Feedback to Be Informed and Your Advice on a Personal Matter:

I have been shaving down there since I was about 17. I was also sexually active at 17, so there is a difference. I did discover that hair down there serves a purpose during sexual activity and that two people shaved bald is not comfortable during sexual activity. I now shave and leave a "runway" down the middle. Hopefully, she won't find that out for quite a while! That being said, it is her body, and if she wants to do it, I don't see the harm. It is a lot of work and up keep. I had to exfoliate (the day after, not the same day I shaved!) and still got lots of ingrown hairs. Plus, the itching was very uncomfortable. It took years of consistently doing it before my body got used to it, and now I almost never have an issue with it. I will say that one plus about shaving down there is that during my period I am cleaner and have less of an odor issue than I did before I started shaving! Any way, I say let her do it, and see how long she wants to deal with the up keep and discomfort. She is old enough to make her own decision. As others have said, kudos on have such a good relationship with your daughter. I hope I have the same with my girls when they are that age!

ETA: I just read a reply from someone who said that if you shave "down there" that you have to do it every day. For me, personally, I can't shave down there more than every 4-5 days or I get very irritated. I've been shaving for about 14 years (except when I was in the late stages of pregnancy. My rule was, "If I can't see it, I ain't gunna shave it!") and even though I no longer itch, and rarely get ingrown hairs, I will get a rash and feel very irritated if I shave too frequently. Everyone's skin is different, so she will have to experiment and see what works for her, but, like shaving any part of your body, it takes quite a while for your skin to grow accustomed to being shaved and "toughen up."

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Well for me personally I would tell her it's her body... BUT I also have an issue where I have to keep mine trimmed pretty short because of other issues. I personally do not shave bald but since it is her body and it isn't permenant what can it hurt. Maybe she is getting teased at school in gym or something I don't know.

On the other hand. other than the hygenic reason or in my case personal need, what does have a shaved pubic area do? I mean is she going to her friends houses and showing it off? Maybe she would be ok with just trimming it short like I do so there isn't a "bulge" of hair... I don't know it's 5 am and I haven't gone to bed yet so I may not be thinking clearly. I also don't even want to THINK about this issue with my 5 almost 6 year old just yet lol BUT kudos to you for having such a good relationship with her to where she feels comfortable asking you. Most teenage girls would just do it and figure you would never know, and how would you unless she told you :)

JMHO
N.
http://mylightadmired.blogspot.com

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This was a tough one for me. My initial thought was..."If she is not getting intimate with boys what does it matter what it looks like down there?" But then I thought about pier pressure,and if all her friends are shaving it, it is natural for her to want to fit in. Who wants to be the only girl in high school who doesn't...(Have pierced ears, shave her bikini area, wear a bra...whatever..fill in the blank!)
At 17 if she is not having sex, you and she are very lucky! and I tend to think she should be allowed to shave her body at 17 as it is not permanent. For example I made my son wait till he was 18 to get piercings, and tattoos! But I wouldn't have kept him from getting a hair cut, or not, because that is not permanent. So I think you should et her, but ask her to please tell you if she is going to become sexually active, so you can help her be smart and protected if she decides to. I think that it is great that she came to you about it, you two obviously have a great relationship. BTW,I have been shaving most of mine for many years, and never have had a problem except maybe a little itching when it's time to shave.

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I just wanted to mention that a lot of my friends wanted to stay "pure" until marriage, but did not consider oral sex to be a part of the bargain. I don't know what your feelings on this are, but maybe if she is experimenting with boys this is something she is embarrassed about. If that's the case, I wouldn't want her to feel ashamed of her body, and experimenting at this age is very normal. I don't think getting the hair taken off or leaving it on will influence her choice to remain pure, so if that's what you are worried about I'd let it go. I'm a firm believer in natural consequences, and as most of the moms on here mentioned, after shaving or waxing it's darn uncomfortable when it starts to grow back, and most of us only try that once or twice.

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yes, it is true that it is very popular for teenagers to shave all their pubic hair...boys and girls. I'm sure she knows this because kids talk. They are not embarrassed to talk about things like this these days. I would let her make her own decisions and after she does it she can decide if it's right for her. Obviously, not everyone has issues with the itching and ingrown hairs or they wouldn't be doing it.

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My daughter says it's because of all the people out there having oral sex. They think that not having intercourse is what keeps you sexually pure. Keep up the great discussions with your daughter. It is awesome to be able to have an open line of communication with your daughter and help her to stay pure. She will not regret it.

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I think its great that she asked you, and that you have a close enough relationship for her to ask.

I think though at 17 it is up to her, after all she is almost 18 and may be going off to college in a few months and will be responsible for herself.

I have shaved a couple of times, all of it, and really it is so itchy and horrible I let it grow back, I just shave or wax the sides if I know I will be wearing a swimsuit.
luckily my husband doesnt mind the hairy look lol.

you can tell her to try a brazilian first maybe, and get it done at a salon so they do it properly and hygenicly.

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keeping it trimed down feels alot better (cleaner). i dont shave mine completely due to the fact i get ingrown hair..something she needs to be aware of and get taken care of if it happens to her. while leaving a small triangle is also popular most women have there entire business waxed. dont think of it so much as not wearing a swim suit... but more like her arm pits and not wearing tank tops she would still shave her pits. i am supprised she asked you at all, i would have just done it. we also dont find little black hairs in the bathroom. congrats on having an open relationship with your daughter:)

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First of all, be very proud that she asked you about it first. I know I would not have consulted my mom on such an issue at any age.
I will say that I endured a lot of embarassment in my teen years because of an overabundance of hair down there. It caused a "puffy" area in bathing suits, leotards, and panties that was apparent to others. I wish I had the guts back then to trim or shave but did not do so until my twenties.
This is a very personal decision and every individual finds what they are comfortable with. And I do not feel that it always has a direct connection with sex.
I now shave but definitely not every day, and I have no problems with itching or ingrown hairs, and I just feel "cleaner" when I do.
Talk to her some more, make sure she uses fresh razors to help cut down the likelihood of ingrown hairs or infection, and a shave cream that is for sensitive skin or intimate shaving (it is different), and tell her to be very careful.
She will likely find it difficult at first, and may decide it's not that important to her, or that just trimming is enough. No matter what try and keep that open communication going so she does keep coming to you. Best of luck!

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It is great that y'all have a good enough relationship to discuss these sorts of things. Bravo, Mom!

I am wondering how she "knows" that boys are doing this, too?

That being said, tell her to go ahead. However, she sounds like a smart girl and she'll probably find that the itchy regrowth, painful ingrown hairs, and constant maintenance is probably more that she was expecting. I know everyone doesn't have a problem with ingrown hairs, but you just have to get one or two to change your mind!

Get her a high quality beard and mustache trimmer and she can keep it neatly trimmed. An occasional shaving/waxing of the bikini line will keep her otherwise neat and tidy. I would avoid letting her do further waxing at this age...to much risk of infection and burns! That is not a place you want a burn, trust me!

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This is definitely an odd request. I also have a 17 year old daughter so I asked her if she had ever heard of such a thing amongst her peers. She said that she has never heard of anyone (male or female) doing this. I think what you have told her so far is good but she may have to find out for herself. I had a doctor tell me once that I shouldn't shave in that area due to ingrown hairs, they can be painful. I can see a reason for trimming but not shaving the entire area. I mean, if she wants to stay pure then who is going to see it anyway? If I were you I would find out a little more about who she is hanging out with. Kids will always say "everybody's doing it" when really it may be just a few. Whether you allow her to do this or not I would keep a close eye on things just in case. She may have to find out the hard way that shaving isn't all it's cracked up to be!

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Wow. I can only speak from limited personal experience. I have no idea what girls are doing today, or what different things "really" mean. I was a cheerleader and athlete through junior and high school. I started bikini shaving and triming down there at 14. It was in no way sexually related. It was much more neat and clean to not have a "bush." No one saw my pubic area, but I felt more comfortable. I didn't start shaving until I was in college. I purchased a small personal clipper like what men use to cut their hair or shave their face. This kept me from having razor bumps. If your daughter assures you that this is in no way related to sexual activity, I don't see a difference between this and shaving legs or underarms.
The most important thing in this situation is that you and your daughter have open communication. I'm glad she is going to you for advice instead of just talking to her girlfriends.

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My daughter is 21 and has been shaving in the "nether region" since she was 17. I thought she had stopped but recently we had a conversation about it. I asked her why she wanted to shave there and she said that she liked the way it looked. I also asked if it itched when the hair started growing back. She stated that it doesn't. My thought was, "hey, you're the one doing all the shaving". Let her try. She may not like it. As for the boys, I have a 17 year old son and there is NO WAY a razor is getting close to his "manly parts"! So I'm not sure about that one. Good luck!

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wow at 17 i'm surprised she even asked sounds like you have a great relationship. most teens do what they want.
and hide it. i am 37 yrs young and started grooming myself at the same age as her and talked and taught my nieces what to do to stay well groomed as they got into jr high it is good hygene imagine having hair under your arm pit and smelling the odor all the time it's the same. been married 17 yrs my husband and i both stay well groomed.hygene !!

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Way to go mom! Communication is key for sure.

Being a younger woman, who did stay sexually pure until marriage at 24, I will say that probably the only way this was possible was because of my nativity. My nativity did isolate me from the bad boys and prevented me from using my body to manipulate them... BUT: My husband loved being my intimacy teacher and I feel so close to him and adored. I did go to a public school and played varsity sports, was invited to proms ect and had a decent social life. My parents did not allow me to do everything other girls my age were doing, like staying out past midnight, spending the night certain places, having weekly manicured nails, or spending large amounts of money on unimportant things. They may have been too strict, but they did their best.

That being said, probably only one or two of my girl friends ever saw enough of me naked to know wether or not I had pubic hair. I think ESPECIALLY in this day and age when so many girls are trying to decide wether or not they kissed a girl and LIKED it... that all relationships should include modesty and our private parts should be just that... private.

I KNOW from talking to my many girlfriends that a large part of the reason I still WANT, CRAVE (TMI) to GIVE IT UP to my husband is because I was relatively unhurt by boys. My HEART is still very open and my LOVE can be more unconditional. I hate the boys who hurt my friends and I wish I could erase those memories for them.

I have a six year old, and mothering is SOOO much harder than being the daughter. I hope and can only pray that I can be as strong of a mom for my daughter as my mom was for me. I may have had a few years in high school where I did not feel like the most popular girl in school... but my marriage and my adult life is something that (even though we have problems like any 2 people trying to live together) takes my breath away. God is faithful and though during college and some of high school I often wondered if waiting would be worth it. Tell your daughter that the MAN I prayed I would meet and the MAN God brought into my life has brought me sooo much more fulfillment than popularity or 100 friends. A marriage, a soul mate, a person to be both your friend and lover for your entire life is WORTH WORTH WORTH the wait and so I say do your best to keep her naive and strong because temptation is rampant and giving in is soooo much easier than waiting.

I think after reading all these responses you will know inside which is the best for you and your daughter. Shave or not shave, just emphasis that your choice is not dependent on what others are doing, but on what your daughter wants to do for herself. That way her choice to continue shaving, or let it grow back will be her choice. This will also help her in her relationships.

I also want to add that I am an Epidemiologist and learning at a young age how to stand up for my beliefs and to have self-efficacy has translated into my work place and helped me to be successful professionally. Teach her at a young age that different does not have to equal uncool and then help me when I am going through this 10 years from now!!

Keep up the good work!!

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There is one downside to having it completely gone that she may not be aware of....I too had mine completely removed (by waxing) and now realize that there is a purpose for all that hair down there. When I would sweat there was no hair to "capture/hold" the sweat and often it would be absorbed into my gym pants or shorts and it looked like I peed my pants!!! It was a downside that I was not anticipating! I now wax just the bikini line and keep the hair trimmed short but I leave some there to absorb the sweat now. Your daughter may need to find this out for herself. Maybe she won't have that problem! I guess she's old enough now to start experimenting with these sort of things. I think it's wonderful you two have this open of a relationship. Good luck!

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If your daughter is wanting to do what she says all the other kids are doing you may want to take concern in her having conversations about things that should be kept private and not be spoken among others.You have to give it thought why she or all the teens so she says are doing it why they want to do it. Not just because everyone is doing it she should feel she has to do it.Teach her to be a leader and not a follower.
Possibility there is more to this that you think.
Don't underestimate a teenager who has friends that talk about private issues.

This is a mystery to me. I am very worried about what the future has in store for me with 3 daughters! I have a niece who is now 18, but at 10 she was wearing thongs (as well as getting her belly button pierced), at 12 she was getting a Brazilian wax, and at 14 she was buying her bras and undies at Victoria's Secret b/c the other stores' underthings weren't 'pretty' enough. The whole time her mother always talked about how pure and good she was, how her friends were all becoming sexually active but she intended to remain a virgin until she was married, etc., etc. And I always thought, then why the need for all the sexiness under her clothes? Who in the world is she trying to impress if she's not having sex? I still don't understand it and just assumed that she was feeding her mother a load of you-know-what with all her talk of 'purity,' but maybe I'm wrong!?! Anyway, I can't even imagine the itching that would happen with shaving the entire area...I go crazy when my bikini line starts to grow back! As someone else suggested, perhaps she could just give it a good short 'trim'? I hope my daughters will be as frank and open with me as yours is with you. Sorry I don't really have any great advice for you--just had to vent a little! Good luck. :-)

I love that you 2 talked about it.

I agree, let her go for it. She will experience the consequences. Could be in gym it is obvious that she has hair and the others don't since most of them wear thongs.
I wonder what she would think if you told her you and your husband were considering this since EVERYBODY is doing it? Hee, hee

I'm not about scaring people, but if there is information out there, let's pay attention. This is a little graphic but this site is all about communicating experiences.
This woman went on The Doctor's Show to share. Brave
woman. Click on or copy and paste the following:

http://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/show_synopsis/224%253Fse...

Good luck

Just catching up on my mamasource posts.....came across yours.

Yes - A LOT of teens (as well as 20, 30 and 40 yo's) are shaving their entire pubic area. Girls and boys. And although it's a little different than what you and I may have grown up doing - it's what they're doing. Think about bikini waxes - or whatever - you may have done that your mom was shocked about.

It's not about sex - it's about choice and perference and how they see their bodies - and sometimes it's about sports and the body odor associated with sweat and bacteria trapped in body hair. She's aware of the ins / outs of it - she's talked to her friends who have talked to friends. If you want to make sure you are giving the advice - and the correct advice - look into this new fad, gather info and talk to your daughter. Maybe you should consider her request and take her in for a wax for the 1st time - if that's the route she wants to go, maintenance will be less than the first visit.

Hi L.,

You should be proud of the communication that you and your daughter have. I don't know if I could have ever asked my mom that question, but I sure hope that my daughter and I can talk about stuff like this. This is the new "thing". Just like you said about the arms being shaved, women and men are now shaving down there. Even the celebrities that are "accidently" showing themselves are shaved. Now my thought would be that they shave for others to see because it does nothing for your own pleasure. Infact, until you get used to it, it is uncomfortable. I would just talk to her about her reasons for wanting to do this. I understand girls talking about this, but are the girls sexually active that are shaving and telling your daughter about it. Just have a good conversation with her about being sexually active because even if they say they are not, you never know. And inform her that you would have to shave it everyday because when it starts to grow back it DOES itch. Plus, think how many ingrown hairs you will have. Trust me on that one. Good luck and be glad that your lines of communication are open.

Wow! This has to be the most eye opening request and responses I've ever read on this site. Just love everyone being so graphically honest, LOL :) I picked up a few tips myself!

One thing I would think about is PE/gym class. Does she have to shower in front of everyone? That may be the reason if everyone else is shaved besides her. Otherwise, when would her friends even see her naked?

I like the advice you've received already. I may let her do it, she may hate it so much that she doesn't want to do it again.

I see you have gotten a ton of responses already. The only thing that came to my mind was, is she friends with anyone kind of mean. I mean first of all, who would know what teen boys are doing and why is it coming up. I know that teen boys will definitely tell some stories when it comes to this area! As far as her friends doing it, unless it is something like the other ladies mentioned about being seen in the locker room I don't know that I would believe that "all" the girls are doing this. It really sounds like something someone started up and I would hate to see your daughter get caught up and then regret it, although it will grow back! I know when I was in HS we only went to gym through 10th grade so unless she is on drill team or something I wonder how she would see or be seen by anyone. I think I might just tell her that it is her body but that decisions she makes about it should be her own and that no-one at school has any right to suggest what she should do, period. That is an intimate private part of herself not up for discussion, judgment or viewing of anyone else, until marriage of course. I think this could actually be a great time for her learn how to make good solid personal decisions as she preps for college. If she goes away she may be faced with all kinds of decisions like sorority rush week, drinking, dating really older guys etc. So now is a great time for her to make decisions on her own about what she does in her personal life. Sounds like she is a great girl and you guys have great communication.

L.,
Be thankful that your daughter can talk to you about these details. I think you have reason to be concerned about the sexual aspect of a brazilian wax. I am 35 and keep all of my pubic area shaved. I have done this for about 3 years. It is much cleaner. Yes, it has benefits sexually, as well. I spend time and money keeping it shaved. I did not realize that young girls' were doing this. I know in my group of friends, I am the minority. I am guessing that if your daughter takes it all off, she will not want to keep up with the grooming. I don't know how your conversation ended, but I say let her try it. It will grow back. It will itch when it grows back. If she keeps up with the waxing/cremes then it does not itch. She may be curious and feel she is missing out on something that her friends are doing. I wish you and her the best.

I am 23 and started shaving my entire area when I was 15 because my friends were doing it and for sexual reasons... I thought that guys liked it any blah blah all of my friends were doing it. That whole deal. My mom has yelled at me since she found out and told me that it was very dangerous.. That you could cut something and stuff not to be too graphic... I don't think that it is a good idea, although I still do it, I do not think she should.. Maybe it should be brought up that if she ever stops that is be even more "bushy and dark" than it would be if she never did it. I also was one that shaved my arms ONCE and the hair is darker than it was before hand. Ultimatly she is going to do it if she really wants but I would maybe explain these things to her as well. I also understand that the hair is also a kind of hygenic thing as well like nosehair, so I really dont know what to tell you other than.. Just explain it to her