Feeling like the Worst Mom Ever

Try going off sugar entirely, if you haven't already. Her symptoms sound like sugar addiction. My son has this, and his personality changed radically when we stopped. Here's the article that helped me a great deal:
http://www.enotalone.com/article/4350.html

First big HUGS! we all have those days! My son will drive me up wall! To the point I'm in tears and he's still going! I have taken his stuff away and all that but it doesn't work for him. Just hang in there. Sorry i dont have any advice because i use the same techniques you do.

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You need to stop your daughter's undesirable behaviors by reacting immediately. She should not be given the opportunity to keep kicking her father for example. When you tell her to stop you need to make her stop. Not in a rough or angry way but say stop and physically stop her if you have to.
It is actually a good thing that these behaviors are happening just at home. This means you will be able to learn to deal with her effectively. There are many books on raising children. Perhaps one of them would help although you would have to ask for a recommendation since I have not read any myself.

What forms of discipline or punishment do you use? There are a few tactics that seem to work on almost every child, but we do have to amend things sometime to suit a child's personality or needs. Whatever you do -are you VERY consistent? It sounds like she's having issues with undrstanding boundaries at home. Believe me -I've been there with my oldest! Did her dad say or do anything other than leave the room when she was kicking him? How about firmly (not hurtfully or shaking) gripping her by the shoulders and saying in an authorotative and calm but firm voice, "I don't like to be kicked and I'm not going to put up with you kicking me. You are not allowed to kick people! If you continue to kick, you'll have to stay in your room until you can stop." It's amazing what this type of thing can do -even with a three year old! We still have our moments with ours, but we found that a sure fire way to shut diwn a behavior was using the "Love and Logic" method of saying, "You can continue to do _____in your room or you can stop and stay here, but we don't like ___, and we're not putting up with it." Sometimes you haul them to their rooms, but after awhile they either go or stop! By dad getting up and leaving he just taught her that she can control a room with certain behavior! Sometimes you DO have to be the one who leaves, but don't make a habit of it. I highly suggest the following books that made a real difference for us:

"Parenting With Love & Logic"

"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk"

"Positive Discipline" - there are some tailored to different ages

We've had to tweak a few things here and there, but many of the approaches in these books have really helped.

Don't beat yourself up about dreading time with her! I've been there and still feel that way sometime. Do realize that kids pick up on your vibes though! It's hard to change your feelings sometime, but I can tell a big difference in my oldest's behavior when I'm genuinely (or acting genuinely) happy to be with him! Good luck!

I don't know if there are consequences in the house and by this post you didn't mention any so it makes me wonder what you are doing to show her that her actions are wrong.
Speaking from personal experience holding a child accountable for their behavior needs to start young and be consistent. For example she was kicking dad, what was her consequence? Did you tell her no and put her in the corner? When she curses do you put her in a corner or wash her mouth out with soap? I remember cursing at my parents when I was young and getting soap. I didn't curse again for a few years and then one day I called my brother a brat and I got it again. Respect was also a very very large thing in my house growing up. At a young age I knew that bad behavior had consequences and I knew if I did those behaviors what was coming. That doesn't mean I didn't ever do anything wrong because oh I did but I knew what to expect. At this point your 3.5 year old doesn't respect you already I hope you can build a relationship where she does.
I would say start making some consequences so she knows ok, this behavior is going to lead to this. She is going to cry, she is going to scream, she is going to throw fits but remember YOU ARE THE PARENT! Hold firm and she won't hate you for doing this. If you do it only 4 out of 5 times she does something wrong she will know eventually you will give in and she'll continue doing it. She will actually thank you when she is older and able to deal with the world.

I seriously could have written this post myself (minus the swearing). My 3 year old went through a 6 week spell of the worst behaviour I had ever seen. I started to dread being around my own child. We just reached our breaking point and really put our foot down. We got serious about discipline. We had a one warning policy. She got one warning and then she went to her room and could not come out until she stopped the behaviour and gave an apology. We did not let her get away with anything. We had been to lienent before and we really had to teach ourself how to be consistent. But we did, and we stuck to it. No joke, within one week of us being firm and consistent, we had a complete change in her behaviour. She stopped all the tantrums, she started to listen to us and take us seriously. I was shocked how she turned her bahaviour around. Now life is enjoyable again and I love spending time with my sweet child. My best advice I can give is to be firm and consistent. It is so important to follow through. Empty threats are the worst thing you can do. Your child needs to know that they can not get away with things and if they try they know exactly what will happen. Swift and firm discipline. Good luck. It can be acomplished, you just have to work at it. Hang in there.

What are the consequences of her bad behavior?
Does she behave badly with the daycare and Grandma? Oh I see she does not. THey have consequences.

She needs timeouts and you need to learn to be firm.
Tell her NO firmly once. Then when she continues take her to Timeout and sit her firmly in her place, 3 minutes If she gets up sit her back down and restart the timer.
I know I will get blasted for this but we used soap for potty mouth. Put a little on your finger and slide your finger into her cheek. While saying Laura, We do not say Dickhead. You say it again and this is what you will get.
We also used German licorice bites.
Learn the TO hold, take her arms across her chest and you hold her wrists, this does not hurt. She will scream and wriggle. You sit cross legged with her on your lap. You have complete control. She sits quietly for 1 minute then you can let go and she has to sit her time but you do not hold her.
When she hits, if she does, look her in the eyes on her level and say THAT HURT! It is not OK to hit Mommy. Firmly, not screeching at her. THen take her to TO.

You can play the Mommy is a ------- game.
Ask her is mommy a person? Yes, It is OK to call Mommy a person
Is mommy a pig? No, It is not OK to call Mommy a pig
Is Mommy pretty? Yes It is OK to call Mommy pretty.
Is Daddy a table? No It is not OK to Daddy a table.
Is Laura a boy? No It is not OK to call Laura a boy.
Then when she says Dickhead you say It is not OK to call Mommy a dickhead.

She is in control. You are the parent you have every right to say no to her. Start now as she will be 13 one day and it won't be a fun ride if you have issues now.

HI-

I think we all have times when we feel like the worse parent ever.

I am saying this purely from experience, you have to get tough now or it is going to get worse. She is old enough to understand consequences. You need to nip the behavior now. You need to set a rule and stick to it, such as no swearing. Tell her what is going to happen if she swears. If she does it, give her one warning. If she does it again, then take away a privilege or something that is important to her. Explain to her that tomorrow will start a new day and she will get her privilege back and start again. At this age, kids do not understand time, so taking it away until the next morning is fair.
We had a behavior issue with our daughter. She has three things that are very important to her (her blanket and bunny, having bedtime with mommy(books/laying with her, and watching tv or computertime). She is 4 1/2. We set the rules for her(2 of them - following directions and being kind), explained what they were, made sure she understood and what would happen if she didn't follow them. It took 4 days of her losing every one of her special things. Only 4 days! It was an awful 4 days, but she got the point. If I do this, this is what happens. And now, she know. But you have to make it something that is ultra important to her, else it won't work. I say this with also saying, pick your battles. On the flip side of this, you should come up with some type of reward system for when she is good too. I am not a huge reward person, but my daughter's therapist recommended this to help get us on the right track. My daughter knows what it takes to get a reward, she earns coins and then once she gets so many coins she can turn them in for a reward.

I am not a strict/tough mom and I just needed to learn some parenting skills that worked for my daughter and I.

Your daughter is 3 so you can't expect perfect behavior, however, you can expect respect. Three is a tough age, way way harder than two. But now is easier to get a handle on instead of later. Imagine her doing this being a teenager.....

Where the heck does a 3 1/2 year old learn that language. The first thing you need to do, is separate her from whatever influence is speaking that way. If it is you and your husband (I'm not assuming), then you must stop speaking like that. Does she get discipline EVERY single time she misbehaves? If not, she should! She is absolutely out of control. Actually, SHE thinks she is in control of everyone! The only think I can really suggest to you, since this is so extreme...is Love and Logic. Look and see if there are any classes. If not, see if you can get some books. It seems to me like you desperately need a break, and your life could really change with Love and Logic. Good luck.

Hi!

3 is very, very hard. There are a number of different disciplinary approaches. Experiment and find out what works for you. I like "Parenting with Love and Logic", but there are lots of options.

When children do better in school than they do with you, it means they trust you. You are the safe environment. They can hold it together in school and collapse at home. This doesn't mean you need to put up with her behavior! But it does mean that behaving better at school than she does with you is a good sign, not a bad sign.

It is possible you are "too soft" with her. It is also possible that you haven't found the right strategy. Being really, really hard-nosed about the wrong strategy is useless and frustrating. Anyone who tells you "this always works" is incorrect. Different things work with different kids.

In general, try a new approach for 1-2 weeks. Give it absolutely consistent implementation. If you haven't seen significant results in 2 weeks, try something else.

If NOTHING works, start looking at the possibility that there are other things going on than simple misbehavior. In that case, start looking at the possibility of medical problems, learning challenges, etc.

Make sure she's getting enough sleep.

If you want help brainstorming disciplinary strategies to try that match your family structure and values, feel free to send me a private message.

Good luck.

Hi C.,
I think you have a very nice and normal girl. She just repeats what she hears and tests your limits and perhaps you do not always read her cues correctly and not always consistent with your discipline.
What helps me when applying discipline is to always keep in mind WHY is my child doing what they are doing and WHAT do I want them to DO/LEARN and how can I teach them.
When your daughter is helping with the baby - praise her a lot. When she spontaneously does something good -praise and point out what you liked about the behavior. Ex: "I really liked how you were very careful about pushing that grocery cart without rolling it on peoples' feet!", "I like how you are very gentle with the little brother" , etc.
Your example with "We took her to the park today causd it was so warm and beautiful out. When we got home we watched some football and she kept kicking her father. " I think she was acting out what she saw - kicking. She just directed that at her father because there was no ball. This is the cue that needs to be read correctly and discussed, not just removing the child's foot and leaving her wondering inside her head "he doesn't want to play, but earlier kicking seemed to be fun". Questions like "Are you pretending that my leg is a ball?" or removing the foot and saying " Did you liked all the kicking we saw, do you like to kick some ball later with me?" would be more like addressing the underlying issue.
In re: to your time out and the fact that she almost broke the door. I've been through this technique only once. Never had to use it again. My little guy dislikes to be alone in the room period, and I think he was scared. Anyway, because of that I modified it slightly because I wanted my child to learn to behave and not to scare him to death. I warned him that if he didn't stop some obnoxious behavior (I think he was determined to paint the couch with red permanent marker at the time despite of my strong objections and offer of paper and more appropriate application of his artistic skills) he will be put in his room alone for time out. He chose to not to listen. I told him "Too bad you decided not to listen, I have to put you in the room now". He started protesting obviously, I added right away "You can come out as soon as you are ready to promise to be a good boy and listen to Mommy". That is the part where I TOLD him what I want him TO DO to get out of that room. He whined "But I do not want to be a good boy!", clearly we had no meeting of the minds here. I told him again while carrying him to the room "I will open the door and you can come out when you are ready to be good and to listen to Mommy". The room was in his sight now so he changed that song "I do not want to be alone there, I am scared!" Me: "Do you promise to listen to Mommy?". Him: "I don't want to!" I opened the room, put him on his bed and walked out and set right outside. In the matter of a second my child was at the door banging and screaming. I was talking to him through the door: "Darling, I really wish you can come out, I cannot let you destroy the couch and not to listen to Mommy. When you are ready to promise, you can come out right away." He screamed "I am ready!" I opened the door and got the evil eye child staring at me screaming "I hate you! I will paint the couch red!" . I said: "Oh, my. I can see that you are not ready. I am very sorry." I closed the door and set down again. He started the screaming again. I said " Where is my good baby? Where is my little boy that always helps Mommy and listens to Mommy and gives her hugs? Where did he go? I really want my beautiful boy back. " And so on and so forth. Many times I stopped talking because the child on the other side was louder that me. He said one more time he was ready, I opened the door again - and he was not. Finally, on the try #4, he calmed down, promised to be good and by his demeanor, I saw that he really meant it. I gave him a big hug "My beautiful baby is back? He is nice now? and where is the bad boy? You don't know? He left? Well, tell the bad boy not to come back anymore?" He was looking at me and said "I was bad, but now I will listen." I hugged him again and said "It is very nice to be with you when you listen. Do you want to do XYZ now?" Well, my point was that you don't just lock the child in and expect them to change. They are small, they do not know what you want them to do, they cannot read your mind, they do not know what is the social norm and they may not be aware at 3 y/o what they did to offend you. You need to use a lot of words and descriptions to tell your baby what is wrong, to tell her what you want her to say and to do to mend what she had done and to be loving through the whole process. Otherwise it becomes punishment and not discipline.
I never liked the soap in the mouth idea. From the child's perspective - you are hurting her. Grandpa does not have his mouth washed with soap, right? Because he is after stroke and may not realize what he is saying. Well, she is 3 y/o and I do not think she realizes what she is saying. She probably just likes how it rolls off her tongue like any funny new word and it gets a reaction from you on top of that. Dealing with these words, I would strongly tell the child "This is bad word, you cannot call Mommy/Daddy that." If she chooses to continue, time out is a good thing. Small one, like sitting on a chair or on a big bean bag in the corner. My son tried to escape those. I set with him, ignoring his pleas and counting aloud to sixty, holding him in my lap, if he interrupted me or kicked, or some other offense, I started from 1 over again. Boy, did my kid learned his numbers!
My son learned that the words TIME OUT meant business! You have to do time outs consistently at home for a while before your girl gets that she cannot get away with mistreating you. It may get worse before it will get better because she will test you and will buck against the rules you putting up. Be consistent and firm.
Now, I only mention a time out and my boy is yelling back "I am sorry, I will not do that again!" in a playground or on the play-date. Still, I always give him a chance to behave properly and to use a good judgment on his own. I always ask things like: "Are you running away from me?", "No I just want to look at this rock!", "OK, but what do you have to do if you what to go and look at the rock?" ,"Mommy, can I go and look at that rock?", "Do you want to go and look at it together", "Yes, Yes!". OR, if there is a cheeky monkey face and no response to my inquiry of what he is doing my next question may be "Do you want to go in a time out?" That gets his attention.
Sorry, it has been a long response. I hope you will find some of it helpful. You do have a great thing going that your daughter loves her brother. That is really great.Good luck with everything else.

I totally get it and it is an age thing - well partially. We went through a phase when I was worried I was raising a little brat at the exact same age. It has gotten a lot better since, but you have to keep working on it constantly, parenting is not a quick fix solution business, it's hard 24/7 work.

First of all you need to decide for your family what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not AND everyone in the family needs to obey those same rules. If you don't want her to curse and yell, you cannot do it either! Treat her like you want her to treat you, saying please and thank you and so on. If she knows to curse at 3.5 she has picked it up somewhere and now needs to learn that that is not you you communicate at home!

THEN you decide on consistent consequences for bad behavior. At this age it is more important to be consistent, than having a "punishment that fits the crime" system. Give her the same negative consequence EVERY TIME she misbehaves. For us timeouts work great, we don't have a timeout spot, but send our daughter to her room to cool down for a minimum of 3 minutes. She can choose to stay there longer, and sometimes does when her behavior stem from simply being overstimulated. When she is done she has to apologize and we talk about what went wrong and how we can do it next time she is frustrated, angry, bored, etc..

It is very important that you don't just discipline her for bad behavior, but reinforce when she does behave well. We started out with a reward chart at that age, first for unspecified good behavior. I also make sure I acknowledge my daughter when she behaves nicely (for example asks nicely, waits her turn ...).

It really is just a matter of modelling and praising good behavior and discouraging unwanted behavior AND being consistent. BUT if you don't get it under control soon, it may get worse and more difficult to deal with when she gets older - so you have to start acting sooon.
Good luck

Sounds like you are maybe not doing your time outs consistently or correctly. When done correctly, it will be enough of a punishment that she will think twice before acting. I agree with the other moms- watch Supernanny. I even think she has a book. Check it out.
My son HATES time out. He told me he would rather have a spanking. He doesn't sit in time out much anymore, but I still threaten him from time to time. One warning is usually enough to stop whatever it is he is doing.

You must deal with this with 100% consistency. Be firm, put your foot down, set boundaries and don't let her get away with that behavior and her language. Watch supernanny. =) You can find episodes on hulu.com or ABC.com. You need to discipline her every single time. She's old enough to learn kindness and respect. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

:0) Our dd only acts bad for us. I know what made it worse for us...
spanking. It provoked her like a caged animal, but we wanted to stop it.
We tried redirecting, grounding, removing things, counseling, etc...
Finally, she is doing better. I can't say for sure it was anything we did.
She worked through her stress.

I would say the categories of her behavior in an age thing, but the severity is a big problem. My issue with the 'be harder on her' advise is: she's 3!! My advise is that before you can get s handle on her actions you need your whole household strictly structured. Kids push boundaries when the boundaries are inconsistent. She will be a much better behaved child when she knows what to expect of her little world & what her world expects of her. That will take being 'tougher' in a sense but not meaner, just less lenient on the boundaries being pushed. Good luck! Your a good mommy because you care enough to fix the problem!!

Three is a tough age and I had a very difficult three year old years ago. However, the swearing and the kicking do sound like significant issues to me. You've gotten a lot of great advice here so far and I hope some of it is helpful. Please don't put soap in her mouth though. That's not what these other moms meant by getting tougher with her. That won't teach her anything except that soap tastes really bad. It might also make things worse because she'll be very angry with you. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has written some excellent parenting books, including one on raising spirited children and one on power struggles. I recommend you check those out. Another good place to start is checking in with your pediatrician. Not all of them are trained to handle behavorial issues, but he/she might be able to refer you to someone who can help. Good luck.

Ugh, it is sooo hard! Her greatest examples and influence at this time is you and your husband. They do seek so much attention at this age. My daughter is 3, and she wants to be talking to me every second.
My suggestion would be prayer! God is so good, and is a ever present help in time of trouble (: Ask Him to help you love her, be gentle and kind to her. It is so hard to "reverse" bad behavior. You are going to have to be patient. You are going to have to set the boundaries and make sure consquenes are clear to her. She will catch on. Do you have any moms that could love and encourage you during this time? It is so helpful to talk to other moms and know that you are not alone. We all struggle.

My son is 3 and doing the same things.. He has a new sister to contend with and the only person that he mostly behavs for is my mom. we are having issues at daycare and at home. Now that I am healed from my c sect.. I can take more control and it is working, but it takes time.
Two things. 1 put a tape recorder on for a few hrs.. and listen to what she is doing and how you are reacting. I know that I don't realize that I have not disciplined when I should.. that will help you to be more aware. and 2 when you lose it with them, and she gets you mad.. she is in control.. if you keep your cool (trust me it is very very hard, and I am not judging) then you get the upper hand.

you and your husband need to talk about what behaviors that you will not allow, and how you will both discipline for it.. Ie sitting at the dinner table if she does not sit.. how would you try to get her to sit? Counting, then time our chair/ room .spot, .. or take the plate away and gets nothing until the next meal or take it away until she sits down? there are many ways to handle things the idea is to be consistent.. That is easier said than done.

Good luck

First and foremost the cursing has to stop in your house period. If you don't want your child to swear then the parents/aunts/uncles/tv shows/friends who all cuss aren't welcome if they bring the trash talk. They are tape recorders and will repeat whatever they hear. So stop it.
1st. You are the parent not her. If she swears Say "No cussing" and then send her to her time out spot. If she get's up, put her back until she is able to sit there for 3 minutes (time out should be how ever old she is and then put it into minutes 3 for 3 mintues, 4 for 4 ect). Seriously watch Super Nanny. LOVE Jo to DEATH.

Take back your authority be consistent and show her who is the boss. She isn't. She's 3. She is the child. Show her respect if you want to get respect back. I don't know how you treat her, but make sure she knows you love her and she will show you that she loves you. Most behavioral issues is for attention and inconsistency. When was the last time it was just you two? Again make sure she know you love her.
**Just read your edit and we must have hit enter at the same time lol

My kids hate it when my husband watches sports. They want his attention and will do most anything to get it. Kicking him during a game sounds like she wanted him to pay attention to her, rather than a game on TV. That is normal 3 year old behavior.

Be firm, but don't expect her to be an adult. She is only 3 1/2. In her world, she is the center... she wants it all. Set boundaries and be consistent. I wouldn't say that soap in the mouth is the best way to get her to change her behavior. That sounds terrible, and I'd reserve that for a child who can really understand what she is saying.

My nephew went through a cursing phase, and my SIL realized some of it was coming from her. It also took a full year for him to stop... and she had to change some of her own behavior for it to happen.

You might try adding some chores to her list.. or remove TV time or something that she is really motivated by. My kids are rarely motivated by toy removal.. they have too many toys so they just play withsomething else.

Good luck!
J.

This is about this question and the other. There is nothing WRONG with wanting an event such as Christmas to be special for your daughter. You aksed for advice but then discounted it all, said you tried everything but didn't mention 123 Magic or learning about child develpment. If you are not willing to do any work and just want to complain have someone tell you Yes your 4 year old who is acting in a developmentally and situationally normal manner, what will that gain you?

About being offended regarding counseling. I'm offended at your response! Many people have seeked counseling for life's problems, from marriage counseling, grief counseling, to dealing with family issues. NOONE including you knows everything. If you want help and change DO IT!

C.,

Hi- I don't have as much behavioral advice for you as I have empathy. I completely understand how frustrated you are and how you feel you are at the end of your rope! 3 years old is a tough age because they desperately want independence but at the same time still need to be a "baby". Its a hard line for little ones to find and it causes great frustration and anger because they don't know how to express it appropriately. My advice to you is to as much as you can ignore the negative, and anything that she does that is positive or does well---praise, praise, praise her. Praise her as much as you can for the things you see her do well. Even if its as simple as when she eats dinner, sitting in her chair the right way, using manners, saying nice words to her brother etc. Anything you can tell her that is good about her will really help. It may take some time, but downplay the negative and really push the positive. She will move out of this stage and you will survive!!! I promise! GL

M

You have to give her a consequences each and every time she does something wrong (curses, or kicks dad). Then you have to follow through. Even if she kicks her door practically down. Don't give in. Take all the toys out of her room if you need to. At this age our son would get a time out in his room. He would be so angry and would throw toys as hard as he could or kick his door as hard as he could. We simply ignored him till his time was up. Then if he had the bad behavior again he has a time out again. My friend had to put a lock on the outside of her daughter's door just for these kind of time-outs (3 minutes at age 3 or until they calm down. You can explain it to them beforehand and set a timer) Decide what you will not tolerate. I put the line at using a rude tone of voice. No chances. He used a rude tone of voice ONCE and he immediately got a time out. If my son had kicked his dad's leg and he asked him to stop and then my son did it again, he would immediately have had a time out. At one point in time (I forget exactly what age), our son didn't seem to care about getting time outs. So we had to change the consequence to something that he hated. Right now it is no video games for the next 24 hrs (he is 7). You have to figure out what works best for your child. Anyway- if she treats you like garbage in any way whatsoever you need to immediately give her some kind of consequence. Explain to her beforehand what you will start doing. You and dad sit her down and say, honey, from now on we have a rule in our house that you never ever call other people bad names, and you never speak rudely to mom and dad. You do this and you are getting a time out immediately. Then ALWAYS follow through. You have to be very black and white with her. Also, it helps a lot to praise her like crazy any time she is sweet or anytime she does something right. Jump up and down and tell her how awesome she is. She will totally change if you are very black and white with her. We had to do this same thing when our son started being out of control and it works wonderfully. Don't let her dad just walk away from her when she will not listen to him. That is lazy parenting. He needs to calmly tell her I told you not to kick me and since you kicked daddy again you are now getting a time out. Let's go. Age 3 is a very hard age and you just have to be super consistent. It all sinks in eventually.

I'd totally switch your approach. You may be too much of a softy, but I don't think it means you need to punish her more. I think you might want to learn some Positive Discipline skills ("Positive Displine" by Jane Nelsen - get the Preschool age one - is a great book). It doesn't mean you let your child behave however. It just means you approach it in a different way.

A lot of it is normal behavior - the whining and kicking and saying stuff (not sure about the bad language, though). But it won't get better unless you are able to approach it in a way to get rid of it.

I've noticed with some of my kids, they do worse when I punish it out of them. They have responded much better to the Positive Discipline.

Good luck! Kids can be frustrating...you aren't a bad mom!

ADDED: I totally agree with the poster who said to make sure she has no sugar. That makes a HUGE difference with my kids!

Age three is definitely a time for them to start testing the waters however, that being said; this behavior is absolutely not acceptable. My daughter will be 4 next month. She has mouthed off a time or two but there are definite consequences to her actions and she’s aware of it. She knows the risk she’s taking. She rarely does anything horribly bad because of the constant teaching and discipline methods my Husband and I have used. Attention is a good thing but too much could be a bad thing. In fact, when she’s throwing a fit place her in her room on her bed and walk out, close the door behind you. She will react strongly the first few times. Once she sees you aren’t affected by her attitude and she sees no one wants to be around her she will adjust. To answer your question, you aren’t a bad Mom. It takes time to figure out what works for each kid’s personality but inaction (not disciplining in some form) will always get you the same unsatisfactory result. Try to do a little research and see if you can match a personality type with your daughter. Such as, introvert, extrovert, ambivert. Knowing more about her can give you an idea of what will affect her most. Whatever you do, do not give up and continue with the same boundaries. If my daughter starts throwing a fit I walk her to her room and put her on her bed. She cries and screams into her pillow. No more than ten minutes later she will come out and say sorry for whatever it was she was doing wrong. Trust me, this didn’t happen overnight but once I figured out that if I wasn’t there to react to her then her tension would just diffuse itself. Good luck to both you and your Husband. Parenting is no easy job, I am a full time step mom to four and biological mom to one. We have five children in the home Mon- Fri. Nothing surprises me these days!