you both decided it was best to get this extra job for a period of time, so based on that here's a few suggestions. Find some new (and old!) girl friends that can fill in some of the gaps. I spend time on the phone with a few close friends (they don't live here) a few times a week and talk about anything and everything. Find a church mom's group, or new activity you can give to. While you give to others, you find yourself with new purpose and it fulfills you in return. You love your husband and are best friends, that hasn't changed. Your time with him has though. Make the time with him count. Spend it enjoying each other and having good memories. Resentment can grow and turn into more dangerous situations if you don't get on the right side of the attitude meter and make some healthy, positive choices. You aren't at all wrong in how you're thinking or feeling, but you have a choice how to respond. FOR your marriage and family or against. A date night once a week or every other week is worth the babysitting money. Remember to listen to him too, that's what best friends do.

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