Father-in-law Moving In.

My mother and father in-law were in a hospital/hospice, respectively before they passed. While knowing it was best for them, it was very difficult, particularly with my father in-law, to know he was in pain or needed something/one and had to wait. Hearing people crying out in pain, because their medication is making the rounds was difficult.

My mother (our circumstances had changed to allow this) lived with us the last 5 years of her life. She could be very critical, and at times said things to one of my children that had me wondering how she could say that.
Yet, with all of that I wouldn't trade our time with her. The gift to my daughters is immeasurable.

The times she was difficult, I took time for myself, went for a drive, called a friend in a similar position to "vent" and receive support. In short, I took care of myself, while taking care of her and when she couldn't/wouldn't accept assistance or suggestions, I let her be. This WAS the hardest -- letting her eat things she shouldn't, letting her stay home even when a neighbor was asking for her company, etc.

It really is similar to how we are with our children. When an older parent wil listen, speak with them. When they are being obstinate, take yourself out of the situation (since it's unlikely that he'll go to a "time out".) Also, at times, it may be helpful to have your husband speak with him rather than you. It may also be helpful to re-negotiate boundaries, schedules, etc. together. You are all re-defining relationships.
Mostly, remember that you are all doing the best you know how. He isn't intentionally, consciously doing anything to "bother" you or upset you. His ways are just different than yours.

Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful

I know if this were me, I would be going out of my way to learn how to live with the elderly that gave you a home. And why wouldnt he be hard to live with after losing his wife.?How about learning to have a little empathy on your part and at the same time teaching and showing your child what it takes to care for your family because one day you will be on the same path , my dear. There are all kinds of books and groups for support for caregivers. Embrace this , and grow old gracefully

1 mom found this helpful

You are going to have to make some changes. It's not the best of solutions. Many years back families did it all the time. They learned patience. Your husband is going to have to make changes too, as well as the 7 year old. They can help and will have to. PATIENCE!! Ignore the remarks, made by your in-law. Maybe a schedule for your husband and child helping along with things you can do. Put yourself in your in-law position. Would you want to be treated with Respect, Patience? Schedule maybe one day a week for husband to cook, clean kitchen; another day for your son. THEY have to pitch in.

Oh goodness, I feel for you. I just had my mother move and she will be going to an assisted living soon..within the year. It's very hard and I can't really help you on that. All I did was grit my teeth and smile most of the time. What a relief now. (My mother is very critical and very hard to get along with.)

It looks like much has been given and now much is required. I had the HARDEST time when my MIL moved in with us for 6 months so I do understand your worry. I would say to have a family meeting in which ground rules are set. For example: you don't discipline our son, we respect your nap times by being quiet, pills are kept where they are safe, we keep the place clean, you work with us.

Good luck. I think it's very nice that you are helping him out -- be patient with him -- karma, baby!

I had both of my parents live with me before the had to have 24 hr care i was unable to provide. After they had to go into 24 hr care my mom lived 8 months and my father I think a little over 2 yrs. It's very difficult my best advise is for you to have time away at least once a week see if there's anyway he can have care provided so you can get out (it's very important for your mental health) if not and you have to have a sitter for him as well then by all means do it! Give him his space so he can have privacy and understand he's lived a long time you aren't going to change him, period. The man is 98 you say well he may not be around much longer try your best to make his days and your days pleasant....we all hope to live that long. My other outlet was prayer and try to get an online support or a support group for care givers for yourself, it will help. Also have had back problems myself remember if you get to worked up over pleasing others and are stressed the stress can effect your back....take good care of you too!
Many blessings you are a good soul to care for him and your family your plate is full.