Feel Defeated

I'm so sorry for you and your girls, it's such unnecessary stress. What I can advise though,are 3 things.
#1: time for a new lawyer.
#2: Always speak up. You don't have to be mean, just factual. When it comes to the courts, there is no "high road". You HAVE to advocate for yourself, ask specific questions and get copies of everything.
#3: Keep a daily diary. All phone conversations, copies of e-mails, receipts, etc. Do not put how you feel in there, this is a document for use with the courts and your lawyer. If you are supposed to split the cost of a birthday party or soccer registration and he doesn't pay, document it. If child support is supposed to recieved on the first of the month and comes on the 10th (or worse not at all) document it. If there is a calendar of scheduled visitation with pick-up and drop-off times and it's not being honored, document it. Try to keep communication in writing (no snarky e-mails, keep it professional) and print out everything.
Preparation for your next day in court starts now. Use your frustration as fuel for setting this right.
Be strong!

Hi. I watched as my husband went through the same kind of things. It is so draining and affected all of us.In our case it was my stepdaughters mom bad mouthing and doing really mean and crazy things.Even though it doesn't seem it taking the high road is the way to go. It may not always work in the court room but as your kids get older they will have so much more respect for you.They don't want to hear bad things about their parents from anyone especially the people who are suppose to be protecting them.You can't control what your ex says or does and they will not listen to any amount of reasoning but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.Just keep thinking what is in the best interest of the kids. His day will come.It will back fire.My stepdaughter is now a teen and unfortunately her mom lets her do whatever she wants and of course what teen wouldn't love that.We didn't have physical custody so therre is not a whole lot to be done. She visits occasionally and hopefully someday more. You at least have the benefit of custody so do the best you can. T.

mY BOYFRIEND AND HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION CONCERNING HIS EX-WIFE AND THEIR 4 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.wE HAVE BEEN TAKING "THE HIGH ROAD"FOR OVER TWO YEARS.wE'VE BEEN TOLD OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT THE CHILD WILL APRECIATE IT AND RESPECT YOU MORE FOR NOT PLAYING EMOTIONAL GAMES AND BAD MOUTHING THE OTHER PARENT.WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH FAMILY SERVICES,FAMILY COURT,DCF,ETC AND NOBODY WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP US. VARIOUS PROFESSIONALS INCLUDING POLICE,THERAPISTS,STATE WORKERS ETC HAVE ALL SAID THAT THE EX WIFE HAS ISSUES,ONE CALLED HER DELLUSIONAL,ANOTHER" OVERBARING AND CO-DEPENDENT UPON THE CHILD",STILL NOBOBY WOULD GIVE US MORE TIME OR SUPERVISE THE TIME THAT SHE HAS WITH HER MOM EVEN THEY SAY THE SAME THING"EVENTUALLY SHE'LL (THE MOTHER)WILL MESS UP ENOUGH AND YOU'LL PROBABLY GET FULL CUSTODY.BUT WHEN?AND WHY DO WE HAVE TO WAIT?I WISH I COULD SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT THE COURT SYSTEM IS FRUSTRATINGAND WHAT MAKES PERFECTLY GOOD SENSE TO US AND WHAT WE FEEL IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF OUR OWN CHILDREN DOES NOT SEEM TO MATTER TO THEM.I FEEL SO ANGRY AT THE SYSTEM AND AT THE EX AND I KNOW IT'S NOT HEALTHY SOPERSONALLY I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A SUPPORT GROUP OR OTHER PARENTS THAT ARE GOING THROUGH SIMILAR SITUATIONS FOR NETWORKING AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.I KNOW THE SITUATION IS FRUSTRATING JUST DON'T GIVE UP.FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME EVEN IF IT'S JUST TO VENT.

You NEED to find a better lawyer! Usually if they are good they can weed out the judges that won't be right for the situation. I am fighting my daughter for custody of her child right now and the lawyer I am using has such pull at the courthouse that he will move us from court room to court room until we find a judge that is going to see the situation fairly for both parties. Good luck! Keep your chin up, it will go your way!

I would focus on your children as much as you can until he "messes up". I am reading this book: "Between Two Worlds" and it has given me great understanding of how growing up with 2 different environments can affect children. I'm not at all sure yet what the answers are but I do know that I have much more empathy for my daughter's situation than I ever did before. Even when there is no conflict between a father's home and a mom's home the child is affected. Its worth reading. Good luck.

First, you may need a new lawyer. You may like you lawyer, but you must have the best child care lawyer in your area. Ask around. Find out the number one child custody lawyer in in your court system. The judges know who they are.
Second, keep a calendar and a journal. Update it daily! Write EVERYTHING down that your ex does/doesn't do. This way when you end up back in court, you dont' have to play "he says/she says", you will have well documented records. If you girls make anything, write anything that isn't right, save it.

Were you and your ex married? Men have less rights if you weren't if you were its generally split 50/50. I would say get a new lawyer. If you are worried about the safety of your kids get DSS involved. They won't bother you they will just interview your kids at your house with you there. You can always ask the court for supervised visits but good luck. My son only goes to his dad's house every other weekend and he generally stays at his grandma's because his dad is too busy with his new girlfriend to spend time w/ his son. Make sure you write everything down! If he's late for a visit write it down. If he's late bringing her home write it down if you don't have an answering machine get one and let the answering machine pick up when he calls before you start talking so that way your conversation is recorded. Good luck to you and don't give up and remember when you go to court next time fight for what you feel is right.

I"m confused.. what didn't go right?? How much visitation did he get?? can you ask for him to have supervised visitation if you think your kids are in danger??

Hi J.! What you're going through really sucks. It is perfectly normal for you to be so angry. I've been divorced twice but luckily haven't had the same problems you have although I have friends that do. I have to echo the advice already given. RECORD EVERYTHING!!!! He will mess up sooner rather than later. If walking the straight and narrow isn't his thing he's going to mess up. You can count on that. I would probably be hesitant about getting a new lawyer only because you will be having to start again from scratch and it might not get you anyone better. Make sure that your lawyer knows that you want to appeal the judges ruling and start preparing now. If you can get your kids into counselling that would probably help too since that can be used in court. Taking the high road isn't necessarily a bad thing but you do also have to remember to advocate for yourself and not be his doormat. Writing everything down and maybe even keeping a small tape recorder handy (you might have to check out the laws in your state) to record face to face conversations and phone conversations will take you a long way in the next court battle. Also remember not to try and force him to comply with the court decision when he messes up and always have a back up plan if you make plans to do something while he's supposed to have the kids. This is just a little bump in the road and you can smooth it out. Good luck and I look forward to hearing the outcome in the future.

First off I am so sorry to hear about this. I too have gone through something similer and it just ended two weeks ago. My son is 5, and the first time around when he was one I took the high road and lost. This time around I didn't. I kept a journal were I wrote in also everyday, from phone concersations and what we said, to face to face conversations, and overall what my ex and my son act like around eachother. I also put my son in Theropy, which was suggested by the GAL becuase my son started to state things that he would hear his father say about me, and my son started to state to people that he hated his father. When we went to court this time around I was told by the judge that my journal was a huge influence on her decition because I could look back and give her examples with dates and times. I kept my same Laywer becuase he did his job it was our judge the first time around who did. He had never been in family court before and after trail he came out in the papers being profathers rights. Because of the poor decsion by the first judge my son has had serious degrassions and insicurties.

If you feel that the out come was wrong. Fight back, do all that you can, weither it be changing laywers, keeping a journal, going to support groups or whatever it may be.

Hang in there J.. Stay strong and MOST importantly be there for your daughters. Make them your focus - not the litigation. In the long run its not how much time you have with them - it's how you spend it. As a Child my parents were in a similar situation and it took years for the court's to do right by my mom... but now as an adult I have so much respect for her perseverance and strength during that time. I can't imagine going thru what she did ... as they grow older your children will really appreciate your dedication to them.

Good luck and keep pushing those lawyers/judges!

I second what "Everymom M" wrote.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but The Judicial System we have in place sucks!!! Plain out. I myself have had my days in court and I would swear they are clueless. Really. I have always tried to do the right thing, but have learned when it comes to the judical system they are anything but fair!! Unless you have a million dollar Lawyer where you can almost be sure things will go your way................really look at O.J for example. My advise not to go on & on. Focus on your baby and nothing but, cherish the time you have together and focus on just being the best Mom you can be, pray to God and have faith. I do beleive he is our real judge and what goes around comes around, hang in there. God Bless.