Father with Mental Issues

Updated on August 28, 2008
S. asks from Greenville, SC
3 answers

Dear Moms,
I have recently separated from my husband, who had been cruel and hard to understand for quite some time. When I caught him cheating, i opened up a new world unknown to me, like he had a different life, like he was a different person, I do not know how to describe it. After an attempt of suicide (not for me and my son, for the other woman who he had a fight with), in the hospital he has been seen by a psychiatryst who pparently made a diagnosis and told him to go to therapy. His family will not tell me what is his illness (because I already have a lawyer involved) and I was abroad already (where I currently live with my son), so I wasn't there. His mother told me "bipolar disorder" but I think she just said something to stop me from asking, so I am not sure. His behavior is really erratic, he gets angry easily, doesn't follow a normal logic in the conversation and he is really paranoid. He is still in the relationship with this woman (she also has issues so he said she understands him well)but would like for me not to divorce him yet, he said he wants to go to therapy. I am not going to do that, as he is a selfish, pathologic liar with a deviant sexual behavior (which he didn't have with me before). My question is: how do I handle this problem in time with my son (who is only 2 now and thank God he doesn't understand what happens), how do I tell him that i need to keep him safe from his father because of mental issues, how do you explain? If any of you has had similar problems, please contact me. Thanks a lot.

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M.P.

answers from Spartanburg on

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

Hi S.- read the above link, particularly the part titled "Manic Episode". One of my aunts and one of my uncles is bipolar, and they do a lot of what is listed- big spending, drug addiction, grandiose thoughts. Mostly, though, you can just tell when they are having an episode. Does this sound like your husband?

The thing I think is weird is that a doctor diagnosed him and recommended THERAPY. You can't treat mania with therapy, you need medicine. This alone makes me think it's NOT bipolar disorder. I would press for more details from your in-laws. Let them know that if hubby really is bipolar, then he can't see his son unsupervised until he is stable. This makes sense, actually- my aunt and uncle were never violent or anything, but they were really irresponsible and just nutty as a squirrel (seriously, I could tell you some stories).

I hope your husband is NOT bipolar, for the sake of all involved. From where I sit, it sounds like he is going to therapy because he has "issues." If your husband wants you to wait for therapy to fix him, he needs to tell you what therapy is supposed to fix. THEN you can make your decision.

ALSO, ask your lawyer if there is a way to find out what is in your husband's medical records. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.M.

answers from Spartanburg on

I would keep it simple when telling your son like "Daddy is sick right now and he needs to get better before you see him again." Just reassure him that Daddy still loves him and if he misses him he could draw a picture (not too much of an artist at age 2 but whatever) or something along those lines.

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W.W.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi, I went through the very same thing and it definately sounds like bi-polar to me. The lying,paranoia,the deviant sexual behavior, all bi-polar. My ex was crazy and made me think I was crazy. Thank God though he got help and after years of trying different meds, they actually found the right ones! It also helped that he married a good lady who was there if my daughter needed her protection or understanding.
I can only hope that he is getting help but dont be suprised if you start to see the samethings in your son's behavior as its 7 times more like that you will have a mental disorder if one of your parents does.
I was always open about why I left my daughter's dad. I told her he had suffered from a medical condition and that he has since changed and is doing better due to his medication. Don't make the medical problem a horrible, untreatable CHOICE that your ex made, but explain to him that he suffers from an illness, with the proper medical care, his father would be different. Don't make it sound so terrible that if your son's has the same problems he is afraid to talk about them or admit he has the same issues for fear you may not want to be around him, too.
Keep him safe and talk to your divorce lawyer about options should he try to get any lengthy visitations.

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