Family Meal Times

I am in the same boat. My son is 22 months and refuses most everything except cheerios. When I am at work or out of the house my husband will let him have anything he points to. This is a tough issue since we don't want to him to grow up having any food/eating disorders. Our MD told us not to worry, and keep offering the good stuff. Being consistant was his only advice.
My hubby also gets home late, so he only eats with us on the weekends. I do sit and talk to my son about my day while he is "eating", and have a small meal so he gets the idea of food going into the mouth. I have succesfully tried V8 Fusion. Atleast it is 100%juice, and has the days worth of veggies and fruit. Good luck, your not alone in your frustration.

Although I am a SAHM, I have a similar situation. My 2 y.o. gets up from her nap around 4. I give her a snack and we play or do errands. Then she watches Sesame Street while I cook dinner (5:30-6:30 or so). My husband gets home between 6:30 and 7 and I try to have dinner ready right when he gets home so that she can eat, wash up, and go to bed. We usually finish the bed time routine around 8. Its not my ideal meal time, but we do eat together and I think that is important. If he is going to be late, or if she's particularly tired (like the days when she decides not to nap), I might feed her before he gets home, but that is rare.
As far as the picky eating thing, here's my attitude (my understanding of Ellyn Sater's "Child of Mine" and what I hear from our pediatrician). It's my job to prepare a well balanced, healthy meal. Its my daughter's job to eat what she wants of it. If she plays with her food for 20 minutes while my husband and I eat, and goes to bed hungry, then that's OK. She will learn what hunger feels like and that the food given to her is what she can eat. I don't make an alternative meal for her (or for my husband! He's as bad as a 2 y.o!). The days when she doesn't eat any of her dinner don't seem any different than days when she does. She might be a little more anxious for breakfast, but that's all. This is all assuming that your child is growing and gaining weight as he should, of course.

My husband also works late, what we do is have breakfast together and start the day off by eating and sharing, Hubby is sually home after 7PM so Nick and I eat around 5-6PM and Daddy takes part in stories and getting ready for bed..

Try the Rachel Ray books for simple meals for kids that give you both variety, also try and make it fun somehow so it is not so hard ont he both of you at dinner time. Maybe see if he wants to help you get it ready and pick out a fruit or something to eat with it.

I usually feed the kids around 4:30 - 5:00, and then when my husband comes home, I have my dinner with him. The kids are usually just in the next room, and they always interact with us and talk about their day, etc. On weekends, we can all eat together at the same time!

I have the same problem but thatkfully my 2yo is a good eater. I would love to make one meal and eat together. I am starting to feel that eating together will also teach my daughter better manners at the table. (She occasionally stuff food in her mouth or chew it up and then spit it out - just for fun!) But it is really hard to make dinner fast enough as she is usually ravenous when she gets home from daycare. A few times I have given her a snack of small bowl of cheerios and cup of water and that will tide her over until 6:30. But I don't know if she could wait til 7 as then you run into bedtime routine. Maybe you could give your son dinner but then have him sit with you at 7 and have a little of the dinner your having with your husband. As for the picky eating, I have a couple tricks that seem to be working.(but not always) If there is something in the meal that she really prefers like fruit then I tell her she has to eat some chicken first. I am amazed that sometimes it works. Also I tell her that oooh that broccoli looks so good - I might have to eat it" and then she says no! no! I eat it! Again it doesn't always work and I try not to make a big deal about it. well good luck!

Hi,
Since you are having him go to bed at an appropriate time, I think you may have to have dinner with him, remembering to give him simple finger foods, let him eat as much or little as he wants, don't let him fill up on milk, and enjoy the conversation. I had a friend who served cold cereal at supper, and her children loved it! With today's late work schedules, I often suggest families try to have breakfast together. That way you can have your family meal, truly the most important meal of the day!

Hi!
I am in the same boat RJ-my husband works long hours and is never home at a reasonable time for supper. I feel very strong about the subject so i feed the girls together and bath them etc. and when hubby comes home they sit at the table with him and have their snacks bfore bed while he eats his supper, of course i'm there also but usually on the serving end-ha ha ha!

Best of luck RJ!

Hi there,
My situation is along those lines in that both my husband and I work full time, however, my husband works a 3-11 schedule so he is never home at night. I pick up my son from daycare around 5 and we go home and I usually spend about 15-20 minutes playing/talking about his day and then I start dinner. My son will be 3 in October and he is also more of a picky eater. What works for me is that I make his dinner and mine and the two of us eat together every night. Then we have a little play time, then the bath and bedtime is at 8. It's not the ideal situation because, like you, I really feel that sitting down together as a family every night for dinner is very important but sometimes it's not always possible. You just need to figure out what will work best for your family and give it a try. Good Luck!

A. B.

Hi,
I would suggest offering something at 6pm.
If he doesn't feel hungry then you could all sit down together when dad gets home and he could finish what he didn't eat and you could all catch up on your day.
Another suggest might be that you bath him and get ready for bed when you get home and then feed everyone the same time.
He might have a late snack at preschool and may not be hungry at 6pm.
My husband works 3-11 during the week so it is just me and the kids, but on the weekends we always sit down as a family.
Well good luck!
Jennifer

Hello,
My rountine is to eat dinner with my kids at 5:30. I make my husband a plate and then sit and chat with him while he eats later that night. I just find that it's very important to sit with your kids and eat. They develop somewhat good eating habits and it gives you a chance to make conversation with them. I also think that my kids enjoy my company at dinnertime. Good luck!

My husband gets home around 6:30pm, I feel that is too late for the little ones to eat, nor could I hold them over til then. I have two children, so I eat w/ them about 5:30, then my husband eats when he gets home. I make it a point for all of us to eat together on the weekend. Hope this helps some.

Oh, I wanted to say also, with your son being 2.5, I dont think he is going to eat any different if your husband is there or not. I think it would turn into more trouble to have him eating at 7pm, He'll still be picky and eat the same way.

I eat dinner with my daughter around 5:30-6:00 and my husband joins us when he gets home around 6:30. My daughter is a slow and picky eater so we're often still at the table when my husband gets home.
When I'm done and I feel like I'm nagging my daughter to eat (which I know is not good), I'll get up and clean some of the dishes or read her a story.
For you, waiting until your husband gets home for a family dinner probably isn't feasible. Enjoy the weekends together.
Good luck,
J.

Hi RJ,
I understand your dilemma, having always been a working mother. I agree with most of what Abby S. has said. Although, I come from a culture in which eating dinner on the late side is normal; we've always eaten dinner between 7 and 8 or so. So, that's not an issue for me.

If I were you, I'd give your son a small glass of milk and a handful (in a bowl) of cereal or a few crackers when you get home from work. (Very small snack; enough to tide him over, not so much that his appetite is spoiled for dinner.) You can interact with him together in the kitchen while he's eating that and looking at a book or colouring or something and you're chatting and making dinner. Hopefully dinner will be ready just as your husband gets home. Then when your husband gets home you can eat as a family.

As to how/what your son eats, again, I agree with Abby. I think you should make one meal for everyone and your son can eat what he chooses. Maybe cap off his meal with something you KNOW he likes (an apple, a yogurt) so that even if he hasn't eaten anything from his plate he won't be absolutely empty at bedtime. Try to be calm and neutral, not anxious, about his food choices. This is hard for most moms (it always was for me)!

After dinner, bath and bedtime. He shouldn't have a snack, having had dinner so close to bedtime (even if he ate very little; this is how he'll learn to eat what he's given!).

I hope this helps and good luck!

my advise: push dinner back. you will be less stressed if you are not cooking the second you walk through the door, and therefor so will he. with my own children i have always allowed fruits and veggies any time of the day-no question, they are good for you but not that filling. so if he is a little hungry before meal time, give him an apple to hold him till later. if he doesnt eat well but gets a little in you'll have comfort knowing he ate some fruit at the very least. plus, you may find the later dinner is the better he will eat :) good luck

We have the same problem, not because my husband and I come home too late, but because my kids (3 yrs. and 14 months) are ready for dinner so early and I haven't even finished washing the dishes and taking the stuff out of the day care bag by the time they want to eat! My youngest, being a baby still and going to bed by 7, eats dinner at 4:30 - no way can we do that with her!! My oldest is in summer mode right now, but usually eats by 5:30 or 6, and I'm still preparing dinner for me and my husband at that time. I have felt guilty that we aren't having family dinner time too, but this seems to be what works best for us given the hectic and rigid schedule of work and day care during the school year. We have to fit baths in somewhere, too, and my husband usually does that while I'm cooking for him and myself. My oldest does sit and eat a little more with us sometimes around 7, or she will have a little snack or dessert before bed, and we do try to eat together on the weekends. We always have breakfast together on weekends as well.

I hope this helps a little... I try not to feel too guilty about not having a formal meal every single night. I really think your kids will end up secure and stable if they are loved and taken care of on a consistent routine, which you are doing! It's not easy working and rushing home to face job #2, I understand, so give yourself a break and focus on the main goal - to get a picky little one to eat well! Good luck!

Hi there,

From the research that I have done and consulting with our pediatrician, I can assure you that you are not alone. Many families deal with this same issue. I grew up in a family where we all always waited to eat as a complete family (even if it was 8-9 PM)--there were few exceptions, but it also wasn't when we were 2 1/2, either. I have a 4 1/2 yo and an 18 month old. My husband does not get home until at least 7 PM every night (again, with rare exception) so I will not hold their dinner until after he gets home. It is just too late for them. I usually feed them sometime between 5 and 6; I sit down with them to talk and eat a healthy snack myself--usually something from the same veggies or fruit that they are eating at dinnertime. When my husband gets home, he sits down with the girls and we all discuss the day's events/read books/decompress and get ready for bed--as a family.

Yes, eating all together as a family at mealtimes, dinner especially, is of great importance. From the research that I mentioned above, I discovered that it is not terrible to eat separately at this young age. As they grow older--into the school-age time (kindergarten and above)--it becomes more and more important. That way the older child/ren can talk to the entire family about what they did and anything else on their minds. At this young age, it is more important for them to have a regular eating/sleeping schedule--family time can happen at meals on the weekends and at other times during the week.