Fathers Taking Children to Work

Updated on January 13, 2011
A.B. asks from Auburn, NY
15 answers

My almost ex-husband has been taking our son (age 3) to work with him. He does contracting, renovations, landscaping, and snowplowing in the winter months. just last night he put our son in his truck (from his house - we are separated) at 3:30 am and went plowing driveways until 8:30 am. My position is this is not good for our son to be sleeping upright for half the night, not getting a restful horizontal sleep. Also, I wonder if it could be h*** o* his little head with all the forward and backward jerky movements. I know that car seats are designed to take the impact of that kind of motion, but is this really OK in a continuous time period for many hours?

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R.B.

answers from New York on

No way would I allow that. Sorry there must be a better way. He needs to have a sitter or you take him for that time. I simply would not be happy about that at all.
Good luck

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H.*.

answers from Modesto on

Fathers and sons do crazy stuff together. My hubby had ours out on a tractor when he was a toddler way before the sun came up every morning during season. It's good for them, it's a good bond.

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S.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter rode in a trail groomer in the middle of the night for several years (we were divorced). I had the same concerns, but she is 13 now, very healthy and very athletic. You could check with your pediatrician, but if he says it is OK, and your ex is being safe (and spending time with his child - albeit while he is sleeping), then I would say roll with it. It won't be too much longer and he will be too big/old to want to go anymore anyways.

Good luck!

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K.A.

answers from New York on

Typically when you're separated you try to make a visitation schedule that works for everyone, but the caveat is that until the judge rules on it it does not have to stick. As a mother I wouldn't allow my ex to take our son to any type of job in the middle of the night, that is why there are nannies. For a 3 year-old to be put in some smelly truck in the middle of the night and left in there while the ex works outside is simply silly and dangerous. The child can wake up, get scared, be cold, try to get out of the truck, etc., and with your ex working how do you even know he'd realize when something is wrong. Are you willing to take that chance? The child should stay with you/nanny while his father works and pick him up after his shift and not during.

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L.L.

answers from New York on

I was wondering the same, why can't he stay with you at night? I don't think it would harm him much...I grew up in Idaho and my Dad would take us hunting in the middle of the night. He'd throw us in the truck and we'd drive around for hours. (fond memories with him actually!) And we turned out okay...but I do understand your concern for all of the jerky movements. As long as he's not complaining of any head or neck pain, I imagine he's ok.

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B.K.

answers from New York on

I don't think it will harm him. It's unfortunate that he had to take him to work , but since he was plowing, it's not an every day thing. I assume you don't live close enough where you could have gone over there and sleep while you soon to be ex worked? Or maybe you're relationship is strained and the communication isn't there, which is obviously common when divorce is in the air. But I wouldn't be worried about it.
If it bothers you and you do have a concern, maybe you can lend an "olive branch" and let your soon to be ex that you wouldn't mind going over there to watch your son on nights that you know he will be plowing or your son can stay with you on those night..
Good luck.

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J.D.

answers from New York on

Theres a lot missing here: Who actually has custody of your son and how often is your husband working like this with your son? During the day I'd say no problems, but of course he has to be safe and can't just be left while your husband actually does work - what exactly are the circumstances of the days he brings your son to work...is he just walking around, checkin gup on things, is he a supervisor, foreman or someone in charge who isn't exactly doing the nitty gritty work where your son is by his side the whole time? Why does he do this? Is he just trying to be a good single father and man by working hard to make money while taking care of his child? Does he get called in so he can't necessarily plan for the nights he has to work? If you are almost divorced, I'd imagine theres a reason he's not asking you to help...if you weren't divorced, he'd just be leaving home and you guys at home. I can't imagine he's doing this b/c he thinks its fun for your son...well, maybe a little but again, can't tell by this post...and with this weather, from anything I've seen of contractors with plows, when the work is there, they have to act...its a contract and not only that, its usually extra (very good) money for them and not something to pass up? Just speculating here....Exactly how long has this been going on? Just this winter? I'm just not sure - my initial reaction is that that if this is a temporary situation and one where he is just trying to "balance" his newfound single fatherhood, then I'd have to say, you can't fault him, he's doing his best...perhaps YOU CAN amicably try to figure out alternative plans under these circumstances, even if you are getting divorced. As for being truly harmful, I don't think so, but I'm not a doctor, but serioulsy, I highly doubt that somewhere around this world, children don't have a little harder than ours where they aren't sleeping in warm cozy beds every night...I'm not suggesting that we should intentionally harm our children though b/c they have it easy - please don't misread that, I'm just saying, sometimes we are a bit over cautious! (I do it!!!)...disruptive? yes...but children are resilient...again, I'd have to talk with him if I were you to determine why he's doing this and if theres a way the two of you can work it out for the best interest of your son...without attacking him!

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M.T.

answers from New York on

No, I don't think he should take your son out in the middle of the night and plow driveways with him. He should have his visitation/custody overnights on nights where he does not work, or should have in-house childcare, not take your son to work in the middle of the night. Ask your son's doctor what he thinks of this and discuss with your lawyer.

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D.R.

answers from New York on

i dont think its good for him all the time. if its sometimes, then im sure its ok as long as hes safe. and never ever leaves him in the car. i would probably complain too, in all honesty, but really - i have done some nutty stuff too to get stuff done. its not easy sometimes. and also, ... i have to drag my son out of bed and nip at his heels all the way to the door of the school. but if he can get up at 5 and go fishing or something with dh, watch him fly out the door. i think it can be good for them.

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

First off...who has custody of your son during the separation? If no papers have been filed and he lives with you, you do not have to let him take your son during those hours. Why doesn't he just stay with you when his father is at work?

I can see where the father might think this is his time with his son, but your son is sleeping so it defeats the purpose. Tell you almost ex that he cannot take him and if he pitches a fit, tell him to talk to a lawyer about it.

Remember, best interest of the child plays a big role in custody and visitation.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

I would check with your lawyer. This is not safe for the child and not "quality" time with Dad. Why would he want to take him plowing and the such...there are times to see where Dad works but not be at work all day when it is not a desk job/office where he can watch the child.

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R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

It is safer than leaving him at home alone. Is there any way you could watch him for those hours? If not, be sure he has enough head and neck support so his head doesn't flop all around while he sleeps. If he drives safe, there shouldn't be too many jerky movements. I am sure you are all doing the best you can for your son. It is difficult if not impossible to find daycare for those hours. The earliest you can find daycare around here is 6 am, unless you know an individual that will watch your kids for you.

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Why can't he stay with you at night when your almost ex husband works? Not only does it seem terrible for sleep, it can not be safe.

M.H.

answers from New York on

I agree with Kate A. and what if he forgets the child is in the truck. This can happen especially when they are busy with work. I feel really bad for the little guy. No child should be out in the middle of the night especially when there is work involved. I really do hope you and your soon to be ex work out a better schedule.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

... try asking your Pediatrician....
I would.

wow, your son must not get much sleep... with that kind of schedule with his Dad....

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