Feeling Confused and Scared Carrying Twins?

If you are in the Seattle area, another great group is the North Seattle Families of Multiples:

http://www.orgsites.com/wa/nsfom/

They have activities and events, including get-togethers for new and expecting parents of multiples.

Good Morning,

I personally don't have twins but some of my friends do. There is an Eastside Moms of Multiples group that covers the Seattle area. Their Web site is http://www.emoms.org/default.aspx and on their join page is a sidebar with a listing of other area groups if you're not in their "Bellevue, north to Bothell, east to North Bend, south to Renton, and west to Seattle" general service area.

Good luck!

I too am carring twins. I am 38 this August and have an 18year old daughter and two sons 8 & 7 years old. I was confused and scared at first too. At times I still find myself thinking about how I will manage. But as the months have gone by I have become more comfortable with the idea. I am now 32 weeks along. I would sugggest looking on Craigslist for baby items and going to other 2nd hand stores for things, but only as they are needed, if money is an issue. So many times we buy too much too soon and it just sits in the corner waiting for baby to meet the next milestone. I imagine, you still have some items left from your 18 month old so, that should help, as well. I was told not to get two cribs right off the bat, as the babes like to sleep together. I plan to order diapers online, as I understand you can get pretty good discounts that way, too.

When I had my 7 & 8 yearold sons, I was on bedrest, for the term of my pregnancies. My daughter at the time was 8-10 years of age. She really rose to the occasion and loved to be my RIGHT HAND. If the children feel a sence of importance in assisting you and they receive praise and recognition, they should feel just fine helping out. Friends and family will want to help, too - be sure and let them. It's always nice how THRILLED strangers are to hear that I am having twins. It really helps me on days when I am feeling nervous, as I realise how special a gift it is. FYI, your doctor will monitor you much closer than with other pregnancies, so if anything health related comes up, they'll know ASAP.

God Luck and Good Health.

Hi K., I am a mother of 5 with my youngest being 3 year old twins boy/girl. My twins are adopted so I don't have the pregnancy experience but I had 1 hour notice from the time I found out about them until I picked them up at the hospital so I can understand the shock and fears. It will be OK! twins are wonderful and not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. You can get away with one crib for a while but will eventually need two of everything. Don't buy new! I got all my stuff on craigslist and a fraction of the cost I would have bought it new. The best thing to remember is to make sure you have them on the same schedule. If one wakes us to feed, wake the other up! This will make things much easier for you other wise you will never get any sleep. If you have any ongoing questions you can e-mail me anytime. ____@____.com luck and you can do it! J.

Hello K.,
First, congratulations!
When my husband and I decided to have 'a' baby we had no idea that it would mean two babies. We also had no family history of twins (we have a fraternal set, B/G) It was a wonderful surprise but a surprise just the same. They are our first children so we don't know what it's like having just one baby but we are thoroughly enjoying our new lives and our twins, and can happily say that it really is fairly easy. We're very, very busy but we are surrounded by supportive family and friends (Bless them!) Watching two grow side by side is fascinating and endlessly entertaining.
So this would be my first suggestion - surround yourself with your family and friends and let them help you. Let the people around you help both while you are pregnant and by making arrangements for help after the babies are born - meals, playtime with your other children, cleaning, grocery shopping.........

Then try to put off the worrying as much as possible and enjoy this very special time.

You do not need two of everything! Hopefully you still have some of the baby items left from your 18 month old, take hand me downs - everything does not have to match! Visit craigslist for baby items. Twins can sleep in the same crib for the first five or six months of their lives.......

There are twin/multiples support groups in every big city/town and there is a host of information on the internet and mountains of books on the subject.

I know it is easy for me to say "Don't worry - enjoy....", especially as you must be very busy already with three young children but I say it anyway. Trust yourself as a mother, trust your body and enjoy this new experience. Start picturing these two babies, talk to them, note the differences between them even in utero. Someone else mentioned this but I loved telling people that I was carrying a twin. The positive response is overwhelming and heartwarming. You don't just get to "eat for two", you are "eating for three". Relish this special status.

Be well!

Hi K.. I do not have twins, but am one. I have a twin brother. We are 33 now and I can tell you that it is so amazing to have a twin brother. We have and still are very very close. It was so reassuring growing up knowing that I always had someone to go with on the first day of school, our first school dance, or to get our drivers license. We even double dated alot in high school and after. Now my brother is the most amazing uncle to my 2 kids and I think that has made us even closer. Anyway, I just thought I would put my two cents in. we also have a sister that is 4 yrs older than us. My mom is an amazing lady!!

I know how you feel, I had no idea where to start when I was told I was having twins. I have not figured out on this website how others have responded but if you haven't already, I encourage you to look at the website for a local multiples club called Full House Moms and Dads. I have 8 year old ID girls and I have been a member of this club since they were babies. It is very helpful especially for dealing with a multiple preganacy and multiple babies. You are already experience with singletons, but you fill find there are many other issues in dealing with twins. Please feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com if you would like a sounding board to start. Good luck.

E.

There is are Multiples Group made for just this purpose and I am sure you can find one close by you. If not ask your Doctor if he knows any of his patients who have twins who could lend their experience. Then share your fears with him. Write them all down. You have plenty of time to do the research and find out all the answers.

I don't have twins but my best friend has 2 sets of twins. She belongs to a group called Full House Moms here in the Portland, OR area. I am sure there are lots of support groups depending on where you live. I would suggest finding a group close to you. And it would be good to get plugged in now so that after the babies come you will have a good support system.
Good luck!

Congratulations,fellow twin mom! I have a 3 yr old and 9 month old fraternal twins and twins do not run in our family either! I definately understand the shock that you feel. I found out at 8 wks and fortunately the doctor printed the ultrasound pic for me. I went through shock for a day or two, then denial for a month or so (the ultrasound pic helped a lot with the denial). Acceptance finally came after a month and a half, then excitment a few days later. You will get there too. Nobody ever plans to have twins, so I think what you're feeling is pretty normal especially when you have older children and you know how difficult having just one can be! It is more work, but it's twice the smiles, twice the giggles and twice the fun as well. I had very difficult pregnancies, so with the twins sometimes the best I could do was sit on the couch with my son while he watched movies for several hours a day. I hated to do that, but it was the best I could do sometimes. I also found a daycare where he could go twice a week and my husband dropped him off for me. Some things around the house didn't get done and I had to learn to be ok with that temporarily. I think it's great that you're other kids are helping so much! As long as they are willing I would let them help. If it starts to get to be too much for them then it's ok if some things don't get done and it's also ok to ask friends to help, although I wouldn't ask them any more than you really need because you'll need them even more when the babies come and you don't want to use up all your favors yet! my husband helped out a lot, and he took off some extra time from work when they were born to help. You can find good stuff for twins for less on craigslist (I'll be selling some of my stuff soon so let me know if you're having boys!). my twins lived in their pajamas for the first 3 months of their lives - I just didn't have time for many cute outfits and cute shoes. I have time now to dress them up but not the early days, so Idon't recommend lots of newborn clothes. I really recommend a travel system for twins (I was able to get out of the house because of it and don't know how I would have gone without it) and a twin front/back carrier (you find these at doubleblessings.com) so you can do things while you hold them. These are pricey but you can find them used sometimes. I love having twins, and I would love to give you advice as you need it so feel free to keep in contact with me. You will always have a special bond with other twin moms and we all try to help each other out! I hope this encourages you... having twins is wonderful. Just this morning,my twins were looking at each others faces and laughing and laughing. so cute! D.

you need to joing fullhousemoms.com. it is a support group with monthly meetings and random events for moms (and dads) expecting and carring for twins. i remember when i found out about my twins...for two weeks i cried. i have two beautiful, healthy children already. i have a 10 yo son who is active in sports and my youngest is very active and hypersensitive. what am i doing bringing two babies into the world? not to mention i was 35 and already 30 pounds heavier than i should be.

i really leaned on members of the group for support and information. it helped keep me positive. except for the 55 pounds i gained, 6 weeks of throwing up ALL DAY LONG, and not being able to get out of bed the last 4 days, i had two healthy beautiful full-term girls (7.1 lbs. and 6.2 lbs.). we came home within 3 days and we've never looked back!

as far as "stuff" goes, you don't need two of much. the babies can sleep together in the same crib for some time. mine did until they were 4 months old. i've talked to other moms who's twins stayed together much later. we had one exersaucer for awhile until i decided both could play at the same time and give mommy a break! let's hope they are the same sex as the 18 mos. old so you already have some clothes. you'll get plenty of matchy-matchy outfits from relatives and friends to cover them when you feel like dressing them alike.

just an fyi, only fraternals run in families. identicals are considered a fluke of nature. i bet that's what you're having! if you ever want to talk, email me at ____@____.com

I had twins 8 years ago and was feeling the same way. Scared and confused. 8 years later all is well! I would first suggest joining the local mothers of multiples group in Portland. They hold a huge resale event where you can get everything you need in multiples they also have playgroups and get togethers so you can meet others who have gone through life with twins. Next, I would keep having your other children help out it is good for them and they won't burn out, just keep it fun for them! Also don't be afraid to ask others to help out extended family,husband and friends. People are glad to help if you just ask! The most important thing that I had was a stroller. I would invest or find the best possible double stroller around. And finally get lots of rest and take care of yourself that is the most important thing right now!

This is my first response here. :) I have two sets of twins and know how you're feeling. They don't run in my family, either. You've gotten great twin advice so far, so I won't add anything else beyond assuring you that a mix of emotions is definitely normal!

I wanted to comment on the SVT part. Is it superventricular tachycardia (did I spell it right?)? I have had heart issues (SVT and PAC and PVCs), too, but I found mine were suppressed while I was pregnant and nursing. Opposite of what I expected. I get palpitations again now, but they are much less frequent and mostly around my menstrual cycles. Hopefully you'll do just fine. I mostly wanted to wish you well and tell you to take it as easy as you can. Use those older kidlets as much as possible and let your body rest as much as you can!

Peace,
J.

Hi K.! I am mom to 3-month-old fraternal twin boys and an almost 4-year-old. I have to admit that the twins have been easier than I expected. My advice:

(1) Get help if you can! I was really resistent to help, but my husband insisted on a nanny for 6 hours a day for the first twelve weeks. It was wonderful! It allowed me to spend one-on-one time with my older son and to get out of the house and run errands, go to the gym etc.

(2) As far as items: I agree with other posts that you don't want to go overboard on items until you know what they like. My twins happen to love the swing so we have two of those. One bouncy seat, one crib (for now), a boppy (or two), double stroller (I have the Graco Quattro Tour ... love it!). I got a lot of stuff off Craig's list for a fraction of the cost.

(3) If you're planning on breastfeeding definitely get a boppy (or two or three). I couldn't live without mine ... and I have three of them (one in every room that I nurse in)! Others recommend the ez2nurse pillow. I haven't tried it, but heard it is great.

(4) Get them on the same schedule ... when one eats, wake up the other. This will allow you to get the most sleep. At first, they will probably eat every three hours ... and it will take one hour to feed them so you'll have to exist on two hour chunks of sleep. Trust me, it gets better!

(5) Finally, be prepared for bumps in the road and adapt as necessary. Everyone told me nurse my twins at the same time because it went faster, was more effective etc. Unfortunately, though, my twins spit up really easily and I had to burp them IMMEDIATELY after they ate or they would throw it all back up. It was impossible to try and burp them at the same time so I had to start nursing them one after the other. It took longer, but it was so much less stressful and it just worked better for me. It was also one of the only times that I actually got to hold them indidivually and spend some really great one-on-one time with them. Another bump ... I expected my twins to sleep in the crib just like my son did. BUT, because of their slight reflux, I couldn't put them flat on their back after eating so they have been sleeping in the car seats! It keeps them upright so they don't spit up and they seem to love how cozy it is. My point ... if it works, don't change it ... even if it's unconventional!

Congratulations and good luck!! Twins are wonderful. I look at them every day and thank God that I've been doubly blessed!

A.

I have not had twins, but I did have a very difficult time the last trimester of my last pregnancy due to the muscular dystrophy I have AND a broken foot.
My advice is to reach out for help and support to nearby family and friends. If you are active in a church, ask for help there. Just having someone come visit and while they are there do some dishes and attend to the kids while you rest on the couch can make a HUGE difference. I invited a family member from out of town to come stay (she was 17, no job, and just out of school) with me for a few weeks, paid her way and just gave her a bit of mad money for helping out. I was very careful to choose someone who I knew would be a help but wouldnt be "company" or stressful to have around for a while. Asking for help can be really difficult but for your childrens, husbands, and your sanity if its at all an option do it.
Congratulations and good luck to you and yours, Jen

Hi K. I can understand the mixed emotions. I was told at 12 weeks 'congrats there is one in there'. Then at 22 weeks we found out there were 2. I spent the remainder of the ultrasound in a state of shock going between amazment, fear, anger, wonder, and joy.

No you don't need to buy 2 of everything, I do have 2 boppy bouncers that saved my life when my two were under 4 months. We co-sleep so we do not have a crib. This helped me get more sleep with breastfeeding. If you continue to breastfeed to ab out 4 months they started putting the breast in on their own so I got to sleep even more! I thought that was so great. I use cloth diapers so that was the one thing I did increase the amount on. Instead of 3 dozen I went with 6 dozen prefolds and 10-12 diaper covers. The clothing I have found parents who are trying to get rid of their kids clothes that they out grow and family who enjoy going through Goodwill.

As for what YOU need. Try to keep your stress level as low as possible! That is one of the quickest ways to start preterm labor. Take your prenats and stay hydrated. If you start vomiting every time you eat or drink talk to your DR about Zofram. It is an anti vomitting medication that is safe for the babies. I took it while I was pregnant due to hyperemesis gravidarum. I have one more book to recommend called: Having Twins and More by Elizabeth Noble with Leo Sorger. It helped give me confidence with the pregnancy and birthing of mine.

As with many of the other mama's feel free to contact me with any questions, thoughts, concerns. I can't tell you how often I felt that need while I was pregnant.

outside email is:
____@____.com

Hi K.!

I didn't take the time to read others' responses so if I am repeating what they have to say, I apologize. I remember that shock of twins all too well. I had a similar situation though much earlier (7 weeks?). I hope I can help you...

I am a SAHM of 2 year old twins. I have gotten through these two years with the HUGE support of the local twins chapter: North Seattle Families of Multiples (NSFOM). I have been very involved with them and it has truly saved me.

A couple of things...join your local chapter (EMOMS, NSFOM, Tacoma, etc.). We have a under one age group that is for expecting parents up to the first year. It's very popular. We also have a 'sunshine meals' program (run by yours truly) that supplies meals to Moms on bedrest and have just delivered. You'll definitely need that with three others! EMOMS and NSFOM both have clothing and equipment sales in September or October. This is a great place to get equipment and clothing that is as good as new.

In regards to the pregnancy...go to UW's expecting multiples classes. They are really good. They also have a preventing pre-term labor class which is free and essential for you - especially if you have a history of pre-term labor. Listen to your body and don't over do it!!!! Every minute the twins are in your womb will be that much better for them.

A couple essentials on reading:
"Expecting Twins, Triplets, and Other Multiples" By Barbara Luke. She is slightly over the top on the calorie/water intake but only a little bit. The fatter you can get those babies, the better!
"Raising Twins" by Eileen M. Pearlman, MD
"The Art to Parenting Twins" by Patricia Maxwell Malmstrom
These will help you prepare for the twins.

In regards to what you need double of...well, I can help you with that, if you want/need.

Feel free to email me personally at ____@____.com or if you want to get to know me better first...
http://web.mac.com/R..mcbrearty/McBrearty_Twins/Welcome.html

Best wishes!
R.

First of all, I will say that I am a mother of twin boys who are now 7 months old. I also have a 3 year old as well. I would highly recommend joining the Tacoma Parents of Multiples group http://www.tacomamultiples.org/
even now if you are able. The gals there are wonderful and have LOTS and LOTS of suggestions for parents before and after the babies are born. As far as what you need double of, that is a hard one. Only because all babies are different, even twins and have different needs. I will say this. In regards to toys, like exersaucers, swings, etc. try it out with only one on hand at first and you can rotate them through various stations. That works well for us. As far as cribs, we started out with one and some gals have their kids sleep together for up to a year. However, we found that at about 6 months that they did better in separate cribs and we happened to have 2 ready, which we were glad of.

It is wonderful that your kids are helping out more now. I had my twins at 31 weeks and I will admit it was a pretty rough pregnancy. Certainly continue to put yourself on modified bed rest (just limit activities as you are doing now as much as possible) and drink as much water as you can (this helps keep the uterus from contracting too early). I was actually on Purkaset at one point for pain (sciatica and severe lower back pain) so you can take meds if you need them and your doctor will give them to you. Certain medicines do not cross the placenta.

I am glad to give you more advice or talk with you on the phone to assure you that though twins seems daunting, that they are also a wonderful blessing. There are a lot of other things I could tell you, but the main thing is take everything one day at a time. If you think too far ahead, you will drive yourself crazy. I focus on the stage that I am in and enjoy the moments with them and I don't worry about how I will cope with the next stage. This is not to say I am not prepared at all, but I don't sit around worrying about the unknown.

Please email me if you have any more questions and I could also give you my phone number by private email if you want to talk.

Blessings,

H. C.
____@____.com

I had a friend who started with triplets. She was able to carry them for a long time by following the doctors orders to stay down as much as possible. If they went shopping, her husband would push her in a wheel chair... She said it was easier because she only went through the phases one time for the three of them (like childproofing everything...)

There is nothing wrong with your older kids doing a lot of housework; it is part of being a family and teaches them all about life and responsibility, so don't spend another second worrying about that.

Also, you might want to potty train the 18 month old sooner rather than later. It can be done. I used the book Toilet Training in Less Than A Day, and it worked on my 27 month old boy (you can find it on amazon). We had been trying for 6 months with limited success, until I found that book, then it was done in a day, with a refresher course a couple of weeks later. (I wouldn't want three in diapers if I could help it).

Good luck!

Hi K.--
I have identical twin boys. They are now 7 years old and life has gotten much easier.

You've gotten lots of great advice so far. I have three pieces of advice for you.

First, rely on and ask for as much help as you need. Never, and I really mean never, be afraid to ask for help or to take help when offered. The only way I made it through was with help from family and friends. The first 6 weeks I always had someone with me. (I also have a daughter who is 2 1/2 years older than my twins.) They brought meals, helped clean my house and watched my kids so my husband and I could get a
break.

Which leads me to my second piece...get a babysitter or two whenever you can. You will need some breaks. Having twins is lots of hard work for most moms. My boys were not easy going so I was exhausted constantly. Even an hour away can do wonders. Don't feel guilty about going out, even if it's just to the grocery store. You need some mommy time, too.

Finally the last piece is one another dad of twins gave my husband. We were really struggling when they were around 7 months old. We started saying "Why me? Why did we have to have twins." Trust me, we loved them dearly, but like I said, they weren't easy. This dad told us to look for the "that's why" moments rather than the "why me" moments. It really worked. We looked for and treasured the funny moments we saw--from them being super messy at the table, to their twin language, to how at times the played together. It put our whole life into a diferent perspective for some time.

God bless you and your family with this set of twins. Feel free to email me any time if you need to talk.
____@____.com

L. Rittierodt

I have 20 month-old identical twin boys and a four-year-old daughter. We only wanted 2 kids and weren't ready to have even our second yet so it was an unwanted pregnancy. I was scared and angry during a lot of my pregnancy. The first, I don't know, 8 - 12 months after they were born were hard. Now, there isn't a day that goes by when I am not thankful that we got two instead of just the one we would have had if it had been up to us. Especially after already having a kid, it's a different, facsinating, fun, challenging experience having two. Watching their relationship develop as they go is wonderful. It's very different than singletons in some ways. My point is just to reassure you about how great twins can be. Beyond that, I will let others give you advice on which things to buy two of, etc. I recommend joining Full House Moms (and Dads) if you are in the Portland, OR area. It's a support group for parents of twins and higher order multiples. We live in Vancouver so don't usually go to the events but find it to be a great online resource. That's the perfect group to ask your questions of. If you don't live in that area, I'm sure there is a similar group in your area. I hope that helps.

Hello there,
I am a mom of 27mo fraternal twin boys and a step mom of at 18yr old college student. My advice for you is to relax. You have had kids before. For me, it was my first ones. I wasn't a step mom to my son until he was 4yrs. If they are the same sex then clothes will not be such an issue. I don't dress my the same. Your a SAHM so you won't need as many of each little item because laundry won't be such an issue. I acutally had my little guys in onsies and little knit pants most of the time until they were 9 or ten months. That made it pretty easy. As for the activity stuff, I only had two swings. I had one one walker, one excersize bouncer. Don't know if you have ever used the poppy pillows but those come in great for feeding times, although it sounds like you have a little more help than I did. I didn't nurse my boys so plenty of bottles came in handy. At first I made all the bottle every morning (or I should say my husband did)that way they were in the fridge for quick use, but then I realized it was just easier to make them as I needed them. You will be able to adjust. My pregnancy was planned the twins were not. They should have been because they are set number 7 out of eight within 3 generations on the same side of the family. Oh yeah, you will definately need a double troller if not a triple one with you other little person in the house. My graco stroller has been wonderful. Good Luck!