Hi Moms, My mom got pregnant by the boy next door (literally!) at age 19 and never married him. Funny thing (or not!) is that until this last year when they passed away, my mom has been in contact with my dads parents for the last 44 years but I have NEVER met my dad or been in touch with him whatsoever. So although his entire family (I have 2 half brothers a couple years younger than me who are now married with kids) have known how to get in touch with me, they never have made an effort.
My mom has always said she is both my mom and dad. Well, not really. I was blessed with my moms parents who raised me full time until I was almost 5 and were a huge part of my life until both of them passed away in 2000.
At age 44, I still don't really know how I feel about the whole situation. I have no desire to meet any of my dads family, including him. I figure I'm the innocent party in all this and its not up to me to reach out when they clearly have never made an effort.
I have noticed a bunch of postings about what you call your dad, what are you doing with your dad, and even on Facebook people are posting to make your profile pic a picture of you and your dad. None of them say "if you have a dad", like its just a given.
So I am PMSing but it kind of rubs me the wrong way. Those of you who don't have dads for whatever reason, how do you feel when Father's Day rolls around?
I do have a husband and it is all about him on FD. But my question is about us adult women who don't have dads. How do you feel? My husband actually has exactly the same situation as me, but he met his dad ONCE in his 37 years. So he totally "gets it". I'm just wondering if anyone else does. Its sort of like a hole that can't be filled, if that makes any sense.
My dad has 3 sisters so I have 3 aunts, all of whom are married with kids who are married with kids. So there is a big family on his side. I guess another good piece of info to have is that I'm an ONLY child. His family has all known where I am and how to get ahold of me. I met my grandparents 3x in the last 44 years. They were at my first bday party and then just sort of started mailing a present to me every year on my bday until I was 18. Then I got an annual christmas card from them. That's the contact I had. So it didn't exactly make me want to reach out.
I don't have a Dad.
He died 11 years ago.
How do I feel when Father's Day rolls around annually?
Sad.
I miss him.
He was my best friend and was the best Dad.
He was the only one, who knew me, for who I am. And loved me despite.
Accepted me for who I am. Unconditionally.
He just understood me completely.
I miss him, greatly.
It is a void.
I think that as adults .....life is what you make of it.
The fact that you stated that you are the innocent party.....well, that is true. BUT you are now an adult, & perhaps it's time to make the first step! In cases such as yours, there are often "back stories" which the children are completely unaware of....or have had their understanding of the whole event skewed by parties involved. In life, there's almost always time to begin again!
If this is impossible for you, then I would hope that you could find someone in need of having a family. Contact your local nursing home, your local church.....there are many, many lonely people out there who would appreciate having a family to call their own! Think of what you could teach your children by attempting to help make someone happy!
This will be the first fathers day without my dad as he died (too young) recently. My husband's father died 18 years ago. Sometimes we have a very black sense of humour in our house, particularly about dead fathers, and my husband has always joked that at least he doesn't have to buy a present! We both loved our fathers very much, and approaching with bad taste humour is our way to cope.
My Mom raised us with out our Dad.
They divorced when my sister was 6 months old.
Considering the kind of pervert he was, it was the best thing for us.
Father's Day was just another Mother's Day.
If your Mom did all the raising, then use her picture when ever one of Dad is called for.
My dad passed when I was 6 so the vast majority of my life has been spent without him. I'm sure when I was younger I may have felt left out, but then again the holiday is in the summer so it's not like I had to hear people talk about it at school. It's pretty much a nonissue for me now; the day is about my husband as the father of our kids.
There are many reasons why your biological father's family never contacted you - if you are interested it may be the time for you to reach out to them...if you're not interested it then that's ok too!
Well, let me tell you, even having a dad in your life isn't always a good thing. I grew up with a horrible, abusive father. I kicked him out of my life when I was 19. I feel no remorse or wistfulness on Father's Day. I celebrate my husband who is an amazing father! Making him feel good for what he does for our family is how I choose to celebrate, and nothing could make me happier!
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Me and my brother and sister were raised by our mom without any father figures and from since I could remember we have always just celebrated it with her. My father never took an interest in me while I was growing up (I am his ONLY child), he never made an effort and I figured "why should I?". When I was 18 and about 7 months pregnant I reached out and tried to "mend fences" so to speak so he could be a part of my daughters life, long story short his wife made more effort than he did which just ticked me off even more. He blew his second chance with me and now blew the chance of ever getting to know my daughter (his only grandchild). If he hasn't taken the opportunity to get to know you then why give him the chance? I like celebrating Fathers Day with my mom cause she had to play both roles so she deserves more than just one day (Mothers Day).
My dad died three days before my 8th birthday. I have almost no memory of him. There was no step dad either.
After 36 years without a dad, I'm pretty ambivalent about the holiday. Not that dads are not important - they are. Its just not a holiday that I get all excited about. I'm usually scrambling at the last minute to get my husband a present and have our girls make cards. We buy him donuts for breakfast, but otherwise, it's pretty much like any other day.
My adopted daughter birth father is unknown. I was a single mother and one of my male friends became her psychological Dad. He's distant in his relationship with her now that she's an adult. She feels sad but has had the opportunity over the years to adapt and adjust.
I sympathize with you. You have lots of reasons to feel sad and more. I suggest that the reasons for such strong emotions isn't so much that you don't have a Dad but that there are several issues surrounding that. I suggest you look closely at those issues. First make a list of all the things about not having your Dad that bother you. You do have a Dad by the way. You just don't know him. Then take each issue and see if you can find a way to resolve it.
For instance, you're angry that your Dad and his family have made no effort to contact you. You don't know why. Perhaps they don't know about you. Perhaps your mother told them to never contact you. Perhaps they don't know you want to be contacted. Perhaps they're afraid to upset their own lives. Perhaps their own lives are not going so well. ETC!
Yes, it hurts to not have a Dad in the usual sense of the word. Many women don't have Dads. My granddaughter has a Dad but he lives in a different state is not sensitive to her needs to have him in her life. She does talk about and write about her Dad during those days at school and with friends when having a Dad is important but she has to tell stories that are for the most part untrue.
My granddaughter has a step-father which does help a lot. But she still misses her Dad. And it's taken years for my daughter to work thru the issues surrounding not knowing who her birth father is and having a stand in Dad who isn't available. She has a 2 month old baby that her "Dad" hasn't been to see even tho he lives a mile from her. Sad!
no, you are not PMS'S, I feel the same way. This is a very hard time of year to those of us who did not have a father in our lives. It has been very hard everyday not knowing what life could of been like with a father, and to "look over" and bypass the entire father’s day hoopla....that's another issue.
You should not have to contact his family, you are fine, and Karma is a B*%&
I'm going to tell you what I told my daughter (whose biological father was married, unbeknownst to me. We parted ways when I told him I was pregnant and he told me he was married.) Your biological father knew how to find you, meet you and get to know you, and didn't. This was hard for my daughter to accept but she moved on. How do you think it made your mother feel? God bless her and your grandparents for raising you. You are an innocent party, and he lost out.
What about taking the time to celebrate with your children and hubby? Make the day all about him?
