17 answers

Feeling Lonely

Well about 3 months ago my husband got a new job at ups ( PT 4am-9am)and works a full time job from (9-5). Now I know he works a lot of hours and I am very lucky to have a husband that would do that, exceptally since i am a stay at home mom. But I feel like our relationship has change Alot... i feel like i have No one to talk to.... he use to be my best freind and now he is like a stranger... If I call him at work... he cant talk... ater he gets home all he wants to do is watch tv and then get ready for bed at 8pm.. which i do understand that but I feel like there is no time for me and the kids with his busy days. Everything that has to do with the kids and the house and to take care of all the bills are on me.. if they are sick and all apts ,all activitys... which i understand some of that i am a stay at home that is my job as a parent... i am starting to feel like a single parent.. there is no time for my husband and i... the only time we are in the same spot at the same time is for our sons' soccor games. I dont know if i am right feeling this way but i feel ALONE/// where did my best friend go... we use to have the best relationship and now we are at nothing.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

C., try to make the best out of the time you do have, and then try to bring the spark back into the marriage!!! For example, while he is watching tv, maybe put something slinky on and light some candles in the bedroom, call him in there to help you with something and watch the magic come back! Or maybe arrange for a sitter and plan for an out of the ordinary romantic dinner at home (with candles maybe some wine). Its too bad we are so busy chasing the dollar these days that we lose touch with what really matters.

More Answers

C. I truly understand you feelings. My husband also works 60-70 hours a week but the overtime hours are on call so it isn't like a planned schedule. We never know if or when he'll be here. That is a challenge. However, I just make the best of it & when we can, we spend time together as a family. My suggestion to you is on his days off, ya'll make a point to be together whether it be family or a date. It is important that ya'll stay connected. Let your husband know how you feel and make sure that he knows that you appreciate his sacrifice for the family, but that you miss him.

Work as a team for the good of the family.

Hope this helps, V.

1 mom found this helpful

I have a husband who works swing shift at a plant. It feels as though I never see him some weeks. There's two weeks out of the month that he has to work weekends and that kills me. I am a stay at home mom and I have to go at it alone alot of times because of his schedule. We devised a plan that when he lays down ( on the nights that he is here with us) we talk about everything that is going on in each other's lives. We are in bed and relaxed. That way I get my time with him away from the kids and he feels as if he isn't doing all of this for nothing. He gets the updates on the kids and I get the time away from the kids that I need. If you can find time during the day or after he gets off just allow time for both of you to reconnect again. That is essential for a marriage to work. I just think that little time that I get with him before I go to sleep is the best because we can talk about anything and the conversation always goes back to our children. Try to find time, even if it is for 5 mintues before you go to bed.

I can kind of understand where you're coming from. And I think it's totally normal. My husband and I used to go out all the time as a couple and now that I'm pregnant, all he want to do is go out with the guys. Like just because I'm pregnant, it means I can't go out or something. I stay at home too and I know our situation is different, but I know what it's like to feel you've lost your best friend. He and I don't do anything anymore! Have you tried talking to your husband? Maybe you could get a baby-sitter for a few hours on his day off and go do something you always used to do, such as dinner at a special resturaunt, or just take a stroll down riverwalk.

Hi, My husband works 12,13 hour days all days of the week sometimes.He cooks the food at sconyers and on the 3 days the place is open he has to get up at 4 am and doesnt get home till 5 or 6.Then on the other days he works from 5 or 6 am till whenever they get done.He even works sundays.Then the time he is home he is either fixing someones cpu or getting movies or games for them.What I find that helps is that we keep on a schedule.I put my kids to bed by 8 both my 4 yr old and the baby.And whateve he is doing like fixing someones computer or gamesystem,watching tv or playing his xbox I will sit with him and either talk to him or try and get into what hes doing so we an spend time together.My husband also stays up till about 11 or 12 oclock depending on the day so we can see each other.I can say that if you try to make him sacrafice what he wants to do after hes home that it will only make things worse.Instead try to involve yourself into w/e it is he's doing or persaude him into the bed to have some fun.You could also find a good movie you both might like and watch it together one night.I also try to give my husband a break from me and the kids on sunday.I take the kids and go visit my family that live in grovetown for a few hours and that gives him some times to miss me and to relax alone in his own house.I also wanted to ask if your son goes to hephzibah elementary?My son does but hes in prek.

C., try to make the best out of the time you do have, and then try to bring the spark back into the marriage!!! For example, while he is watching tv, maybe put something slinky on and light some candles in the bedroom, call him in there to help you with something and watch the magic come back! Or maybe arrange for a sitter and plan for an out of the ordinary romantic dinner at home (with candles maybe some wine). Its too bad we are so busy chasing the dollar these days that we lose touch with what really matters.

Hi C., I live in Macon. I am not sure how far that is from where you live, but I have a meetup once a month to get together with other moms and have a little adult time. You are welcome to come and join us. Also, I work at home and I could share it with you and maybe your husband would not have to work so much and you could have more time with hime. You can give me a call at ###-###-#### or visit my website at www.kristies.fourpointmoms.com.

I want you to have your husband back. Mine used to be out of town Monday through Friday so I understand. Now I have 2 little boys and he is not out of town nearly as much. Just let me know how I can help.

I know exactly how you feel. The only difference is my husband only works one job, 8 hours a day. He is the "fun" parent. He only plays with the kids. After the kids go to bed at night, I am stuck washing the dinner dishes, sweeping the floors. I give the kids their baths at night. I can't even get him to change a diaper. He used to do all this before we met. Now, I feel like a babysitter with the benefits of a husband.

Hey C.! It makes sense that you are feeling lonely and missing time with your husband. I'm assuming you both decided it was best to get this extra job for a period of time, so based on that here's a few suggestions. Find some new (and old!) girl friends that can fill in some of the gaps. I spend time on the phone with a few close friends (they don't live here) a few times a week and talk about anything and everything. Find a church mom's group, or new activity you can give to. While you give to others, you find yourself with new purpose and it fulfills you in return. You love your husband and are best friends, that hasn't changed. Your time with him has though. Make the time with him count. Spend it enjoying each other and having good memories. Resentment can grow and turn into more dangerous situations if you don't get on the right side of the attitude meter and make some healthy, positive choices. You aren't at all wrong in how you're thinking or feeling, but you have a choice how to respond. FOR your marriage and family or against. A date night once a week or every other week is worth the babysitting money. Remember to listen to him too, that's what best friends do.

first things first HUGGSSSS now for the advice , TALK to him ,
sit down say I need to talk to you ask him to turn off the TV and tell him how you feel. then maybe arrange something like for 20 mins sometime between when he gets home and when he goes to bed for you two to talk. put the kids in bed at 7 if thats an early bed time for your son let him look at books till he falls asleep. that way you have an hr of alone time before he goes to sleep.

My hubby is an over the road truck driver so during the week I am a single mom. We have two kids (a 4yr & 17 mon old) and I do stay at home. I also take care of all the household chores and finances. My best suggestion is to make the most of the time you do have together. It's quality not quantity that counts. Also try to make a date night w/ your hubby once or twice a month. And remember don't let yourself get overwhelmed by the small stuff. My hubby & I share very little time together or alone time, but often a smile or a glance at each other reminds me that sometimes words need not be spoken to remember the love we share. I hope this helps and brightens your day:0)

I just want to let u know that Im going through the SAME EXACT thing that u are. My husband works at UPS too!(for 6 months) Hes night crew so he sleeps all day and when hes up, he just wants to play video games. Since my son (5 and a half)loves the games, I guess he thinks that its quality time. He doesnt even act like Im here any more. He was my best friend too. I have no one to talk to, Im so bored all day long. Im 8 months pregnant and he doesnt even come to the doctors with me any more. I am a stay at home mom too and I do everything that u do. Bills, appointments, cleaning, ect and hes never around. Im sooo lonely! I miss the man I married. And b/c Im getting so fustrated with this, we argue over everything and we never used to argue! People used to be jealous of us cause of how perfect everything was. Now, Im sad all the time, depressed, and scared that hes slipping away! I wish I had some great advice for you to help but if I cant figure out what to do to get my husband back, i wouldnt want to give u some crappy advice that would just make things harder for u. Lets just blame UPS!!! (maybe that will make u have a lil smile!!) Good luck to u! Hope to hear from u that everything changes for the best!!!!!!!!!!!!

C., I think you should find an activity or social group to get involved in that offers childcare service such as a church activity. I understand that you lonely, but it sounds like your husband is doing the best he can. He is working very long hours to provide for his family so you can stay home, most women don't even have that option.

When was the last time you guys had a date night (or lunch date) sounds like you guys need a time to reconnect with just the two of you. I think you guys should sit down and plan a time when you can do that... even if it is going and grabbing coffee for an hour.

C. I to know how you feel. My husband works 60 to 70 hours a week sometimes 7 days a week.On sundays we always try to do something togeather as a family but we hardly have much time for alone time.Why don't you send the kids to a relative for the night and try to recindle the romance with your husband. UNPLUG the T.V and turn on some slow music buy some massage oil and fall in love with your husband all over again..........I'f he's willing it will work!!!

Hi C.,
I totally understand where you are coming from. I sometimes feel like I am alone too. My husband is a drill sergeant and he works crazy hours. He has to be at work most of the times by 4:30am and doesn't come back home before 6 or 7 or 8 or 9pm or even midnight, if he gets to come home. His two children live with us and I am the one that takes care of them 24/7, bringing and picking them up from school, feeding them, checking their homework, bringing them to karate and gymnastics and so on and so far. Sometimes it gets really overwhelming especially because I am also a full time student in college and try to get a little bit of money here and there working as a freelance graphic designer and doing photo restoration. And in those days in which he happens to come home early or is miracolously off, I wish he would take care of his kids and worry about picking them up from school and driving them around, giving me a break and time to study. However, I understand he is tired as your husband is too. When he comes home I fist get my daily "BIG HUG" and give him his time to relax, then I try to finally get some grown up time after dealing with the kids all day long, but we often get interrupted because they have their needs too. As some other wifes have suggested, the best alone time is talking laying on the bad because for our family that is where the kids are not allowed to go. They might knock on the door still, but we tell them we are talking and ask quickly what they need. My favorite day is Thursday night because on that night we go to dance class (ballroom and latin) and that is OUR time ALONE! We have also joined a ballroom club which organizes dances once a month and that is another of my favorite days... if we can find a babysitter... It is so helpful to find an activity that both of you enjoy doing and that gives you some time with each other. The only downfall is finding and paying a babysitter when you don't have family close to you and don't swim in money, but it's worth it, because it keeps the relationship strong and alive. My suggestion is that you talk to your husband in an appropriate moment. Don't try to address the problem as soon as he comes in the door. Give him his relaxing time and then try to start a conversation to see if he is willing to turn off the tv and listen to you. Make sure you start with a kind and sweet tone of voice. You could probably start by recognizing and praising his hard work (it will make him feel better and more motivated to listen to what you have to say)and asking him how he likes the job or something similar. Then start saying what you think and tell him your feelings about the situation. Do not accuse him of anything, keep it more on the side of "I wish we had a little more time for each other, I miss the times when we..." At that point you could suggest some kind of plan that would give you some alone time. It seems like with men you have to make them believe that they came up with an idea, so in some way you need to manipulate his mind so that he will come up with the idea of dedicating a specific time for you.
Just as an extra suggestion. There is a really good book out there called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman that explains the different ways that people understand and express love and how to make sure that both you and your spouse feel loved. Read it if you have a chance, it is really informative and eye opening.

I don't know if this will hope but you are not alone. I have been feeling like this also. My husband works one job but it requres him about 13 hours a day all on his feet so when he gets home he just watches tv and goes to bed. The second he turns on that tv I can't help but feel angry. I work part time but from home so like you all the responsiblilities are on me and I get lonely. The only think I have found to help is to reserve time once a month for a date. Most of the time there is no baby sitter so we will do whatever possible to stay awake and have some type of date after our son is in bed. I have found that if we watch a movie for date night he folls asleep which really makes me angry so we have been playing scrabble and having dinner late for ourselves that night. Usually something easy like chesse/crackers and fruit or something we can munch on while we play scrabble or something. I know it sounds cheesy but this is the only thing that I have found that helps. Once a month is not much but it usually makes me feel better for a while and then I look forward to the next time. I hope this helps.
N.

C.,

I am going through a similar situation. My husband works Thurs. through Tues. 11am to 8pm and I work Monday through Friday 8am to 5pm. I spent a lot of time and energy getting angry and upset with my husband because I felt like I was doing everything and my husband was starting having anxiety problems because he wasn't able to spend time with his family. Anyway, my first question is have you talked to you husband about this? I think it's really important to let him know how you are feeling. You may not be able to change the situation that you are in, but you can make the best of the time that you do have. Be creative. Come up with a time for the 2 of you to have some alone time. Say every Thursday from 8:00 pm to 10:00 is date night or whatever timeframe you come up with. I understand that he is trying to provide for his family which I think is absolutely wonderful, but you really need to make time for each other. Even if it means he will lose a couple hours of sleep one night. In our situation, my husband has worked it out where he switches one of his days off during the week for a Sunday so we can have 1 day a month to spend together. It doesn't seem like much, but we find that we really look forward to that Sunday. You may not be able to change the work situation, but you can come up with others ways to spend time with each other. Good luck!

Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.