Feeding My Son

I got the book "The Secrets Of The Babywhisperer" at the library when my dd was a baby and I had the same trouble, it was a great help! It gave me strategies for getting her to sleep without leaving her alone to cry.

I know you didn't want to hear this, but, even Ferber says not to do his method until 6 months ;), So maybe start with some gentle withdrawl techniques, or let him cry while you are in the room soothing him so as not to loose his trust at this tender age, then in one month move onto a method like Ferber's controlled crying. (I could never let my children cry for more than a few minutes without checking on them, one time my ds's leg was caught in the crib bars!)

The No Cry Sleep Solution is a great book to check out. Slings are a wonderful way to put baby to sleep, and it is very comforting for baby to be close to you. My babes would fall asleep in the sling while I went about doing everyday things. There are lots of ways you can try to change the signal that your baby connects with sleep while gradually removing nursing. You can start by rubbing baby's back while he nurses to sleep for a few days. Then, begin removing the breast but continue rubbing his back (or head or rocking or singing... whatever you would like to substitute). Remember that crying in the arms of someone who loves you is very different from crying alone. While it is frustrating to spend so much time getting a baby to sleep, it is well worth it in the long run to teach your baby a healthy way to sleep without trauma. I wish you the best...

A.

Hi Caroline,

Are you trying to condition him to fall asleep on his own, or are you worried about getting stuck with a bad habit later on? (I guess it's the same thing, really). I nursed my son to sleep for as long as we were nursing - he gave it up at about 11 months, all on his own. Then, he just kind of transitioned to falling asleep on his own after that with a really good sleepytime routine - we say goodnight to the whole house, change the diaper, have a sippy and a story, some snuggles, and then that's it. I guess what I'm saying is try not to worry, some kids just outgrow the nursing to sleep thing all on their own. You won't be doing this when he's in college. And they only get to be babies for about 5 minutes of their entire lives. Good luck.

J.

Hi Caroline,

Is there anyone that can help you at nap times or in the evenings to put him to bed after you have nursed him? If you nurse and then pass him on to his dad, grandma, aunt, etc, he will know they are not the milk source and might go to bed easier for them. I know this would not be a sustainable solution, I mean, you're going to have to be able to put your own baby to bed, but it might help to break the habit.

Also, I followed the Weissbluth method (he is actually our Pediatrician) and just wanted to correct an earlier comment. It's not strictly "cry it out", one of his methods includes checking on them and soothing. Crying it out is the "shortest" method (and the one we used and it worked in just a few days) but it's not the only one. I just wanted to correct that, I'm not at all criticizing what you are doing. I think no one knows what's best for your family and situation than you so don't worry what others say. You're doing a great job...trust your motherly instincts and take care :)

Good luck,
C.

I read the book Babywise and either it worked really well for us or I just got lucky. It recommends a cycle of Eat, Play, Sleep, in that order over and over all day (skip the play at night obviously). That way they are not dependant on nursing to go to sleep, you just put them down somewhat tired already. Of course it will take you a few days now to switch to that order but it's worth it to help them learn to get to sleep on their own at a young age! We just put our son down now and occasionally he'll cry a few minutes or talk and play in his crib but then he goes to sleep on his own. Good luck!

I won't tell you not to let him cry b/c you don't want to hear that but do want to say that nursing him to sleep is not a bad "habit." It's what he needs as a baby. It's inherent. If he's waking when you take your breast out of his mouth, he's probably not done. Let him nurse a little longer. From my experience, I never had to take her off b/c she would finish herself which was so much better for both of us. YOur son will be fine if you choose to nurse him to sleep for as long as you want. If anything, that is a great sleep habit to have, falling asleep with his mommy.

If this is the method that you are choosing for your family then stick with it (not saying you haven't, just saying the more consistent you are the more easily he will adapt).

At 6 months I had to put my child on some sort of daytime nap schedule, so I used techniques from "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (written by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, based on over 30 years of infant/child sleep research). The first 2-3 days were rough; there was a lot of protesting and crying at the beginning of the nap (we're lucky, he's done great going to sleep at night and sleeping through the night since before 2 months). He was going to be in daycare when I returned to work and I knew that no one in daycare was going to hold him in a rocking chair for all of his naps.

I thought this agony would go on forever, but it took 3 days tops for him to go down on his own for naps. He now takes a nap at 9:00 (for about 90 mins) and 1:00 (for at least 2 hours), without a fuss! At naps we do the same routine everytime - change diaper, turn on 'nap music', cuddle for one song, then into the crib he goes, oftentimes wide awake.

Create a 'nap soother' routine, follow it every time prior to a nap, lay him down drowsy but awake so he can learn to fall asleep on his own, and be consistent. I was expecting this to be a long drawn-out process, but it took us 3 days and that was it!

Hi Caroline~
I got my 7month old daughter started on the same habit. I'm not one to just let her cry it out, so I won't suggest that route. What I began doing was nuring her for about 10 minutes, then I would stop her, and just rock her & pat her back until she fell asleep. I know that doesn't stop the habit of her being put to sleep, but it does minimize the act of falling asleep while nursing, and I figured I would start with that first. I've been pretty successful with this. My daughter doesn't take a binky either. Just recently, for her naps, I have been nursing her on the couch, without rocking, and then once she is done eating I am holding her cradle style while I carry her to her room. That way she is still getting some comfort, and keeps her a little sleepy. Then I am just putting her in her bed. She has been whining a little bit, but about 50% of the time she falls right to sleep. The other times, I'll admit, I get her out and rock her to sleep. It seems like its not a habit that can be easily broken, but being in the same boat as you, I feel that the best process is slowly but surely!!
Good luck & I hope this helps or at least eases you!!
J.

Hi Caroline,

The crying issue is soooo sensitive. I posted once (check mine out for advice) and crying it out and received all kinds of positive and negative responses.

We tried all kinds of methods with our 10.5 month old. We tried the Weisbluth way...cry until they fall alseep. I couldn't do that. So we tried the Ferber way. I felt much better knowing I can go in and check on her. Their logic is to put the baby down awake. Let them cry for 3 minutes, go in, comfort them, walk out, wait 5 minutes, go back in comfort and so on. Everyday the waiting got longer. It's usually over in about three nights. The goal is to be able to put them down awake and walk away. They need to learn to fall asleep and put themselves back to sleep on their own. We did what you are doing until she was about 5 months. We let her fall asleep while feeding, put her in her crib soooo quietly (tip toed). She would wake up 15 minutes to the minute crying. It was like musical chairs with me and my husband. We were up and down all night. Ferber has a book 'How to solve your child's sleep problems'. It gives you all kinds of tips, even to toddler to adolescent years. This goes for naps as well. Put them down and walk away. The thing in consistency. We still give her a bottle, but keep her awake while doing it. I sing, talk to her, etc. She sleeps from about 7:50 p.m. to 8:00 a.m.

I will say...it's nice to sit and relax at night. She will wake up every now and then, let out a cry and go right back to sleep.

Good luck....if you get negative feedback anyway...hang in there...it's discouraging, but everyone does things differently and has their own beliefs.

It will take a while, but stick with it. One incentive is that if your son is always nursed to sleep, it will create havoc for his teeth when they come in. Babies do not swallow the last bit of milk and the natural sugars pool in their mouth for the hours they are sleeping, causing cavities. Believe me, the crying and screaming they do at the dentist is much worse than what you're going through right now--stick to your guns--he's not in danger or pain, and it is better for him and you. You can do it!

I have 3 boys - 7, 5, and 3. I PROMISE you that if you do the 3 day of letting him cry it out, that it will work. I had to go into the bathroom with one of my kids, put on headphones and turn the fan and water in the shower (we were in a small apartment :) to block it out. It might take 45 minutes to an hour and half the first couple times you do it, but it WILL work. 3 days to break a habbit. Remember that, I have NEVER found that not to be the truth with all 3 kids. Sleeping throught the night, passies, bottle to bed, sippy to bed - even now. Give it 3 days, and it will stop. But you HAVE to be consistent. Do the same thing everytime. I never went in to their rooms to pat the back, shhshh them, etc... I just thought that that would be another thing that they would get used to and then I would have to do that. Pick 3 days that you know are going to be really hard days, you are not going to get a lot of sleep and it will be tough... but by the begining of day 3, it WILL be easier... Good luck!!!!

Babies are meant to be soothed to sleep--if they were not meant to be rocked, nursed, walked there would not be so many posts about getting a baby to sleep. Breastfed babies become especially attached to nursing to sleep and will not except a substitute. I have learned to really appreciate that time with my son. Once he is asleep I wait 5-10 minutes to remove the nipple from his mouth and then wait another 10 minutes before I lay him down--that usually works.
I have a 7 1/2 month old and he has never slept through the night and never fallen asleep without nursing. This used to bother me until I read The Baby Book by doctor Sears as well as the many posts on this site about babies not sleeping and realized --hey a few babies do sleep, and most don't. Some babies have different temperments and will be conditioned by crying it out for 10-15 mintues. Mine would cry for hours if I did that--which I believe crying over 10-15 minutes is damaging.