Family Planning

Once my second son was six months old, he was wrestling with the 3.5 year-old, and they've been buddies ever since. It totally took some pressure off me for them to have each other to play with, even with that age difference. The little guy usually crawls into bed with the older one when they go to bed - it's so sweet! They do "fight" a lot, but it's part of the learning process. There are so many things to learn in life about getting along and such that come with having a sibling, and then you're not totally alone in life... My mother-in-law was an only child, and always felt like she missed out on a lot by not having anyone else, especially once her parents passed on.

I would suggest reading John Rosemond's Making the Terrible Twos Terrific. He is the best parenting expert I've read, and could help make your son less of a handful.

You might branch out and find a MOMS group or something to find a few more people in your situation. I started a babysitting co-op where we are with a bunch of other at-home moms from church. It's been a sanity saver, and I was pleasantly surprised with how receptive people were to it, and how useful it's been for everyone. I was involved in one previously in another state, and missed it once we moved, so got up my nerve and got it going. I can tell you more about it if you're interested...

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H.,

First a bit of history: I'm an only child and my husband is the fifth of six children. His younger brother is 13 years younger. I had no idea about sibling interactions, and to listen to my hubby it's a miracle that 4 boys and 1 girl (she's the oldest) all survived without burning the house down while growing up.

That being said, I was terrified of my son being jealous of his sister, and trying to jump on her, or cover her with a pillow, or any number of horror stories I'd heard about. None of my family lives close to me, and my husband's family either live too far away, or have busy schedules.

To try and keep the jealously down with my son we took him to the doctor visits and he got to help find the heartbeat and measure how big Mommy was getting. Just by being involved he thought the baby was *his*. He even had twins in his tummy for a while. He wasn't fond of the ultrasound visit, actually had nightmares for a few nights afterward, but enjoyed being a part of the whole process.

He was 3 1/2 when my daughter was born last year and got a goody bag of big brother stuff from the hospital, and had his own big brother wristband for the visits to mommy. He also got a present from his new little sister.

I think that because we had him involved as much as he wanted to be he really enjoyed when his sister finally arrived. The first words out of his mouth after she was born (planned C-section) were: Can I hold my baby sister now?

He was then, and still is (at 4 1/2), a high energy child that will bounce off the walls if I don't run him into the ground. But he is incredibly loving to his sister and they are better friends now than when she was born. She has always had eyes only for her big brother, and her motivation in life is to do everything that he does. So far there is little to know jealously, we'll see when she hits the 2's.

Hope this helps,
M.

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Our oldest son was almost 3 when our second son was born. It was/is difficult balancing between two children. And we don't have much help either. My mom babysits once a week so we can go to work, and once in awhile for an evening out. But... We wouldn't have it any other way. It was a bit stressful for our older son when we brought the baby home. He did want more attention and we couldn't always give it to him. The second is 14 months, and it has gotten easier. And the oldest just loves, loves, loves, the "baby". One day awhile back he said to me "mama, we should have more babies in our house." Oh my! So sweet, but there's no way I could handle more. At any rate, I would say your fears are founded. You will probably experience those things if you have a second child. But there are so many wonderful aspects of having another that I think it makes it worth it.

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If you want another child...go for it. Though your oldest is a handfull, they usually enjoy having a baby in the family. My oldest is a boy and he just dotes on his little baby sister. He is constnatly telling me how precious she is. He is also high maintenance and desires attention all the time.
It has been tough as we have no support in the area either. I have a 3yr, 11/2 yr, and 3month old right now. The key is finding support groups (Moms club, etc) and just getting on with life. Also, a supportive husband is crucial.

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Don't let fear keep you from the blessing of another child for you and your husband and a sibling for your son. (In fact, after the first two years, your new baby will take some of the burden off of you because he/she will play with big brother!)

I'm 27 and have three girls now. Life is crazy, and I do have two women to swap care with, but it's still the way I love my life. Seeing my girls play together and love on each other makes the fights and hectic times seem like a little pesky side effect.

One thing to think about for your son - have you tried cutting out processed sugars and artificial colors? My nephew was a terror from the time he could walk until he was 3 or 4. My sister tried cutting those things out rather than taking him to a dr for meds. It made an incredible difference in his behavior. And getting him involved with the new baby from the time you begin to show will give him a sense of responsibility and care for the baby. (Did for my girls, anyway!)

Sorry this is long, I just thought of one other thing - Our Parks and Rec has drop off care during the week around mid-morning. It's $10 for 3 hours. The have licensed/certified people doing preschool like activities during that time. Your son could socialize and run off some energy while you get a break!

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Hi H.,

There are lots of good reasons for having another child. The most difficult times (early on) last for a relatively short time. Then, once they are older, they have an instant playmate with each other (which becomes easier for you). I have a step-son who is 9 years older than my daughter. He was constantly asking us for a sibling. Now they play together (even with the big age difference) and fight like siblings do. There are a lot of life lessons that can be learned best through the sibling experience (you can't always have what you want/you are not the only one that matters or counts, people are different and you need to learn how to live with the differences, life isn't always fair, parents can love differently but still love all). As an adult I love having siblings to talk about the past and our childhood, how we raise our children now, and to have others to share grief in the loss of my mother- no one else can understand as well as someone dealing with the same thing. My mother always reinforced that we should cherish each other because it would be a life-long relationship (parents die, spouses can divorce, but your siblings stay constant). I have a friend whose Mother was really sick and then died. She was a single child and had to make all of the decisions and do all of the work. We are planning to have another child, so my 2 1/2 year old will have a sibling closer to her age. In the end, if you were to ask only children what they want most, it would be to have a sibling! I say have another one!

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I'm sure you're looking for honesty, so I can tell you that it was really a big change at first. Until you find the groove that works, it can be challenging. The easiest thing was making sure everything had a system and was pretty organized.

We involved our two year old in all aspects of the pregnancy, and that helped her get excited about "her baby". She has loved her little sister every single minute of the last five months. It's so cute to see them starting to play together, and the first thing the baby does each morning is look for and smile at her big sister.

Amelia turned three right after she was born, and now I'm glad I waited instead of having them two years apart, because she's more of a helper and it's easier to communicate. I was scared to leave the house with both of them for four months but the older they get the easier it's been!

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I planned my kids 4 yrs. apart. I wanted them to be some what indepentant before bringing new baby in to our family. It worked great! Each child ( there are 3) got the attention that they needed at that young age. I will say though, now that they are older (14,10 & 6 ) it's harder to entertain them all on the same level.
After reading some of the responses, I have decided to add this tip bit of info: I had my first baby at 27, my last at 36. It has all worked out great. So many Mom's at my kids school are the same age as me. :-)
I'm glad that I had my kids spaced, I would have lost my mind LOL!

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I also have a high needs child but she was my 2nd one.You can not let a 2 year old dictate your life. If you want another child then have one. He will get use to the new baby and it may even calm him down. Good Luck.

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I found that after we had our second (they are 22 months apart), it was hard at first. A baby and a toddler together can be stressful and very demanding. But now they are 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 and it is so much easier. They can play together and keep each other entertained to it is not always on me to keep them busy. They spend tons of time playing games and stuff together, and I find I have more time for me then some of the woman I know who only have one child. I can set them up with legos or the such in their room and take 20 minutes to read, and since they have each other, I actually get the 20 minutes (most of the time :) )

Blessed Be you an your family!

H.,
Wow, sounds like you have your hands full. I have two kids - 10 month old and 3 year old. I think they are doing good together, but think I would have waited until my older was 3 to have the baby. I had him at 2.5 years and it was harder. But, if you space too far apart they will not want to play together. All the reasons you said you should wait are probably reasons to have another. You do not want him to become too spoiled with your attention. They do need to know that they are not the center of the universe, but they need to share all things in life. And having another gently reminds them of that.
Good luck.

I have three children. My first were twins so I never had an only child. I will say I waited thell the twins were four for another one and I am really glad I did. My younges is 2 and a half and some what of a high needs kid. I have wanted another one but I think giving then at least three years to be the only baby is good. Just my thoughts. I think we push our kids out of the baby stage to soon. In some cultures it is frowned upon to have a child before the younges is at least three.
It is hard to have high needs kids that is for sure.
Enjoy your little boy for awhile longer.
Lisa

I have a son about to turn 2, who sounds just like yours.

His baby sister is about to turn 7 months - they're just 17 months apart.

We also have no family in town, and it's true that 2 babies is sometimes overwhelming.

But, I was worried about the 2nd being just as needy as the first, and she has a completely different disposition - much mellower & easier to take care of.

All kids are different!

As soon as she's a little bigger, the two will be able to entertain each other, and mommy and daddy will be off the hook. Life will get easier!

I have 2 son's who are 6 years apart (yes, they have the same father). I didn't mean for it to happen that way, but it did. Time goes by so fast! I wish they were closer together. Your son's behaivors are those of a typical 2 year old, and he won't be this way forever. I had to work and went back to work after my first one was born when he was 7 weeks old. I carried the health insurance in our family, I live near family (who were not helpful), and I had friends.
I quit my job, we didn't have any health insurance for almost 2 years, and I was a SAHM. We then got health insurance, and by the time I got pregnant again, my son turned 6 one month before I had my baby. My older son has been an awesome big brother-but I wish they were closer in age.
Like I said, time goes by super fast, and before you know it, your son is almost 4 and by the time you think about getting pregnant again, he will be almost 5.
It's never a convienient time to get pregnant, but if you want more than one child, don't wait.
As far as the babysitting is concerned, find a day care or pre-school, that will take him from time to time. Especially if you don't have any friends who will swap childcare with you (which I find interesting). My friends and I swap childcare often, and it works great.

Hi H.,

I agree with the women who suggest not to wait. I have two boys--the first was high energy and needed lots of attention. We decided to have our kids close together, as though we were a bit nervous, got pregnant with our second with our oldest was 14 mo. old. My boys are 22 months apart.

At first life was a blur-- having a baby and a high-energy toddler boy left me tired and drained. The first 5 months or so were pretty rough. But, to my amazement my oldest adjusted and has learned to share, be gentle, and overall a (mostly) good big brother.

We don't have family anywhere nearby (1000s of Miles) so it can be rough. However, the best part is now that our youngest is older they entertain each other, taking pressure off of us. They play outside together, they play trains together, they actually sleep together in a full bed "camping" on the floor and we've caught them sleeping right next to each other. Do they fight? All the time. But they also will be good friends someday.

I say go for it! It'll be really good for your son.

My daughters are 26 months apart and the first one was a pretty easy kid. BUT, right around 2 years old is a tough age regardless. So, I found the first few months after little sister arrived to be very hard, mostly because of how much work a toddler and a newborn are and because of how much a 2-year olds sentences start with "I want...".
By the time she hit about 2 1/2 she could do more for herself (making my life easier), listened better, was mostly potty trained, and was generally more pleasant to be around.

SO...my point is, if you decide on a second child, by the time he/she arrives, your first will be much more mature and better able to handle it.

good luck! Two kids are lots of work, but so much joy.

I am 61. My experience tells me that it is YOU that may suffer with the excess stress of another child at this time. At 27, you have quite a few years to go before you become infertile. Maybe working on developing a support group for you would be a good idea right now before you have another baby. YOU need your nurturing too. If you burn out, neither child, will get the nurturing that is needed to be centered and happy.

When my second girl came along, 21 months after the first, I was overwhelmed. (This was partly because the second one had a reflux problem which made it difficult to do anything but feed and clean up.) As they got older, having two children close in age was wonderful. They entertained eachother and we did alot of park days and play dates. It was a fun time.

We waited over 5 years before having our two boys, who are also 2 years apart. It was like having a second family. Although the older girls and younger boys enjoy eachother's company, the age difference means that their interests are very different.

A group of us started a babysitting coop when my kids were young. We started out pretty formal with a rulebook and printed coop bucks to exchange. My kids got to play at their friends' houses in the neighborhood while I ran errands on my own. My turns at babysitting gave me an opportunity to get to know the other moms and kids in the neighborhood when they came over. The dozen families in our group all lived close by, but another group started that was community wide and they met thru ads in the paper. It was worth the effort to help organize this support group when I was home with my kids.

I agree with those who said you should definitely go for it. It will be GREAT for your son. My kids (four of them) are all spaced 3-4 years apart and I find that to be a perfect spacing. By that age, the child is old enough to do many things for themselves and to be a helper, which gives them self esteem. Yet they still have to adjust and learn to share--especially share mom and dad! But I think you do need to beef up your support system. Have you tried a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group? You can go to www.mops.org to search by zip code for groups in your area. These groups meet usually twice a month for the moms to learn together and support each other while the children have their own program. All the moms are in the same stage of life raising little ones. The closest friends I've ever had have been from MOPS and I've been involved in three different states. If for some reason you don't connect at a certain group, try a different one. The dynamics can be a little different depending on the leaders' style but I think you will really like it and can make some new friends (most who attend are SAH moms) and be able to arrange some babysitting switches. Good luck!

having a 2nd would bless your son a lot. It will help him learn he has to share and it's not all about him. I was worried when we has our second but it has been an amazing journey and our daughter loves her brother so much.

Wow- I would definitely wait until he was 3 or four to get pregnant. By four or 5 he should mellow out a bit and be able to "help" you with the new baby. My two boys are only 2 years apart and I wish I would have waited another year or two.

create your own support group. (and have a baby)Have you tried Meetup.com they have parenting groups. ours has a childcare swap. its the best.

There are a lot of good church drop off childcare hours during the week that are pretty cool. I recently started dropping off my 3 year old for 2-3 hours once a week b/c mommy needs some alone time with the baby and my older son loves to play with the other kids. it's only 6 bucks an hour and church members and moms watch the children. you should check what's available in your area. for the most part, older children do adjust...just know that you'll need lots of patience! go for it! ours are 2 and 1/2 years apart and both boys and its really sweet to see them interact.plus, whenever my oldest doesn't want to do something, I always say...won't it be cool when your little brother is old enough to do this with you? It always works!

This is going to be long, but I hope that it will give you insight of being a mom of a high energy child with other children in the home.
My first child, Jessie, was a dream when she was born. She was the “normal” child. It took us 4 years to conceive again and Andy was born. Oh my gosh talk about a difference in children. From how often they ate or how long they slept. Jessie would nurse every 4 hours ½ hour each breast, and she slept all night long. Andy would nurse every 3 hours 15 min each breast. And he would do this threw the night.
As he got older he was the one that you hear "that child" stories about. You know, climbing up to the top of the fridge to get things at the age of 2. He was the “high energy” child. His sister was great at helping me to run Andy out.
I then had my 3rd child, David. He is the pleaser. He likes to make everyone happy (that is until he became a teen, now he just likes to make anyone but his siblings happy.) I then became a single mom during the David’s pregnancy. No one would help me with the kids because of my Andy’s energy.
I knew that I needed support so I started to get involved in church & moms groups. Then a friend of mine set me up on a blind date. Well that was date was with my soul mate. We completed each other’s sentences on the first date. David did not like men, and yet when Bill picked him up David looked at him like he had found his long lost friend. David was only 4 months old. Needless to say Bill and I where married.
Our next child was William, who was born when David was 2, Andy 4, and Jessie 8. William is the actor, and has to have everything his way. He is one of those kids that needed complete quiet to sleep. Now think about this a 4th child wanting quiet with a high energy child in the home.
Andy did really great with is brothers. I remember one time Will was crying and I did not hear it. Will had woken up from a nap. Andy went into the bedroom and picked up his brother and brought him to me. One arm around the waist, and one around the shoulders, I grabbed the baby as fast as I could. I then told Andy that he needed to come get me next time, rather than picking up the baby.
We still had trouble finding babysitters. If we went out the restraints we would get looks and comments like “doesn’t she know how to control her kids?” That night Andy had been doing good. I looked at her and said “He is doing great tonight, I am proud of him.”
1 ½ years later I was expecting our 5th & 6th children. But we lost the first twin around 16 weeks in the pregnancy and the second one was a stillbirth at 20 weeks. I then conceived our 7th child, but we lost this one around 16 weeks also.
When I went in to get my tubes tied I found out I was expecting child number 8. I remember crying because I did not want to lose another baby. Jessie was 11, Andy was 7, David was 5 and Will was 3 when little Carolyn was born. She was a good baby, and fit into the family pretty easy. All the children were at her birth. And they all adore her to this day.
With that said, yes it is a challenge to parent a high energy child. But the rewards are greater. Having other children helps the first child to learn things like sharing. It also give them someone to play with.
Maybe you could find a moms group in your area. This would be a good place to find other moms that might like to swap childcare.
The positive side of the story is that Jessie is a fashion designer, Andy is in the US Army, David is theater tech and in a special programming class for computers, Will is the actor and has been acting since 5th grade, starting at the high school in 6th grade. He would be allowed to do the all school productions. He is going to be a freshman next year. Carolyn is in charge. She does not take anything from anyone and can hold her own even around boys.
I would not change a thing. I love all of my children, even the ones that are in heaven with my mom. We have challenges in our life, but there is nothing that takes the place of a holiday when you have ALL the kids and their partners home. I love it.
I was my mom’s only child, and one of the reasons I had more children is because I always wished I had someone to play with. Or someone that I could blame for taking the cookie out of the cookie jar.
You know what is in your heart. And you know what you can deal with. So listen to your heart. Good luck!

I'm pregnant with my first child, so I certainly can't speak from personal experience. However, if you're only 27 right now, you could always wait a year or two before trying again, so that you don't have two very young kids at the same time. You're young - you have lots of child-bearing years left!

My middle son sounds a lot like your son. He's got a ton of energy and is go, go, go all the time. I think that whenever you decide to have another child, these same types of issues come up. It is never going to be easy adding another child to your family - there are always challenges. I don't have many friends either, and never leave my children with anyone so I know how trying that can be. However, there are lots of moms groups that could give you a sort of "out" where the children go and do crafts and the moms do their own thing (mops is one group that is great) I think if you and your husband are ready, then the time is right. Your son will go through an adjustment period, but it will pass and I bet he will love having a playmate when the baby got older. Good luck in whatever you decide.

I would wait a couple years.
Now this advice is anything but scientific. I have two daughters, 7 and 10 yrs. They constantly compete for the same friends, because they are so close in age. They don't like to play with eachother, but they do when they have to. Now, this makes me think about me and my brother with a two year gap in age. We never talked, we never played, never knew eachother.
Now, I do know that my sister, 8 yrs older than me, and I get along great. She always got along with my little brother too. I know another family where there was a 5 yr gap, and those kids get along great.

My husband and I had the same concerns with regard to our family planning situation. We decided that the best-case scenario would be to have our second child at around the time our oldest would be starting school. We weren't as concerned with the oldest - because we knew that (one way or the other) he would DEMAND the attention he needed. We were most concerned about neglecting the NEW baby. I have a friend with a five and a two year old. The five year old is like our oldest - demanding and out-going - and he kicked his demands into HIGH gear when the new baby was born. My friend always talks about how neglected the new baby was - she was only held for feedings and changes - because the demands of her oldest were so extreme.

(We did hear from a LOT of people who were of the opinion that we should have our children as close together in age as possible so they would be close. I always thought that was the most foolish reason to have a second child. Ages don't have as much to do with "closeness" as personalities - and you have no idea if the personality of baby #2 will mesh with the oldest. My sister and I are about 17 months apart and we've never been close. In contrast, my husband and his brother are ten years apart and they couldn't be closer.)

I have two children and will be having my third any day. My first two are three years apart and my second and third will be 26months apart. The first two are girls and this one is a boy. All I have to say is this is part of the risk in having children! I would not recommend waiting just because your son is a handful. It is doubtful waiting will make the sibling thing better,I think it will just compound the problem since he will have had more time as the center of your universe. It seems to me that most of the people I know say it was hard at the beginning having their kids close in age, but after the first couple of years, it's great. On the other hand, when they are really spread out they feel they don't relate to their sibs as well.Don't forget you still have to get pregnant and grow the baby for nine months! A lot of changes can happen in that time. My first and second are very different in personalities and they each have their unique challenges. The nice thing is they kind of balance each other out and have widened my perspective. My first was NOT excited about a sibling, she told us repeatedly that she wanted a dog instead. After the first 3-4 months, once her baby sister started smiling at her she fell completely in love and have been buddies ever since, not they don't fight a lot too! Anyway, I guess to sum up my rambling, don't let fear stop you. The sibling relationship is a wonderful one and will teach your son lessons you never could!

when we found out we were having our second, we talked to our son about baby a lot. we told him everything that was going on. took him to the ultrasound and tried to involve him as much as he wanted. he is scared of dr's so didn't go with me to hear the heart beat. i worried that the second would be like the first, who is a great kid, but didn't sleep real well. but she is a fabulous sleeper. it seems the second is often more laid back than the first. if you decide not to have another one because of the first you may regret it and take that out on him... he will adjust to a sibling and at this age they don't remember as much, so any trauma shouldn't be long lasting. it depends on how you react to the second, and your son should follow your lead.

H.,
I waited until my son was 4 1/2 when his sister was born.
It was too long.
If I had known then I would have had them closer together, but my son (now 10) was high needs, required lots of attention, very active. I didn't know how I would care for a baby and continue to meet his needs.
The fact is: kids adjust. Your son will have to adjust to the family dynamic changing and will be the BEST THING for him. The earlier we realize that we are not the center of the universe and think everyone should give us what we want RIGHT NOW, the better off we are as humans.

We decided to have our two kids close together, 20 months apart. And now I have a two year old girl and an 8 month old boy, and though it IS a lot of work, I would definitely do it again. My daughter is VERY high energy, and if she isn't getting constant attention or stimulus, then she is doing something destructive, like coloring on walls, ripping up papers, hiding baby food jars through-out the house, taking all the books off of all the bookshelves, etc.... Some days felt like she was constantly going from trouble to time-out, back to trouble and time-out again. Now that my little boy is crawling and babbling more the two are inseparable. It's less work for me sometimes because both of them would rather play with eachother, and it gives me a much needed break to get the dishes done, or the laundry. Is your little boy social? My little girl LOVED other kids from an early age (about 6 months we noticed that she'd stop fussing if there was another kid to see) and my son is definitely happiest when his sister is with him. So it might help. Also when children have siblings they learn much needed lessons about sharing, and being nice. But of course you shouldn't have another one until you feel ready.

H.

The only thing in your list that made me go "HMMM" was your lack of a support system. It really does take a village. We have 3 with no family any where even close--everyone on the East Coast. BUT I could not have come this far without friends who could be there in a pinch. As a matter of fact there was a 6 month stretch soon after my third was born that nearly did me in. The reason?? My 3 "local sisters" (close friends) were all transfered out of state. That was such a black hole for us.

Really none of your other concerns matter if you have a strong support system. Everyone has those concerns and we all learn as we go along. But if you have no one nothing else matters.

Good luck!

Hi H.,
I've got 3 kids and my oldest is 3 1/2 or just over and I made it just fine, even with having brain surgery between the 2 youngest which are just 16 months apart. The dr's told me to abort my youngest because I became pregnant just 2 months after the surgery, but I wouldn't and yeah my platter has been full, but I'm doing fine, I'm even able to keep the house clean. I do also want to mention that before you know it your son probably won't remember life without his sibling, and could also miss his brother or sister when they aren't around. Yours could do what mine have done, help out by getting things for you or making the other laugh and keep them entertained while you're busy with dinner or cleaning house. Whatever you decide to do your maternal instincts will kick in a bit stronger when they need to.
With all that I have gone through, before hand I always seemed to worry more than I needed to, most everything worked out better than I thought they would. There are bad days of course, but who doesn't have those? If you have the great husband that it sounds like you have you'll always be a happy family whatever number and whenever that number gets bigger. Lots of luck whatever you choose!

the longer you wait the harder it is - believe me - if you want more than one child it is best to have them closer together in my opinion....

additionally - you child is the way he is because he is two and an only child. That is the way my first born was - his brother was born when he turned 3. My last 3 kids are all 13 months apart and I would not have it any different and if I could do it over again - I would have had my second child sooner.....

look for a moms club or meetup in your area.... Moms club have various activities and babysitting swaps etc...

H.
hi I am a mother of 3 wonderfull handfulls :) although 2 are older they are 2 yrs apart and I do feel that the best gift you can give your child is a sibling not only for growing up years but adult years as well my sister and i are 2 yrs apart and she is my best friend life would not be the same without her! my husband has a twin brother(talk about handfulls)my poor mother in law! and 2 sisters he is very close with all of them. I will say it was not always easy and there were days i needed to go to the nut house but those years are short lived. It gets EASIER as they get older my oldest is 14 and then 12. so much fun now. then i have a 1 yr old threw us for a loop but she is a J. and light of our family couldn't imagin life without her now! well good luck!
J.

Our first child was the most high need child I ever ever have met. ( and I have been around so many since I used to be a childbirth educator.) Literally I could not set him down hardly for the first 2 years or so of his life. I even often slept with him in the sling since he would wake a scream otherwise. When he was down he never ever stopped moving and getting into things. ( @ 17 months I went to the bathroom with out him and came out to find him on top of the fridge!)

Thank GOD he nursed so that there was some sit down quiet time, but even that was hard since he would nurse sometimes for 2 hours or more straight and sitting still is super hard for me too!

I got pregnant with his sister, ( on purpose) when he was almost exactly 2 years old. He changed much during the pregnancy as he was growing up and some things got easier. Still he was a real handfull!

What worked best for me, I continued to nurse him and so I would nurse them both at one time so then @ least I knew where he was! I really really childproofed the house. I prayed often and thankfully did not have to work outside the home very much. ( had my own childbirth ed practice) during her first year.

I did as much active with them both as I could. I will say that at times HE got more attention than she did since he is more demanding than her and it is still true. I have to work very hard to make sure she is getting the attention she needs. She is much calmer and less needy and very obediant and easy to take care of so I have to go out of my way to be sure she is getting all of the attention she needs.

I am very thankful she was not my first child since I think I would have somewhat neglected her as she would not have asked for anything. Having Sam first I was aware of a child's needs and payed lots of attention to that and so often was attending to things even when she did not ask. If I had had her first I would have been unaware that she even had some of the needs. I always say that Sam got me trained properly.

It will be harder with 2, but would always recommend it! I too have no family here and did not have anyone to help me with kids and my husband is often out of town on work. I have built my own support system by finding other like minded moms ( going to mom's groups and Le Leche League) and by getting help that I have hired to come help. If you can't hire, advertise on craig's list a swap of help and interview until you find some one you click with.

If you really want another child you will do fine, you will be surprized at what you can accomplish but you will do fine and be glad that youd did.